Would you have a problem with this fundraiser?

[In a hurry]

Stinkerbelle, most babies do not start out with a $30,000 price on their heads. I had my sons for years, before they hit that mark. There is a big difference.

 

[Crankyshank]

Well to be honest, there are plenty of children in need around here. Why would I spend x amount of money for a dinner to offset the cost of an expensive adoption to help one overseas child when I could donate directly to organizations to help children in my community?

Also the difference between a book or bake sale and a dinner is that I am paying for goods that I would buy anyhow. Instead of the money going towards the store, it's just going to a cause. A raffle I'm kind of iffy about, but a dinner is spending more money on something I could make at home for cheaper since I doubt the cost of the meal would be equal to the cost of the food.

I'm honestly not trying to make you feel bad or anything, I'm just trying to explain the pov.

 

[Crankyshank]

I have never spent money on a dinner for a cause that didn't involve raising money to support a family dealing with a potentially fatal illness.

and I contribute plenty to grass roots efforts thank you very much.

 

[Beth76]

OP, if you're planning on inviting only close family and friends to this proprosed fundraiser, isn't it possible that these same people will give to you anyway? The fundraiser is asking people to give and some people don't like to be asked. They might prefer to give on their own. Plus, it puts people in an awkward position. If I was invited to something like this I would feel guilty for not attending and giving. Like people are going to talk about me: "Oh did you hear? Beth refused to give money. How dare she." Not saying that you would say this about anyone and hopefully no one else would. But, it still puts people into that position.

 

[kdibattista]

Well to be honest, there are plenty of children in need around here. Why would I spend x amount of money for a dinner to offset the cost of an expensive adoption to help one overseas child when I could donate directly to organizations to help children in my community?

Because children in Kazakhstan really have no chance at a life if they are not adopted. Children in your community are already way ahead of the game... just being a US citizen.

 

[mickeyfan2]

Well to be honest, there are plenty of children in need around here. Why would I spend x amount of money for a dinner to offset the cost of an expensive adoption to help one overseas child when I could donate directly to organizations to help children in my community?

Also the difference between a book or bake sale and a dinner is that I am paying for goods that I would buy anyhow. Instead of the money going towards the store, it's just going to a cause. A raffle I'm kind of iffy about, but a dinner is spending more money on something I could make at home for cheaper since I doubt the cost of the meal would be equal to the cost of the food.

I'm honestly not trying to make you feel bad or anything, I'm just trying to explain the pov.

ITA. BTW two of our four family IA have been for kids with sever medical problems. One at 9 months was 13 lbs and the US Dr. figured he would be dead by 1 year. The other had eating and moving problems. In both cases (different families) the parents paid for this (and their insurance) help. Both kids are 100% fine now. As much as I would love to rescue every child in the world, I cannot, so I want to rescue those who are born near me first. DH and I support a girl born into extreme poverty in the mountains of NC. I feel I am doing as much here as the ones who adopt.

 

[Nana Annie]

I guess I don't understand why a spaghetti dinner would be ok but a beef n beer or golf outing isn't. Why a book sale would not be offensive but a raffle would be. I could go on but I'm tired .

I agree with you that this is more about saving the child from a horrible life in an institution.

Warning: The following is my opinion and my opinion only. And my opinions tend on the old-fashioned side. Warning

A beef n beer (although alcohol for a fundraiser about babies is a bit questionable imho), a golf outing, anything that raises money is ok, as long as the recipient is also not the person putting on the fundraiser. That just has an edge about it that will rub many people the wrong way.

Have your church sponsor the beef n beer, the golf outing, or whatever comes to mind. Or your neighbors, or some other "helping" organization. It just gives the fundraiser a bit more credibility.

 

[SeeDisney]

No, I don't see it tacky at all. I wouldn't mind to support a friend who's in the process of adopting a beautiful child.

I feel you and any parents who's trying to adopt or conceive and I conceive without even making an effort.

Good luck to you.

 

[Crankyshank]

Which is why if it was a fundraiser for a particular orphanage or organization I would donate to help the children of Kazakhstan, Africa, Cambodia, etc... In fact I all ready do. It's when it becomes a fundraiser to help one family bring one child home that makes it tacky in my eyes. I see it the same as a fundraiser to raise money for IVF treatment.

A fundraiser to offset the costs of an expensive adoption when one could help several children be adopted in this country is distasteful to me. If others want to donate for it then that's great. I'm speaking for myself and my checkbook. I'm also speaking as someone who is facing the likelihood of fertility issues when we try to have children and have done plenty of research into international adoptions

And yeah orphans in the US are probably better off than in other countries, but their lives certainly aren't peachy - in fact quite the opposite, and there are many organizations helping them that are in dire need of $$$ to get these kids out of hellholes and horrific situations.

 

[mickeyfan2]

Because children in Kazakhstan really have no chance at a life if they are not adopted. Children in your community are already way ahead of the game... just being a US citizen.

Go to the mountains of NC and you will be sick at how those way ahead of the game US citizens live. Believe me I have been there. The girl we helped lived in a rented trailer that was condemed.

 

[Jennyfyar]

I am shocked by the responses by some of the posters here. To compare infertility to limp hair is one of the most ridiculous things I have read in a very long time. To those who wouldn't attend a dinner because they could make it for cheaper at home?? Do you even understand the meaning of a fundraiser? How do you raise money when hosting a dinner, a golf outing, a book sale, or whatever without charging more than the actual cost?

I do not find this idea tacky. I do not think you should look for a "cheaper" adoption or wait a few more years until you have saved all the money, as many have suggested. You have a daughter waiting for you. God bless you and your family as you hopefully bring her home and into your family soon.

Good luck and send me an invitation.

 

[inaminute]

Would you rather donate $100 to help someone adopt ONE child or donate that same $100 to an organization to help TEN children receive the medicine and food they need to survive?

Sure, it's a wonderful thing that one child will be in a loving, caring home. But there are nine more who are still starving and without necessities.

My preference is to donate to the organization so that more children can be helped. That $30,000 for one adoption would sure go a long way to help the children left behind.

Edited to Add: I see Crankyshank had the same thought and posted before I did. Except, they said it much better.

 

[Crankyshank]

I am shocked by the responses by some of the posters here. To compare infertility to limp hair is one of the most ridiculous things I have read in a very long time. To those who wouldn't attend a dinner because they could make it for cheaper at home?? Do you even understand the meaning of a fundraiser? How do you raise money when hosting a dinner, a golf outing, a book sale, or whatever without charging more than the actual cost?

I do not find this idea tacky. I do not think you should look for a "cheaper" adoption or wait a few more years until you have saved all the money, as many have suggested. You have a daughter waiting for you. God bless you and your family as you hopefully bring her home and into your family soon.

Good luck and send me an invitation.

oh for the love!!! I did not say I wouldn't go because it was cheaper to cook at home. Are you being deliberately obtuse? The OP asked why one would go to a book sale and not a dinner because a dinner is tacky. A book sale would be using DONATED items. Donated as in free so even a penny for the book would be charging more than the cost of obtaining the book.

 

[Beth76]

To compare infertility to limp hair is one of the most ridiculous things I have read in a very long time.

It's also ridiculous to compare it to Luekemia and other life-threatening diseases and illnesses. (Note, I'm not saying the OP did this, but the idea was tossed around.)

 

[kdibattista]

It's also ridiculous to compare it to Luekemia and other life-threatening diseases and illnesses. (Note, I'm not saying the OP did this, but the idea was tossed around.)

I think we already went over this

 

[Beth76]

I think we already went over this

Please don't roll your eyes at me. Did you even see that I said you didn't do this. That it was other people. I was merely pointing this out to a different poster as it directly related to her post.

 

[ladyv]

I don't have an opinion to the original question....I just saw the post and remembered that Dear Abby answered a similar (NOT the exact same) question in her column last week. Here's the excerpt, but you can view it yourself on dearabby.com. I believe it was from last Thursday.


<QUOTE>
DEAR ABBY: My nephew recently married a widow with two teenage sons. His wife insists that he should have "a child of his own" -- but through adoption. She does not intend to have any more children.

My sister has now informed all the members of our family that the adoption fee is $25,000 and that we will be expected to make a donation! I have never seen this matter addressed in your column. Please tell us what to do, and fast. Our family awaits your opinion. -- MUDDLED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR MUDDLED: You have never seen the matter addressed in my column because the premise is so original and outlandish that no one has sent it to me before. It is my opinion that if your nephew and his wife cannot come up with the money to finance the adoption, they should postpone it until they can. (Just what would your sister consider everyone's "fair share" of this project to be? And if you did buy into this joint venture, does that mean you would have a say in how the child is raised?)

There are too many questions that come to mind, and not enough answers. Tell your sister, "Nice try, though!"
</QUOTE>

 

[kdibattista]

Please don't roll your eyes at me. Did you even see that I said you didn't do this. That it was other people. I was merely pointing this out to a different poster.

Actually what you said was:

It's also ridiculous to compare it to Luekemia and other life-threatening diseases and illnesses. (Note, I'm not saying the OP did this, but the idea was tossed around.)

Did you see that the situation was clarified? My eye roll stands

 

[skiwee1]

Are you for real? Please give me the non-medical reason for my 5 miscarriages in 2 years. Gee I always went to the Doctor but if you have an other way to treat pregnancy losses I'd be happy to hear about it! Seriously, tell all of us who have had trouble conceiving and/or maintaing pregnancies how to cure that without a doctor. There aren't enough to show how insulting that is. A disease/disorder doesn't have to be fatal to be an illness.

Adoption cures childlessness, it doesn't cure inferility!

I have to agree with Lisa loves Pooh. No one dies from infertility. I had 9 miscarriages before finally having DD. I didn't die from those miscarriages. They were tragic but I am alive today. I think it is tacky to fundraise for a child. That is like a babyshower but expecting everyone to bring money. Infertility isn't a choice but having a child, whether natural, IVF, or adoption is a choice. You pay for your own choices. No one should be asked to do it for you.

 

[MrsKreamer]

Afraid to post, but am doing so...shouldn't be offensive. My mouth is ready for my size 11 foot.

In speaking with my hubby--he described this as being the gray area. He actually has no problem with what was described in the OP and understood completely the comparisons given (if though they weren't intended as comparisons). He did point out the organizations that assisted with these things and he would have no problem pursuing those avenues.

What we are talking about here is the tackiness level--not the rightness or wrongness of it.

He brought up all sorts of fundraisers--save the whales, political campaigns, et cetera. Why are some fundraisers okay and some are not. What it comes down to is what is considered socially appropriate--what is tacky and what is not.

BTW--hubby sees nothing wrong with this--but it did turn out we were scaling it about the same part of the gray area. It is not something that he himself would personally choose to agree to do (fundraising for an adoption).

And that is what it is--it is the gray area.

I begin to wonder what our society has come to--people now charge admission fees for weddings (when they could have simply gotten married at a courthouse or small church ceremony)--this HAS been posted on the DIS even...I have begun to see "birthday" registries in stores and on-line (wish lists!). Mortgage/honeymoon registries.

Where does one draw the line? Is the first adoption okay, but not any more. Adoption from an impoverished country trumps an adoption on US soil.

Yes it is all different--but in a way it is all the same. We cannot afford to do something on our own--how far can we go to raise the money so that we can afford it.

We're entitled to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
But where is the limit on how far we go and who we ask to achieve these things?

Excellent post, ITA.


I also share the viewpoint that there are many children that need to be adopted right here at home. I understand your need to adopt in another country, and I admire that you will be saving your daughter's life. I just don't agree that a fundraiser is appropriate.


Many, many hugs to you and your family.