Would you go into debt for big wedding?

[disykat]

No, I would not. My wedding was 15 years ago, but it cost roughly $2000. We just did the things that were important to us and didn't fuss over the other stuff.

That said, I can see going into some debt for a wedding - Like Chicago526 talked about. While 40,000 on credit cards just seems foolish, one smaller loan that can be paid off within two years at the lowest interest you can find might make sense. Considering I've never had any debt except homeloans that's a lot for me to say. I think anytime you decide to enter in to debt, you have to seriously weigh the consequences.

If I were you, I'd tear up all but one of those credit cards and start looking into lower interest options. Either that, or use a credit card with no interest for 6 months and pay it all off before the interest starts.

 

[horseshowmom]

One more thing - here are some rough figures to think about. I figured this on AutoTrader.com, so it's an estimate, and the credit cards would probably be much worse.

$40,000 at 5% interest gives you a payment of approximately $650 a month for 6 years (at 10% it goes up to almost $750 a month).

Is a few hours really worth that?

 

[RUDisney]

What is the typical wedding like in San Mateo?

Is it NYC extravagant, or is it more casual? Is it a sit down diner or a cocktail party? In other words, what would your guest expect at a wedding?

There is your starting point. What can you do to fulfill expectations while remaining on a budget that is within your means?

I don't know how old you are or how many weddings you've attended, but I can tell you, for as many guests that are excited about your wedding, there are more that are thinking, "UGH! Another wedding that I have to attend!" Our next UGH! wedding is the Saturday after Thanksgiving. I'd rather be at home with our kids than at a cousin's wedding. Hers will have about 600 guests. Yes, 600. I typed that right. It will be top-shelf, very impersonal, and torturous for us. I'd rather have delivery pizza. She won't be going into debt over this. Her Mom and Dad can well afford the live band and all the extras.

So, wouldn't you prefer to invite those whom you know are actually excited about your wedding instead of some aunt that you met once when you were 4?

Even when you try to calculate how much everyone will give you for your wedding, you'll be wrong. Those whom you think will be generous will put $20 in the card for the whole family and those whom you think are broke will be very generous.

IMO, do the scaled down version of your dream wedding. Follow the advice of the bridal magazines... don't have printed napkins and matches... buy a lower cost dress... print your own invitations... etc. Have the wedding that you want... that you can afford.

My DH and I had some debt after our wedding and honeymoon. We paid it off after 5-years, and it was no where near the amount that a payment would be on a $40,000 debt. I used to tease him that we better keep liking one another because our wedding wasn't paid for yet. When it was, we keep saying that we stay together because we love each other, not to continue paying on the wedding.

 

[kpm76]

No, don't do it. Be more concerned about the marriage and not the wedding. I know that is easier said than done but it's really all that matters. DH and I have very large immediate familes so a small wedding was out of the question for us. Our parents were very generous and we saved all we could for a year and a half before the wedding. We had no wedding debt as a result. If you want the big fairytale wedding you need to wait for it, not go into debt because of it. I have always belived that you can have everything but you cannot have it all at once. Talk to your finace and decide if the big expensive wedding is worth it to you and start saving. If not, have what you can afford and start the next chapter of your lives together. Good luck

 

[arminnie]

What is the typical wedding like in San Mateo?

I lived in Foster City until 4 years ago (next door to San Mateo - we even shared a zip code). East Coast sit down dinner fancy weddings are NOT the norm there.

I went to Stanford and have had many friends get married - many with substantial means. Now their children are getting married.

Many of the wedding that I have attended were much more casual affairs - so many were outdoors. There are some beautiful wineries (Skyline drive not Napa) where I have attended some fabulous weddings.

I can only think of one wedding where there was a seated dinner. Most of the time it is heavy hors d's and wine. It is not as traditional to give money in CA as it is in the East so that will not be a source of paying off the bills.

Finding a beautiful setting is easy in CA as it is so pretty there. Hiring a private caterer is usually MUCH cheaper than a hotel. The dress can be a sample, resale or even a rental.

A friend of mine is a wedding florist (although she is now in Sonoma). Creativity with the flowers is much more important than a florist who just used tons of really expensive flowers.

 

[pfishgirl]

We didn't. DH and I had a very small, intimate wedding with close friends and family. Our wedding was perfect! We wouldn't do it any other way. We figured why go into debt for one day and spend years paying it off. In the end we decided we didn't want to go into a marriage deep in debt as we've seen that put stress on many marriages. It just depends on what's important to you and who you want there.

I totally agree...

When DH and I got married we had 25 people. I LOVED the fact that we were able to sit a few minutes and actually talk to everyone who attended and not just see their name on a card or registery..

 

[ObsessedwithWDW]

Oh don't do it! It's a great day but not worth paying for it for the next 20 years of your life! Have an intimate wedding that you can afford and have a party at someones house after to celebrate and to stand in as a reception if $$ is a factor. The wedding day goes by soooo fast and everyone that has the big wedding (that I know) says it would have been more fun to be a guest at their own wedding. As the bride you don't see HALF of it and def. don't enjoy the whole thing! I had a big wedding but was fortunate my parents paid for it roughly $60K and it was just beautiful everything I wanted BUT it went so fast it just isn't worth it. If I had it to do over I would have had small and throw a party after to celebrate. I sound ungrateful I know but TRUST ME I AM NOT I am very grateful I just would hate to see you go into debt over 5 hours of your life.

 

[goodeats]

I just wanted to make two comments:

1) First of all $40,000 will not go as far as you think it will in California. We only had 150 guests, a very nice sit-down dinner/open bar reception, and a defnitely not 5 star honeymoon (though lovely) in Kauai, and we were over the $40K mark by a little. If you want to invite more people and go all out on the honeymoon you will definitely be over $40K.

2) Our parents paid for our wedding, and we paid for our honeymoon. We did not go into debt for any of it, nor did our parents, but I still kind of regret it. I mean, yes it was beautiful perfect day and we have the pictures to prove it, but that money would have been better spent going towards our future. I wish we had spent far less on an intimate affair and used the rest toward our home. In California you need every penny towards a home.

 

[pixiemomma]

No. We eloped and it was one of the best decisions we ever made!

 

[ead79]

Count me in as another no vote.

Is there a way you could postpone the wedding giving you time to save? Having that kind of debt from your wedding would really put a lot of stress on you two when you’re just starting out. Plus, that debt could be on top of other things like student loans, credit card debt, etc. It makes for a really rough start.

DH and I had a nearly 2-year engagement, which gave us time to save for the wedding and honeymoon. This worked wonderfully since we got to have our dream wedding but without the debt.

 

[minniecarousel]

Well - you asked - and you're getting the answers!

Seeing that you live in the SF Bay Area, the cost of living is so high, I can't see any justification to racking up huge wedding bills to start a marriage. You can have a lovely small wedding with just your closest friends & family. You may not think that's what you want, but your parents (& the majority of the people who have responded here) have the experience to counsel you. Use it! Do your homework, you'll be able to find bargains. Try the regional parks to have both the ceremony & reception, or just the reception, after your church ceremony. Do you have a friend who's a photographer - another who's a videographer, another who can run the music? Think about where you can cut corners, without making things look cheap. Really look at your guest lists. It can be done! Good luck!

 

[Brendita]

So your telling us you want to spend $40,000.00 on a wedding.
That would put a very nice down payment on a house.
I would @ least split it $20, $20. house & wedding.
If you don't like the idea of a house.
I would still advise only using 1/2 on the wedding & bank the other 1/2.
It is always nice to have a nest egg put away for a rainy day.
A beautiful wedding is nice.
When it is all said & done.
You only have photos & a pretty dress to look @,
& a lovely Prince to spend your life with.

 

[inaminute]

Nope.

Concentrate on the marriage, not the wedding. A wedding is a few hours. A marriage is a lifetime.

 

[imsorry]

Well, since you are so young and pretty, I think you should post your picture on the internet and charge people to look at you.

 

[Sandy V.]

Well, since you are so young and pretty, I think you should post your picture on the internet and charge people to look at you.

Does anyone else think this is a troll? I don't know too many women with b***s enough to call themselves "Young&pretty".

 

[puffkin]

No you don't want to start off a marriage in debt!

I have a friend who had a huge, expensive wedding. Her parents gave her everything she wanted even though they didn't have the money. They are still paying it off over 5 years later. I think that is so sad. The couple didn't have debt from the wedding, but racked up enough debt of their own afterwards. I can't even imagine what their situation would have been like if they had wedding debt on top of it.

My wedding cost at least 1/2 what theirs did for approx. the same amount of people and it was just as nice. My parents paid for most of it, with my in-laws paying for some and my DH and I paying for the rest. It was still a lot and stressful for us to come up with that money and pay for our honeymoon. I wouldn't want to still be paying for it a year and a half later!

 

[RUDisney]

Does anyone else think this is a troll? I don't know too many women with b***s enough to call themselves "Young&pretty".

While it could be a troll, it's a silly topic that isn't generating a lot of controversy. What would you prefer that she called herself? "HairyWithWarts?"

 

[scrump]

I didn't, but I know some people who did and claim it was "worth it."

Going into debt is no joke for me, so there's no way I would even consider doing it.

 

[LuvTigger]

Concentrate on the marriage, not the wedding. A wedding is a few hours. A marriage is a lifetime.

Ditto. I heard someone say this once, and I thought about how many friends I have that spend tons of money on their weddings. Most of them had their parents helping them financially, but I couldn't help but wonder why they really wanted a big extravagant wedding, except that it's just that that's what everyone does here. I even asked one of my friends why she wanted a big wedding, and she couldn't give me an answer.

I'm not saying that no one should have big weddings, but I think you really need to ask yourself why it's important to you. Is it that you want to be surrounded by all of your family and friends? Or is it because it's what everyone else does?

If your true reason is because you want to have all of the people important in your life around you, then I think you can be creative without spending a small fortune. One of my friends was considering renting a beach house for a day, which would've been a few hundred dollars, and they were actually going to have a potluck. He had been to a wedding like that before where the bridal couple asked that everyone bring a dish in lieu of a present, and he said it worked out very well. Most of the guests brought pretty extravangant dishes, since they didn't have to buy a gift. (This friend actually ended up eloping, for a variety of reasons, but it was a very romantic private ceremony on a beach in northern California.)

Another friend of mine got married in a botanical garden, and it was the most beautiful wedding I'd ever seen! She bought lots of fresh flowers and made centerpieces from them, and decorated the house (in the garden, where the reception was) with flowers and photos of herself and her husband. They had a caterer provide the food, and limited it to chicken or fish.

I think I would determine what I could afford, and find a way to stick to that budget. I think the hardest part is being creative and not just following whatever everyone else in your area does.

Good luck!

 

[VSL]

In my opinion, anyone who would put themselves into $40,000 debt for a wedding is not mature enough to get married in the first place.

Ouch, but true

*also thinks it's a troll*