Would you go into debt for big wedding?

[MoniqueU]

No, and I persoanlly think spending gobs of money on a wedding is a waste. I Would rather someone put that money down on a house. But to each his own, I guess. I just know I will not be offering to pay 100 bucks a plate for my own kids.

 

[henrylovespooh]

My two cents. I got married at the age of 31. I wanted a big wedding because I have lived in lots of places and accumulated lots of good friends and I have a big extended family on both sides. I too had dreams of a gorgeous location, but knowing my mom would want to pay for much of the wedding (I'm the only daughter), I didn't want to rack up a huge bill.

I picked the church I was baptized in and the one my family has always gone to. For the reception, I picked another Church's banquet hall, which only charged $35 per person for appetizers and dinner. We paid out of pocket for the liquor and got to keep whatever was opened but not consumed. The hall was very nice (don't think bingo hall) and the food was outstanding. Nothing extremely fancy, but no one complained. Because of the per person cost, I invited everyone I wanted, and had about 200 people in attendance. I invited people I worked with as well, even though my wedding was four hours away from where I lived at the time.

I tried to cut costs on certain things and picked a few things that were musts for me. I wanted a cake that looked like a stack of presents with a big bow (I got married around Christmas), I wanted red roses as my bouquet, and I wanted Christmas balls with my husband's and my name on them with our wedding date. The cake was pretty expensive but was perfect. I got my dress at David's Bridal during a sale and only spent about $200 on it and I can't imagine wearing anything other than that dress - it was gorgeous and fit perfectly.

Nine months after my wedding, my parents lost both cars and everything in their basement (washer, dryer, heating system, clothes, furniture, etc.) after a flood stemming from Hurricane Floyd. If I had sunk them into debt because of my wedding, I would have felt awful. One year later, I had a flare-up of my thyroid cancer and luckily insurance covered everything, but it could have been a financial disaster.

Also, I changed jobs shortly after my wedding and never saw the people who came to my wedding from my old job again. I had spent so much time going around to all the people there that I didn't spend quality time with anyone and some people I only said hi too - even those who had travelled far and I only see periodically because they live far away. That bothered me.

If I could do it all over again, I would've had a smaller wedding with the people that really mattered to me and my husband. Maybe around 75 people. Then I could have picked a nicer, more intimate place and spent my special day with very special people.

I learned that my wedding wasn't any more special because so many people were there - it was actually probably less special because of it.

But maybe you can take this from my story - decide what is more important - lots of people - then cut costs to make that work - or having less people and be able to have something more high end without breaking the bank.

You are only thinking about your wedding, so spending $40,000 on your big day might not seem like a big deal. But ask yourself what will happen if you or your husband to be loses a job. Or gets in an accident. Or wants to buy a house. Life is full of unknowns, so I would avoid sinking yourself into debt for just one day, even if it is your wedding day. It can be very special without being very expensive.

 

[Kahana-ri]

I have to say it is not worth getting into debt over. You can have a beautiful wedding without spending so much money. I understand that you want your 'dream' wedding, but you have to think long term. What about a house or vacation together? The wedding is just one part of a very long life together as a married couple. Good luck.

 

[Allison]

This person is just trying to mess with everyone.

They joined this morning, started threads to get people going and haven't been around since (unless it's under their real screen name). Someone must have been really bored today.

Look at this stuff:

I am always at the Mall and seem to pass by a big mirror all the time. I have to admit it- I like the way I look now. In my teen years I was kind of funny looking. Now everyone tells me how pretty I am. I have to agree! Though much of my self confidence is based on how pretty I feel that day.

Do you like looking at your self in the mirror? Or do you turn away and not look?

I was walking through the Mall a few weeks ago and saw a women with a super short haircut. It was so striking on her. It was so short but she looked so good with it. I finally got up the nerve to ask her about her short haircut and she told me that she cut off her previously long hair all at once and loved it. She gave me the name and number of her stylist.

Later that day, I went in and got my haircut short just like the lady at the mall. I love it but was scared to death about it and told no-one I was going to have my hair cut so short. Now everyone is talking about it. I love the attention. Anyone else with a similar haircut they love or hate?

ALL my friends are getting tattoos. It is really big here in California. When one of my friends got a large tattoo on her stomach she got so much attention. Everyone wanted to see her new tattoo. I was a bit jealous that my friend was getting all the attention. Maybe if I get a Tattoo I will be more popular and will have more friends.

Are you glad that you got (or didn't get) a tattoo, like your friends?

Move to California if you like ethnic diversity. Stay away if you do not!

California has really changed. It is like the United Nations with almost everyone a minority group now. I go to a big shopping center and almost everyone is from Asia or Latin America. I am white but not racist but it is tough going into a mall and being the only white person in the place. Each group pretty much sticks together. The Koreans really do not talk to the Chinese, etc. The English language is hardly spoken any more in the eastern part of San Jose. The place that I work is 60% Asian and 25% Hispanic. There are few whites or blacks left. A culture shock!

 

[mattsdragon]

Would I?

I did.

And it wasn't even that big a wedding. Still have to buy a wedding album.

The photographer is going to end up costing me more than the caterer.

 

[Tracey1974]

This person is just trying to mess with everyone.

They joined this morning, started threads to get people going and haven't been around since (unless it's under their real screen name). Someone must have been really bored today.

Look at this stuff:

Good call Allison!!

 

[Allison]

Good call Allison!!

I have to give credit to the guys on the post about looking at herself in the mirrors at the mall. They picked up on it faster than I did.

The profile is good for a laugh though.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

You know what, though? Even if the OP is a troll there are lots of great stories here along with tons of sensible advice so I'm sure it will be helpful to others reading it in the future.

 

[Winka]

Oh, I see. Yeah, troll topic circa 1997.

Guess there isn't enough heat at theknot.com these days.

 

[Chattyaholic]

No, YOU should not go into debt for your wedding but your PARENTS should!!

No, I'm just kidding. HUGE debt isn't a good idea for anyone, really.

Each and every situation is different though, and people need to do what is comfortable for THEM.

Now, when our DD got married 5 years ago DH and I took out a loan to pay for most of it (I think it was about $12,000 and we took 3 years to pay it off). Some may think we were stupid, but it was something we WANTED to do for our daughter. When DH and I got married my parents didn't pay for much at all and they COULD have so it bothered me. So I always wanted to make sure we gave our DD a nice wedding. And we did and have never regretted it.

 

[WDWLVR]

No way! When we got married back in 1990 we managed to have a decent sized wedding for 150 people and kept it under $10,000. That is because that is what we could afford. My mom paid for some, his parents chipped in a bit, but most of it we paid for ourselves. If we couldn't have afforded that we would have had a much smaller wedding.

To me the actual marriage ceremony with the Nuptial Mass is what mattered most. The party is just that - a party.

Marriage is hard enough the first year - especially when it comes to money. Don't start it out deep in debt.