Would you date a relative?

[CathrynRose]

I would date a 3rd cousin. The likelyhood that I would even find out they were my 3rd cousin is pretty small.

This thread is incredibly disturbing to me. Incredibly.

I quoted you - but Im not singling you out.... how could you date a 3rd cousin? Or even think about it??? WHAT??? A 3rd cousin would have a great, great grandparent in common. Thats not that far!

Im shocked. This is creppy weird, IMO.

Lordy.

Half the stinking population is the opposite sex. Move on. Find a non-blood relative.

 

[Vijoge]

how could you date a 3rd cousin? Or even think about it??? WHAT??? A 3rd cousin would have a great, great grandparent in common. Thats not that far!

It's not that close either. I don't have one third cousin that I have ever even met. There is no state in this country that prohibits marriage between third (or even second) cousins.

 

[Northstar]

This thread is incredibly disturbing to me. Incredibly.

I quoted you - but Im not singling you out.... how could you date a 3rd cousin? Or even think about it??? WHAT??? A 3rd cousin would have a great, great grandparent in common. Thats not that far!

Hi, CathrynRose! Sorry the thread weirded you out... but you know, there's a lot of us who don't even know our great, great grandparents' names. (I know mine NOW but only as a result of genealogical research). People moved and didn't stay in touch. People ran off and had second families, and because of bad feelings, the 1st family never knew they had half-sibs. People lost their parents or grandparents too young, and never heard the stories about the generations that came before.

 

[TCPluto]

In Canada, in my province, if you marry someone that you know you are related to, you are breaking the law.

According to the “Prohibited Degrees of
Consanguinity Barring Lawful Solemnization of
Marriage in Canada,” a person cannot marry their:
• Mother • Father
• Daughter • Son
• Sister 1 • Brother 2
• Grandmother • Grandfather
• Granddaughter • Grandson
1 or half-sister, including sister by adoption
2 or half-brother, including brother by adoption"

It's not my church's policy. It's my policy. I don't have to marry anyone if I see it as problematic. .

The problem is, you says it's law in the above post. It's clearly not.

 

[Mr. & Mrs. Smith]

It's not that close either. I don't have one third cousin that I have ever even met. There is no state in this country that prohibits marriage between third (or even second) cousins.

So, just to be clear, if you did happen to meet one of your third cousins, you would think of them as perfectly good dating material?

The problem is, you says it's law in the above post. It's clearly not.

I realize that and I think that I have since clarified. It is illegal to marry certain relatives and, as a clergy person, if the couple tells me that they are related, I can't just go ahead and marry them. I, personally, would do a lot of pastoral work with them and likely not marry them. Even if I did want to marry them, I would have to get all that checked out with Service NB before I could go ahead.

 

[CathrynRose]

So, just to be clear, if you did happen to meet one of your third cousins, you would think of them as perfectly good dating material?

.

You know, it's one thing to OMG! you're dating a cousin (somehow you didnt know) but to knowingly go forth with such, (in just my opinion) is just so weird to me. Very weird.

I dont see them as good dating material. I see them as 'cousins'.

Ummm - and for me, it has nothing to do with laws, or church or anything else - it has to do with the heebie-jeebie factor. Blech!

 

[Vijoge]

So, just to be clear, if you did happen to meet one of your third cousins, you would think of them as perfectly good dating material?

Well, I've met a lot of people, totally unrelated to me, that I did not find to be perfectly good dating material. . . but I would not rule someone out just because he was a third cousin.

 

[Todd&Copper]

From a biological stand point I think I'd be ok with it from 3rd/4th or 5th cousins and beyond. However if the families where close, knew of each other and participated in family 'things' then I would not be.

MTE!

 

[smartestnumber5]

It's not my church's policy. It's my policy. I don't have to marry anyone if I see it as problematic. I see cousins knowingly marrying each other as problematic. If the law says certain relatives can't marry, then it's saying it is wrong. I'm not going to get into what degree of seperation there is between you. On the clergy information form sent out by the Province of New Brunswick, it simply has a check box for "yes" and "no" asking if these two persons are related.

Well I think as a clergy member you have every right to choose who to marry or not marry. But technically, anyone who answers "no" to the question "are you related?" is either lying or (more likely) just doesn't know enough about studies of human population and genetics to realize that they are in fact related to EVERYONE!

The most recent common ancestor of every human being alive is estimated to have lived a few thousand years ago. So even the most distantly related humans today have to go back only a few thousand years to find a common great-great-great-great-great etc. grandparent. Moreover, people of similar race and nationality are much more closely related than that. Genealogists calculate that two given Europeans need only go back at most 600 years, to find their common ancestor. I'm estimating that makes any two Europeans 24th cousins at the most (which means PLENTY of Europeans are unknowingly married to someone who is a much closer cousin than that).


Personally I think there's a big difference between having grown up with someone in a cousin type relationship vs. merely happening to find our that you're cousins as adults after you've started dating. I mean, surely there are people who in the course of doing family genealogy find out they are 5th cousins or 6th cousins (or maybe even 8th or 10th or 12th cousins if they are able to trace things back for a significant amount of time!) before they've gotten married. Why should that change the way they feel about each other? (Don't get me wrong, I still think the idea of dating a 3rd cousin is icky--for *me*. But that's probably because I do vaguely know some 3rd cousins as cousins.)

 

[Michelle67]

Well gee, I dunno. My cousin is pretty darn cute, and smart too. Doesn't talk too much, and brings home great fresh fish and game. Sounds like a winner.

BTW, he is my step cousin. We aren't blood related.

Nonetheless, it would probably really irritate my husband if I dated him.

 

[MickeysMommy]

Uh, no, my mother's one first cousin adopted 2 babies (they are older than I am) and they are both very handsome men...however, they are my cousins and I don't care if they are blood related or not, NO!

I get confused by 2nd cousin twice removed, etc...can someone explaion it to me?

 

[VirtuallyMe]

growing up we hardly did anything with my dad's side of the family. It was bad enough that I met my first cousin once removed at work one day because she brought a calendar with old pictures of the small town my grandmother was from- I asked where she got it- to get one for my grandmother- and she asked who my grandmother was- turns out my grandmother is her mom's sister... I had no idea- This woman had children a little younger than me- I could have met them and never known we were related.

One of my former Girl Scouts- turned out to be my second cousin- she and my dd were the same age and were thrilled to find out they were related.

Now- on my mom's side of the family- my grandmother had 3 sisters- and each of the sisters had from 2 to 7 kids- we try to get the women all together each Christmas at an ornament exchange just for the female descendants of these 4 women- (oh and we allow those women who married into the family too)- even the fact that growing up- I knew all my mom's first cousins (some were my age even)- over the years some had lost contact.

I actually work with the ex-wife of my first cousin once removed (one that happens to only be 2 years older than me)- and didn't know it until someone else mentioned who her ex-husband was. Her kids are the same age as my older daughter- and my dd was furious to discover one of the girls was a cousin lol - they didn't get along.

So I could see how cousins could meet- and fall in love before realizing they were related.

I know that somewhere far down the line that my husband and I are probably related- but we are talking like 5 or more greats here... and have yet to find the actual connection but know that my grandmother- came from the same family as his grandmother. But in South Louisiana going back a few generations in the Cajun lines- and lots of cousins married just for lack of other population around- My husbands Sister-in-law (married to his brother)- has a common person as I do on my family tree- she was at my home before either of us married our husbands- and my family had the geneology out). The only reason I can't tell for sure about my dh and myself- is my parents - thought they already gave me a copy of the geneology and will not give me another- won't let me copy theirs- and are just being pains about the whole thing. So I will have to do my own research.

I know in Louisiana- 3rd cousins are acceptable to marry without any stipulations- but to answer the original poster's question- NO- I wouldn't knowingly marry a cousin - and I have had some goodlooking ones lol

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

Well I think as a clergy member you have every right to choose who to marry or not marry. But technically, anyone who answers "no" to the question "are you related?" is either lying or (more likely) just doesn't know enough about studies of human population and genetics to realize that they are in fact related to EVERYONE!

The question is...how close the genetic relationship is, what's legal, what's your personal comfort level.

My brother's wife has two first cousins (first cousins to each other) who got married in NJ, many years ago. They grew up in a very close-knit family. Their marriage tore the families apart. They ended up getting divorced because he was an abusive drunk. No children. I can't imagine, growing up that close, getting married. But, it was (is) legal in NJ. Not for me, but whatever.

I get confused by 2nd cousin twice removed, etc...can someone explaion it to me?

There's a great explanation earlier in the thread.

http://www.ncsl.org/programs/cyf/cousins.htm

Cousin marriage legal​

First cousin marriage prohibited​

Allowed under certain circumstances​

Alabama
Alaska
California
Colorado
Connecticut
District of Columbia
Florida
Georgia
Hawaii
Maryland
Massachusetts
New Jersey
New Mexico
New York
North Carolina*
Rhode Island
South Carolina
Tennessee
Texas
Vermont
Virginia​

Arkansas
Delaware
Idaho
Iowa
Kansas
Kentucky
Louisiana
Michigan
Minnesota
Mississippi
Missouri
Montana
Nebraska
Nevada
New Hampshire
North Dakota
Ohio
Oklahoma
Oregon
Pennsylvania
South Dakota
Washington
West Virginia
Wyoming​

Arizona
Illinois
Indiana
Maine
Utah
Wisconsin​

First cousin marriage is allowed in these states under the following circumstances:

Arizona- if both are 65 or older, or one is unable to reproduce.

Illinois- if both are 50 or older, or one is unable to reproduce.

Indiana- if both are at least 65.

Maine- if couple obtains a physician's certificate of genetic counseling.

Utah- if both are 65 or older, or if both are 55 or older and one is unable to reproduce.

Wisconsin- if the woman is 55 or older, or one is unable to reproduce.

*North Carolina- First cousin marriage is legal. Double cousin marriage is prohibited

 

[chris1gill]

Umm, no...

 

[daisax]

I'm amazed at the lack of understanding of genetics in this discussion. The degree of genetic relation of 3rd cousins is virtually insignificant in terms of health. We have 16 great great grandparents. They might have hundreds of descendents. Anybody who marries within their religion/ethnic group within a certain geographic radius probably IS related not too much further away than that.

Beyond first cousin the genetic factors are pretty minimal. The rest is the "ick" factor, which is why many of us wouldn't have a problem assuming the couple met as adults and only found out about the relationship later.

There actually has been research showing that second cousin couples are MORE fertile than the general population, with FEWER chidren born with birth defects.

 

[Aardvarks]

I have read this entire thread..........and all the time I could hear banjos playing in my head

Da da ding ding ding ding ding ding ding !!

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

Oh, ICK! I thought it was illegal in ALL states to marry anyone closer than a 4th cousin. Ick, ick, ick!

 

[Aardvarks]

The question is...how close the genetic relationship is, what's legal, what's your personal comfort level.

My brother's wife has two first cousins (first cousins to each other) who got married in NJ, many years ago. They grew up in a very close-knit family. Their marriage tore the families apart. They ended up getting divorced because he was an abusive drunk. No children. I can't imagine, growing up that close, getting married. But, it was (is) legal in NJ. Not for me, but whatever. There's a great explanation earlier in the thread.

http://www.ncsl.org/programs/cyf/cousins.htm

Cousin marriage legal​

First cousin marriage prohibited​

Allowed under certain circumstances​

Alabama
Alaska
California
Colorado
Connecticut
District of Columbia
Florida
Georgia
Hawaii
Maryland
Massachusetts
New Jersey
New Mexico
New York
North Carolina*
Rhode Island
South Carolina
Tennessee
Texas
Vermont
Virginia​

Arkansas
Delaware
Idaho
Iowa
Kansas
Kentucky
Louisiana
Michigan
Minnesota
Mississippi
Missouri
Montana
Nebraska
Nevada
New Hampshire
North Dakota
Ohio
Oklahoma
Oregon
Pennsylvania
South Dakota
Washington
West Virginia
Wyoming​

Arizona
Illinois
Indiana
Maine
Utah
Wisconsin​

First cousin marriage is allowed in these states under the following circumstances:

Arizona- if both are 65 or older, or one is unable to reproduce.

Illinois- if both are 50 or older, or one is unable to reproduce.

Indiana- if both are at least 65.

Maine- if couple obtains a physician's certificate of genetic counseling.

Utah- if both are 65 or older, or if both are 55 or older and one is unable to reproduce.

Wisconsin- if the woman is 55 or older, or one is unable to reproduce.

*North Carolina- First cousin marriage is legal. Double cousin marriage is prohibited

In which states is it compulsory?

( Aarvarks runs and hides)

 

[sb4k]

My husband and I are 3rd cousins once removed. My great great great grandparents are his great great grandparents. "Where I'm from" if you lived here all your life, pretty much everyone is a cousin somewhere. In searching our family tree, I've actually found that my parents are cousins twice. If you google cousins relationship chart you can find some charts that help with cousin and cousin once removed, etc.

 

[Northstar]

OMG is anyone else reading this thread getting a banner ad for what looks like an online dating/marriage service for people of South Asian heritage???

well I suppose it's better than datemycousin.com!