Would you cancel your vacation?

[Minnie_me]

You said you're not the one with the plans - what if you were the ones with the plans? What would you want done?

I did have plans. I canceled them. Granted, my plans were not a trip to Mexico, but still.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

since we are going through this right now I know how much work this really is. I would cancel and rebook my trip so that I could help. In fact we did. We cancelled our trip to Gatlinburg so that we could help while the kids were out of school last week. It stinks but you gotta do what you gotta do.

On a side note though if it had been a trip to Disney I would not have cancelled.

 

[LuLuO]

If it were my brother, yes, I would reschedule the vacation. But if the situation was reversed and he had a vacation, I would not expect him to cancel. Yes, I have control issues.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

The sibling who lives in town will be working several weekends between now and then, just because it is easy. I will be going down over MLK weekend, but simply can't do any other weekends until Feb break. The sibling with the Mexico vacation *may* come MLK weekend, but most likely will not.

OK, so you do have a sib in town. Can you guys hire someone to help her out then?

Rent a storage shed, hire someone to move the things into it. Then you can sort through "things" later and just focus on cleaning and prepping the house for sale.

 

[JessicaR]

I did have plans. I canceled them. Granted, my plans were not a trip to Mexico, but still.

What were your plans?

I just think a trip to Mexico should not be discounted. I have two siblings and I would not think a sibling should change or cancel their trip if it were something I could handle w/o them.

 

[Disney Doll]

If I were the sibling with the vacation plans and I could change them without penalty from either work or the travel company, then I would change the vacation to April and be there to help out the sibs.

That being said, if I was not the sibling with the vacation plans, I wouldn't expect my sibling to cancel to clean out the house. I'd just do it without them.

Truthfully, as far as real estate is concerned, my DH who is a realtor always says that the Spring market starts right after the holidays. I'd probably get my & my siblings' butts out to Mom's house one weekend soon, get all the valuables and sentimental stuff placed into storage and then hire a company to cart away everything else. Then you all could go through the storage hting at your leisure while Mom's house is already put on the market.

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

Yes, they are teachers.

If that is the case then I would probably change my plans. If there is no monetary loss and no grief from work schedules then it shouldn't be an issue IMO.

It would be disapointing though, so I can understand why someone would not want to change their plans.

 

[YodaGirl]

You say they wouldn't lose any money on the vacation package but what about their work schedules? Will their work allow them to change their time off request to April?

That was my question.

Yes, they are teachers.

Do you know for sure that they can get the time off?

April is gearing up for end of the year testing. Spring Break to end of school is kind of a rush to the finish. I'd be very surprised if their school system would allow them time off.

What were your plans?

I just think a trip to Mexico should not be discounted. I have two siblings and I would not think a sibling should change or cancel their trip if it were something I could handle w/o them.

Personally, I'd try to be understanding.

I just wonder if there wasn't/isn't already tension between the siblings...maybe tension that doesn't even involve the mom's health.

 

[*JoGo*]

Is the airfare also transferrable without penalty?

I wouldn't expect my sibling to change a trip. I would grumble to my husband and tease my brother about skipping out and thinking of me while he's lying on a beach, but some things can't be foreseen. Life happens.

 

[bumbershoot]

I haven't had this problem, nor will I (my mom died at 55, suddenly, and I won't be helping my dad out should he have such problems), but I watched my mom go through it with her two sibs, and little dribs and drabs of it area happening in hubby's family (also a 3 sibling family).

Honestly...it seems that with 3 siblings, there's ALWAYS going to be one that either is a slacker (my husband's sister) or is *perceived* as a slacker (my aunt went back and forth on who she considered worse, her brother or my mom). And it's really REALLY hard for each side to TRULY understand the other side (my sister in law's a flake, but I'm sure she FEELS she has a different reason).

I would be cleaning it out now and not wait on siblings. I would not wait until Feb to clean it out when it needs to be market March 1st.

Yes.

It's really a tough situation all around. Two of us (me, and the vacation sibling) live too far away to help out before hand. We've also taken way too many days off work during the past two weeks dealing with our mom's hospitalization and move into the assisted living facility.

There will be a lot of bad feelings while two of us are spending 9 days doing all of the work, and one of us (and spouse) is in Mexico.

YOu will be one of the people having bad feelings; and all you can do is work through it. My aunt made herself absolutely, positively, miserable for well over a decade. She first lived with my grandma b/c they had to, post-divorce, then as my grandma started to go into Alzheimer's-land she needed to stay there, then at long long last my grandma broke her hip, was in a nursing home just a bit too long, and her reverse-mortgage kicked in, and then she was the woman-on-the-scene for all of that. My mom, who was still alive at the time, went down to help with the stuff-moving (grandma made things SO easy, because for upwards of 20 years she had been marking EVERYTHING with who it went to), but my aunt still considered it to be too little. The money my mom sent was too little (she had two kids in college or grad school at once!), the time she spent was too little, etc etc etc. The reality was, my mom did what she could, when she could, she sent what she could, and she couldn't have done more. My aunt STILL doesn't feel that that's true, even though my mom isn't around anymore (she got all this stuff from her mom, and not too long after died and I inherited it all, ugh) to yell at about it.

My aunt should have taken the time to let it GO. She was the oldest, she knew the faults of her younger sibs very well, she should have expected to never be satisfied, and just let go of the bad feelings.


So really, all you can do is be chipper about it all. If the vacation-sib was there, they'd probably be bummed and not work as hard, and maybe you would still be peeved.

Maybe that sibling can send a bit of money along, to hire someone to help with the heavier lifting, or can get something else (a load of plastic bins, or a dumpster, or whatever you need). Maybe that can be their contribution instead of sweat equity.


If you've never seen a post about people DESPERATELY needing a vacation after dealing with some big bad health thing with a parent, know that many people feel it's OK to take a vacation after something like this happens; it can save your sanity. I'm really sorry you don't get to take the vacation, but maybe it's something your sibling absolutely positively MUST do...

 

[aprilgail2]

First, what is Feb break? Must be a regional thing?
.

Feb break is the week of Presidents day where they get the whole week off from school.

 

[LindaBabe]

We went out to see my MIL into assisted living and stay there a week while she assimilated. My SIL, who had been her primary caregiver was scheduled on a well-deserved and long awaited cruise she could not cancel without losing all her money. We insisted that she go. It took the rest of us three weeks to clear out and clean up the house to get it ready for the market. There wasn't much "good stuff". The other family was disappointed because the mil was so secretive about her stashes and lock boxes. HA. DO NOT leave the clean out til the last minute.

 

[java]

Feb break is the week of Presidents day where they get the whole week off from school.

Not in nj. I think it's just a NY thing.

Personally I would hire the job out. No hurt feelings. Perhaps go for the long weekend and take whatever is valuable to you and then allow the professionals to tag and sell everything else. It will save your sanity. And generally they take a % off the profit.

 

[lizabu]

I think it's pretty selfish to expect the sibling to cancel their vacation. I also think 9 days is a ridiculously long amount of time needed to clean out a house. Especially if it's more than 1 person doing it. Honestly if its going to take you that long your time is worth something and it would make more sense to hire professional cleaners, painters etc. The sibling going away will have to realize of course if they aren't helping they aren't likely to get that certain keepsake etc that they may have wanted but thats the way it goes.

 

[nmmom95]

I would keep the vacation. If no one considered the fact that I would be away when they picked the time to do this, I don't think I should have to change my plans to accommodate their plans. That's just me, though, because I have a very bossy, inflexible sister. She would purposely set that week so she could complain to anyone who would listen that everything always falls to her.

 

[RunningGirl]

I'd go on vacation. But I would also pay to bring in a housecleaning and carpet cleaning service after the other sibs had emptied out the house.

 

[Kellydelly]

I would not change my vacation plans. Whoever picked that particular week should have asked if the others were available. Are all the siblings expected to take off work that whole week to gather at mom's house and clear it out? Seems a bit extreme.

 

[Jennasis]

The sibling who lives in town will be working several weekends between now and then, just because it is easy. I will be going down over MLK weekend, but simply can't do any other weekends until Feb break. The sibling with the Mexico vacation *may* come MLK weekend, but most likely will not.

So you "simply can't help" any other weekends, but it's not okay for the sibling with the planned vacation to have that issue on the week that works for you?


If this were my two sisters and I, we would have consulted with each other to find a time that works with EVRYBODY's schedules and if one of us "simply couldn't" then the other two would sally forth without her. That's how we roll...but we are a loving and understanding lot with each other.

 

[SDFgirl]

No question in my mind - I'd reschedule the trip to help my brother. That's just how our family is, though. He'd do the same for me.

I find it kinda sad that some people *wouldn't*.

 

[Oreo Cookie]

How far away does the sibling with the vacation plans live? Is it a driveable distance, or involves flying?