Would you be upset?

[Momager]

Say your father got remarried after your mother passed away (a few years after). In the wedding party is your husband, your brother, and the brides children and their spouses. You were not asked to be in the party.

Would you be upset by this?


And before you ask, I was very close with both my father and mother. While my mother was dying of cancer, I took care of her and took that burden off my father so he could work. I made sure (before and well after she passed) to have him over for dinner at least 2x a week, and stocked his freezer with meals for lunch and dinner when he didn’t come over.

 

[pearlieq]

Sure, anyone would be. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

 

[rwdavis2]

Did you ask why?

 

[Kitty 34]

Yes I would be hurt. Sorry you were left out.

 

[indimom]

I think I'd ask why if it was literally everyone except me. Maybe there was a reason they chose to do it that way which you are not aware of?
If there were others left out, I wouldn't be bothered at all.

 

[dish rag]

I would be relieved actually.

 

[Momager]

Did you ask why?

I asked my father. He said because I wouldn't make a very good best man (being a female). Never wanted to ask his new wife..... Nothing good would have come from that.

 

[Meglen]

woops replyed when u posted

 

[C&Jx2]

I absolutely understand being hurt. I’m sorry you’re going through that.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Say your father got remarried after your mother passed away (a few years after). In the wedding party is your husband, your brother, and the brides children and their spouses. You were not asked to be in the party.

Would you be upset by this?


And before you ask, I was very close with both my father and mother. While my mother was dying of cancer, I took care of her and took that burden off my father so he could work. I made sure (before and well after she passed) to have him over for dinner at least 2x a week, and stocked his freezer with meals for lunch and dinner when he didn’t come over.

I assume your father is a male right? I presume you're a female right? Then I wouldn't be upset that he didn't want a groomsmatron.
But I certainly would expect to be in the family pictures and come to the rehearsal dinner or whatever they're doing for family around the wedding.

 

[22Tink]

I’m sorry this happened to you. Yes I would be upset, they should have included you. As the sibling who is frequently overlooked, I know how awful it feels.

 

[Bjkandma]

I understand being hurt, but it could be following tradition. Years ago the groom picked his groomsmen and the bride picked the bridesmaids. My husband was my brother in laws best friend. He was in the wedding party. My sister got married Catholic (and because we no longer were) one witnes s needed to be Catholic, so I couldn't be. Also at my brother's wedding he had more groomsmen then there were bridesmaids. The groomsmen escorted guest down the aisle.

 

[jalapeno_pretzel]

My answer to most "would you be upset?" posts is almost always No. But not this one. Yep, I'm pretty sure I would be upset here.

It sounds like, if the bride's children and spouses are included, than that includes both male and female attendants, meaning the men from her family would be on your dad's side, right? Why would she not handle things equally then and have you on her side?

 

[Julie's Haircut]

Doesn't the bride get to pick the "her" attendants? For whatever reasons she chose others.

It appears your father is overlooking you, not the bride.

 

[wenrob]

I asked my father. He said because I wouldn't make a very good best man (being a female). Never wanted to ask his new wife..... Nothing good would have come from that.

I think maybe you might be answering “why” right here.

My first thought was maybe they thought it would make you uncomfortable as you were clearly very close to your mother. This sounds like your dad was thinking in a traditional sense. It also sounds like maybe there’s tension between you and the new wife.

To answer the question, yes, I’m very sensitive and it would hurt my feelings.

 

[wgeo]

Yes I would be upset.

It is their wedding and of course they can make whatever decisions they want, but the fact that neither your father or his new wife took into account your feelings is really unfortunate.

 

[jalapeno_pretzel]

Doesn't the bride get to pick the "her" attendants? For whatever reasons she chose others.

It appears your father is overlooking you, not the bride.

If the groom is including the male relatives of the bride (which it sounds like he was), then I would kind of expect the bride would include the equivalent female relatives of the groom.

 

[wenrob]

If the groom is including the male relatives of the bride (which it sounds like he was), then I would kind of expect the bride would include the equivalent female relatives of the groom.

But aren’t the attendants supposed to be people close to you? When did wedding attendants become a tit for tat kind of thing? I don’t know the OP’s relationship with the bride/new wife but I’d like to know if she would have even wanted to stand up for her.

 

[mysterywriterv]

I know I would be upset. I think anyone would. And your father’s flippant response to your question certainly couldn’t have helped. I’m sorry you have to deal with that.

 

[jalapeno_pretzel]

But aren’t the attendants supposed to be people close to you? When did wedding attendants become a tit for tat kind of thing? I don’t know the OP’s relationship with the bride/new wife but I’d like to know if she would have even wanted to stand up for her.

I guess I don't think it needs to be a tit for tat thing, but in this case of all the children and children's spouses of both the bride and groom, the OP is the only one excluded. That just seems kind of wrong to me.

But yeah, we don't know bride and OP's relationship, and it seems that OP's father was not interested in doing something non-traditional and having female groomspeople.