Would you be upset?

[Ilike2Lurk]

Second, DH KNOWS he should have come home. He does this all the time.

All the time? Oh boy. This will not end well. He has no respect for you.

Counselor time

 

[Ilike2Lurk]

If he's supposed to be able to read your mind & know how you feel then you should also be able to read his mind & know how guys operate. .

"Guys" do not operate this way

Losers with no responsibility act this way.

Please don't insult Real Men.

Thankyouverymuch

 

[aprilgail2]

Personally I would have told him to go play his game- but take the kids with him!! When I am sick I want to be alone, I don't want to take care of anyone or have anyone bugging me with "can I get you anything" every half hour! My daughter has always been really good when I have been sick. She will go hang out in the living room or her bedroom but she will give me a bell and if I need anything I can ring that bell and she will come- otherwise she will leave me be.

 

[horseshowmom]

FWIW, he should have been mature enough to have stayed home to take care of his family in my humble opinion.

Since he wasn't, I would be very straight with him. I wouldn't be hostile, but I would tell him that if he had been the one who was sick, I wouldn't have left him to go play ball, go shopping, go do whatever - much less call and ask for permission to stay gone longer - and that he needs to drop the hostility because I was too sick to deal with it.

 

[dismom2]

"Guys" do not operate this way

Losers with no responsibility act this way.

Please don't insult Real Men.

Thankyouverymuch

True---not all guys act that way. My DH would have been more concerned about me and my sick child than playing with the boys. And he would have been my first concern and priority if the roles were reversed.

The OP's husband doesn't have to be a mindreader, as everyone keeps suggesting. All he needed was some common sense to know that 3 hours earlier his wife and child were sick, and most likely they did not have a miraculous recovery while he was playing baseball. Even if she was feeling a little better, maybe the sick child wasn't. Maybe the OP would have liked to take a nap, but couldn't because one or both of the kids were awake still (remember, they are what...2 and 4 years old?).
We agreed to be there for each other during good times and bad, and that is how we treat each other. And we don't make the other feel guilty about it, either. Not all men are clueless and need common sense things spelled out for them. They are either considerate, or they are not. It's their choice, not a given because they are 'male'.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

It is great that everyone can say that their DH's are real men, wouldn't do that, or are not losers. Analyzing yourself or your husbands must make you feel great against our "losers".

However the fact remains the OP's DH did do that and she needs to know how to handle a husband like that.

Since my dh would have done something like that when the kids were little, yes, he was a "loser"....you have to tell him to "come home".

Now after almost 19yrs of marriage DH is not that way but let me tell you in the beginning of our marriage my dh was not a "real man" and could act like a loser.

Some of us come from humble beginnings.

 

[MELSMICE]

It is great that everyone can say that their DH's are real men, wouldn't do that, or are not losers. Analyzing yourself or your husbands must make you feel great against our "losers".

However the fact remains the OP's DH did do that and she needs to know how to handle a husband like that.

Since my dh would have done something like that when the kids were little, yes, he was a "loser"....you have to tell him to "come home".

Now after almost 19yrs of marriage DH is not that way but let me tell you in the beginning of our marriage my dh was not a "real man" and could act like a loser.

Some of us come from humble beginnings.

Thank you - mine started as a loser then also according to some!

22 years for us, we know each other much better & know how to communicate better. Marriage is a lot of work & if I would have continued to be a door mat & let him be a "loser" I'm not sure our marriage would be as strong as it is today.

BTW - I love my "loser" & wouldn't trade him for the world. He is always there for me!

 

[Ilike2Lurk]

.....if I would have continued to be a door mat & let him be a "loser" I'm not sure our marriage would be as strong as it is today.

It is awesome that you no longer allow your husband to treat you like a door mat! Way to stand up for yourself

OP--Change it now. Take advice from these ladies who have been there, done that. Or your life will not be a good one Nobody should be treated that way.

 

[tuckerkeys]

Yup! i'd be upset, actually mad....... i have a 20 month old and a 6.5 year old at home. I'd actually ask him to not go to any of the games at all! When I get sick, It knocks me on my patootey, and I'd fear I would do something wrong while watching the kids like leave a burner on or window open or something not safe b/c my judgement gets really messed up.....

 

[Ilike2Lurk]

It is great that everyone can say that their DH's are real men, wouldn't do that, or are not losers. Analyzing yourself or your husbands must make you feel great against our "losers".

Yeah. Um, if you leave your sick wife at home (with sick children) to go and play a game with your friends, oh, and then get angry and say “Are you happy” when you can’t stay and play some more—You might be a loser

Is there a more DIS friendly word? Because I think loser is pretty darn forgiving for somebody that would act like this. Not a care for his wife or children. Only himself. And she says he does this “all of the time”

No analyzing necessary. I would never need to bask in the misfortunes of other marriages to make me “feel great”. What a weird comment

I certainly feel sorry for the OP. She chose to marry and have children with a man that she has to train to treat her with respect and love. It does not come naturally to him to treat her kindly. I don't envy the position she is in at this point in her life. I wish her luck, as life is too short to be treated in this manner

 

[clgwli]

Honestly if I wanted him home I would have said it. I wouldn't have played a little game telling him he could stay when, in reality, I would want him to stay home.

I would be mad that he called in the first place because he should have known better than to even ask. I wouldn't be mad at him for staying if I told him he could. That's just not right IMO.

 

[DMickey28]

I would have asked him to stay home in the first place and my DH would have. Especially with kids that young.

I hope you feeling better soon. I was horribly sick last week and DS got it. Yuck, no fun.

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

Around here, I know guys who bowl, play pool, and play softball. If one of them let their team down by not showing up at a tournament or even a league night (and didn't leave the team enough time to find a sub), because their wife had the flu (their wife being hospitalized would be another story), they'd be looking for another team the next year and they'd be lucky if they found one that would take them on. I don't think he should have even asked about the second set of games, though.

 

[Ilike2Lurk]

Around here, I know guys who bowl, play pool, and play softball. If one of them let their team down by not showing up at a tournament or even a league night (and didn't leave the team enough time to find a sub), because their wife had the flu (their wife being hospitalized would be another story), they'd be looking for another team the next year and they'd be lucky if they found one that would take them on.

Wow. Time for those men to grow up. Sorry, they are big boys now. They have children and responsibilities.

It is great to play with the boys when it does not disrupt your family life, but all bets are off when you are needed at home. That is called Grown Up Life. Don't want to live it? Don't have children

"Let your team down", or tend to your children while your wife is sick Should be a no-brainer

(their wife being hospitalized would be another story)

How very kind and understanding of them.

 

[MELSMICE]

Yeah. Um, if you leave your sick wife at home (with sick children) to go and play a game with your friends, oh, and then get angry and say “Are you happy” when you can’t stay and play some more—You might be a loser

She told him to go play the first set of games.

Should he have better judgement & not called to ask about playing the 2nd set - probably. However, he made a dumb move & asked the question. The wife (OP) could have been honest & told her DH she wanted him home to help with the kids. She played a game & said, "Do whatever you want."

Do I think her DH was wrong - yes, I do. Do I think the OP was wrong - yes, I do. It's a vicious cycle & I bet they were (or still are) both annoyed with each other.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Yeah. Um, if you leave your sick wife at home (with sick children) to go and play a game with your friends, oh, and then get angry and say “Are you happy” when you can’t stay and play some more—You might be a loser

Is there a more DIS friendly word? Because I think loser is pretty darn forgiving for somebody that would act like this. Not a care for his wife or children. Only himself. And she says he does this “all of the time”

No analyzing necessary. I would never need to bask in the misfortunes of other marriages to make me “feel great”. What a weird comment

I certainly feel sorry for the OP. She chose to marry and have children with a man that she has to train to treat her with respect and love. It does not come naturally to him to treat her kindly. I don't envy the position she is in at this point in her life. I wish her luck, as life is too short to be treated in this manner

My DH grew up with an absent father and a schizophrenic mother. My own father is a selfish man.

Some of us were on the learn as you go program.

As far as "basking in misfortune", when you describe people as "losers" that is what you are doing. It is not useful info, just insulting.

Would I have loved a caring doting DH from the get go, you bet. DH apologizes for being an insensitive jerk when the kids were little.

I loved him enough to stick with it and work things out.

 

[DisneyMom81]

I just want to thank everyone from their responces. I don't, however, appreciate people calling my DH a "loser." I'm new to these boards, but one thing I've noticed is that some people have a tendency take things to far. I understand that I posted something personal on here, in a public forum, and everyone is entitled to their own opinion, however, just because this is an internet forum, and no one can see your face, doesn't mean you should just say whatever rude thing you want (I'm talking about this post and others I've read).
Anyway, thanks for the responces. I'm feeling a bit better, but still taking the day off work since I'm still blowing my nose every few minutes. The kids are going to school / grandparents today, so I will have the house all to myself. Hope everyone has a great Monday.


ETA - I'm not one of the posters that gets angry when everyone doesn't see my side of it, etc, so please don't play that card. For the ones that said I'm playing games, I do have to tell you your wrong, I was not playing any games, but again, your entitled to your opinion.

 

[Ilike2Lurk]

DH apologizes for being an insensitive jerk when the kids were little.

You are lucky. That is very rare.

Glad you two could work it out

 

[Ilike2Lurk]

I don't, however, appreciate people calling my DH a "loser."

I apologize.

What word would you use for a man that does not want to help his sick wife and sick children?

What word would you use for a man that gets angry and says "Are you happy now!?" when he has to leave his "precious game" to tend to his wife and children?

What word would you for a man that "does this all of the time"?

Again, I apologize. Your husband seems like a dedicated, loving, mature and wonderful man. How is that

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I apologize.

What word would you use for a man that does not want to help his sick wife and sick children?

What word would you use for a man that gets angry and says "Are you happy now!?" when he has to leave his "precious game" to tend to his wife and children?

What word would you for a man that "does this all of the time"?

Again, I apologize. Your husband seems like a dedicated, loving, mature and wonderful man. How is that

Pretty insulting...

Go find the thread about saying, "I don't mean to be mean, but..."