Would you be upset if

[jenny105]

What is the origin of the distress?

Is money tight? Are you not getting along? Is this the way your SO is? So it depends....

DH just gave me a print out of what he wants..a battery charger.
I told him what I wanted, "The Price is Right" for the Wii.

Works for us.

This is off topic but they have a Price is Right for Wii?? Awesome!

 

[Darcy03231]

Dh and I rarely buy each other gifts. We like to travel and both tend to buy what we want when we want. This year DH bought himself a fish finder for his kayak and I bought diamond solitaire earrings. We're going on a cruise in January (without the kids). It works for us.

 

[amyhughes]

I don't care about getting any gifts. I would be fine with no gifts. However, if the reason I didn't get a gift was because he found it too stressful to be bothered getting anything for me then I would be very hurt. It is not the gift. It is the thought. If he didn't think I was worth his time to do something nice for me then I really would be heartbroken. He wouldn't have to buy me a thing. A nice letter would go a long way. I don't know if you consider that a gift but I would. So yeah, I'd be fine without a gift if we decided that we were not exchanging but something thoughtful would be better.

Exactly.

 

[ReneeA]

Nope, I wouldn't care. I am not really a "gift giving-getting" kinda gal.

Ever read the "Love Languages" book? I am an Acts of Service lover. Do the dishes, mop the floor, shovel the snow? I'll love ya forever...

Gifts? meh...

 

[Camicar]

You know what, it doesn't matter what I or anyone else think or feel. What matters is what you feel, what makes you feel loved and appreciated. What matters if your SO is trying to speak your love language and respecting your needs.

If you have expressed what your love language is and what your needs are and your SO doesn't give a hoot, the problem is not the gifts, it's the disrespect and devaluation.

 

[kpm76]

I'm odd because I have a wonderful DH who is an excellent gift giver and sometimes I feel bad that I take that fun away by saying "no gifts." I feel very fortunate that I can buy what I need.....I would much rather take a trip as a family than waste money on diamond earrings etc. I have some lovely pieces of jewelry but I really don't need anything more right now. Since our money is joint, I feel like in a sense I am buying my own gift and spending hundreds of dollars on things I don't need is impractical. We do little things for each other and that means so much to me. Last Christmas, DD was 6 months old and DH bought a card "to my mommy" and inside traced her hands prints....I cried. That was the sweetest gift I received that year

 

[okeydokey]

I think the key word here is 'bothered". Yes I would be upset if my husband couldn't be bothered to even consider me at the holidays. I can't imagine that he would think it would be OK for everyone to have a full stocking except me on Christmas morning. It is truly not the gift but the fact that he went through some effort to do something nice for me. I for one would feel very unappreciated.

 

[JESW]

Dh & I are very different in the thoughts on gifts. We have been married 21 years and I always had the Christmas fantasy of the two of us buying gifts for one another and filling each others stockings with quirky, personal things - never happened. So yes, I have been disappointed but he is not going to change. He literally gets stressed out if he has to think of something to buy for someone. One Christmas I got a glass container of beans - you know, the ones they sell in kitchen-type stores that you might display on your counter. That year a good friend got a diamond tennis bracelet from her dh - I got a glass jar full of beans.

It sounds real petty and childish, but yes, my feelings do get hurt when my birthday or Christmas goes by and he doesn't get me anything. I would like to think that he would go out and spend some time thinking about me and something I would like. I don't need diamonds or jewels, but it would be nice to be thought of. Last year I got a lens for my camera that I wanted - and that is because I specifically asked for it. This year I didn't ask for anything and he didn't ask me what I wanted so I have no idea what will happen.

Jill

 

[Evil Genius]

What bothers me is that his children are asking him to take them out so that they can buy gifts for their mother and he is refusing.

What's the problem?

 

[brockash]

I'd be upset if he didn't want to be bothered to get me something, but personally I like picking out my own gifts I'm too much of a control freak.

 

[brockash]

What bothers me is that his children are asking him to take them out so that they can buy gifts for their mother and he is refusing.

What's the problem?

Ummm... yes that would definetly bother me. If our kids are asking him to take them out so they can get me something, there's no reason he shouldn't do that. At least his kids are thoughtful

 

[MELSMICE]

I don't think it would bother me that I didn't get a gift, but the fact that your DH can't be bothered or is too "stressed" about getting you something would bother me.

It would especially bother me that my children were asking DH to take them shopping & he couldn't be bothered to do it.

It's not the gift - it's the thought. I would be very hurt if my DH couldn't put forth a little effort for me.

 

[Pumbaa_]

My DH is many things, a shopper he is not he is really bad at it

he also works many many hours btw thanksgiving and christmas

we no longer buy each other gifts, if you want it, we get it. no biggie (we also go to disney in Jan we call that our Christmas present)

my DH makes up for his lack of a shopping gene in so many ways. After the first snow, my snowbrush made it into my car. He is home first and makes dinner every night. He does the dishes too. And supports me in every way possible. So no shopping gene? eh, in the big scheme of life, a non-issue

 

[Mellie2162]

Ummm... yes that would definetly bother me. If our kids are asking him to take them out so they can get me something, there's no reason he shouldn't do that. At least his kids are thoughtful

Well DD doesnt seem bothered so much as DS does. He was going to ask his dad to take him out tomorrow, but I told him not to because I know how dh is and especially on Christmas eve. I think he's just more upset that dh didn't automatically get me something already or already offer to take him out. Im sure if he asked him he would probably take him out before work tomorrow but I dont really want him to have to take him out, kwim? Im more upset at the thought of him having to be told to do it rather than him just automatically doing it. Does that make sense?

I just wanted to add that my dh is a very good guy and he does do a lot for me all through the year and treats me good. He's just not good at taking the initiative at gift giving.

 

[PatriciaH]

I really love giving gifts to others. I am good at it and love the wrapping, watching them open it, etc. I make it a point to know what my friends and family like and to listen to them. I will also admit I love presents. It does not matter how much something costs but the thought that went into it. Are you listening to me? Do you know me well? DH is very good at remembering things even I forget He truly truly listens and that is the most important thing. If we had a ton of money I would love nice jewelry, a car with a bow, a horse, a puppy, to be flown to Paris-lol but for now just putting thought into his gifts is what matters! I just don't get a husband not knowing what a wife would want!!!

 

[Robindianne]

Well, yeah. Is it your first xmas together? If so, can you talk about what matters to you and what matters to him before xmas morn? Re: kids, I'm thinking you'd need to ask him to do that as many non-parents, new step parents, surrogatish parents don't think of doing this but would prob be ok doing it if someone asked them to.

Your significant other didnt buy you a Christmas gift AND if they were distressed at the thoughts of having to be bothered to buy you one? Would you be upset if your SO did not bother to take your kids out to let them get you a gift? Do you care about gifts at all?

 

[Pakey]

My husband is a very kind, loving, generous man. We have been married for a few decades and our children are now grown. He does not buy me gifts nor did he ever take the kids shopping to buy me one. He hates shopping. I do not see it as a terrible thing. His actions throughout the years have shown me the character of the man.

 

[Robindianne]

You know what, it doesn't matter what I or anyone else think or feel. What matters is what you feel, what makes you feel loved and appreciated. What matters if your SO is trying to speak your love language and respecting your needs.

If you have expressed what your love language is and what your needs are and your SO doesn't give a hoot, the problem is not the gifts, it's the disrespect and devaluation.

Exactly!

 

[powellrj]

We have been married a long time and DH just isn't a shopper. This year I just ordered some things I liked and had them shipped to DH. I ordered them before Thanksgiving and to be honest I have forgotten what I ordered so it will be a surprise.

DH wanted to stop exchanging gifts last year, but because we have stopped exchanging with other family members, I wanted SOMETHING to open on christmas morning because after I had bought for everyone, I wanted at least one thing to open!

 

[ZephyrHawk]

Yes, it would bother me. Giving a gift is not about the value of the gift, but the fact that you took the time to think about your loved ones. Not only do you have to think about what they would like, what would fit them, etc., but you have to take the time to shop for the item and (hopefully) wrap it nicely. This is the time of year when we try to show our loved ones that we do think about them...that it's more important for us to do something nice for them than it is for us to catch our favorite TV show or spend time with our buddies or what have you. If I didn't get something (I don't care if it's a homemade card, just something) from my DH I would be rather put out.

And as for him being an excellent provider and emotional support to me throughout the year, duh...that's his job. If he didn't do that he wouldn't be my husband. I celebrate that aspect of his personality on our anniversary...and I expect a gift then, too.