Would you baptize your child to make the grandparents happy?

[KDIPIAZZ]

I'm sure I'm opening a big can of worms by even asking this, but would you baptize your child to make the grandparents happy? My dad just asked me if we're going to baptize DD (who is a toddler). I was caught a little off guard, and I told him that I hadn't thought about it. Honestly, it's not something that ever crossed my mind. We're completely non-religious, although I woudn't say that I'm an athiest (DH is another story on that I think).

We were both raised Catholic and we both stopped practicing as soon as we went to college. I think it would please my dad to see my DD baptized Catholic. Part of me thinks "what's the harm?," but another part of me thinks that I'd be a total hypocrite if I baptized her knowing full well that #1) this isn't something we even believe in and #2) that we have no intention of raising her in a religion.

My parents are loving grandparents, and they are very good to my DD. I personally don't see the harm in baptizing her if it makes my dad feel better. My DH could care less either way, so if I want to do this I doubt he'd even say anything about it. The things that worry me are the hypocrite factor and also the inevitable "are you going to enroll DD in CCD and have her make the sacriments" question in the future (from my dad). I guess I would cross that bridge when I came to it, though. OK, enough rambling. I should throw in a on my own thread I'm sure

I could have written this, except that DH was lapsed Catholic, not atheist and I'm lapsed Baptist, now agnostic .... and we have to make the decision concerning a DS

Minor changes aside, we baptized Ds in a Catholic ceremony so that DH's mom would shut up about DS dying and being stuck in Purgatory or whatever she was spouting - and YES, I KNOW this is incorrect and if she went to church for more than the occassional wedding or Easter ceremony, she'd know that too. No need to try to set me straight and setting her straight is impossible. She'll bring up CCD, confirmation and communion every now and then at the appropriate age milestones .... or when the other grandchildren hit those milestones .... and we ignore it. DS can make up his own mind, should he care to.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Cindylouwho, I have never seen a baptism like that EVER...the priest never holds the baby. So I don't know what the heck the priest you saw was doing with your child...very weird!

To the OP...we did baptize our dd's when they were 3 & 8. DH and I got married in the church and then the girls were baptized.
I tried to get back into my faith and I did do it for awhile. My oldest got confirmed and my youngest received 1st Communion.
We moved here to Texas and then that was it.

I suppose the bottom line is that if you are not going to be following the Catholic faith, it is pretty pointless.

 

[bookgirl]

Doesn't the child have to be the one to initiate the baptisim (since that is the individuals show of faith to devote thier life to a christian philosophy) or are you talking about christening?

I was "dedicated" ( like a christening) to the church not by my parents but by my godparents as I was raised in their faith not my parents (long story but basically they took the godparents duty as religious guidence seriously and my parents did not belong to a local church so they left my religious instruction to them). I myself left that church as a teen ager so was not baptized in that faith because I did not choose to belong to this denomination. (Nazarene)

If the parents are not religious that is thier choice, if the children are going to recieve religious instruction from thier grandparents then I might consider a christening but not to make them happy and not just for show.

 

[hpygrll]

My boys were 3 and 4 when they were baptized (Lutheran) - we weren't regular church goers (at all) and I didn't want to baptize them just to baptize them. Baptizing is promising to raise the children in the church and I wasn't going to do it until I was going to keep the promise.

Once I found a church I like, I joined and I had the boys baptized. I feel it's my responsibility to take them now.

And I do think parents have influence - I hadn't really thought a lot about it until my mom asked me if the boys knew some bible stories and I said no. She asked why I hadn't told them any and I told her I wasn't sure what I believed - she was quite shocked by that. So i've done a lot of soul searching and am very happy with where I am now.

Jenny

 

[RoyalCanadian]

Doesn't the child have to be the one to initiate the baptisim (since that is the individuals show of faith to devote thier life to a christian philosophy) or are you talking about christening?

The OP is indeed speaking of baptism. In the mainline liturgical Christian traditions such as Lutheran, Roman Catholic and Anglican/Episcopal it is the tradition that people are baptized as infants. At least in the Lutheran faith this is considered symbolic that the actions of bringing one into the Christian faith are God's actions and not human actions.

It is often called "christening" by many people -- however I sum it up this way, "we christen ships and baptize babies." Christening is more connected with a naming ceremony than the ceremonial washing away of sins and being joined to the faith through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. (That said -- we baptize infants, children, adolescents, and adults in the Lutheran Church, but only one baptism ever. No rebaptizing, ever.)

As for the logistics of baptism -- some posters here have witnessed different manners of baptism. The current liturgical tradition is returning to the practise of full immersion of the baptismal candidate. It is now considered the "default" option in the new Evangelical Lutheran Worship hymnal -- the commonly used sprinkling of water over the candidate's head is considered a secondary option. I hold infants when I am baptizing them, much in the same way that a wide receiver would tuck a football underneath their arm. With my left hand firmly supporting the child's head I pour water over their forehead with a shell and then anoint them with oil (regular olive oil scented with either cinnamon or bergamot essential oils.) The children seem to find it a secure and comforting hold. In nearly 13 years of ministry the number of children who have cried while I am performing a baptism have been few and far between.

After the actual baptismal liturgy I will carry the child around the congregation during the sharing of the peace. We believe that we in baptism we are made members of the congregation, and this is a way for the congregation to meet the newest member. It is an immensely popular tradition in the congregation I serve as pastor, and one family has even noted that it was the reason they joined this congregation. To them it showed just how important children were to the congregation.

 

[Pigeon]

Absolutely, unequivocably not. My children were not baptized in the catholic church, which irritated my parents to no end. Dh and I are not catholic and have no intention of ever voluntarily setting foot in a catholic church for any reason other than a family event. I think my mother actually tried to baptize my older dd in the kitchen sink.

 

[lulugirl]

Absolutely not.
Neither of my children have been baptized. If any of the grandparents are ever intrusive enough to question it they will be told to mind their business.

 

[Papa Deuce]

To do "that" just to make someone else happy? Not a chance. I would need to believe in it to do "that". ( I do believe )

 

[delilah]

Never.

As others have said, I doubt you'd be able to anyway unless you lied. And does the Catholic Church now have Baptism classes for parents? I know they have them for almost any other sacrament.

Does your Dad know you'd have to lie? And he still wants you to do it?

If you really want to get him off your back, maybe you should contact a Priest and try to set things in motion but tell him the truth upfront. I'm sure he'll refuse to be involved and then how can your father object

Yes, the Catholic church has baptism classes for parents, and, has had for years (nearly as long as I can remember). Actually, I remember that when my sister, who is 9 years younger than I, was baptized, my parents and her godparents showed up at the church at 1 pm, which was the time infants were baptized on Sunday. No prearrangements, no appointment necessary. I remember that the little girl across the street was baptized at the same time. But, ever since I was an adult, old enough to have children, all baptisms were done at prearranged times. Parents would attend the classes, which would be for a particular baptism time. We adopted our son, and didn't want to attend the classes too early, since we didn't know exactly when he was arriving. He was baptized about a month after he arrived, at about 8 mos of age. (He is adopted from Korea, and it seemed to take forever to arrange his immigration and naturalization papers).

 

[MAKmom]

Absolutely, unequivocably not. My children were not baptized in the catholic church, which irritated my parents to no end. Dh and I are not catholic and have no intention of ever voluntarily setting foot in a catholic church for any reason other than a family event. I think my mother actually tried to baptize my older dd in the kitchen sink.

Once your baptized Catholic you are always a Catholic...your just not practicing.

 

[DISUNC]

This thread reminds me of the episode of All in the Family when Archie 'kidnaps" baby Joey and runs down to the church to get him Baptised!

 

[DISUNC]

Once your baptized Catholic you are always a Catholic...your just not practicing.

YUP! I heard that thousands of times during my 12 years of Parochial school!!

Also, ANY Baptisted Catholic CAN Baptise ANYONE with the just regular water.
I remember learning in grade school that if we see that someone is dying, and we know that person is NOT Catholic, it is out job to Baptise that person.

So maybe some of your kids are secretly Catholic!

 

[Wishing on a star]

My quick answer,

NO!

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

it's YOUR child, not your fathers. i believe strongly in only doing things because YOU want to do them, and not someone else. don't give into it.

and just tell your father that if they want to be baptized when they're older, that's fine. but you're not going to do it now for his sake.

 

[Aidensmom]

No, I wouldn't. And I wouldn't ask someone to do it if it was not their belief.

 

[GeorgeG]

If you do not believe in it you should not do it, period. People just need to let things like this go and not push their beliefs on others.

 

[tigercat]

None of my kids are baptised and neither am I. My parents and I all believe that if a child grows up and decides to join a religion than they can become members then. After all at that point they can make an informed decision. My dh was quite happy to go along with that. My dmil was not very happy about it but didn't really make much of a fuss. Since I am now a Baha'i I am glad. As a Baha'i we don't believe in the act of baptism. I know that if one of my family was dieing I would be really upset if someone decided that they were going to perform a baptism on them. That is not their right. That is only their religion and they should respect the ways of the other people.
tigercat

 

[marybet]

My sister had twins that only lived for a few hours, the dr. that delivered them baptized them. They were all Catholic, and it was a Catholic hospital.

When my children were born, I was still a believer. It has taken me years to come to the realization that I am an atheist, but I was agnostic for a long time. I stopped taking my children to church when I realized I was only doing it because I was suppose to. They were both baptized Lutheren, and I think when the time came for confirmation classes I gave them a choice and neither wanted to go. My MIL asked about it but by that time my mother knew better.

I really gave my mother a hard time when I was in high school, because I had doubts even then, and refused to believe something just because she did. So I gave my children the freedom to believe what they wanted. I may be an atheist, but I have no way to prove that I am right.

Only you know how much it means to your father to have your child baptized. As others have said, you will probably be able to do it without making false promises. I was raised Catholic and I know how they feel about baptizing, so I am sure it would give your parents some piece of mind. Just tell them how you feel about being involved in the church and that you are doing this for them.

No issue is all black and white, there are a lot of gray areas. And there is always the small possiblity that they are right.

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

Nope.
DH's parents aren't pushing it, since they know we are not religious. My mother is, however. Before DS was born, she bought him a baptismal outfit which he never wore. Now she keeps asking us WHEN we're getting him baptised, even though we've told her that we don't go to church. We've also told her that we think baptism is a big decision and that DS should be allowed to make it for himself when he's old enough.

TOV

 

[Minnie824]

I didn't read all the posts, just responding to the original one...no I would not baptize my child for my parents or my inlaws. Its your child to raise how you want to...they had their chance with their own children. DH & I are raising our kids with 2 religions, but don't really 'practice' much. We did have our kids baptized. I am not, however (I'm catholic) sending my kids to CCD or any other religion class, which I'm sure I will hear about over and over again from my parents once they realize this.