Would you baptize your child to make the grandparents happy?

[Zippa D Doodah]

OP, I haven't read the whole thread, so pardon me if this has been covered...

When you sponsor a child for baptism you make certain promises to God, he the child, and to the congregation that you are going to raise that child in the Christian faith. While I am Protestant, I am fairly sure the theology is similar with Roman Catholics. If you have no intention of doing that, please do not present your child for baptism! If for no other reason, so you won't have to be found as lying to your child.

 

[missj1975]

Same here, and this is also what we would do for DD. I wasn't planning on walking into a random Catholic church and having DD baptized. I should have elaborated. I would wait until we were visiting my parents and have a close family friend (who is also the priest who baptized me) baptize her. He did it on our house, and there is no reason that he couldn't do DD's Christening in my parents' house as far as I can tell.

I think you should do whatever you feel is right. It seems that you feel like it is a "lie" to get your daughter baptized since you aren't planning on following through with attending church. You should explain that to your parents. Hopefully they would understand your point of view and respect your wishes. Your daughter can always get baptized when she is older.

 

[goofygirl]

We did private baptisms too. My first two were done by the priest that married us, in a quaint little church by the sea. We did it on a Sunday morning after the regular services were over. We gave a generous donation to the church each time to thank them for their time (the sexton especially, as he had to lay out the hymn and prayer books etc.) - the church didn't actually charge a fee. The priest is a friend of Dad's, so I thanked him with a personal gift basket, as he didn't charge us for his time. My third child was baptized in a private ceremony at a different church with 2 other kids - it was Christmas of 2003, and 2 of my close friends were home for the holidays with their babies, and they wanted to have them Christened here where the rest of their family were. So we organized a joint private ceremony.

Are you Episcopalian? (The use of the word "sexton" is a dead giveaway, lol!) My church is having a U2charist, have you heard about those?

Anyhoo, that's off topic!

From a churchgoer's perspective, it kind of annoys people in the church when someone pulls the ol' "baptize and run", meaning they only come to the church the one time to baptize their kid, and then they are never heard from again. You may want to consider a private service to avoid annoying a bunch of people, if you don't plan to attend the church regularly.

 

[rockbottomsound]

No but I don't believe in baptising children anyway. I think that is a personal choice that they themselves have to make when they are old enough to know what they're doing. I don't think you can "save" someone by baptizing them as a naive toddler who is innocent at that point anyway.

I've also yet to find any Biblical passage that says "baptise the unwilling" A newborn or toddler that has no comprehension what baptism is about would be classified as the unwilling in my book.

 

[Anewman]

Anyhoo, that's off topic!

From a churchgoer's perspective, it kind of annoys people in the church when someone pulls the ol' "baptize and run", meaning they only come to the church the one time to baptize their kid, and then they are never heard from again. You may want to consider a private service to avoid annoying a bunch of people, if you don't plan to attend the church regularly.

I am a "churchgoer", and I cant understand why it would annoy any of the regulars.

Sure Today being Ash Wednesday we will get 20x the numbers that we do on any Sunday throughout the year, but it does not annoy me.

During first communions and baptisms you obviously get persons in attendance that are not regulars, but I assume that they are there for family which IMO is a good thing.

 

[MAKHayes-DisneyDiva]

Are you Episcopalian? (The use of the word "sexton" is a dead giveaway, lol!) My church is having a U2charist, have you heard about those?

Anyhoo, that's off topic!

From a churchgoer's perspective, it kind of annoys people in the church when someone pulls the ol' "baptize and run", meaning they only come to the church the one time to baptize their kid, and then they are never heard from again. You may want to consider a private service to avoid annoying a bunch of people, if you don't plan to attend the church regularly.

By replying to your off topic remark I take this even further off topic, but I just Googled U2charist and OMG, that is so cool! I have loved U2 since the 80's, and would really like to find a U2charist!

 

[U2_rocks!]

By replying to your off topic remark I take this even further off topic, but I just Googled U2charist and OMG, that is so cool! I have loved U2 since the 80's, and would really like to find a U2charist!

You inspired me to look it up too - I'd never heard of it before!

If I attended one of those I might just be inspired to become spiritual!

 

[Cantw8]

I sure did.....I am not religious at all, not opposed to it just not in to it. My father and my grandmother would have been horribly offended had my children not been baptized. Out of respect for them, I did it No big deal, I see no harm in covering all the bases

 

[MrsPete]

From a churchgoer's perspective, it kind of annoys people in the church when someone pulls the ol' "baptize and run", meaning they only come to the church the one time to baptize their kid, and then they are never heard from again

I wouldn't say I find it "annoying", but I do find it sad that people want to "hit the high points" or ceremonies associated with faith, but they then skip the really important parts. It's like the brides who want to get married in a beautiful church, even though they haven't set foot inside a church in years. Either it means something to you, or it doesn't -- but it is a lie to go through the process of baptising if you don't intend to keep the promises that you make (to raise the child in the faith, to bring him regularly to worship, to teach him the bible, etc. -- in our church, parents specifically promise those things).

As a Baptist, we don't baptise infants; instead, we have a dedication ceremony for infants/children in which the parents promise to rear the children in a Christian household. Then when the child is old enough to make the decision to accept Christ, he is baptised -- that could happen at eight, 15, 20, or even 80 years old. I don't see a great deal of difference between "dedicating" a child and baptising a child -- it's all a symbolic and public way of promising that you're going to raise the child in a Christian household.

 

[FayeW]

I am Presbyterian, my husband is (lapsed) Catholic. I believe in my religion, and while I don't attend services regularily, I do go on occasion. I have found a beautiful church that feels like the church I grew up attending (Sunday school and all) and provides me with comfort. My husband does not follow his religion, and I personally find the Catholic church to be horribly hypocritical. Our children were baptized Presbyterian because while I have a fairly good general knowledge of Catholicism, I do not believe in the Doctrine and my husband, for personal reasons, has turned against it completely. He was determined his children would NOT be Catholic. By the way, we were married in the Presbyterian church as well for the same reasons.

My inlaws did not acknowledge in any way that the baptisms had taken place. Not a card or well wishes of any sort. Quite sad, really, because regardless of your faith it is still an important day. Both of my sisters married men who were Catholic, and they both converted to Catholicism, several years after their marriages when their oldest children were confirmed. My parents attended the baptisms and confirmations of all of their Catholic grandchildren. I am actually Godmother to my nephew. That was a really dumb choice on my sisters part, but it was her wish and I agreed.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

From a churchgoer's perspective, it kind of annoys people in the church when someone pulls the ol' "baptize and run", meaning they only come to the church the one time to baptize their kid, and then they are never heard from again. You may want to consider a private service to avoid annoying a bunch of people, if you don't plan to attend the church regularly.

I have to laugh because this is my DH's sister to a T. She has never been in a church since she was baptized but her and her DH had the big church wedding ceremony. This was 5 years ago.

Last April, she has twins. She had them baptized in the same church. She has never been in church since the day she got married. I don't understand it, kind of hypocritical. Whats the purpose?

I am in no way a "holy roller". I don't go to church every Sunday but I follow the faith, and try to go at least once a month. DH and I were married in the church, kids were baptized and DS is making his First Holy Communion this year. DS goes to a Catholic school.

If I didn't believe in the faith, I can't see the point in doing something to make someone else happy. DH could care less, we were married and our kids follow the faith because I want them to.

I just don't see the point in doing anything if you aren't going to follow through.

 

[emma'smom]

We didn't do it with our children, but we have friends who did just to shut their parents up. Other friends have had the weddings they didn't want to have to please their folks. Apparently my mother-in-law was so distressed about our choice not to baptise that she got her hands on some "holy" water and sprinkled the kids when she was holding them. We only heard about this after she died. I should probably be mad, but I actually think it was done out of love. She wasn't exactly qualified for the job, but she probably figured it was better than nothing.

We must be related..rumor has it my DGF did this to me....and I was baptized (Presbyterian....not good enough...it had to be Catholic!)

 

[PaulaSB12]

Actually, anyone can baptize a child, technically. My late DMIL was a maternity nurse and she baptized every baby that came out while she was there.

The basic idea behind Baptism is that it erases the "stain" of Original Sin & if a baby wasn't baptized and they died, they'd be in Limbo for eternity. That's why anyone can baptize, if you felt that the baby was in danger of dying unbaptized and therefore sentenced to spending eternity in Limbo. My DMIL used to justify it by saying that any newborn could die of SIDs or any number of unexpected things.

Don't yap at me...I didn't make the rules!

To the OP, I probably would baptize to make my parents feel better. They've been such good parents that if a small thing like this would make them happy, I'd do it. Especially if DH didn't have any major objections.

Sorry but what gave your DMIL the right to overrule the religion of the parents?

 

[LoveBWVVBR]

I sure did.....I am not religious at all, not opposed to it just not in to it. My father and my grandmother would have been horribly offended had my children not been baptized. Out of respect for them, I did it No big deal, I see no harm in covering all the bases

I think in the long run I'll end up having my DD baptized, though, because I also see no harm in covering all of the bases It will make my dad happy, and frankly that matters more to me than my feeling like a hypocrite. I sucked it up and made confirmation myself for that reason, so this really isn't that different.

 

[goofy4tink]

The OP is indeed speaking of baptism. In the mainline liturgical Christian traditions such as Lutheran, Roman Catholic and Anglican/Episcopal it is the tradition that people are baptized as infants. At least in the Lutheran faith this is considered symbolic that the actions of bringing one into the Christian faith are God's actions and not human actions.

It is often called "christening" by many people -- however I sum it up this way, "we christen ships and baptize babies." Christening is more connected with a naming ceremony than the ceremonial washing away of sins and being joined to the faith through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. (That said -- we baptize infants, children, adolescents, and adults in the Lutheran Church, but only one baptism ever. No rebaptizing, ever.)

As for the logistics of baptism -- some posters here have witnessed different manners of baptism. The current liturgical tradition is returning to the practise of full immersion of the baptismal candidate. It is now considered the "default" option in the new Evangelical Lutheran Worship hymnal -- the commonly used sprinkling of water over the candidate's head is considered a secondary option. I hold infants when I am baptizing them, much in the same way that a wide receiver would tuck a football underneath their arm. With my left hand firmly supporting the child's head I pour water over their forehead with a shell and then anoint them with oil (regular olive oil scented with either cinnamon or bergamot essential oils.) The children seem to find it a secure and comforting hold. In nearly 13 years of ministry the number of children who have cried while I am performing a baptism have been few and far between.

After the actual baptismal liturgy I will carry the child around the congregation during the sharing of the peace. We believe that we in baptism we are made members of the congregation, and this is a way for the congregation to meet the newest member. It is an immensely popular tradition in the congregation I serve as pastor, and one family has even noted that it was the reason they joined this congregation. To them it showed just how important children were to the congregation.

Cradle Episcopalian here, and that's exactly what we do! Back in the 'old days' the baptismal font was in the back of the church, just as you entered through the doors. When a child was baptized, they were joining the church, so to speak. Now, the font is in the front of the church.
We used to baptize in private ceremonies but not so much anymore. When done during the regular service, our priest carries the newly baptized baby down the aisle to be welcomed into the church by it's parishoners. Everyone applauds, the baby cries, the mother gets embarrassed but, it's a rite of passage.
But, now I'm off to check out this whole U2charist.....sounds interesting.

 

[Yardbird]

Not a chance. However when I was younger, I probably would have gone along with it just to keep the peace. I don't agree just to keep the peace anymore.

 

[cinmell]

You inspired me to look it up too - I'd never heard of it before!

If I attended one of those I might just be inspired to become spiritual!

Me too!

 

[Laura]

I have to laugh because this is my DH's sister to a T. She has never been in a church since she was baptized but her and her DH had the big church wedding ceremony. This was 5 years ago.

Last April, she has twins. She had them baptized in the same church. She has never been in church since the day she got married. I don't understand it, kind of hypocritical. Whats the purpose?

I am in no way a "holy roller". I don't go to church every Sunday but I follow the faith, and try to go at least once a month. DH and I were married in the church, kids were baptized and DS is making his First Holy Communion this year. DS goes to a Catholic school.

If I didn't believe in the faith, I can't see the point in doing something to make someone else happy. DH could care less, we were married and our kids follow the faith because I want them to.

I just don't see the point in doing anything if you aren't going to follow through.

That stuff annoys me too. I didn't get married in a church because I don't have a religion. The only thing I can think of is that the family of the couple getting married wanted them to do it, and were paying for the wedding, etc. But a baptism is different; grandma and grandpa aren't paying for anything, and they're not raising the child.

 

[tmarquez]

I would do it. My DH & I are probably close in beliefs to what you described for you and your DH.

I don't think it makes you a hypocrite. A baptism doesn't mean the same thing to you as it does to a devout Catholic. To me...in this situation...it would be meant as a gift to the grandparents and nothing more.

If they are anything like my grandparents where it would mean the world to them.

 

[stinkerbelle's mom]

Without reading the whole board I just wanted to add.

My dh and I found ourselves in a similar situation. We are both Roman Catholic, but were non practicing at the time. We decided to baptize our children to let them have a religious background. We figured they could make up their own mind when they were older. My mother would take them to church with her. As they have gotten older dh and I have become more involved with their religious training. Just something to think about.

Also it was originally thought that baptism erases original sin & babies should be baptized in case of their untimely demise, but the church no longer has that thinking about it.