Would you allow your high school aged DD/DS to do this?

[NY Disney fan]

I don't see an option for "hell no" on this poll.

 

[luvmy3]

Nope. Not happening in this house. I understand that teens have sex, but I am not going to encourage the behavior. Birth control fails all the time and just because she is on BC doesn't mean she won't get pregnant. I also don't believe that kids are mature enough to deal with the emotional reprocussions of a sexual relationship.

Do you think that girls who are sexually active shouldn't be using BC at all because it could fail?

 

[NY Disney fan]

n/a

 

[MoniqueU]

What a horribly sad view of men to pass on to your daughter--worse if you have sons and are raising them to think so poorly of themselves. I am sorry to be so rude but I just think that is an appalling view to have and to pass on to your children.

e s
I guess it came off as worse then I meant? My DD has had several long term friendships with boys end in just that matter. I can think of 3 in the last year and I feel HORRIBLE for the boys it has happened to and so that is why I told her that. Yes I do have a son and if anything I teach him to be extra respectful of ALL girls whether he is dating them or not. I don't think given theg i situations my DD keeps getting into that it is all that appaling. Since I have a son that has been turned down a few times I actually have been torn up over the guys my DD turns down and have discussed with her over and over to do it in the nicest way possible. When my DD was talking about the river trip even my son admitted to her and I that even if he is just "friends" somewhere in the back of his mind he is still on some level wondering if it will develop into something. Sorry to offend you but this is my experience with my kids.

 

[JessicaR]

How many of these posting no where having sex when they where teenagers?

Just to clarify - Are you asking how many were or were not having sex when they were 17?

 

[m3retired]

Nope-I sure wouldn't allow it, whether it was my son or daughter. As long as they are still in high school, regardless of age, they had to abide by "school kid" rules.

 

[babyrich]

I dont have any children but I was a teenager once and I would not let my underage children go away unsupervised. So what if she is on birth control, it is not 100% effective. Is that the only concern? I know teens have sex; but why give them the green light to go ahead. I had an open relationship with my mom; but there were still some details that I chose not to share and I think she was ok with that.

I had a friend in high school, her mom always let her BF spend the night in her bedroom. She got pregnant and her mother said, I thought you would have spoken to me before you chose to have sex. So here was a mom who was truly oblivious to what her daughter was doing and my friend thought her mom knew she was having sex and didnt mind. She said, what did she think we would do in my bedroom alone?

 

[NY Disney fan]

The point I made earlier, which perhaps you missed, was that going from being chaperoned 100% of the time, to going unsupervised for weeks or months, is asking for trouble. People mature gradually. Ideally, maturity is gained by practicing responsible behaviors for a short period of time, then for a longer period of time, then a longer period of time.

....and it takes just one time to get pregnant or get a disease. When you take a risk it has to be an intelligent risk. Not a careless one.

 

[luvmy3]

I dont have any children but I was a teenager once and I would not let my underage children go away unsupervised. So what if she is on birth control, it is not 100% effective. Is that the only concern? I know teens have sex; but why give them the green light to go ahead. I had an open relationship with my mom; but there were still some details that I chose not to share and I think she was ok with that.

I had a friend in high school, her mom always let her BF spend the night in her bedroom. She got pregnant and her mother said, I thought you would have spoken to me before you chose to have sex. So here was a mom who was truly oblivious to what her daughter was doing and my friend thought her mom knew she was having sex and didnt mind. She said, what did she think we would do in my bedroom alone?

I bet BC would have been 99.8% effective in that case

 

[JaneBanks]

I voted maybe because it depends on the teens in question.

What I don't understand is the mentality of letting them go means you're giving them the "green light" to have sex.

If your teen is having sex, they're having sex. They don't need the "green light". They're going to do it no matter what! I guess you can say if you let your kid go on a date, you're giving them the "green light".

IMO, the "green light" is non existent.

 

[Acklander]

I voted maybe because it would depend on the kid and also who he/she was going away with and how responsible I thought they were.
But if you're talking a couple, who had been dating a while, and the girl was on birth control, I'd assume the sex ship had sailed, so I'd take that portion out of the equation when making a decision - Instead I'd be asking myself, is this person ready to be independent for a couple of days, would they be able to handle an emergency, can they afford to take a few days off together (by this age I had long ceased financing entertainment) and stuff like that.
When my older son was that age the question never came up, but I wouldn't have had a problem with it. When he was 19 he did go away with his girlfriend who was 16 or 17, and her mom was fine with it. When he was 17 he went away with a group of about 6 friends to a concert (6 hr drive/concert/hotel for the night/drive back the next day) and I was fine with that. but it still comes down to it depends on the kid.

 

[NHdisneylover]

How many of these posting no where having sex when they where teenagers?

It wasn't on vacation with my boyfriend and his family nor was it at my house when I was left on my own for two weeks while my parents went on vacation. It was mostly in the after school hours at the guy's house or in car or whatnot. In places, and at times, that even most of my friends with much less permissive parents could have been.

e s
I guess it came off as worse then I meant? My DD has had several long term friendships with boys end in just that matter. I can think of 3 in the last year and I feel HORRIBLE for the boys it has happened to and so that is why I told her that. Yes I do have a son and if anything I teach him to be extra respectful of ALL girls whether he is dating them or not. I don't think given theg i situations my DD keeps getting into that it is all that appaling. Since I have a son that has been turned down a few times I actually have been torn up over the guys my DD turns down and have discussed with her over and over to do it in the nicest way possible. When my DD was talking about the river trip even my son admitted to her and I that even if he is just "friends" somewhere in the back of his mind he is still on some level wondering if it will develop into something. Sorry to offend you but this is my experience with my kids.

Thanks for explaining better. I still think you are wrong and that guys and girls can truly be just friends (that has been my experience) but I appreciate the explanation.

 

[Mickey's Minion]

I didnt read all the threads so I dont know if someone suggested it I saw that someone said they're going to have sex anyway so it should not matter to this question. Maybe they would have sex anywya but saying its ok to go away with the boyfriend is like saying its ok to have go ahead and have sex in my opinon why make it easier?

Actually, with my kids it is saying:

You are just a few months shy of being a legal adult.

I trust enough in my parenting that we have instilled in you the right tools to make the right decision.

And most of all, I am proud of the outstanding young man or woman you have grown up to be and I trust YOU to make the right decision based on the values we have taught you for the past 17.9 years.

If they do choose to have sex, I trust them enough to make it safe sex, because they have also been equipped with those tools.

And funny thing, although they were raised in a very liberal, non-church going (although we do have religion in our house) where sex was openly discussed household; my kids ended up as college kids, in committed relationships, conservative Christians and waiting until they get married. (I think they were all switched at birth )

They had the freedom to make their own choices, with our guidance and I am so very proud of them for making the right ones for them.

 

[gina2000]

Just because they can have sex somewhere else doesn't mean you should light the candles, heat up the waterbed, and put on the Barry White 8-tracks for them.

You have SO captured how I am reacting to this subject. Providing birth control, gardasil, etc., etc. does not mean providing the opportunity. I know my son will most likely have sex before he goes to college. We may/will provide condoms, gardasil shots to prevent genital warts, and frank, open talks with him on a regular basis (which we already do but the focus of the subject matter may shift a bit), but that doesn't mean I'm going to hand him carte blanche approval by allowing him to go away with his girlfriend....at least not on my dime.

Once he gets to college, I fully expect him to live with a girl at some point. I lived with a boyfriend for a few years in college. We did, however, maintain the illusion of propriety by keeping separate residential addresses. I know this
generation would never do that but my generation was pioneering the sexual revolution....and some of us were a bit less open about our relationships than others. And my parents knew....but chose to ignore my private business.

And I guess that's how I see it....sex is a private business between two individuals. I don't want to get involved in the logistics of their relationship...and that includes giving permission for them to go away together.

 

[bicker]

....and it takes just one time to get pregnant or get a disease. When you take a risk it has to be an intelligent risk. Not a careless one.

That's not responsive to the comments it was in reply to, as are a lot of the comments folks are making. Earlier, another poster mentioned that the trust their parent showed them fostered their respect for the values that their parent had instilled in them. The other side of that coin is how very often teens have sex, at least in part, in direct response to it being so thoroughly forbidden. The risk, therefore, is actually not letting them go - not using that granting of permission to exact promises of good behavior, i.e., better behavior than you may be able to rely on them practicing in the back of his car, feeling spitful after being treated "like a child" even though they're 17-going-on-18. The risk from not maintaining an open, mutually-respectful dialog with them is something parents need to be concerned about.

It is not definitive, one way or the other, but played correctly, letting 17-almost-18 year old go away together might prompt them to behave responsibly, as compared to denying them and making them resentful and more rebellious. Perhaps its a wash.

And your comment is also not responsive to the comments it was in reply to because it doesn't address the point made that your approach seem to advocates sink-or-swim, basically putting these teens in a box, until you have no choice but to let them go, and so they are cast from the box you kept around them all the time to having practically no boundaries whatsoever. Very bad approach.

 

[Nik's Mom]

I would not allow my under 18 year old child go away for the weekend unsupervised. First of all, they wouldn't be able to rent a hotel, would they? I thought you had to be 18? Maybe I am wrong. Honestly, my decision would have nothing to do with sex. If they want to have sex, they will find a place to do it. I mean, it doesn't even take a minute at that age, right?

In my opinion, kids under 18 going away for the weekend sounds like trouble to me. Look how crazy some of those kids get at WDW for football/cheerleader events. And they are chaperoned.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Actually, with my kids it is saying:

You are just a few months shy of being a legal adult.

I trust enough in my parenting that we have instilled in you the right tools to make the right decision.

And most of all, I am proud of the outstanding young man or woman you have grown up to be and I trust YOU to make the right decision based on the values we have taught you for the past 17.9 years.

If they do choose to have sex, I trust them enough to make it safe sex, because they have also been equipped with those tools.

And funny thing, although they were raised in a very liberal, non-church going (although we do have religion in our house) where sex was openly discussed household; my kids ended up as college kids, in committed relationships, conservative Christians and waiting until they get married. (I think they were all switched at birth )

They had the freedom to make their own choices, with our guidance and I am so very proud of them for making the right ones for them.

That is very much how I view it too Sounds like your kids rebelled and went for different values than yours Alex P Keaton anyone?

 

[Mandychelle79]

Actually I think some 17 year olds are more immature today. My freedoms were much greater. I was more street wise than my child is. I don't deny him the same or similar freedoms he just chooses not to take them. He is a MUCH better teen that I ever was. I also truly believe that by my being home it has made a drastic difference. Just based on my perspective and comparing my sisters and I to my children, nieces and nephews.

Do you think the reason they seem immature today is because so many parents coddle them and do not let them grow up. By the time I was 16 my parents were letting me make my own decisions and deal with the consequences of my actions. Would they have let me go stay with a boyfriend somewhere at almost 18? Probably. But they were letting my guy friends ( platonic friends, more like my brother then anything) stay over from 15 on. They just slept on the couch. I could go to co-ed parties and stay when I started driving and was allowed to date.

 

[Mandychelle79]

Why??? His roommate is male not female. I also said that being in college is different then being in high school and I would not have an issue with a college kid going away for a weekend. Also, he is paying for most of his school so therefore he gets to be mostly an adult .

I lived in an all girl dorm. My roomates boyfriend moved in with us spring semester or we would go crash in his room.

 

[bicker]

Do you think the reason they seem immature today is because so many parents coddle them and do not let them grow up.

Or perhaps because that's the way parents always wish to view their children.