Would you allow your high school aged DD/DS to do this?

[ZephyrHawk]

I voted yes. They are already doing it, them being alone together on vacation is not going to make them any more likely to get pregnant than they already are.

 

[JessicaR]

When I was 17 most summer weekends were spent camping. A group of us including my boyfriend. It didn't occur to me and I guess my parents either that there was anything wrong with that.

I think 17 then and 17 now is at opposite ends of the spectrum. I have a 17 year old. When I compare us at the same age there is a drastic difference.

 

[ChrizJen]

I said maybe because it would depend on the level of maturity of both kids. I don't have any that age yet, but I'd like to think that I would be open minded about those things. Trust me, I know that there are 17 yr-olds whose parents can't trust them as far as they could throw them. If that was my kid, then no. I wouldn't let them go. But if she's like I was with my mom, then I'll know all of the kids she hangs out with, and I'll know that I can trust her to act responsibly.
I don't understand those who answered right away with an adamant "NO!". Do you just not trust your almost adult children enough to let them spend a weekend away? There are some 17 year olds in college already. And those who aren't will be soon. You have to let go and trust them at some point. And if there's no trust there now, I'd hate to see how things are going to be a year from now when they're off to college.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

I answered an adamant "NO" and I have a DD who is almost 17. There is no way on the planet I would let her and her boyfriend go away alone for the weekend. They are still KIDS and yes, I know that at 18 she is considered an "adult" but at 17 she isn't yet.

My job as a parent is to set guidelines and limits. She has the rest of her life to be an adult. And for the record I trust my teen - this isn't a matter of trust at all. It's a matter of what is appropriate for her age.

 

[hereyago]

At 17, I still lived with my parents. But, DF worked crazy shift and DM was going out a lot. So even before 16, I was on my own sort of speak. I didn't have a curfew. At 16, I was going on road trips. However, I didn't get pregnant, I was little more responsible then that. Unlike 2 of my friends whose parents thought they had such a "strong hold" on them.

DD is 12 now, very mature. By 17 honestly, parents should have instilled values, discussed birth control,etc. And 1 year away from adulthood, given them wings and some freedom.


It's funny: people say no, but I dont think all the people who said no were that innocent at 17 themselves and I am sure it is scary to think of kids growing up, but it is a little hypocritical.

 

[golfgal]

At 17, I still lived with my parents. But, DF worked crazy shift and DM was going out a lot. So even before 16, I was on my own sort of speak. I didn't have a curfew. At 16, I was going on road trips. However, I didn't get pregnant, I was little more responsible then that. Unlike 2 of my friends whose parents thought they had such a "strong hold" on them.

DD is 12 now, very mature. By 17 honestly, parents should have instilled values, discussed birth control,etc. And 1 year away from adulthood, given them wings and some freedom.


It's funny: people say no, but I dont think all the people who said no were that innocent at 17 themselves and I am sure it is scary to think of kids growing up, but it is a little hypocritical.

See and that is the other thing, I don't consider anyone an adult unless they are fully supporting themselves and that can be at 16 or 56 for that matter. Yes, I know in the eyes of the law they are legally but they sure are not emotionally until the do take full responsibility for everything in their life.

 

[Chelley00]

I think there's a pretty big difference between knowing/guessing your child is having sex and condoning it. Letting your child go away with a partner unchaparoned is obviously condoning his/her actions..

I know my answer is not going to be a popular one.

Am I so naive to think that all 4 of my kids will be virgins on their wedding nights? No. Do I hope so? Absolutely. Do we talk about waiting? All the time. Of course, we do also talk about birth control, that we hope they won't need until they're married.

Me letting them go away unsupervised is the same as me handing them the key to the bedroom and telling them I think it's okay to have sex, and for us, it's not okay for them to have sex until they're married.

 

[bicker]

Some of the discussion this morning begs the question: How many folks made it through your teen years assuring your parents you weren't actually sneaking unchaperoned private time with our BF/GF (even though you were)?

 

[golfgal]

Some of the discussion this morning begs the question: How many folks made it through your teen years assuring your parents you weren't actually sneaking unchaperoned private time with our BF/GF (even though you were)?

I was out of college before I had sex and have only had sex with one person, my DH.

 

[bicker]

See and that is the other thing, I don't consider anyone an adult unless they are fully supporting themselves and that can be at 16 or 56 for that matter. Yes, I know in the eyes of the law they are legally but they sure are not emotionally until the do take full responsibility for everything in their life.

If you're trying to apply that logic to the issue of this thread, though, it leads you to the inescapable conclusion that you cannot allow your child to go away to college (stay in the dorms).

And especially not dorms with the suite-type arrangement, iykwim.

 

[kamik86]

Me letting them go away unsupervised is the same as me handing them the key to the bedroom and telling them I think it's okay to have sex, and for us, it's not okay for them to have sex until they're married.

I don't agree that it would be. I had slept over at my boyfriends house sometimes in high school I also did a few times when I came home for my brithday in Sept of freshman year. I was still a virgin until Chirstmas break. Thus just because they go away or sleep over etc doesn't mean anything.

That being said my uncle that told me I should dump my now husband becasue he doesn't make 100K or have the potential to do so (my first job out of college landed me 61K in a low-mid cost of living, as I told him I don't need a guy to make my 100K for me I can do it myself) 2 months later we find out his beauty pagent, never had freedom, daughter is pregnant. She was still in HS.

 

[mjkacmom]

I would be shocked if my kids were virgins on their wedding nights. Sexual urges come with puberty - it's biological. Considering kids go through puberty in their early teens, I don't expect them to wait until marriage (because I would be devastated if my children got married in their early 20's). I do hope they wait until they are adults, though.

 

[bicker]

I think 17 then and 17 now is at opposite ends of the spectrum. I have a 17 year old. When I compare us at the same age there is a drastic difference.

It is likely that your parents said the same thing about 17 year olds, when you were 17.

Perhaps there has been some change: Due to how our society has changed, 17 year olds may be more mature now than thirty or forty years ago.

 

[golfgal]

If you're trying to apply that logic to the issue of this thread, though, it leads you to the inescapable conclusion that you cannot allow your child to go away to college (stay in the dorms).

And especially not dorms with the suite-type arrangement, iykwim.

Why??? His roommate is male not female. I also said that being in college is different then being in high school and I would not have an issue with a college kid going away for a weekend. Also, he is paying for most of his school so therefore he gets to be mostly an adult .

 

[Liberty Belle]

I voted maybe, leaning toward yes.

That's assuming I liked and trusted her boyfriend not to do foolish, unsafe things. I'm not talking about sex. That's already a given, it seems. Plus, she's almost 18. However, she and her boyfriend would have to be very mature for me to allow it.

 

[locolala]

I'd say yes, if my daughter asked. I went overseas to visit my exboyfriend when I was 17, just out of my junior year. If my daughter asks to get on birth control, I will help her get on it.. because I'd rather have a kid on birth control and safe than be a grandmother in my early 40s.

 

[luvmy3]

See and that is the other thing, I don't consider anyone an adult unless they are fully supporting themselves and that can be at 16 or 56 for that matter. Yes, I know in the eyes of the law they are legally but they sure are not emotionally until the do take full responsibility for everything in their life.

For me its about introducing more and more freedoms as the get older so that they are emotionally ready to become adults and become completely responsible for themsleves. We give our children the responsibility and freedom to drive cars when they are 16 (in some places 15), we give them the same to hold a job at that age, we let our 17/18 year olds move out and live without us to attend school, 18 year olds can sign up to give their lives for their country, etc. You are right at 18 they don't automatically become adults but as parents its our jobs to make sure they know how to become adults and for some of us that means letting them have more freedom and responsibilty the closer they become to adulthood. I see taking a few days away with a boyfriend or girlfriend (or platonic friends) as one of those freedoms. (Again this all depends on the individual kid, and I will raise my kids in a way that I hope allows me to give that to them).

 

[AristocatFan]

I know my answer is not going to be a popular one.

Am I so naive to think that all 4 of my kids will be virgins on their wedding nights? No. Do I hope so? Absolutely. Do we talk about waiting? All the time. Of course, we do also talk about birth control, that we hope they won't need until they're married.

Me letting them go away unsupervised is the same as me handing them the key to the bedroom and telling them I think it's okay to have sex, and for us, it's not okay for them to have sex until they're married.

I totally agree with you! DH and I waited until we were married and we dated for 4 years. (ages 17-21). And are trying to instill those same values into our children.

 

[JessicaR]

It is likely that your parents said the same thing about 17 year olds, when you were 17.

Perhaps there has been some change: Due to how our society has changed, 17 year olds may be more mature now than thirty or forty years ago.

Actually I think some 17 year olds are more immature today. My freedoms were much greater. I was more street wise than my child is. I don't deny him the same or similar freedoms he just chooses not to take them. He is a MUCH better teen that I ever was. I also truly believe that by my being home it has made a drastic difference. Just based on my perspective and comparing my sisters and I to my children, nieces and nephews.

 

[Sparx]

I moved out of my parents house at 17, several months before I turned 18.

I think it depends on the child, but honestly, they're going to have sex if they want to have sex. Its great the girl is on birth control and hopefully they use more than one method. I obviously feel like at least some seventeen year olds are able to make conscious, informed decisions about their own body.