Would This Bother You?

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Okay, I'm really starting to wonder about the OP's 'stories'. I just read a thread from June 2004 where she stated that her son was 7 and her daughter was 6. Also the post stating she has twins...? Now she says her children are 9 and 8 in a year's time?

Something weird is going on here... :confused3
 
and in September of 2004 she only had 2 kids and they were 7yo twins :confused3
 
I'm sitting here unable to sleep b/c I'm thinking about the million things I have to do with my kids this week. Two thoughts come to mind (actually three because after reading this whole thread I've come to realize I need to stop sweating the small stuff, be thankful I have a wonderful family with 3 wonderful children whom I love dearly and drive me crazy; and GO TO SLEEP!). But, before I do: it seems one of two things is going on here. Either the OP is not being truthful in her posts about the ages of her kids (I am going on the comments I just read here, I didn't go back to read her posts myself) or she made some mistakes or just wasn't careful in her posting. Either way she is clearly a mom and a woman in need of support, not criticism. I'm not saying I agree with her actions. I'm actually not even comfortable judging something as personal as parenting here on boards. I actually think her actions speak volumes about how much support she needs. I really hope the OP sits down with her husband and TALKS! Or, if DH isn't open to talking about it yet, call a close friend you trust because you all have to work this stuff out before it gets worse. My oldest is 7 and I can honestly say he would be destroyed if I walked out on his birthday celebration. The cause wouldn't matter to him - remember kids this age are really egocentric. I don't want to lecture you about how to talk to your daughter. I just hope you all talk it out because I think the worst thing that could happen would be to just sweep it away and not deal with it. Let your daughter know you love her, unconditionally, and you all need to figure out how to get along as a family, and RESPECT each other.
I wish you all the luck with your kids and hope everything goes ok with your cat. :)
 
Whether you have 2, 3, 4, or 8 kids is irrelavent to me. All I know is that if I ever did that to my daughter I would feel so horrible afterwards. I would be thinking about not only what I could do to make up walking out on her, but also how I could make next year's birthday special so she doesn't associate bad memories with her birthday.

Why didn't your husband help? How was he to know you were ready to burst into tears? You said you didn't mention the cat to anyone so how would they know that you've been thinking of the cat and getting depressed all day? My guess would be he didn't say anything about the mumbling since it's something your daughter can't help doing (and since she does it all the time and though it may annoy you, it is obviously common for her). Probably skipped over the water cause it didn't seem like the time to fight with your son. Figured if you really thought it would spill you'd move it. Really, why would he think he needs to handle it if he has no idea you're so stressed you're ready to leave the family at the table? He was the one babysitting all day so maybe he needed a break too. Sure, you were setting up cake and decorations, but I'm sure a day in the pool with 2 young kids was not any easier.

When I was 13 my mom got in a fight with my dad on Christmas Eve and announced she wanted a divorce. She was simply angry and stressed about many things and it all came to a head that night. She had no intentions of divorcing him and they stayed married until my father died of cancer 4 years later. But ya know what will always be in my mind? Spending Christmas Eve on the couch with my step-grandfather after crying and feeling so hurt that he took me to his house. I will never forget it and as much as I love her, will always hold some angry feelings against my mom for making me fear Christmastime. I promise myself everyday to not do that to my daughter, no matter how hard it may be.

That same step-grandfather had surgery for lung cancer last week. While visiting him over the weekend my daughter continued to be the poor sleeper she has been over the past 11 months and woke up everynight several times screaming inconsolably, wanting to nurse to sleep, not be put down, etc. Yes, it is exceptionally draining on me both physically and emotionally, and yes, I was thinking about my grandfather's recovery and prognosis. But did I take it out on my child? No. I know better than that. These are things she cannot control. The sleep thing has been going on since she was 4 months old, but I did not choose last weekend to suddenly go crazy. No, I don't get any help from my husband cause he's never home (medical student who works insane hours). So I can relate to the stress. I just know I will do all in my power not to lash out on my daughter.

Sure, accidents can happen, but that's when it's time to step up and be a parent and apologize and make the situation right. Tell her you were stressed after setting up the cake and decorations, worried about the dying cat home alone, sad you couldn't spend time in the pool with her (though I too think you should have sat near the pool for awhile), sad you couldn't spend her bday in Disney, and when she tried to communicate to you and you didn't understand her, it frustrates you that you're hard of hearing and that you understand she has speech problems. Tell her you got a bit too upset by her reaction, as a result of all the other stressors, and you're really sorry to take it out on her, esp. on her birthday, and you want to let her know you'll always be there for her and never walk out on her when she wants/needs you.

And think about it, you'd be pretty upset if she walked out on your birthday and didn't want to spend it with you, so how do you think she felt when you, her mom, her protector, did it?
 

Bonnie40 said:
Okay, I'm really starting to wonder about the OP's 'stories'. I just read a thread from June 2004 where she stated that her son was 7 and her daughter was 6. Also the post stating she has twins...? Now she says her children are 9 and 8 in a year's time?

Something weird is going on here... :confused3

I am so glad there are internet detectives out there!! One time on ivillage a poster got everyone riled up and her 'dh' posted she 'died'... NOT... thru lots of IP, etc the woman was alive and well watching the drama she created...

Thanks..

This reminds me of the song... Bless the Beast and the Children, for in this world they have no voice, they have no choice... God Bless the children indeed.
 
justhat said:
Probably skipped over the water cause it didn't seem like the time to fight with your son. Figured if you really thought it would spill you'd move it.

Her son was also diagnosed with ADHD, just last year, so that might have something to do with his fiddling with the water glass, and not listening.

I'm not too sure where to put this post since it doesn't concern Disney, but it seems the most appropriate place is the family board.

My 7 year old son has recently been diagnosed with ADHD. I'm reluctant to put him on medication at this point.

I think this OP needs to really listen as people tell her to search out some help. It sounds like she is dealing with a lot right now...problems with both kids and a very old and sick cat.
 
Geez,

Seems like many here are really interested in the particulars of my life, to the extent of going back over posts over a year old to find some discrepancy. I don't know what that would prove, however, I can't fathom why the rest of you "perfect moms" have the time to play detective. A typo! My ds is 8, not 9! For those of you who are trying to turn this into some sort of plot from a mystery novel, well, sorry....

Also, my dd is quite capable of normal speech. She just mumbles at times, partly due to her teeth (which, of course, according to one of you, I don't bother to take care of!) I have tried correcting her, using all the suggestions so thoughtfully provided here (oh, yes, they aren't original. I can think, too). Such as mumbling at her so she sees what its like, having her put her fingers in her ears to see what a hearing loss is like, etc. Just doesn't work. What I've finally taken to doing is to just ignore her if she doesn't speak clearly (btw, I'm not the only one who says she mumbles at times). I figure if what she's saying is important enough for a response, she will repeat herself without my prompting. If not, its not important enough for me to get my head sanpped off when I ask her to please repeat herself.

Many of you think my dd is entitled to act inappropriately because she's disappointed because we didn't make the Disney trip this year. Well, that's life. You don't get to live it in Disneyworld! I did try for something nice, but then I'm accused of "wanting a night in a nice hotel for myself." Well, excuse me! I guess it would have been ok if I didn't enjoy it? Actually, if I was just looking for something to please myself, why did I go home instead of back to the hotel? I could have enjoyed the suite for a few hours myself.

And why does everyone accuse me of caring more about a cat than my daughter? I just mentioned that he's dying from cancer, which, along with other things, affected my mood. I did the best I could under the circumstances to give dd a nice birthday and she ends up making me feel like garbage. Well, it really is about time she learns that other people, even moms, have feelings too. Oh, and I guess I was awful because I didn't get in the pool with them. Well, they had a great time without me there. Like I explained, I wasn't able to get in the pool due to a psoraisis flare up. If you had psoraisis, you'd understand. If you don't, you wouldn't, and I won't waste my time explaining it to you. Apparently, I'm just the wicked witch. Let's see, I spent over $600 (that included birthday presents), planned what I thought was a nice time (of course, it was just for selfish me, who spent about 15 minutes in the hotel room), and all I give a flip about is a cat! Never know I was so awful!

When I was a kid I got a cake, a few presents, and that was it (nor did I expect more!). I didn't get trips to Disney, etc. Well, perhaps I should just stop trying to please dd (Oh, that's right, I forgot, I did all that for me). Next year, its a cake, a few presents, and the cat will be long dead so I won't have to divide my loyalities. Guess I jusat don't belong to the "Mommy Perfect" club!
 
Oh, and yes, the children are "twins" However, they have different birthdays. Now, does that give you something to ponder? Have fun--maybe you can write your mystery novel yet!
 
vhoffman said:
Oh, and yes, the children are "twins" However, they have different birthdays. Now, does that give you something to ponder? Have fun--maybe you can write your mystery novel yet!


Cool does that mean that one o them was born just b4 midnight and the other one just after?

Regardless to what anyone else has said... i think u need a hug so :grouphug:

Everything will work out eventually... just take care of your self and the family, and give the cat a hug.....

Adrienne :wizard:
 
vhoffman said:
Geez,

Seems like many here are really interested in the particulars of my life, to the extent of going back over posts over a year old to find some discrepancy. I don't know what that would prove, however, I can't fathom why the rest of you "perfect moms" have the time to play detective. A typo! My ds is 8, not 9! For those of you who are trying to turn this into some sort of plot from a mystery novel, well, sorry....

Also, my dd is quite capable of normal speech. She just mumbles at times, partly due to her teeth (which, of course, according to one of you, I don't bother to take care of!) I have tried correcting her, using all the suggestions so thoughtfully provided here (oh, yes, they aren't original. I can think, too). Such as mumbling at her so she sees what its like, having her put her fingers in her ears to see what a hearing loss is like, etc. Just doesn't work. What I've finally taken to doing is to just ignore her if she doesn't speak clearly (btw, I'm not the only one who says she mumbles at times). I figure if what she's saying is important enough for a response, she will repeat herself without my prompting. If not, its not important enough for me to get my head sanpped off when I ask her to please repeat herself.

Many of you think my dd is entitled to act inappropriately because she's disappointed because we didn't make the Disney trip this year. Well, that's life. You don't get to live it in Disneyworld! I did try for something nice, but then I'm accused of "wanting a night in a nice hotel for myself." Well, excuse me! I guess it would have been ok if I didn't enjoy it? Actually, if I was just looking for something to please myself, why did I go home instead of back to the hotel? I could have enjoyed the suite for a few hours myself.

And why does everyone accuse me of caring more about a cat than my daughter? I just mentioned that he's dying from cancer, which, along with other things, affected my mood. I did the best I could under the circumstances to give dd a nice birthday and she ends up making me feel like garbage. Well, it really is about time she learns that other people, even moms, have feelings too. Oh, and I guess I was awful because I didn't get in the pool with them. Well, they had a great time without me there. Like I explained, I wasn't able to get in the pool due to a psoraisis flare up. If you had psoraisis, you'd understand. If you don't, you wouldn't, and I won't waste my time explaining it to you. Apparently, I'm just the wicked witch. Let's see, I spent over $600 (that included birthday presents), planned what I thought was a nice time (of course, it was just for selfish me, who spent about 15 minutes in the hotel room), and all I give a flip about is a cat! Never know I was so awful!

When I was a kid I got a cake, a few presents, and that was it (nor did I expect more!). I didn't get trips to Disney, etc. Well, perhaps I should just stop trying to please dd (Oh, that's right, I forgot, I did all that for me). Next year, its a cake, a few presents, and the cat will be long dead so I won't have to divide my loyalities. Guess I jusat don't belong to the "Mommy Perfect" club!


Wow, I think I know why the OPs husband didn't really say much during dinner.:sad2:
 
I don't think you have any idea what an angry person you are. It's time for you to go get a complete evaluation (depression could definitely be a contributing factor). Your family is suffering from your outrage. It is blatantly obvious in your posts.

vhoffman said:
Seems like many here are really interested in the particulars of my life, to the extent of going back over posts over a year old to find some discrepancy.

You put your words out there, you have to own them. The search function is a very good thing for ascertaining the true persona of a poster.

vhoffman said:
She really doesn't speak clearly (needs braces)

vhoffman said:
Also, my dd is quite capable of normal speech. She just mumbles at times, partly due to her teeth

See how you contradict yourself? Now you are trying to justify your angry actions.

vhoffman said:
Many of you think my dd is entitled to act inappropriately because she's disappointed because we didn't make the Disney trip this year. Well, that's life.

You just don't get it. YOU are the one who behaved inappropriately. YOU are the one who told your daughter you were taking her to Disneyworld then you back out on it and say "that's life?" You are angry, angry, angry.

vhoffman said:
And why does everyone accuse me of caring more about a cat than my daughter? I just mentioned that he's dying from cancer,

Let's look at your actual quote:

vhoffman said:
well, I guess I'm just too involved with the cat to give a flip about dd!

Read your words and eat them. I hope you enjoy the taste.


vhoffman said:
I did the best I could under the circumstances to give dd a nice birthday and she ends up making me feel like garbage.

You made yourself feel like garbage. You are not in control of your emotions. Please, please, please seek medical attention. You are hurting your family and doing irreparable damage.

vhoffman said:
Well, it really is about time she learns that other people, even moms, have feelings too.

You think everything is about you. Get off of your pedestal, stop acting like a child and be a loving mom.
 
OK - once again for the cheap seats -- nobody said you had to GET IN THE POOL!!! You could have sat poolside w/a cover-up. If you're going to lunge that one out at us every time, you could at least read the posts where people stated NEAR the pool, NOT IN the pool.

You started this ... you wanted sympathy and when you didn't get it, you lashed out even more.

Sorry, but a hotel is not a "make up" for a promised Disney trip to an 8 yo (and I know ... I have one). Esp. if the trip would coincide w/her bday. Couldn't you have made the trip a weekend or a 3 day weekend since your husband couldn't get the time off? Obviously, he had the weekend off b/c you spent that at a hotel. You could have left for Disney on Friday after work and came home on Sun. night (or on Mon. if your husband could get that one day off). At this point, it would have been worth his calling in sick that one day. Better than nothing, imo!

You keep saying your child needs braces and is waiting for her other teeth to come in, etc. Well, if that's the problem, you having a handicap should understand her frustration of not being understood. Perhaps b/c of the braces thing all she can do is mumble b/c she is self-conscious of the way she sounds when she talks.

You say that mumbling back at her and telling her to put cotton in her ears doesn't work. Did you even try it for a few days in a row ... or just once? B/c doing it just once is going to get lost on a child. Extend it for a weekend and she'll get the point. If not, keep doing the mumbling and she will get it.

I think you totally know you did the wrong thing and don't want to face the music. You continue your anger after the bday debacle here on the boards. Better here than on your family, I guess!

BTW - what have you done about your hearing, in a medical sense?
 
I will tell you the same thing my friend's grandmother told me and my friend once.
We were whining about the kids and how messy they are , etc etc.
The grandmother at the time was 92 years old and after she heard us whine for a few minutes she just chimed in the conversation and this is what she said to us:
Yes, it would be much better if your children would be sitting in a wheelchair in that corner looking at you , unable to speak or do anything for themselves , they wouldn't make a mess or give you a headache, that would be much better right? THAT stopped us dead in our tracks and shut us up , in fact sometimes now when we whine about the kids to vent , we always think of granny ( that's how we call her ) and eventhough she's not there we remember what she told us.
So , the big thing is cherish what they do because a lot of parents whose children are disabled or passed , wish that their children could do what yours do. Mine are no saints or perfect by any means , they can be a pain in the rear sometimes but far more times they give me satisfactions.
As I said before , if your daughter mumbles because she needs braces ( which is a very high possibility ) , she gets frustrated and embarrased having to repeat over and over what she said to make herself understood , walk a mile in her shoes.
 
vhoffman said:
Geez,

Many of you think my dd is entitled to act inappropriately because she's disappointed because we didn't make the Disney trip this year. Well, that's life. You don't get to live it in Disneyworld! !

:confused3 I have yet to see any poster making this comment. You, however, have made it on every response. Most People don't go to WDW yearly, don't think it's an entitlement, and think your birthday plans for your DD were magnificent. What bothers people is that two trivial incidents( your DD's mumbling) and your DS's accidently spilling a glass of water made you so upset to leave your family during a celebration and go home.

Didn't you also say your DS had some sight problems? maybe he really could not see that he was going to knock over the glass? :confused3
 
I have twin nine-year-olds (with different birthdays) who mumble too. I constantly tell them to speak up and slow down. In loud, public places, I can't hear them unless they talk loudly and look directly at me. While it is frustrating, I've never thought that it was their fault and that they're being disrespectful if they don't remember to speak up. They're kids. They're not speaking that way to annoy me. I can't imagine that if I had trouble hearing an adult that I would get angry at them for not speaking up, even if I had told them about it before. People speak the way they speak - some soft spoken and some loud - and I don't think that your DD is doing this just to frustrate you.

I also don't think saying "Just forget it" is being smart mouthed and showing that your DD doesn't appreciate you. An adult might realize everything you did and be able to tell you how much they appreciate it. But a kid doesn't think "My poor mother had to drive all over the place just to get me a cake when she was worried about our cat and her psoriasis was bothering her." They just know the cake appeared.

You are obviously angry that no one thinks your behavior was justified. Hopefully this was a one time thing and you've learned from it because making nice after having a hissy fit doesn't make anyone forget the hissy fit and I'm sure that you don't want your kids to remember you that way when they are grown.
 
Wow, I have not seen a post from you yet that may change my mind from my posts. Your still a angry mom who doesnt get it. I do not belong to any "perfect moms club" (I wished I did at times... :goodvibes) I have made plenty of mistakes with my own kids and Im sure I'll make more. You have been given great advice from people who mean well. You refuse to try to understand why we all say your angry. You say it loud and clear without even saying, "Im angry" and it does appear from your posts you put your cat first over your daughters day. Granted your upset over your cat but did you really need to blow steam off on your 8 yr DD and ruin her day? You cannot expect your kids to think, act or speak like an adult.....they are kids and will act and think like kids. If your behavior continues your relationship with your kids will deteriorate. Right now they are young and love you regardless of the way you act...you are their one and only MOM. You do no wrong in their innocent eyes. Soon their eyes are going to be opened and if you continue with your angry bursts and blame them for everything, they will begin to hate you and not want to be around you. Who will you put the blame on then? You will have no grounds to call them selfish then.

Please understand kids are kids and do not look for ways to piss you off (at least at this age...it may change as teens..... :rotfl2: ). I feel you wear your feelings on your shoulders and take everything (including your innnocent children) to heart and think it was intentional and planned. You want to feel justified with your actions and thats why you play the pity card. Is it so hard for you to say Im sorry? You are manipulating your family and Im sure you do not realize it. Just take a deep breath and relax. Try to remember yourself at 8/9/10. What made you happy then? What were you interested in? I feel if you plan a day for just you and your daughter and let her plan the day..use this day to tell her your sorry and start to build a better relationship with her. Kids at this age are so forgiving.

I wish you luck.
 
Okay, have you had a chance to calm down yet?? I hope you have. I assume either you celebrated your DS's bday on Saturday (so b'days are over for a bit) or else you will celebrate it today (in which case, you need to try and calm down before his celebration.

Hopefully, you can realize that your kids are not doing things just to make you angry, but rather just being kids.
 
vhoffman said:
Oh, and yes, the children are "twins" However, they have different birthdays. Now, does that give you something to ponder? Have fun--maybe you can write your mystery novel yet!
While I don't find that unusual for kids born one day apart..they have been 2 years apart in some of your posts. I think it was mentioned here, because people wondered if you were celebrating both birthdays that day. Please, please, reread the responses in the begining, and take heed of some of the advice. The age of your kids is the time when so much determines the outcome. I would never try to say I was a perfect mom, since my kids didn't come with directions..but I really think, especially after looking back at your posts, you would be wise to seek a place to freshen up on your parenting skills. I see that this poor, very old, ill cat has taken up a large chunk of your worry of the past year (and that can suck a lot out of you, if the cat is like one of your family members), and has needed much consideration during this past year for Disney Trips and the trip to HI you missed part of. It shows you really love him. I love animals, and worked in the field for most of my adult years. It may be time to let go, and perhaps that is what is driving you right now..the thought of that loss.
 
Mercy! I have tried sooooo hard to avoid this thread because I know I would have this overwhelming urge to post!!!! :badpc:

I have noted several other people's post and committed their names to memory because they have given such awesome incredible advice. I count myself extremely blessed to have wonderful girlfriends who I can count on for advice but the parents here have really raised the bar! ;)

OP-I originally tried to offer understanding and support but I have found it perplexing that you have never addressed or offered appreciation for one single positive post. (and there are plenty :) )

Plenty of people of showed empathy and understanding for how you felt on the day of your daughters birthday and some have even said they would have done the same. :confused3 STILL- you can't possibly think you took the high road on this one? If you had no question about your actions then you wouldn't have brought the issue here.

When someone states you need to get help or counseling, please don't take that as an attack! Most of us need help from time to time but some people have wonderful mothers or sisters or best friends who will hold them accountable and lift them up with advice and encouragement. If you are lacking in that (and I know I have been there before :guilty: ) you must find a place to lay your burdens down and receive rest :hug: as well as wise and informed teaching :teacher:

Your daughter can learn that her mother has feelings by you telling her. In a calm way away from the crowd, face to face with her hand in yours. Looking her in the eyes and allowing her to see the true emotion in your eyes and telling her how broken down you felt and that you are sorry for losing it and that you are trying.....and you need her to try. :lovestruc

This situation should serve as a springboard for new relationships not only with your daughter but your family. You owe it to each of them to share your needs & hurts as well as your remorse and regrets :grouphug:
 
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