Would This Bother You?

[C.Ann]

I also want to say I think it is rude to call someone "past post dis police", when for the most part, people (including myself) were going back to try and clear up some real inconsistancies. Put this way, makes it sound like we have done something wrong instead of just going back to look at a person's past posing about their family (you post them, you are responsible for them). Police makes it sound like we are trying to control or make someone obey. I'm not sure why this phrase would be applicable here. I have often gone back on a persons post to clear up confusion, and I never considered myself a bad person for it. Sometimes I've looked at my own back posts...and sometimes, I've even looked at your past posts, before I got your family members figured out (who was who)

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Well I'm sorry if that came across as being rude.. Maybe I could have worded it a bit differently - but it really gets under my skin when people do this and then pick and choose what posts they are referring to so they can make a sweeping generalization and use terms like "all" when in fact it's not true..

 

[DMRick]

Stating "all" is an attempt by other posters to sway people into believing that it's a "fact", when in actuality it's not.. If you find it critical of me to point out the truth, that's certainly your right - just not one that I agree with..

I went back on this thread (hmm..does that make me a past post police, or a current post police), and I don't see where many are saying all her posts are or end up negative. However, many posts certainly do.

I also think many, many people were trying to look at the root, not just you. Looking at past posts certainly helps out looking at the root. But since my training is in animal behavior and not human, I can't help and I suggest she get some help from someone better equipped than me (and people on a board).

 

[6_Time_Momma]

If you find it critical of me to point out the truth, that's certainly your right - just not one that I agree with..

And yet, you call other posters who do the same (pointing out the truth--as in what she said before) in regards to the OPs past posts, the "Past post DIS police"?

 

[Southern4sure]

=C.AnnIf I am supporting anything here, I'm supporting the fact that this woman was clearly at the end of her rope (regardless of the reasons why) and the only support she received from her DH was a comment of "Lighten up.." That to me speaks volumes about where her stress and anger is coming from..

It could be said the DH is use to Op's frequent angry, poor me, pity me, the worlds against me, my young kids intentionally plan to piss me off mentality. To keep the moment from escalating simply said 'lighten up". I cannot believe from the posts of the OP that this behavior from her rarely happens.

 

[DMRick]

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Well I'm sorry if that came across as being rude.. Maybe I could have worded it a bit differently - but it really gets under my skin when people do this and then pick and choose what posts they are referring to so they can make a sweeping generalization and use terms like "all" when in fact it's not true..

Believe me, I picked and chose alright..there was a lot more I could have posted, but I think the idea here is to get her some help, and not make a bad family situation even worse. I think it might be a good idea for her to re-read some of her own old posts. I think she'll see a pattern.

 

[C.Ann]

And yet, you call other posters who do the same (pointing out the truth--as in what she said before) in regards to the OPs past posts, the "Past post DIS police"?

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And I believe I already apologized for my poor choice of words.. Still doesn't change the fact that "all" is not a true statement..

 

[shakespeare]

Can you redo the birthday party for your daughter? Explain that you weren't feeling great and would like to make it up to her and your family. Pick an activity that everyone can enjoy doing together and go out to eat and recreate the memories, only better! We all have bad days. Hope yours is better!

 

[crisi]

I don't think the internet is the place for amateurs (or professionals!) to diagnose issues that need to be resolved by professionals in counseling. However, parents can't afford to reach the "end of their rope" too often, and if the OP feels that she does, the counseling advice is right on target. And I would encourage her to read over her posts and others with a critical eye and - as much as I despise the man (psychological issues shouldn't be addressed in public on half hour long TV for the entertainment of others either), ask herself "What would Dr. Phil say."

I've been annoyed when my kids don't treat me with respect. And I've been annoyed to have a drink at a restaurant spilled all over me. But eight year olds mumble and kids spill (I've had grownups spill all over me, done it to myself once or twice! And I've had grownups mumble and "dis" me.) and its a Mom's job to deal with this without losing it. Which, granted, is difficult at times.

 

[chris7]

This thread has been valuable to me if for not other reason than it has made me take a closer look at how I respond to my children when the heck is hitting the fan. More than once I've been in a bad place emotionally (stressed about something, PMS, fight with hubby....) and have taken it out on my kids. Maybe I've come down really hard on them for something that really was not a big deal, maybe they've wanted attention and I've yelled at them to leave me alone. I try to learn from those experiences and not beat myself up. But more importantly I immediately apologize and tell them that it's not their fault, but that mommy is having a tough time. I usually feel so bad about it that I go overboard telling them how fabulous they are and trying to do something to make it up to them. In a perfect world I wouldn't treat them like that, and believe me, that is my goal and my prayer. I hope it's OK to use the all inclusive "we" when I say that "WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE". I'ts what you do with it after the fact that makes or breaks relationships. I've try to be so conscious of how I treat my kids (and I still screw up) because I know what it's like to grow up with a emotionally tyranical parent. I've carried the pain of it well into adulthood (don't worry, have sought help). It's so important to me to break the cycle. And I am breaking the cycle. Never perfectly, never all the time, but step by step. These are our little angels, they deserve absolutely the best we have to offer, they shouldn't have to settle for less.

 

[txgirl]

This thread has been valuable to me if for not other reason than it has made me take a closer look at how I respond to my children when the heck is hitting the fan. More than once I've been in a bad place emotionally (stressed about something, PMS, fight with hubby....) and have taken it out on my kids. Maybe I've come down really hard on them for something that really was not a big deal, maybe they've wanted attention and I've yelled at them to leave me alone. I try to learn from those experiences and not beat myself up. But more importantly I immediately apologize and tell them that it's not their fault, but that mommy is having a tough time. I usually feel so bad about it that I go overboard telling them how fabulous they are and trying to do something to make it up to them. In a perfect world I wouldn't treat them like that, and believe me, that is my goal and my prayer. I hope it's OK to use the all inclusive "we" when I say that "WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE". I'ts what you do with it after the fact that makes or breaks relationships. I've try to be so conscious of how I treat my kids (and I still screw up) because I know what it's like to grow up with a emotionally tyranical parent. I've carried the pain of it well into adulthood (don't worry, have sought help). It's so important to me to break the cycle. And I am breaking the cycle. Never perfectly, never all the time, but step by step. These are our little angels, they deserve absolutely the best we have to offer, they shouldn't have to settle for less.

well said

 

[tlbwriter]

First, I'm going to disagree with a few things posted here. I think you have been unfairly accused in this thread of caring more about the cat - I assumed your remark about being too concerned with the cat to get DD's braces was sarcastic. I also think it's unfair of people to criticize you for leaving your family at the pool while you prepared for your daughter's little party. I'm sure she had a great time with her father.

Yes, I know, a night at a nice hotel here in town just doesn't replace Disney. So sorry! We just can't swing that every year. There are many children who never go to Disney, so now I'm the wicked witch because dd doesn't get to make what would have been her 6th trip? Oh, the abuse I've heaped on that child! It just so happens we cancelled the trip due to dh's work constraints, not any decision on my part. Maybe she will learn something from this--that one's work obligations come first

No one said you were abusing her. Just that it's understandable that she would be upset and disappointed about missing what would have been a wonderful birthday trip. It's not an excuse for rude behavior, but I can certainly understand why she would be hurt. Kids don't understand why jobs get in the way of something that has been promised and planned. I know how upsetting it is when a loved pet is sick. But do you see that you are excusing your own behavior due to your sadness about the cat, but you are not allowing your daughter to excuse her behavior due to her disappointment about her birthday? Remembering that this is an 8 year old, not a mature adult? I realize you find her disappointment inappropriate, but perhaps she feels the same way about your sadness over the cat. We can't help how we feel. We can only help how we react to it. And an 8-year-old has a lot less control over that than an adult does.

Yes, dd will look back at this and remember. She will remember that even moms have limits, to respect the feelings of others, and not to react with disgust to those with disabilities.

No, I don't think that's what she learned. I think she learned something about Mom's temper. She won't remember a valuable lesson about the feelings of others. She will remember that Mom got mad, stomped off, and ruined her birthday.

You said you "repeatedly" told your son to stop playing with the water. And you've "repeatedly" told your daughter not to mumble. Is this a pattern? If so, I have to ask, how's that working for you? Do you find yourself saying the same thing over and over with no results? Is it, perhaps, time to try something else? Like, maybe, taking the water away from the child who ignores you?

As for your husband, yes, he should have been more supportive. Or maybe not. Is is possible that you are too hard on the kids, that you are constantly telling them to stop doing something, and everyone's tired of it? And that's why they ignore you? (Which they obviously do).

So, in answer to your original question, yes, if my daughter behaved like that, it would bother me. And yes, I think you seriously over-reacted.

 

[3Mousketeers]

That is what I was trying to say but you said it much better!! Thank you.

 

[tlbwriter]

If I am supporting anything here, I'm supporting the fact that this woman was clearly at the end of her rope (regardless of the reasons why) and the only support she received from her DH was a comment of "Lighten up.." That to me speaks volumes about where her stress and anger is coming from..

I guess I'm just looking a little deeper into the root cause here than other posters are..

No, I wouldn't say you're looking any deeper. I'd say you're looking at one possibility. There are *many* possibilities.

 

[C.Ann]

No, I wouldn't say you're looking any deeper. I'd say you're looking at one possibility. There are *many* possibilities.

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Yup - "many" possibilities here - but very few of them being recognized..

 

[Stacey2grls]

Wow, after reading 8 pages my brain is spinning! What I find so peculiar is that she doesn't even seem regretful? I am a parent of two DD's 7 and 5. I too know the stesses of motherhood, I know people say it's a thankless job, but I feel you get rewards everyday. Your child saying " I love you mommy", those beautiful smiles and hugs. When you have a child your life as you know it is completely changed, you no longer are first, most times you are last. But that comes with the label of mommy. I feel very sorry for the OP, she has major anger problems. I noticed that she has posted in the Disabilities boards. Generally speaking I know not always, but if you are reading and posting there, your child, yourself, or someone you love has some difficulties. Maybe she is burned out? My DD 5 has ADHD, and serious sensory dysfunction issues, and I know the feeling of wanting to spontaneously explode! But you deal, knowing the there are people that are dealing with much more difficult situations. Please OP reread your posts, calm down, have a good cry, talk to your family and get help, there is no shame in that. Good luck. Stacey2grls

 

[clkelley]

I'm coming in on this late, but I think the OP DID NOT overreact. In fact, she should have jerked the kids up and taken them back to the room and put them to bed for that behavior, or even taken them home.

By removing herself, her children still got the party even after acting out the way they did.

This society is catering to children way too much these days.

Carol

 

[mickeyfan2]

I completely agree with minmate. Just to show how this could play out in the future, my mother would always get in a fight with me on my birthday (even if I deserved it, it was my birthday) and then tell me I don't deserve my present, party etc. This happened year after year. It got to the point in my late teen years that they would give me a present and I would just open it (or get yelled at) and then never use it or think about it again. Go forward a few more years, and we no longer talk. These are my best birthdays EVER!!!!!

 

[babybeag]

Interesting that there is so much debate going on here over a situation which occurred when NO ONE but the OP was there!! lol So much speculation and assumptions and bickering and side-taking.

Me thinks that the OP is getting JUST what she was looking for......hmmmmm............

 

[DisneyMomx7]

Geez,

Seems like many here are really interested in the particulars of my life, to the extent of going back over posts over a year old to find some discrepancy. I don't know what that would prove, however, I can't fathom why the rest of you "perfect moms" have the time to play detective. A typo! My ds is 8, not 9! For those of you who are trying to turn this into some sort of plot from a mystery novel, well, sorry....

Also, my dd is quite capable of normal speech. She just mumbles at times, partly due to her teeth (which, of course, according to one of you, I don't bother to take care of!) I have tried correcting her, using all the suggestions so thoughtfully provided here (oh, yes, they aren't original. I can think, too). Such as mumbling at her so she sees what its like, having her put her fingers in her ears to see what a hearing loss is like, etc. Just doesn't work. What I've finally taken to doing is to just ignore her if she doesn't speak clearly (btw, I'm not the only one who says she mumbles at times). I figure if what she's saying is important enough for a response, she will repeat herself without my prompting. If not, its not important enough for me to get my head sanpped off when I ask her to please repeat herself.

Many of you think my dd is entitled to act inappropriately because she's disappointed because we didn't make the Disney trip this year. Well, that's life. You don't get to live it in Disneyworld! I did try for something nice, but then I'm accused of "wanting a night in a nice hotel for myself." Well, excuse me! I guess it would have been ok if I didn't enjoy it? Actually, if I was just looking for something to please myself, why did I go home instead of back to the hotel? I could have enjoyed the suite for a few hours myself.

And why does everyone accuse me of caring more about a cat than my daughter? I just mentioned that he's dying from cancer, which, along with other things, affected my mood. I did the best I could under the circumstances to give dd a nice birthday and she ends up making me feel like garbage. Well, it really is about time she learns that other people, even moms, have feelings too. Oh, and I guess I was awful because I didn't get in the pool with them. Well, they had a great time without me there. Like I explained, I wasn't able to get in the pool due to a psoraisis flare up. If you had psoraisis, you'd understand. If you don't, you wouldn't, and I won't waste my time explaining it to you. Apparently, I'm just the wicked witch. Let's see, I spent over $600 (that included birthday presents), planned what I thought was a nice time (of course, it was just for selfish me, who spent about 15 minutes in the hotel room), and all I give a flip about is a cat! Never know I was so awful!

When I was a kid I got a cake, a few presents, and that was it (nor did I expect more!). I didn't get trips to Disney, etc. Well, perhaps I should just stop trying to please dd (Oh, that's right, I forgot, I did all that for me). Next year, its a cake, a few presents, and the cat will be long dead so I won't have to divide my loyalities. Guess I jusat don't belong to the "Mommy Perfect" club!

I can't imagine thinking about dividing my loyalties between a cat and my child. There are no perfect mommies here. We've all had our moments. It just seems to me that you seem resentful of having to do your dd's birthday. She is a kid, so is your won. Kids mumble, they spill water, they can drive you crazy. It doesn't seem like such awful behavior that you have to leave your daughters party and sulk at home. Maybe you DH was right that you need to lighten up. Instead of defending your position maybe you should consider that some of the other mothers on this board are just trying to point out what you asked for - did you over-react. Hopefully you'll calm down and be able to make the situation better. WHat does you DH say about the whole episode?

 

[pinkdiamonds1007]

Oh, and yes, the children are "twins" However, they have different birthdays. Now, does that give you something to ponder? Have fun--maybe you can write your mystery novel yet!

I don't think that anyone here is trying to write a mystery novel..i am however working on my romance/suspense novel..but I just don't think this scenerio would fit the bill. If you are this upset by what people are writting, stop logging onto this thread. Noone is making you. This is a happy board for people who are planning memorable vacations with their families. We felt bad for you and were trying to give you the advice that you wanted/needed. Your daughter is not perfect. Either is mine. And either are we as adults. Get over it! * i did go back and read your previous posts as well..only b/c i was curious after others had me interested. You seem quite Irate in alot of them, from the bad service at disney, to the soap they use..to your fat a** mother in law. (vhoffman's WORDS NOT MINE.) Maybe you need to take a break..and relax..for a while w/out the kids, with out the hubby, and try and remember why you had kids, why you got married, and why you logged onto this board 900 posts ago...for advice on DISNEY..not on family matters. I think Dr. Phil has a discussion forum though. For real. IF he dosen't i know ivillage does.

Just my opinion. sorry if I make anyone upset..I really am a good person..see..( )