Would this bother you?

[Chipmunk89]

Would it bother you if someone you gave stuff to all the time charged you for stuff?

Here's the back story. I always give my best friend all of my son's outgrown clothes, uniforms, shoes, books, computer software, sports equipment, etc. I'm not talking about one or two items. I mean 2-3 bags full of stuff.

Well, friend told me she bought/received (don't know which, it has changed) some of a friends old furnishings when they moved. But that she did not like the kitchen table because it did not match her stuff. So it had been in the basement for a few months.

I needed a new kitchen table set (not really the table, my chairs were in bad shape). So she "offered" to sell us the extra table for $50.00.

I did buy it, and no, I did not say anything. But it sure did put our friendship in a whole new light to me.

Would it bother you?

 

[tripletots]

Maybe she needs the money???

 

[diznygirl]

If she paid for the furniture then I wouldn't mind her trying to get back some of her money. If this was stuff she was given for free, then I would be put off by having to pay her for it.

 

[MIGrandma]

It depends. If she bought the table and was re-selling it, it wouldn't bother me to pay for it.

But if the table was given to her, and she was trying to make money off it, then it probably would.

Unless the friend was having money problems and really needed all she could get then it wouldn't bother me to pay for the table if I wanted it and could afford to give her the $$.

So, it really would depend on the circumstances. And how much I valued the friendship, that would factor into it as well.

 

[Chipmunk89]

Maybe. However, her DH makes good money at the power plant, she works for the schools. They told me this summer that except for the mortgage, they are completely debt-free, and they paid cash for their new vechicle.

Oh, by the way, my DH is military, I'm a SAHM.

 

[Carly_Roach]

I think in a case like that I'd have waited to see if she could have gotten $50.00 or more from someone else. If she can sell it to someone else and make money from it, more power to her. If she just wants to get rid of it because it's taking up space and she decides to charge me for it, I think it would color our friendship.

The same is true of you and always giving her your son's leftover clothes. If you're getting rid of them because they're taking up space and you give them to her instead of Goodwill, then you have to take that action into consideration. You never charged for the clothes because you just wanted them out of there. Otherwise you would have sold them yourself, right?

I voted that it would depend on the situation. IMO, there is no one black/white answer to this poll.

 

[Chipmunk89]

If she paid for the furniture then I wouldn't mind her trying to get back some of her money. If this was stuff she was given for free, then I would be put off by having to pay her for it.

It has changed one time she got it free, one time she paid for it.

 

[Carly_Roach]

Maybe. However, her DH makes good money at the power plant, she works for the schools. They told me this summer that except for the mortgage, they are completely debt-free, and they paid cash for their new vechicle.

I posted before I read this part of your post. I don't think it matters that you think she has a good income (I mean, you don't really KNOW without looking at their financials).

I still don't think it would bother me. While it would be nice for her to give me the table, it's her table. If she can sell it for $50, then she should.

 

[EthansMom]

I wouldn't let it keep me up at night, but it's the sort of thing where I might be thinking about someone else to give hand-me-downs to, in the future, KWIM?

 

[Chipmunk89]

I think in a case like that I'd have waited to see if she could have gotten $50.00 or more from someone else. If she can sell it to someone else and make money from it, more power to her. If she just wants to get rid of it because it's taking up space and she decides to charge me for it, I think it would color our friendship.

The same is true of you and always giving her your son's leftover clothes. If you're getting rid of them because they're taking up space and you give them to her instead of Goodwill, then you have to take that action into consideration. You never charged for the clothes because you just wanted them out of there. Otherwise you would have sold them yourself, right?

I voted that it would depend on the situation. IMO, there is no one black/white answer to this poll.

Agree. However, she was not trying to sell the table to anyone else. It had just been taking up space in her basemant.

And yes, I was getting rid of DS's stuff, but I would never have charged a friend. Never charged when we gave the swing set, the bike or the Fort/playhouse.

 

[Chipmunk89]

I wouldn't let it keep me up at night, but it's the sort of thing where I might be thinking about someone else to give hand-me-downs to, in the future, KWIM?

I'm not going to let $50 ruin a friendship. But I agree with you about who I give things to.

Now I give to other friends, local charities, and our school.

 

[Carly_Roach]

Agree. However, she was not trying to sell the table to anyone else. It had just been taking up space in her basemant.

And yes, I was getting rid of DS's stuff, but I would never have charged a friend. Never charged when we gave the swing set, the bike or the Fort/playhouse.

In light of all the other stuff you've given them (I thought it was just a few bags of clothes), and in light of the fact that you've already completed the transaction and are now feeling taken advantage of, I think in the future (if this were me) she would not longer be the beneficiary of any more handouts.

 

[Chipmunk89]

In light of all the other stuff you've given them (I thought it was just a few bags of clothes), and in light of the fact that you've already completed the transaction and are now feeling taken advantage of, I think in the future (if this were me) she would not longer be the beneficiary of any more handouts.

Completely agree with you Carly.

 

[Northstar]

I wouldn't be surprised to find that she's been selling the free stuff you gave her if she doesn't need it.

But then, I know lots of people who are horrified at the notion of giving away stuff instead of trying to sell it. It's not that they don't value your friendship, it's just that they consider it wasteful and downright lazy not to turn good stuff into cash. These folks just have a different take on what constitutes a gift of friendship (ie, if it's not new, it doesn't count as a gift). I have one friend who's always offering to yard-sale the things I bag up to take for donation... she doesn't get it that I stopped giving her stuff I thought her kids might like because she kept selling it! We're still friends. We just have different attitudes towards doin' business, I guess.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

It depends on the friend and the stuff.

For example I would not give large items to friends like bikes, swingsets, etc...because when they end up selling the stuff it becomes awkward.

We have garage sales and we do Craigslist so giving away the stuff you describe to friends just would not happen at my house.

Charity is one thing but extra money is something we need.

So bottom line I would not feel weird about paying for the table however at the same time, I would not have been giving my friend oodles of stuff either.

 

[C.Ann]

It depends. If she bought the table and was re-selling it, it wouldn't bother me to pay for it.

But if the table was given to her, and she was trying to make money off it, then it probably would.

Unless the friend was having money problems and really needed all she could get then it wouldn't bother me to pay for the table if I wanted it and could afford to give her the $$.

So, it really would depend on the circumstances. And how much I valued the friendship, that would factor into it as well.

I agree with this.. I have a friend who had something similar happen to her.. However, in her case there was a "motive" behind it.. The "friend" was annoyed with her about something and it was a passive-aggressive act..

 

[Wishing on a star]

It sounds like you are a very very 'giving' person!!!

However, you just can not expect complete reciprocity...
You can't expect others to handle everything just the way you would.

Gifts must be given/received without strings attached.

I can tell you that my husband would not just 'give' away that kind of value. (Therefore, I also would not TAKE anything of that kind of value, not without insisting on paying some modest amount....) It just starts to get sticky... Mixing friendship and money isn't usually a good situation. And, when the things given add up to that kind of value, yes, it does start to be all about the dollar signs.

Honestly, I wouldn't let this table thing ruin your friendship.
And, you did, after all, agree to the $50.00 sale.

Of course, if your friend is a 'taker' and you feel that this is a one side friendship, and that you are being taken advantage of in other situations... that would be a different story. I just don't think this one table situation is enough to come to that kind of a judgement.

 

[KAMKIM]

She probably needed the money. No it would not bother me, if I wanted the table and had the $50 I'd pay it.

I give a friend of mine all of our old clothes because she cannot afford to buy her kids new clothes, if she had a table I needed and wanted $50 for it, regardless of where it came from I would happily give her the $50.

 

[RadioNate]

It would bother me if she got the table for free and then tried to sell it to me.

I had been giving DD's outgrown clothing to a friend of ours for her daughter. Her daughter did wear the clothes and when she was finished with them, the friend sold them on ebay. While I do generally believe in gifts with 'no strings attached' it did bother me that she was profiting off of things that I bought or that were given to my DD. Here I was helping her out and I felt taken advantage of. I could have sold her the clothes but I didn't. I don't think I would have minded so much if she asked me if I wanted them back before she sold them. I would have been happy to sell them myself! So now, I don't give her any more hand-me-downs, even when she asks.

I'd rather sell them myself or get the tax write-off by donating to Goodwill.

 

[mjkacmom]

I've given away cribs, carseats, strollers, changing tables, tons of toys, clothing, and coats. Exersaucers, highchairs, bouncy seats - and when I found out I was having twins, generous people who were done with their stuff did the same for me (I was lucky to find another mom expecting twins when I was ready to get rid of their cribs and dresser). I met a woman in the park with a bulky double travel system, got her number, and dropped off my double snap and go the next day - karma.

We put our dining room table in our kitchen, and didn't have a dining room set. My gf noticed one day, and told me to help myself to their set that was in the garage! What comes around, goes around.