Would This Bother You?

[momof1princess]

THIS is what would annoy me! Who the hell are they to send you, or any spouse a letter directing them how to behave with their spouse. Who do they think they are that they feel they can send you a letter, in essence, instructing YOU how YOU, who are NOT EMPLOYED with them need to behave in the privacy of your own home and personal life. You are not their employee and they are dictating to you what your behavior needs to be...they can take their letters and shove them up their...you know where.

MTE! that takes some serious *ahem* nerve!

 

[cmaee]

I wouldn't be upset about the employee only evening. I would expect my DH to watch the kids so I could have a break from my job too! I think employee only functions are okay. I don't have a problem with that. It is a shame that the procedures have changed with new owners, but the procedure they are are using isn't unusual.

I guess I am just a bit upset that we spouses are sent regular letters about how we need to make sure we help the employees, at various times of the year, live more stress free so they can devote more time to their job. We used to be sent these letters but we also were invited to regular events.

Now I would have an issue with them sending me a letter telling me how I need to act at home with my spouse. That is RIDICULOUS! Maybe I missed it somewhere, but what job does your DH have? I wouldn't care if I were invited to every event they ever had, sending a letter telling me how to behave would make me irate!

 

[christa112]

It wouldn't be bothered either. But maybe because my DH probably wouldn't go. I am a recently laid off working mom, and I along with my DH would work 40+ hours, plus we have three kids. We would have to deal with homework, cleaning, cooking, extra activities and work. It gets done because it has to.

 

[Navywifebreezy]

Honestly being a military wife and "single parent" most of his 15 years it wouldn't bother me. Heck we have had A Command that was very family oriented and the rest have sucked royally. I have learned to take it all with a grain of salt. So again I would just let it go.

 

[pixiewings71]

Ok him being invited and not me would be fine, my company does not allow us to bring family/spouses/significant others to our Christmas party, they provide a party for the employees only. I go every year and eat the free food, then I leave early and spend time with my family at home. That said, I would be royally ticked if ANYone sent home a letter to me telling me I need to support my DBF and help keep life stress free for him!! EXCUSE ME???? I work full time outside the home too, who's keeping MY life stress free? That is way out of line!!

 

[Zeebs]

I think I would be cross. I understand hubby works for the company and it is nice they are showing them how much they appreciate the time and effort they have put in. BUT 80 hours a week for a month does affect his and your home life.

My hubby had to put in much longer hours recently and his boss sent me a bunch of flowers to say thanks and that they understood that him putting in those long hours affected myself and the kids.

As for the letter I would be even more cross about that. I am sorry but they have no right to tell you to support them, he does his job, gets paid and comes home if they aren't considerate enough to thank you for the work you do when he does the long hours then they have no right to tell you how to keep him happy and stress free.

I am ususally very laid back about not sweating the small stuff but I like to see my husband, the kids like to see him.

Kirsten

 

[NotUrsula]

Well, the letters would make me beyond livid, but the dinner? Better him than me, I'd say.

Well this isn't a boring function. It's a nice dinner and an evening out.

No employees-only function is ever without a hidden agenda and a need to be aware of being "on" for the duration, which creates great potential for stress. I HATE work-related social events, and only attend them when they are command performances. No way am I letting my hair down at an event where my boss is present.

 

[Colleen27]

I wouldn't have a problem with it, but I do think it is rather insensitive to the employees - I know when DH was working in situations that required those sort of hours during the busy season, the last thing he wanted as a 'thank you' was to spend even more time with his coworkers, away from his family. But in the companies DH has worked for that help those type of events, there was immense pressure to attend, so much so that it may as well have been part of the job description, so skipping it was never really a consideration.

The only time I ever had a problem with employees-only special events was with the very small company DH was working for way back when we first met, and that was because "employees only" meant "strippers and drinks"! The company owner was in his early 30s and pretty immature (IMO), all of the employees were men in their 20s and 30s, and his idea of a thank you to his guys at the end of the busy season was a golf outing with bikini-clad women serving drinks. @@

 

[Sandy321]

I think OP - that its not so much "bothering" you - but it is the change in policy - that part wuold give me pause as well!

because this is a recurring event with this company, and because the spouses were invited in the past, and because they think its ok to send that letter - then they need to cultivate the goodwill of the spouses and employees -

BUT, because of the economy what it is - its just a cost cutting measure? It would be nice if there were several employees, that were safe in their jobs to get the policy 'defined' and for the "boss" to be reminded it goes both ways... (ie goodwill)

but I dont see that happening!!

 

[Va-bear]

No - would not bother me at all. but I am sorry it makes you feel bad. sounds like you've REALLY had to bust your you-know-what and that's never fun. MY DH works swing shift - has for 20-some years - so sometimes I feel like a single parent too. Plus, I work full-time...

But, in my 20-some years of work, except for some Holiday parties and cookouts, when the boss takes us out we dont get to call our husbands and wives to come along....it's just not dont that way where I've been. (I do realize some small companies may be more apt to do that...but times are tough and that doubles the bill, ofcourse.)

While he's out having a ball get the kids to bed early and take a looong bath w/ a glass of wine and a good book and think of the great job you did holding down the fort during this tough time.

ps - I didnt comment on the letter telling the spouses how to take care of the worker because that just makes my brain spin and my eyes see red - what year is this??? Ok, calm again....

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

I think I would be cross. I understand hubby works for the company and it is nice they are showing them how much they appreciate the time and effort they have put in. BUT 80 hours a week for a month does affect his and your home life.

My hubby had to put in much longer hours recently and his boss sent me a bunch of flowers to say thanks and that they understood that him putting in those long hours affected myself and the kids.

As for the letter I would be even more cross about that. I am sorry but they have no right to tell you to support them, he does his job, gets paid and comes home if they aren't considerate enough to thank you for the work you do when he does the long hours then they have no right to tell you how to keep him happy and stress free.

I am ususally very laid back about not sweating the small stuff but I like to see my husband, the kids like to see him.

Kirsten

I think is my exact feelings. 48 hours a week is his normal schedule. He does a good job and if they want to thank him (like they do at Christmas) they give him a gift or something. 80 hours 7 days a week does cut into our life. He missed a lot of things that our kids did (as in school functions) and he had no choice becasue he was working 7 days a week. As far as the letter I wasn't as mad as I am now. We regularly get a "were all in this together letter" but it seems I need to do my part but that is my 'duty'. We usually get the "try to understand what they are going through and sympathize" letter. I just have one question...I have been up for 4 staright days with maybe 8 hours of sleep total (kids have the flu)....where the heck do I send my letter?

 

[Zeebs]

I think is my exact feelings. 48 hours a week is his normal schedule. He does a good job and if they want to thank him (like they do at Christmas) they give him a gift or something. 80 hours 7 days a week does cut into our life. He missed a lot of things that our kids did (as in school functions) and he had no choice becasue he was working 7 days a week. As far as the letter I wasn't as mad as I am now. We regularly get a "were all in this together letter" but it seems I need to do my part but that is my 'duty'. We usually get the "try to understand what they are going through and sympathize" letter. I just have one question...I have been up for 4 staright days with maybe 8 hours of sleep total (kids have the flu)....where the heck do I send my letter?

I have a suggestion but I might get barred from the boards

Good luck and I hope that between now and the next compulsory work all the time month he has the good fortune to find a new job.

Kirsten

 

[2binak]

Running into this situation after years of feeling appreciated would give me reason to feel put out too OP. If it weren't for you being home and taking up the slack, DH would not have been able to put in those extra hours at work or would not have been able to concentrate on work if he was worrying about his home life. It seems his previous boss understood that and the new boss has no clue.

My boss recently allowed each employee who worked extra hours on a special project the choice to send a flower arrangement to a person of their choosing as a thank you for putting up with the longer than usual hours. Every married person sent one to their spouse & some even included their children on the card. I thought it was such an amazingly thoughtful thing for our boss to do and the families greatly appreciated the gesture.

I hope you can get a day or night out very soon OP. I also hope your kiddos feel better quickly.

 

[bumbershoot]

I would have a *serious* problem with that. Seems we're lucky here in the Seattle area, or with the companies around here hubby has worked for, because if they have an event, it's for employee and spouse/friend.

That's quite a lot they demanded ...68 hours a week? Is that even legal to *require* that?

Oh sure. Amazon customer service regularly works 10 to 20 extra hours during the holiday and return season. It's normal and expected (and stressful). Thankfully hubby's out of CS! Though now he goes on business trips that have him working nearly 24/7 even with horrid time changes...but they give him extra time off when he gets home when he asks for it.

I guess I am just a bit upset that we spouses are sent regular letters about how we need to make sure we help the employees, at various times of the year, live more stress free so they can devote more time to their job. We used to be sent these letters but we also were invited to regular events.

Woooo....if I ever got one of those, but without any ACTUAL thanks from the company, hubby would be looking for a new job so fast our heads would spin! I'm livid FOR you! Hubby's companies since I've known him are wonderful to the spouses/families/domestic partners, they invite them, his current company invites the kids to trick or treat in their offices (at least the Seattle offices) and they provide the candy, they have winter parties and summer picnics...they express their thanks, but have never EVER sent such a smarmy sort of note home. YUCK, I'm so sorry.

Good luck and I hope that between now and the next compulsory work all the time month he has the good fortune to find a new job.

Kirsten

I echo that sentiment!

My boss recently allowed each employee who worked extra hours on a special project the choice to send a flower arrangement to a person of their choosing as a thank you for putting up with the longer than usual hours. Every married person sent one to their spouse & some even included their children on the card. I thought it was such an amazingly thoughtful thing for our boss to do and the families greatly appreciated the gesture.

I am madly in love with that idea.

We bought Mickey head lollipops for hubby's sweet boss during our recent DLR trip; maybe he'll reciprocate with something like that, for keeping the homefront safe and sound during hubby's recent 12 day business trip AND making sane and budget travel arrangements (unlike their travel agency!).

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

The bad thing about finding a new job is that there are not that many jobs that pay as well as this one around here (I guess the bosses know this). His job is a good one and he does like it... he just doesnt like the politics involved.

 

[Erica09M]

I think what would bother me was that the "evening to escape" should mean that all of the employees get to go home and spend extra time with their families since they had been missing out so much in the previous weeks for working all of the overtime. I'd want my spouse to be home enjoying his family any moment that he was not at work since he was putting in those 80 hour weeks. I feel like those cocktails and cigars would be taking away from precious family time, spousal time, etc.

My DH works 55+ hours a week and he misses a lot. Anytime that we are able to spend together as a family is greatly appreciated and not wasted on cocktails and cigars with people that he had already spent the majority of his time with at work.