Would it bother you?

[xlsm]

I'm another who would much rather have people stay at a hotel instead. In fact, I'm getting ready to face this issue in the next couple of weeks. My brother, SIL, and my almost two year old niece are coming. I need to ask him if they're planning to get a hotel or not, because one of my kids will have to give up a bedroom. We also have 4 dogs who are used to people paying attention to them (our friends and other family that visits all have dogs or pets of some kind) - my SIL hates dogs. I really want them to come visit, but too much togetherness gets awkward - we're just not around each other that much, and we're all very different people.

On the flip side, I'd rather stay at a hotel in a reverse situation. I value my own space, and I don't want to impose on anyone and disrupt their routine.

 

[cluvsdisney]

I would prefer to stay at a hotel and I am happy to pay for it myself.

But I would feel really unwelcome to find out someone took it upon themselves to reserve a room for me without telling me in advance. I think that's pretty rude and that people coming to visit deserve a little more respect than that.

 

[antmaril]

I would have no problem staying in a hotel. Quite honestly, I would prefer it. I do not want to be a houseguest - ever.

 

[Katy Belle]

The In Laws will be the same!

I would prefer to stay at a hotel and I am happy to pay for it myself.

But I would feel really unwelcome to find out someone took it upon themselves to reserve a room for me without telling me in advance. I think that's pretty rude and that people coming to visit deserve a little more respect than that.

I told DB and DSIL from the beginning.
DMIL left a message this morning, telling me that DBIL, and nephew are coming too. That is when I made the hotel reservation. We called them tonight, leafy a message for them to call. I never intended to wait until they arrive Friday to tell them.

 

[cluvsdisney]

Cool...it read as if they didn't know yet. And FTR, I don't think it's right you were just told they were coming instead of being asked or you inviting them.

 

[leebee]

It'd make me sad to have to stay in a hotel when visiting my husband's side of our family. I'd miss getting up early and having coffee on the deck with my MIL, talking and listening to the birds while waiting for the rest of the family to wake up. Some of our best visits have included hanging out in the living room with my sisters-in-law until the wee small hours, sharing wine, stories, laughter. It's awkward and odd to stay in a hotel while visiting the relatives, making plans to meet up, driving back and forth to a hotel all the time. We live so far from our family and see them so rarely that we all want to just be together as much as possible.

 

[mummabear]

I love when people come to town, but I REALLY don't enjoy them sleeping at my home.

I like to wake up, have my coffee and have my quiet time before spending all day (lunch/dinner/evening activities) with them.

They are at my house from mid morning (after breakfast) until late night. We do all of our touring and running around and grab lunch. We always cook a huge dinner for whoever is visiting. Then they retire back to local hotel. Wake up and do it all over again.

Out-of-towners staying at my house and spending 24/7 with them is awkward to me. Everybody needs their space.

Goes to show how we are all different

That's cool, there is no issue with feeling that way.

There would be an issue though to accept the request of houseguests then book a hotel for them.

 

[NMAmy]

I would be okay with it if I was told in advance that it wasn't a good time for house guests but they'd still like a visit and if I chose, booked, and paid for the hotel myself. It would feel weird to have someone else paying for my hotel.

With that said, it is the norm in my family and DH's family to have and to be house guests at each others' homes. All of us have at least one guest room and a separate bathroom, though, so it's quite comfortable. If someone suggested a pull out sofa bed in the middle of a living area, no, we would absolutely be staying at a hotel.

 

[Aliceacc]

Life's too short to be bothered by someone else's good intentions.

Your intent is to give them a better night's sleep than they would get on an air mattress. You were even kind enough to pay for it. There's nothing for you to feel badly about.

 

[Tasha228]

Without having read any other replies on this thread (yet), I can honestly say that I would rather stay in a hotel than a relative's home when possible. And if they offer to pay for it? Heck, yes! I love my family but I also value privacy. Plus, too much togetherness can be stressful. I sometimes find I get overstimulated by people and need a break with just my immediate family (dh and kids) by the end of the day.

 

[Forevermarypoppins]

AS long as you aren't telling them while they're driving to your house already, they have been informed beforehand!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's your house, your rules and your GENEROUSITY for the Hotel room.

 

[Minnesota!]

We have two branches of family we go out of town to visit. My brother - we stay at a hotel. They have a smaller house, LOTS of kids, and a dog who sheds everywhere (nervous shedder and my husband is allergic).

The other - we stay at their house. They have a lot more room, and although they have a dog, they deep clean the room we stay in, and it works for us.

As far as staying at my house - we have LOTS of people stay over. I used to LOVE it. Now...please get a hotel if you can. Otherwise, crash on my couch but clean up your damn mess..

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I would love that but would want to have a heads up.

If we tried to do that with SO's family they would be thoroughly offended. They come from out of the country. Even when we've gone to visit them and stayed at a hotel they were kind of offended but SO uses me as the excuse and tells them I'm a spoiled American that needs AC. lol

 

[Lilacs4Me]

Would it bother you if your sister had you stay in a hotel, instead of her house?

My DB and DSIL came for the weekend, and they brought my elderly mother. Mom stayed a week, and I took her home. They basically came to bring her, but they (well, just SIL) were excited to come watch their nephews in a musical. They offered to bring a queen sized air mattress, and sleep in our game room. I told them I was planning for them to stay in a hotel. I could tell SIL was very surprised when I told her, but I did it anyway. The hotel was nice, Hampton Inn, and only 1/2 mile from my house. I paid for it. I just wasn't up to having people all over. Mom had DS20 room, so he was on the sofa. DS20 had just come home from college, the same day, so we had all his stuff to deal with. The game room is kind of open on one side...so the noise travels from downstairs up, and up to down. No privacy.

Anyway...I got the feeling that maybe they were offended. But I'm really not sure. DB is a hot head, and he and SIL got into a big fight with each other. So them not talking much, etc, might have been just that.

This weekend DHs parents, brother, and nephew are coming. I rented a hotel room! But now I'm a bit nervous to tell them, because of how my brother acted! Still planning to have one of them here...in DS16s room....and the rest at the hotel. In the past, they've always stayed here. But this is more nights, and one extra person. With them here, it would be 9 people.

Personally, I think I would love to be at the hotel!

What about you?

Yes, I would be off-put and I would defintely turn you down on the offer to pay. If you don't want me in your house, I don't want you paying a penance of putting me up in a hotel. And even if I HAD to follow through with the visitation plans THIS TIME, I can assure you it would probably be the last time I would ever come to your house. You would always be more than welcome at mine, though. I wouldn't make a big deal of it, I would just decline any future invitations.

I have a weird floorplan in my house, and the living room/dining area is very, very small. But when I invited all 4 of my sisters and their families (25 people in total) to drive 5 hours and come for Christmas weekend, I said that EVERYONE was welcome to stay here if they wanted to and we would make it work, or IF they would like I could give them the names of good areas to look at Hotwire rates. But I made sure they ALL knew that I would have each and every one of them there sleeping on air mattresses and sleeping bags all over the place if we had to, in order for them to come because I wanted us all to be together.

2 sisters chose to get hotel rooms, One did because her DH likes his downtime after being around so many people, plus her oldest DH brings his girlfriend now so there is a total of 5 kids (one with autism who also needs his downtime after a while), and one sister because she has a wild child for a 2 year old whom we all adore, but everyone including mom agrees she needs to go to bed in a quiet place after a while.

 

[scrapquitler]

Would it bother you if your sister had you stay in a hotel, instead of her house?

My DB and DSIL came for the weekend, and they brought my elderly mother. Mom stayed a week, and I took her home. They basically came to bring her, but they (well, just SIL) were excited to come watch their nephews in a musical. They offered to bring a queen sized air mattress, and sleep in our game room. I told them I was planning for them to stay in a hotel. I could tell SIL was very surprised when I told her, but I did it anyway. The hotel was nice, Hampton Inn, and only 1/2 mile from my house. I paid for it. I just wasn't up to having people all over. Mom had DS20 room, so he was on the sofa. DS20 had just come home from college, the same day, so we had all his stuff to deal with. The game room is kind of open on one side...so the noise travels from downstairs up, and up to down. No privacy.

Anyway...I got the feeling that maybe they were offended. But I'm really not sure. DB is a hot head, and he and SIL got into a big fight with each other. So them not talking much, etc, might have been just that.

This weekend DHs parents, brother, and nephew are coming. I rented a hotel room! But now I'm a bit nervous to tell them, because of how my brother acted! Still planning to have one of them here...in DS16s room....and the rest at the hotel. In the past, they've always stayed here. But this is more nights, and one extra person. With them here, it would be 9 people.

Personally, I think I would love to be at the hotel!

What about you?

I would prefer to be in a hotel rather than imposing on my relatives. I like the privacy and my own bathroom.

 

[sasywtch]

I am one that doesn't enjoy staying with people. I feel as if I have to go to bed when they do etc. I'd jump at the chance if someone paid for a room for me. However, if I knew they had the room in their house, I probably would be questioning why they didn't want me there. I'll bet there's some underlying thinking going on. I think it's ok if you tell in advance and just say that you have all the sons coming in so you want to make it comfortable for them with a comfy bed and their own bathroom.

 

[low-key]

hotel is the only way to go now a days