Would it bother you?

[Katy Belle]

Would it bother you if your sister had you stay in a hotel, instead of her house?

My DB and DSIL came for the weekend, and they brought my elderly mother. Mom stayed a week, and I took her home. They basically came to bring her, but they (well, just SIL) were excited to come watch their nephews in a musical. They offered to bring a queen sized air mattress, and sleep in our game room. I told them I was planning for them to stay in a hotel. I could tell SIL was very surprised when I told her, but I did it anyway. The hotel was nice, Hampton Inn, and only 1/2 mile from my house. I paid for it. I just wasn't up to having people all over. Mom had DS20 room, so he was on the sofa. DS20 had just come home from college, the same day, so we had all his stuff to deal with. The game room is kind of open on one side...so the noise travels from downstairs up, and up to down. No privacy.

Anyway...I got the feeling that maybe they were offended. But I'm really not sure. DB is a hot head, and he and SIL got into a big fight with each other. So them not talking much, etc, might have been just that.

This weekend DHs parents, brother, and nephew are coming. I rented a hotel room! But now I'm a bit nervous to tell them, because of how my brother acted! Still planning to have one of them here...in DS16s room....and the rest at the hotel. In the past, they've always stayed here. But this is more nights, and one extra person. With them here, it would be 9 people.

Personally, I think I would love to be at the hotel!

What about you?

 

[ashley0139]

I think it's something I would have mentioned before now if they're coming this weekend.

 

[shoney]

I would love it! I am not comfortable staying in other people's homes, so we would have gotten a hotel anyway.

I think it was very thoughtful of you and I would certainly appreciate it!

 

[Squirlz]

I would prefer that myself. Every year my Wifes Father and his Wife pass through and stay for a night. They are cheapskates and she doesn't seem to enjoy staying here, so we'll get them a hotel room next time.

 

[SirDuff]

I prefer staying in a hotel rather than my relative's house (unless there is a lot of room). I would, however, find it weird not to be told/consulted ahead of time especially if the precedence is for me to stay at the house.

 

[lovin'fl]

We used to live out of state from all our family, back when our 3 kids were little. We'd come home for holidays, Communions, graduations, weddings, funerals...etc. I learned that 2-3 nights was plenty. We stayed with the grandparents mostly (once with SIL and once with my Aunt) because we had no money for hotels. If one of them offered to put us up in a hotel, I'd have been VERY happy with that and accepted without ANY offense. But no such luck and we had some stressful times (that's for another thread).

 

[kellyjeanie]

If I got to my sibling's house and they told me they had me set up in a hotel room on their dime? I'd be thrilled! I love my siblings (and my husband's siblings) but I also love having my own space. If I were you, though, given the history is for you to host them at your home, I'd give them a heads' up that you have a hotel set up for them.

 

[msjprincess]

I wouldn't have a problem staying in a hotel. But I would want to know beforehand.

 

[CPanther95]

I wouldn't have a problem staying in a hotel. But I would want to know beforehand.

^^^THIS^^^

 

[tvguy]

We've done the hotel route and staying with us, and visa versa with family members when we went to see them. It's never been an issue. Even rented a motorhome 3 times and parked it in the driveway when our kids were little, because a mix of 80 something Great Grandparents and 3 year old Great Grandchildren sometimes make it nice to have a quiet place to get away.

 

[BrianL]

I'd think a hotel would be better anyway, and you paid for it? Sounds like a better deal in my book.

However, I can attest to the fact that to some people it might be very important to stay under the same roof. My sister is kinda like that. We had a large family trip once and she insisted on renting a house instead of separate hotel rooms (or even just letting some of us stay in hotels and the rest renting a smaller house). Now, to me, I don't really get why, bu some people might feel that way indeed.

 

[HannaBelle]

Would it bother you if your sister had you stay in a hotel, instead of her house?

My DB and DSIL came for the weekend, and they brought my elderly mother. Mom stayed a week, and I took her home. They basically came to bring her, but they (well, just SIL) were excited to come watch their nephews in a musical. They offered to bring a queen sized air mattress, and sleep in our game room. I told them I was planning for them to stay in a hotel. I could tell SIL was very surprised when I told her, but I did it anyway. The hotel was nice, Hampton Inn, and only 1/2 mile from my house. I paid for it. I just wasn't up to having people all over. Mom had DS20 room, so he was on the sofa. DS20 had just come home from college, the same day, so we had all his stuff to deal with. The game room is kind of open on one side...so the noise travels from downstairs up, and up to down. No privacy.

Anyway...I got the feeling that maybe they were offended. But I'm really not sure. DB is a hot head, and he and SIL got into a big fight with each other. So them not talking much, etc, might have been just that.

This weekend DHs parents, brother, and nephew are coming. I rented a hotel room! But now I'm a bit nervous to tell them, because of how my brother acted! Still planning to have one of them here...in DS16s room....and the rest at the hotel. In the past, they've always stayed here. But this is more nights, and one extra person. With them here, it would be 9 people.

Personally, I think I would love to be at the hotel!

What about you?

Yes, it would bother me.

My SIL does this and we no longer visit. It is awkward and I do not want someone else paying for my room. It makes me feel unwelcome and like they don't want us in their house. Which, they don't...so we don't go there anymore to visit.

 

[piccolopat]

We have friends who don't like when we stay in a hotel (right down the road). We only do so because they have 3 cats (I'm allergic) and the most uncomfortable sofa bed in the living room with absolutely no privacy. They lock they cats out of their room at night and we get them walking all over us. Then there is the issue of only one bathroom... So to answer your question, I wouldn't mind at all if I was told that hotel arrangements were made. I think the key is "I was told". Let them know ahead of time and explain that they will be more comfortable there under the circumstances. If they object, how about give them your room and you and your husband take the hotel room?

 

[gwynne]

Yes, it would bother me.

My SIL does this and we no longer visit. It is awkward and I do not want someone else paying for my room. It makes me feel unwelcome and like they don't want us in their house. Which, they don't...so we don't go there anymore to visit.

Have you considered making (and paying for) your own hotel reservations and going for a visit for a night or two?

We nearly always make our own hotel reservations when we visit. It works out fine for us.

 

[Hikergirl]

We have the opposite problem, our relatives get annoyed when we want to stay in a hotel and not at their house.
I prefer a hotel room, but I think it would have been nice to have discussed that with them before their arrival.

 

[gotomu212]

I had the opposite in that I cleaned and prepared for family to stay with me and then once they arrived my sister mentioned they were staying in a hotel. I have no problem with the hotel (and honestly prefer it) but after going to all the trouble I was annoyed she hadn't given me a heads up.

I think on either side it's polite to give someone a warning if you're changing arrangements. And- if someone is putting us up,in a hotel I want to know to bring my swimsuit for the hotel pool!

 

[Sadie22]

No one should want to impose on anyone else, even family. When we visit our kids, we get hotel rooms. It's nicer for everyone. Enough sleeping surfaces are fine, but not enough bathrooms, different schedules, snoring, etc.? Too much togetherness can ruin a visit and relationships.

 

[SirDuff]

I recently moved and am going back home for the weekend in a few weeks. Although a few family members offered that I stayed at their various houses, I had booked a hotel room. However, my dad came up with a plan that (for me) works perfectly - his condo has guest suites that can be booked, so he booked one for me (after checking with me). So, nice and close to my dad (same building), but I have my space and can come and go without bothering him.

 

[ImDMous]

DH and I went to visit my aunt/uncle and cousins once right after we got married. My grandparents were also visiting because they owned an orchard in the same town and were up there at least once a month. When we got there my grandmother told me that we weren't staying at aunt's house and they had gotten us a room at their motel. I felt very unwanted and upset and we drove home, 6 hours. If it had been arranged ahead of time, it would have been just fine but being 'kicked out' after driving all that way to see them was just humiliating.

I was much younger than and very sensitive/insecure. Now if the same thing happened I would probably welcome the privacy, although it would still be very nice to know AHEAD of time.

 

[kerry1379]

I think either way is perfectly fine-your house or hotel. But your guests may wonder if they had offended you. I would just be sure to explain a bit and let them know that things are a bit crazy right now, this is how you thought it would work best for everyone, and that you are looking forward to seeing them!