Would I only be making her feel worse?

[hegsag]

I was reading the newspaper online and came across the obituary for a former friend's father. I haven't talked with her in 15 years...She just stopped talking to me one day and would never tell me why. We were the absolute best of friends - did evrything together in college. Prior to meeting her I had gone out with a guy for 7 years & broke up for 2 years. During the break up is when I met her and was friends with her. Well, me and the boyfriend got back together & got engaged. When I asked her to be my maid of honor is when she stopped talking to me (well, maybe a month later). Years later I heard that she is a lesbian...not sure if that is true and if so if that had anything to do with her not talking to me again (just pure specuation from a mutual friend). I dunno...

Anyway, I was wondering if it would just make her feel worse if I sent her a card or a message on facebook regarding her dad.

 

[Sinderelli]

I would send it- I'm sure no matter what happened she would appreciate your condolences.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

Perhaps she was in love with you and that was the only way for her to handle it, cut it off completely.

Regardless, that was then, this is now. Let her know you care about her loss. That is never wrong.

 

[Had2stopLurking]

Absolutely you should message her. If it's in your budget, maybe even send flowers to the funeral. I had a great friend all through elementary/high school but, when we both went off to college, we just disconnected. No real reason other than time and space.

Her sister died a few years ago of breast cancer at a young age, and although I hadn't seen or spoken to her in at least 10-15 years, I sent flowers to her mothers' home from my family.

I am back in contact with this friend via f/b, and every year on the anniversary of her sister's death, I send her a message telling her she's in my thoughts. It always means a lot to her that she's not the only one that remembers.

 

[MIGrandma]

I would definitely send her a card. I can't imagine she wouldn't appreciate you reaching out to her in that way at such a difficult time for her.

 

[minkydog]

Contact her. When my father died I was very surprised when some old friends made contact with me, no strings attached. It really warmed my heart that they were trying to comfort me.

 

[WheresTheLove]

I think it'd be a nice gesture to contact her. I'm sure she'd appreciate it.

 

[SOnotLayuh]

I also think you should send a card or a fb message. You are a great friend!

 

[JerseyJanice]

It was many years before I stopped grieving for my father. It was 20 years ago today that he left this earth, and I still grieve a little.

So, my point is that you should acknowledge your sympathy for your friend to her and not worry that it will stir up memories. He's probably on her mind all the time already.

 

[Robinrs]

I lost my dad in 2003. I will never forget the people who went out of their way to contact me.

All of the other stuff is typical childish drivel. Losing a parent is real. Let her know you care.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

I agree to send her a card. Just don't bring up your separation. If she wants to contact you and talk, that would be a better time to discuss the past.

 

[bumbershoot]

Sending a card, mentioning a person who has died...those things don't make it hurt more...they make you feel good b/c others remember the person.

I have a friend who ended our relationship, and about a year later I found out the same thing you found out about your friend (though my friend went around telling people that that was the reason I ended the friendship, b/c I couldn't handle it...since that was how I found out she had come out and SHE was the one who ended it, obviously that wasn't true)...but if I found out that her mom had died, I would try to get a card to her. It's just the nice thing to do.