My emetophobia. I wrote this for a site, I'm no longer 13. I have not been diagnosed, but it's pretty darn obvious that I am this way.
I'm curious, have you guys actually be diagnosed for it? Are you guys just kinda afraid, or scared to death?
I'm 13, almost 14. This fear, it controls my life. I never have much fun anymore, and I'm just always afraid. I have yet to go a day without fearing that myself or someone else is going to be sick.
The farthest I can remember back of being sick was one night after I ate this sourcream and cheese noodles. I was like three, and I thought it was coming through my nose (silly me). But to this day, I refuse to eat them, or even look at them. I always associate them to v*ting.
From the age of 3-6, I got car sick everytime I went to my grandparents, or somewhere more than an hour away. I would cry when my parents told me I was going up there. And then, I'd freak out, only have a drink for breakfast and then my stomach couldn't handle it, or I'd burp it up. I hated it. I used to live off of gravol and wore sea bands all the time. I only stopped getting carsick when I was about 6 or 7.
Since then, I haven't been sick. But I'm afraid I will, I feel as though, my time has come, and sooner or later it's going to happen and I'm not ready for it. In grade six I almost threw up, I woke up with this awful headache and then I had breakfast. After that I stil had the headache and my stomach felt weird, a weird I never felt before. I had diarrhea and I was sick of sitting on the toilet so I just kind of sat around... and then I paced and then I started to heave, which almost made me shart. I swallowed it back down and started crying. I went to use the washroom, and then after that I was fine. I went to a friends house and sat there, terrified I'd puke. And then, a few weeks later I felt ill. I'd go to school and be home by 8.30. Everyday for a week. And then I'd feel fine the next week, and then the week after that the same thing would happen. I missed a lot of school and it drove me nuts, and my parents were concerned. Now, a lot of the time when I feel really sick, I feel this way for about a week, and it sucks.
I hate sleepovers, because I always feel sick. I sit there for hours afraid I'll be sick.
In grade seven, I developed some bad habits. I'd smooth my hair over, I'd plug my ear and close one eye and I'd swallow with my jaw moving. This scared my friends and they made fun of me. I co uldn't help it, it made me feel better, it helped me focus on other things. Nowadays, I don't do anything but swallow, but I make sure I don't make it obvious.
Last year I went on vacation, and I was so happpy that day we were leaving. I felt fine. And then we got to the Toronto airport, and I had an iced cap. As I had only eaten a dougnut for breakfast, it took a toll of my stomach. I felt ill, and ended up pacing back and forth by my departure gate. I felt better when I got on the plane, but for some reason when we arrived in Florida I had this funny feeling in my stomach. So basically, I felt awful and didn't want to eat. The entire first week I was in Florida, I hated eating. When we were at the pool home, I'd sit in front of the tv watching dumb shows, instead of swimming because I had a stomach ache. I complained when they dragged me to Wal Mart or CVS, and I couldn't stand it. I knew I was hungry as I wasn't eating much, but I didn't feel like eating. I didn't enjoy meals that I always enjoyed at Olive Garden. It sucked. And that whole time I never did things I wanted to do because I felt ill. After that week, we did other things like Disney and a cruise. I still felt ill, but I pushed it away.
When I go to bed, if I just drank water or something, I have to lie flat on my back from about 20 minutes before I can turn. If I do, it'll upset my stomach. I refrain from eating food after supper because I'm afraid it'll make me sick.
If someone in the house is ill, Iock myself in my bedroom and listen to music loudly. I won't talk to that person for a day, and I won't use that bathroom for at least two days. One time I was at my grandparents, where they only have one bathroom, and I really had to go when I got there.. didn't go for another six hours.
When I was like 11, I was in this play. This girl was complaining about a headache, and when we got on stage she looked fine. We were singing and as we were ending the song, I heard a splat on the ground and her head bent over. I froze, still singing and felt tingles all around my spine. I was kind of numb, but still singing. She ran off the stage and the entire night I was scared. Later I realized she got some on me and I freaked out.
I'll stop eating during the day if I feel ill, I'll skip breakfast and lunch altogether and such. I just don't want to be sick again. I need my flu shot every year, I would cry for like a week if I got the stomach flu.
I'm also afraid of dying alone, without a husband, or a man that loves me. It's something important to me that I find love in life.