worry about kindergarten

[Bren's Mom]

My little guy, starting 1st grade at the end of the month, was very excited but then overly anxious last year. He had been in preschool as well, and before that daycare, so this wasn't a 'suddenly leaving mommy' type of anxiety at all. He was also looking forward to the bus.

Since the teachers need to be back at least a day or two ahead of time, why not stop in to the school with him and ask at the office if you can walk down to his classroom and let him meet his teacher? I would imagine this would be fine, you're talking about less than 5 minutes. That might help.

And definitely let him take the bus. ABSOLUTELY! We put ds on the bus on day 1. The routine going forward was he would be getting off at the home daycare we had doing afterschool care, but the first day I met him there at the stop he'd be getting off every day. Actually both the DCP and I met him out there, and that was great. He actually chose to stay at her house and play with the other kids rather than leave with me. So I let him. (He's been there getting acquainted several days before school started.)

The lead-up to the first day was SO much more dramatic than the event itself.

 

[Lisa71]

Our daughter starts kinder the 23rd and she has had some tears regarding the new school, new friends, etc. We just let her talk and cry and support her, and remind her that it is normal and everyone goes to kinder and comes out ok. She LOVED preschool and never had issues. I think a lot of kids see the big transition and are nervous. We are just taking baby steps "Yes, that is your school"...etc. Hang in there and keep us posted!!

 

[starsweeper]

My ODS starts kindergarten this year as well. He also did pre-K and preschool the last 2 years, but I know the first month will be difficult. He has separation issues each time we begin a school year and after extended school breaks--Christmas, spring break, etc. I find the best thing I can do is reassure him, act excited about school myself, and make drop-offs short and sweet. If I allow him to make me linger at drop-off, it makes things worse and he is more likely to be clingy or get very emotional.

My DS will be attending a private school that held several info sessions/mini-orientations this summer. We attended one of those, he saw his classroom and met some staff, even though we were already enrolled. His class also had a pizza and playground party at the school last week, and today was an open house event where he met his teacher in her classroom. Having these repeated trips to the school has eased his anxiety about going somewhere new in the fall and made him excited about "his school."

I would definitely try taking some trips to the school. Arrange a tour, play at the playground, practice getting ready for school and driving there. As a former teacher, I know many are very busy and in training sessions prior to opening day, so meeting with the teacher before open house may not be easily arranged. My advice is go early to the open house before it's busy, so you have more time to speak individually with the teacher. Also, write down your concerns and contact info to hand to her. With 30 sets of parents, it's hard to remember everything unique for every child, but notes are great for reviewing and putting in their class files as reminders.

 

[NotUrsula]

If he's been happy and looking forward to it and suddenly has done a 180 turn, I'd wonder if some other child or even an adult has recently said something to him that has brought this on. It may be that he is reacting to playground mis-information.

(My DD does this ALL the time. Her best buddy at preschool is a know-it-all kid who loves to spread doomsday scenarios, and she falls for it every single time. Most recently he had her terrified of losing baby teeth ... "because it REALLY HURTS BAD!!!")

 

[amberdburke]

As a former Kindergarten teacher, I can say that I would have loved to have a parent like you come into my class! You would not be "that parent" in my book, unless you go overboard making demands.

The teacher may not be assigned yet. We didn't find out who was in our class until the day before (or morning of) Open House. However, it may help to just go on a generic school tour.

It takes a special kind of teacher to teach Kindergarten, and most that I have met are specially equipped to deal with students who are having a hard time. I'm sure after a week or so it will all be fine

 

[JenInVirginia]

My (now 14yo) son was very similar to yours. There is a great book called "The Kissing Hand" about a little raccoon who is worried about leaving his mom to go to school. It may help.

 

[JennCa]

I teach also and today is our first day.

My opinion is to start off with the books bout school, The Kissing Hand is Perfect! Another silly choice is Robert Musch (sp?) We share everything!.

I would take him to school before it starts to play on the Kinder playground and walk around and just look. I would get playdates with other kids who are starting. If he still feels unusually anxious go meet the teacher beforehand, no need to super stress out and that is not really out of the norm for parent behavior. At the Open House the day before it starts he explain how lots of people are nervous because it is new, but very exciting and fun! Just talk up the fun!!

I would definitely drive him to school, walk him to the door and then pick him up everyday until he feels comfortable. Some kids love the bus, but it adds a whole different component and lengthens the day just that bit more. Over the years I have heard countless stories from children that for different reasons the bus is not a great choice but for the majority it is great. My daughter would have loved to ride the bus.

On the day of I would say quick goodbyes mean dry eyes, don't streetch out the drama. When the other parents leave, give a hug and a kiss and say I want to hear about all your exciting adventures when I pick you up. Then actually leave fast and don't let him see you. The parents who are "that parent" are the ones who make it sound like they are going, but the can't because their child just needs them sooooo much and thay draw it out like a drama. They are also the ones who look through the window for ages, distracting the kids. My 2 cents.

Jenn

 

[krowe333]

I can so relate! I have 2 girls-one starting 1st grade and the other 5th grade.
I am a stay at home mom, so this summer we all had so much fun in the pool and doing things together. I just love them so much and looking around the house at their DS's and toys and I have just been crying all day. They just grow up so so fast. I just have to pull myself together. I got a shower and put on make-up to try and take my mind off of it-helped a little, but I know it will get better. I hope your day gets better.

 

[mwmom]

As an elementary principal, I would encourage you to call the school and ask to speak to the counselor (or AP or principal). All kinders are nervous about starting school, but your son is exhibiting some signs that he is very anxious about it. I would welcome a call like that! It would be nice if you could take him up to the school to meet the counselor. At our school, the counselor would then walk with him that first day since he has a person he trusts (and you since we allow parents to walk them to class the first day) and stay with him while you leave. Also, read the Kissing Hand the night before school and then give him a kiss on his hand when you leave. He may cry when you leave, but the very best thing you can do is leave him with his teacher and/or the counselor, and let her calm him down. They get so busy doing things and making friends that most kids calm down fairly quickly. There are a few that we have had cry off and on all day and those are usually the kids who have strong separation anxiety with the parent so it will take them longer to adjust. That just may be a child's personality which is perfectly fine and the adults around him can help him learn to adjust to this; it just takes more time.

For right now, get some books at the library about starting school that are funny or soothing and read those to him. Ask him what he is worried about; you may have to probe to find out what the real fear is. If he is most anxious about leaving you, reassure him that you will always _____(whatever your plan is for after school such as pick him up at school, pick him up at bus stop, etc.). If separation is a really hard thing for him, don't go up for lunch for a while (if that is allowed at your school) as that just creates another time in his day that he has to separate from you.

If he cries that morning, ask that the counselor, AP or principal to call you later in the morning to let you know how he is doing. I always call the parents of the kids who are crying in the morning to let them know what they were doing at the time that I checked on them. I know how it feels to worry about your child all day!

Reassure the person that you are talking to that you want to do all you can to help your child with this transition and that you will follow their words of advice. (and do if it is reasonable) This will ensure that the school knows that you are not just being overprotective but just want to partner with them to help your son.

Good luck!