Worried about being alone (Update pg2)

[chi_girl]

I have very irregular menstrual cycles. I can go months without a period and then have 3 in a 6 week period of time. This has been going on since I got my first period, and as I am not fond of BC, I don’t really let it bother me much. Well, I found out in September that I was pregnant. I didn’t have a period in July, but did have some bleeding on and off in August, so I didn’t even think I was pregnant, until I realized I was craving Chocolate, and my pants were getting tight. I am typically a salty craver, and only crave sugar while pregnant. Unlike my other pregnancies, I had no morning sickness either.

Well, because my periods are so off, I have no dates to count back to the date of conception. I was given a due date of March 16, from the first ultrasound. Well, the last two appointments, my doctor says I am measuring about 3 weeks father along. She wants to do another u/s at my next appointment, this Friday and she may move my due date up to February 23.

Now comes the problem. My DH is on assignment in Japan until February 19. He has very little chance of coming back any earlier. I am terrified of goint into labor earlier then my due date, and having to go through labor without him. My parents live in California, and I do not feel comfortable having my in-laws with me. Although I love them, I do not want them there. Does anyone have any advice or suggestions? I have a couple of very close friends here, but feel very strange asking one of them. Both with having someone other then my DH with me, and even more, having to ask a friend to do something that private.

I am stressing out big-time about this, and haven’t been able to sleep the last few nights.

Michele

 

[Royalbear]

consider hiring a doula. These women are trained in labor support and are used to helping all women. Also, be reassured that the earliest ultrasounds are usually the most accurate when it comes to dating the pregnancy. Were you early with your other deliveries? Past pregnancies are good indicators of what will happen this time.

 

[ducklite]

I agree, a doula would be very comforting and as supportive. It's possible your health insurance might even kick in a portion--and in some areas/at some birthing centers doulas are volunteers. I'd also talk to your birthing center/hospital about the possibility of having your husband on speaker phone during your labor and/or delivery so he can give you support.

What I'd ask my girlfriends for are to be there to take care of your kids! Having a primary and a backup for childcare is going to be crucial for you--especially if you go into labor in the middle of the night or unexpectedly. Make sure your kids understand that you're going to be fine, and they will be fine--maybe have a little gift and an over night bag packed for each if they'll need to go to your friends hom rather than her coming to yours. And make sure they'll be able to keep the kids for up to a week, just in case you need a little extra time recuperating.

Anne

 

[Pollito916]

Would one of your parents be able to come out and spend a week or two with you until your DH returns? That might make you feel better. I'm sorry I don't have any other ideas, but I'm sure everything will work out for you.

 

[disykat]

I agree with a doula, but I'd also ask a friend. I'm with you in feeling that dh should be the only one there, but since that might not be possible a girl friend would be helpful.

I was "on call" for a friend in a similar situation. I felt weird about it, but was absolutely ready to be there for her - and a little excited too. However, her dh made it back in time (literally hours to spare). There was no question about me still going - I was arranged only as a backup. If you are worried a friend would be disappointed if your dh ended up making it - please rest assured. I was 100% thrilled that my friend's dh made it back in time. I know there's no way I could have substituted for him, but I would have done anything in my power to be there for her. In addition to support it is always good to have an advocate in case you need one - maybe even having someone who will sit in the waiting room in case you need her would work? In my case, we weren't even super close friends - I just happened to be her friend with the oldest kids and a dh who could deal with them without me. I truly WANTED to help her if needed.

 

[laurajetter]

Another vote for doula. I had one when I had my son, both she and my husband were my coaches. She was AWESOME! A doula will guide you every step of the way. I labored at home for quite a while and my doula was instrumental in letting us know when we needed to leave for the hospital (We wanted to labor at home as long as possible).

She guided me through each and every contraction, had a whole bagful of tricks to help me with the pain and was a very soothing, comforting voice during my worst contractions. I felt I was completely in good hands and I truly believe this would be the perfect solution to your question.

Laura

 

[Keli]

I would ask a friend to step in if you dh isn't back yet. Honestly, even though it is a very private thing you shouldn't be alone and a friend that loves you is a good substatute. And very few people wouldn't understand seeing the circumstances. I know I wouldn't even be surprised if a friend asked this of me if her dh couldn't be there. And I would gladly do it for her.

 

[chi_girl]

Were you early with your other deliveries? Past pregnancies are good indicators of what will happen this time.

Not too much. DD#1 came 3 days before due date and DD#2 came 7 days before due date. The reason I worry is because they were both rather petit for being full-term. DD#1 weighed 6#2 and DD#2 weighed 5#8, so the doctor saying this baby is big, makes me morre then a bit surprised. It am worried that I could be even farther along then they realize.

 

[Pin Wizard]

I had a c-section with a coworker in the room. LOL! Talk about feeling weird. But she and her husband lived down the street from me. My OB didn't care who was with me as long as someone was.

 

[chi_girl]

Thanks for the advice. I will look into hiring a doula. The problem I see with that, is if DH is home, I'd rather it just be him and a doctor. If I hirer someone, then I am rather stuck, right?

I think I am just going to have to get the nerves to ask a friend. I have two good friends who live rather close by, one was my roommate in high school, and moved to Illinois partly because I raved about it, and helped her get a job. I just need to get up the nerves to do it. I am very shy and do not like asking for anything, even of my close friends and family.

How does one go about asking a friend? Any advise? Ways to bridge it? I was thinking maybe inviting her to lunch. But then I have to actually ask. Yikes.

Also, how do I tell my MIL that I do not want her there. She has been hinting about being in the room, if DH isn't back.

Thanks,
Michele

 

[rascalmom]

I would ask your friend - if she was your roommate & moved to live in your state, you must have a somewhat close relationship. Take her to lunch & ask her. I bet she'll be thrilled & honored!

As for the MIL - no good advice there. How about asking DH to let her know in a gentle way? Maybe suggesting that she would be so much more of a comfort to you if you knew she was there to take the older kids?

 

[disykat]

Maybe your MIL is hinting because she wants you to know you don't have to be alone? I'd talk to the friend and just tell them what you told us - that you need a substitute labor support person to be available if the baby comes before dh gets home. Then you can ask your MIL to help you with the kids.

I know it seems like a lot to ask, but I'm sure your friends would WANT to be there for you and would feel honored that you see them as that kind of supportive friend. I know I felt that way with my friend.

 

[kilee]

I'd also talk to your doctor. They sometimes have women who volunteer to be a support person. At least it's common around here. My mom's best friend does this. She will meet the women around their 6 months. They talk on the phone, go out to eat, and if she's needed she will help them through their labor. She's essentially a doula- but she's a volunteer. I know there are a few women at my OB/GYN's office that do this.

 

[Lyn5]

When my DSIL had her first son, her parents, my DH (her brother), her DH and I where in the room. DH and I were planning on saying hi and leaving, but she wanted everyone to stay. She was o.k. with it and so I was o.k. since she wanted it. It was the first time I had seen a live childbirth and it was before I had my DS and DD. When my DD was a few months old, I had a single friend who called me when she went into labor. I offered to stay with her as long as her wanted and she asked that I come. In the end, she went into labor with me, her mom, her ex-boyfriend's sister and her cousin...I offered to leave, but she wanted me to stay so I did. I was o.k. with it too since for whatever reason my being there comforted her, even with her mom there.....When I had my two it was only DH and I there. So, I think that everyone is different and if you want to share this experience with a friend or in-law, you may be suprised by how honored and supportive they are....and they would hopefully know their place as a stand in and be o.k. with stepping back if your DH is home. JMHO. Goodluck

 

[barkley]

i used a nurse/midwife for my first delivery, obgyn for the second (would have been the same nurse/midwife but she broke her leg skiing a week before i delivered). in hindsight if my husband could not have been there i think i could have coped with her being the only one present. but i think this is because she was with me for every step of the pregnancy and i felt a bond with her (our obgyn's office gave the option of utilizing her with the doctor's oversight and guidance throughout the entire pregnancy-she worked for them). i don't think i would feel comfortable with someone i hired near the end of the pregnancy.
your situation reminds me of a couple that was doing the maternity ward/birthing center tour at the same time we did. this couple had just been relocated-no family or friends anywhere nearby. they were very concerned who would watch their young children during the delivery, and what they would do should he be called away before she delivered. i recall the administrator of the ward telling them she would refer them to their "maternity services" person who could help them look at resources should the need arrise.

i feel for you on the changing due date! a dear friend was in a similar situation and always thought she was further along than her doctor deemed. her husband got transfered and they moved accross state a month before her supposed due date. the new doctor was hesitant to change the date-he relied on the previous doctor's calculations. when she had that baby (3 weeks earlier than they were told to expect it) it was apparant that not only was he full term he was probably at least 2 weeks OVERDUE! she still laughs about having the only "toddler" in the newborn area (and none of those little caps or shirts the hospital had were big enuf to fit him ).

best wishes for a beautiful, healthy baby.

 

[aprilgail2]

I had a c-section with a coworker in the room. LOL! Talk about feeling weird. But she and her husband lived down the street from me. My OB didn't care who was with me as long as someone was.

I had a c-section by myself..in fact I was by myself when my water broke, I walked across the street and asked my neighbor to drop me off at the hospital...it was actually nice to get to do it all on my own, there was no one there to have to make idol chit chat with while waiting to have my daughter...it was very peaceful-well other than the lady next door to me screaming about every little pain.....

 

[chi_girl]

Thanks for the advice and guidance. I just emailed my friend, and asked to do lunch next week. I am still very scared about actually asking her - not that she will say no, or be affended or anything. Just the fact that i have to ask for something. I am so tempted to just email or IM her. LOL

Anyway. All this is moot point, until tomorrow, when I go back to the doctor. Maybe the baby will have miracusly shrunk or maybe my husband will grow a spine and tell the firm to do something without him for once...

Michele

 

[chi_girl]

I went to the OB/GYN this morning for another scan. She measured me at 32 centimeters and the baby at 3.3 pounds and nearly 15 inches. There is no way I am only 27 weeks. She officially moved my due date up to February 23rd (Moving me to about 30 weeks).

Although I was almost certain this was going to happen, I still broke-down. I sat for more then an hour in the parking lot, crying hysterically. It just feels like 3 weeks have been taken away from me. I called DH and told him that I had not signed up to being a single parent, and said a number of things I now regret. I understand that he has grandiose ambitions, but I want a husband, not someone I see twice in 6 months. Then I called my friend, I just couldn’t wait until Monday to see her in person. I was crying so hard, that she thought that something was seriously wrong. She agreed to do whatever was needed, and we had a good laugh at how hard of a time I was having asking her. I am still very uncomfortable with the whole idea, but if it's the only way.

Michele

Now I just got to find out how to change this ticker thing…

 

[mickeyboat]

Hugs. It will all be o.k. You have a great friend, there.

Denae