Working moms: Do you feel held back?

[yoopermom]

Re your DH's choice of occupation, I got my MLS back in the early 90s. It is a wonderful, but usually NOT a lucrative career. Many of us in it are "lifers", so there are few new openings, and many positions expect experience as well as education, often for starting pay well under $20/hr. Although your DH may have to move to get a job in the field, that job may very well not pay enough for a family to live on (especially if there are student loans involved).

Terri

 

[Happyinwonerland]

Re your DH's choice of occupation, I got my MLS back in the early 90s. It is a wonderful, but usually NOT a lucrative career. Many of us in it are "lifers", so there are few new openings, and many positions expect experience as well as education, often for starting pay well under $20/hr. Although your DH may have to move to get a job in the field, that job may very well not pay enough for a family to live on (especially if there are student loans involved).

Terri

Thanks for sharing your experience.
He actually already works as a library assistanto at a small private college so he is getting tons of experience to help his resume. I know he won't be able to support the family on his income, I have no illusions of that. But it will take some of the burden off of me which will be nice. And thankfully I am able to fund his degree with my wages, so student loans won't be an issue.

 

[grassyknoll]

Also regarding husband and the library world. I am a librarian in a managerial position in a good city. I make a higher salary than many of my library friends and I am worried that your husband might not find a beginning salary in the 50k like you think. Additionally, when I post open positions, even ones that do not require an MLIS, I get over a hundred applicants, and probably 25% have an MLIS/MLS. I agree with the previous poster who states that many of us are lifers, there are few openings and those of us hiring are looking for more than just the degree. I'm not saying that an MLIS is a bad way to go - I am madly in love with my job and think being a librarian is the best thing I've ever done, but I think it's best to be realistic about the field.

As a working mom who is also the breadwinner, I work very hard to make sure that I balance the stress of being a professional and the stress of being a mom. I will say that at times I have felt resentful that I make so much more than my husband and then I feel the pressure that my house and kids should look perfect. I try to see where this pressure is coming from (usually from me) and if I find out it is from my husband (as it has been every now and then) we have a serious discussions about expectations and what marriage looks like in the present times, not in his childhood where his dad was the breadwinner and his mom was a SAHM. I suggest you might want to have the same conversation. Each one gets easier, sometimes people just need reminders.

*edited for grammar - not promising there still aren't mistakes.

 

[Happyinwonerland]

We've got a pretty good grasp of the kinds of jobs he's interested in/qualified for, as well as what his salary will likely be
I do appreciate people sharing their experiences, but we are not naive to the job markets

 

[Kimberly9701]

As I said in a previous post- I'm the sole parent in my family.

I do have at a higher income level than a lot of 2 parent families, I'm also lower than many as well.

That being said, a good portion of my income goes to private school, summer camps, and child care for my son. As well as all of our entertainment and travel budget.

I realize that you do not have all of the above expenses, and that you say you have a grasp on job market etc. I think everyone is giving you advice bc you chose to put personal info out there, and a lot of what you're saying seems difficult to accomplish.
It's great that your husband doesn't have student loans, but as your child grows other expenses will rise.

You stated that you plan on homeschooling, while working full time, and your husband will be working in a very non lucrative field.
There is nothing wrong with that, but it may become difficult for you, even more so with the kind of attitude and expectations that he seems to have..

I hope your eyes are wide open.

I wish you the best.

 

[Happyinwonerland]

I just wanted to update. I'm a few weeks into the new contract and so far things are going well. I think I actually like it better because I don't feel as guilty for not being flexible. I have to work when I have to work, I'm contractually obligated, so it makes me feel less selfish when I'm working. I also seem to be more efficient with my time off, since I know my time is more limited now.

The best part is thay my compensation is expected to increase if I sign on to this level again in 6 months. With full time still being just 3 days a week, I think this will work fine for us. It's just hard getting past the feeling like I need to bend to everyone instead of doing what I think is best.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I just wanted to update. I'm a few weeks into the new contract and so far things are going well. I think I actually like it better because I don't feel as guilty for not being flexible. I have to work when I have to work, I'm contractually obligated, so it makes me feel less selfish when I'm working. I also seem to be more efficient with my time off, since I know my time is more limited now.

The best part is thay my compensation is expected to increase if I sign on to this level again in 6 months. With full time still being just 3 days a week, I think this will work fine for us. It's just hard getting past the feeling like I need to bend to everyone instead of doing what I think is best.

Well, I would say you are coming into your own. I am happy that are doing well.

In time you will blend the feeling you have now and what is best for you. That is very important part of your well being & happiness. Never forget that.

I am doing it as well, starting at 51. It is not easy no matter the timing or your age.

Good Luck!

 

[North of Mouse]

Happyinwonerland, glad things are going well for you - wish you the best and that this continues.

 

[elaine amj]

Glad things are going well for you!!