Working mom vent

[JVL1018]

I know being a SAHM is hard work and I commend you for it. But just because I have a career does not mean that my parental responsibilities go away. I have still have a child to raise and a house to clean. I sympathize with the poster for not giving to the PTA. Why should she if she is treated like a second class parent?

Because it's all about the kids.
You're not hurting the witchy PTA members by withholding support, it's the kids who won't get all they would be able to.

BTW I agree wholeheartedly with your statement about working moms(I am a SAHM). I don't know how you all do it, for real-but I will be going back to work next year, I suppose, so I guess I'll figure it out. LOL.
Hats off to you!

 

[CajunDixie]

When the boys were in elementary I did the whole PTFO thing and we did have most of our meetings in the mornings. Meetings that only had less than 20 women there! But when something major was going on like the DARE graduation, school carnival or "Winter" party (we couldn't call it a Christmas party ) we would email the working moms and suggest ways they could help that wouldn't interfere with their work schedules. One lady worked at Aldi's and her "job" was buying the buns for the carnival hot dogs and sloppy joes. Another owned a print shop so the job she volunteered to do was print flyers. The working parents at our school could help in ways us SAHM couldn't!!! Carnival night takes tons of help and the SAHMs did the preperation but the working parents were great about volunteering for an hour shift at thier child's class game. Groups that don't see the advantage of combing SAHMs and working parents are only hurting themselves.

 

[ajk912]

I don't know, I can see both sides. For a party planning meeting it kind of makes sense to have that during the day..because if you have the time to go to the party (during the day), then you probably have time to go to a planning meeting during the day. So that wouldn't catch me off guard.

I know our school has PTA meetings at night and day, and I know the big voting meetings are always at night.

As for the SAHM/WOHM debate...well, there are pros and cons to both sides. I have done both. It's a HUGE plus not to be around your kids 24/7, and to have backup childcare through daycare/a nanny etc. It's great to have the second income so you aren't stretched as much with the budget. It's great not to have little ones not trashing the house all day long..just for 3 hours at night.

Cons: The only real con, for me, is finding emergency childcare when your kids are sick, and you have to do a days' worth of laundry in 3 hours at night instead of doing laundry all day. Errands, you only have weekends instead of all day like a SAHM (but when I worked I would do errands to and from work).

Me, I think being a SAHM is MUCH harder. I am looking to get back in the workforce ASAP as soon as I can find another job that will pay for childcare for three kids plus at least $700 a month after taxes (my break even point) so far..not going well....

 

[mamacatnv]

DD's former school used to have PTO after school and from 700+ kids they had like 4 members because most people worked. Enough was said to the school administration that they went to an evening.

The SAHM used the argument that they couldn't get child care or that it was family time. The working Moms used the we can't get out of work argument.
The Principal finally said by going to evenings then all families are equally affected whether it interferred with dinner or was a child care issue. There was a section of the meeting room where a movie was played for those that needed to bring their kids.

At DD's current school - all PTC functions and school meetings take place in the evenings.

I refuse to get into the working vs. sahm debate - we all do what we can or what we think is best. We need to support each others decisions and choices not use them as a weapon to tear each other apart.

 

[Kae]

Single moms (like me) can always bring the kid(s) with them in the evening, if nothing else. But we can't exactly take off work for such a silly reason. Crap like this is why the PTA will never get one thin dime from me... it makes me insane that everything is scheduled around people with nothing but time on their hands anyway while the rest of us are out working all day.

Thats sad our PTO pays for most of the field trips, we charge $1 per student PTO picks up the rest, We paid out over 2k last year-no student gets denied going on field trips, 6th grade banquet, Sport uniforms, pencil sharpeners, most room supplies, boards for science fair projects, We have family games nights during the winter months & we provide snacks, snacks during state testing for the kids & much more.

I am a Working mom I make the meetings I can, lucky for me it is most of them. We have really never gotten a good turn out for evening meetings, kids are so active in the evenings anymore. But we have alot working moms who don't attend meetings but are still very active one does are Campbells soup labels, we do have evening gatherings for counting money from fund raisers, are evenimg shifts for working the book fairs always book up first, one mom plans the monthly skating party.

Kae

 

[Mkrop]

I am not a mother yet but I assume that I will be a working mom when I do have children. This type of situation seems so disappointing. I don't understand why they can't hold both? It sounds like some SAHMs are a little scary..


I don't blame you for venting!

Not all SAHMs are like what is being portrayed here.

Single moms (like me) can always bring the kid(s) with them in the evening, if nothing else. But we can't exactly take off work for such a silly reason. Crap like this is why the PTA will never get one thin dime from me... it makes me insane that everything is scheduled around people with nothing but time on their hands anyway while the rest of us are out working all day.

Gee I am a SAHM and I dont have time on my hands, and I am up at the school volunteering my time to help your child, so why not try being grateful to the people who do go up during the day, if your situation makes it so you are unable.

When I am in the library helping the kids, I helped everyone, the teachers are very grateful we are there, seems like some parents should learn to be too.

With that said, our PTA does a wonderful job of trying to include all parents, all meeting are held at night, they have now started to provide babysitting, but I wouldnt send a baby there, it really is only for the older kids but they are trying.

They are volunteer opps on the weekends as well, I dont see the WOHMs running for those jobs to help the kids, I see the same parents helping over and over again, and others just whining.

 

[chrisw127]

Single moms (like me) can always bring the kid(s) with them in the evening, if nothing else. But we can't exactly take off work for such a silly reason. Crap like this is why the PTA will never get one thin dime from me... it makes me insane that everything is scheduled around people with nothing but time on their hands anyway while the rest of us are out working all day.

Seriously? I've worked my entire adult life in some pretty stressful jobs (military, lawyer, ect.) and being a SAHM is much more stressful.

FWIW, I make a point of correcting SAHMs who make rude comments about working moms (and believe me, some of them are talking about working moms in much the same way). I don't think it serves women very well to judge how each other spends her day, working outside of the home or not.

 

[Planogirl]

I appreciate those SAHM's that volunteer their time. What makes me crazy is that some of the groups expect working Mom's to donate the same amount of time as everyone else. This sounds fair but I can't, I have to work! I'm also wiped out by the weekend and still have to do housecleaning and errands and so on.

I don't know what the solution is but I try to donate money when I can rather than time.

 

[Magic Mom]

Single moms (like me) can always bring the kid(s) with them in the evening, if nothing else. But we can't exactly take off work for such a silly reason. Crap like this is why the PTA will never get one thin dime from me... it makes me insane that everything is scheduled around people with nothing but time on their hands anyway while the rest of us are out working all day.

The money you won't donate doesn't go to the lazy SAHM's you don't like, it goes to buy equipment, and create programs for your children.

 

[Gina]

Just for the record, I was a SAHM mom when DS was an infant. Being a working-full-time single parent is about a kajillion times harder. Because as someone else said, you still have all the "home" stuff waiting for you when you actually do get home. And like it or not, your schedule is flexible -- a working parent's isn't. And that was my point.

 

[emma'smom]

We have this thing in our town called "babysitters". They are usually high school or college students who you can call and hire to come over and watch your children while you go to a meeting. It seems to work for us!

Also, I sometimes just take my kids with me to school meetings and make a point of telling other moms/dads that I plan to do so. Then they can bring their children and they can all play together on the playground or in the gym while the parents have the meeting. This summer, we met at picnic tables nearby the playground so we could keep an eye on them. Worked just fine...

However, most of the time....parents just correspond over e-mail. I'm chairing the auction right now and we have a whole committee working on it. Everyone signed up for a job...we've brainstormed ideas and reported back in group e-mails. Most of the work has been done via e-mail. Fewer meetings...everyone's happier!

 

[suzanna1066@comcast.]

Not all SAHMs are like what is being portrayed here.



Gee I am a SAHM and I dont have time on my hands, and I am up at the school volunteering my time to help your child, so why not try being grateful to the people who do go up during the day, if your situation makes it so you are unable.

When I am in the library helping the kids, I helped everyone, the teachers are very grateful we are there, seems like some parents should learn to be too.

With that said, our PTA does a wonderful job of trying to include all parents, all meeting are held at night, they have now started to provide babysitting, but I wouldnt send a baby there, it really is only for the older kids but they are trying.

They are volunteer opps on the weekends as well, I dont see the WOHMs running for those jobs to help the kids, I see the same parents helping over and over again, and others just whining.

Has it occurred to you that maybe the same parents help over and over because others are made to feel unwelcome? I have been to functions where all the SAHMs know each other and they make no effort to include others. In fact, I have felt at times that they purposely make you feel unwelcome and not part of their group. I have tried to offer my time but am not going to subject myself to their junior high behavior.

 

[LaraK]

I did PTO work last year...wrote some donation letters for them and things that I could do on my time...I had to drop it this year...there just aren't enough hours in the day. I work full time (and then some) and do Scouts. I know I do a lot, but I still feel guilty. I think that's the hard part and I wonder if it's part of what hurt the OP also...it's not like I wouldn't LIKE to be a chaperone for the zoo trip, or go to muffins with mom, or watch the Halloween parade....I CAN'T. It makes me feel like crap and the guilt kicks in (especially when your kid comes home and cries saying "why don't you love me like the other moms love their kids"...nice message SOMEONE gave her). But you know, a lot of us have a simple choice, work or starve.

Sorry, I started wandering there. OP...I do understand. Really I do.

 

[rkrivas]

I can understand your feelings of frustration!
I used to volunteer as much time as I could, but I've stopped doing as much. I grew tired of hearing SAHMs saying to not expect much from WOHMs.

 

[bunny]

Just for the record, I was a SAHM mom when DS was an infant. Being a working-full-time single parent is about a kajillion times harder. Because as someone else said, you still have all the "home" stuff waiting for you when you actually do get home. And like it or not, your schedule is flexible -- a working parent's isn't. And that was my point.

I can't even imagine how hard it would be to be a single parent. I admire all of the single moms.

I think the SAHM's probably aren't trying to be mean. They just don't understand. Last year I took a vacation day to volunteer for my son's field trip. As soon as I got there, the usual moms (you know the ones that go on every field trip) acted like I was from outer space. So I started talking with them, introducing myself. The homeroom mom said "Its about time you showed up for something." I replied, "Well, it is a little hard when you work full-time and need to take a vacation day to be here. So when you are at the beach this summer, remember me at work, since I am taking my vacation day now." Her face turned white. Later on, she apologized to me, but I think she really didn't understand or rather she talked with thinking.

 

[castleview]

honestly the best solution either of the schools my kids attended came up with was (1) have the parents who wanted to volunteer for stuff like this fill out a form at the begining of the year and indicate what was the absolute times they were unable to meet-then the teacher (or room mom) tried to assign parties around people of similar scheduals (so the sahms tended to do some parties, the working moms others, with some cross participation, or (2)-this is what the kid's current school does-the teachers have it down to a set science on parties, they have a basic format and supply list that they give to the designated room parent who then contacts either the volunteers for a specific party (or all parents depending on the event) and we are given our 'marching orders' these can range from 'send one dozen christmas cookies-with sprinkles' to 'we're sending you x number of things to cut out for the y game' (we do get to indicate at the begining of the year our preference on cooking/providing food items vs. other jobs but they spread out the grunt work pretty equitably).

I agree with this. At Meet the Teachers Night, each classroom teacher puts out a food/drink list for each party/holiday. You fill out what you want to bring in and then the room moms calls to remind you as the party approaches. Same goes for assigning classroom help...this year DD's room mom handled that schedule by e-mail. Imagine that. I'm a SAHM and I frankly don't want to be at the school that often.

Mom #2 was wrong. Some people are so insecure with their decisions and situations that they have to be rude and make others feel slighted. I actually feel sorry for her that she can't think of other people's circumstances before she opens her mouth.

 

[castleview]

Just for the record, I was a SAHM mom when DS was an infant. Being a working-full-time single parent is about a kajillion times harder. Because as someone else said, you still have all the "home" stuff waiting for you when you actually do get home. And like it or not, your schedule is flexible -- a working parent's isn't. And that was my point.

Yes, accept your kids have eight less hours a day to mess up the house! Just kidding. I envy working moms who can have the best of both worlds. Let's not go down this road. Many of the working moms on are PTO handle stuff within their profession that SAHMs can't have access too. As a SAHM, I have the time to run around and get other things done. We all make it work in whatever way we can.

 

[Mkrop]

Has it occurred to you that maybe the same parents help over and over because others are made to feel unwelcome? I have been to functions where all the SAHMs know each other and they make no effort to include others. In fact, I have felt at times that they purposely make you feel unwelcome and not part of their group. I have tried to offer my time but am not going to subject myself to their junior high behavior.

No our school is very welcoming, the same parents that help over and over again are working and stay at home, there are some cliques, I am not a part of them, but most are very welcoming. We have several social events and meetings asking for new families to help out. I have heard several parents whine that they want to help but cant bc they work and then when someone suggests oh you could help with A,B and C on the weekends, they dont seem all that interested, it is usually only a short period of time commitment, yet we cant get the volunteers. It is different if you are committed elsewhere like a team or scouts, you are giving back to the kids.

I understand about the balance, I worked too. I admire working moms, it is a balancing act. I just hate that there are working parents out there that paint this brush that the SAHM is a "lazy, cliquey, with so much time on my hands" person.

ETA

Also our PTA just did an intersting meeting, making everyone sit with the grade their kids are in, I sat with K since I dont know some of these parents and I do know most of the parents in 5th, even the working moms, LOL. Then later in the meeting they made 1/2 the room go to oen side the ohter hal to another and then we had to sit back down. We werent with our "friends", we had to introduce ourselves to the other parents. It was great, I met many new folks that night.

 

[kpm76]

The Mommy Wars are terrible. I stay home with my DD who is 16 months old (I do some contract work). When she was 8 months old, I went back to my former job on a part time basis. I was never so stressed in all my life! For me, being home is a gift and a blessing. It's not for everyone though and the key is respecting people's personal decisions. Some women chose to work outside the home because they love their job while others have to work to support their families. Being a mom is a lot of work. Period. Sorry though, I do think being a SAHM is a luxury. Working moms still have to do all of the things we do during the day but in a compressed timeframe. I think some women are just insecure about their situations so attack others to build themselves up. I have DD is gym and music classes and I have (unfortunately) met some SAHMs that are so out in left field that I actually needed to find other play groups for DD because I could not stand their attitudes. It's like working moms are evil to them. Ugh, let's just stop and support each other instead of saying "I work harder than you."

 

[kpm76]

I agree with this. At Meet the Teachers Night, each classroom teacher puts out a food/drink list for each party/holiday. You fill out what you want to bring in and then the room moms calls to remind you as the party approaches. Same goes for assigning classroom help...this year DD's room mom handled that schedule by e-mail. Imagine that. I'm a SAHM and I frankly don't want to be at the school that often.

Mom #2 was wrong. Some people are so insecure with their decisions and situations that they have to be rude and make others feel slighted. I actually feel sorry for her that she can't think of other people's circumstances before she opens her mouth.

We were posting at the same time....ITA