Working mom vent

[Minnie824]

So, I went to pick up DD from school today, as always, and was talking to a couple of the moms I normally talk to. Two of the moms I've known for a couple years were talking about an upcoming halloween party and organizing it (I'm not helping w/the halloween one, I'm doing the christmas one). Anyway, I work full time, and they do know that. So, Mom1 asks Mom2, so should I just schedule the meeting for the party during the day? Mom2 says yeah, most of us are stay at home moms anyway so that would work best. I say, well for those of us who do work, that wouldn't be all that convenient. Mom2 says, yeah but then after school we all have the kids and thats too difficult.

Normally this stuff doesn't bother me much, but to me this seemed pretty rude on Mom2's part. I'm sure there will be people who don't agree with me, but I just wanted to vent about it so thanks for listening.

 

[bunny]

I stopped doing fundraisers at my son's school for the exact same reason. Our PTL is run by SAHMs. One of the reasons why is because they refuse to hold PTL meetings at night. They always say that they prefer it during the day since they don't need childcare then. So there is no possiblity for working moms or dads to participate. But they push us to do a lot of the fundraising, since we have business contacts and they don't. I asked one of them if they could hold at least a couple meetings during the year at night, so more people could participate. A couple weeks later, she said they discussed and decided that was inconvenient, so no. Well it is inconvenient for me to sell their crap. Now I just ask my child's teacher if there is anything they need and buy it for them directly.

 

[barkley]

i've been on both sides of it. worked outside the home full time so attending day meetings was next to impossible (i worked over an hour away from the school so even a 30 minute meeting entailed taking 4 hours off work ), now a sahm but the idea of driving to the school and picking up the kids only to have to drive back for an evening meeting is loathsome (equaly loathsome when i worked though cuz i picked the kids up at school so i still would have just gotten them settled and maybe homework done and dinner going when we would have had to load up and trek back to the school for an evening meeting which always ended up with the kids hyped back up and rotten to try and get down that night).

honestly the best solution either of the schools my kids attended came up with was (1) have the parents who wanted to volunteer for stuff like this fill out a form at the begining of the year and indicate what was the absolute times they were unable to meet-then the teacher (or room mom) tried to assign parties around people of similar scheduals (so the sahms tended to do some parties, the working moms others, with some cross participation, or (2)-this is what the kid's current school does-the teachers have it down to a set science on parties, they have a basic format and supply list that they give to the designated room parent who then contacts either the volunteers for a specific party (or all parents depending on the event) and we are given our 'marching orders' these can range from 'send one dozen christmas cookies-with sprinkles' to 'we're sending you x number of things to cut out for the y game' (we do get to indicate at the begining of the year our preference on cooking/providing food items vs. other jobs but they spread out the grunt work pretty equitably).

 

[Kitzka]

I'm alsoa working mom and think it's rude.

DD's school parent board is run by SAHM and SAHDs. meeting alternate from one month to the next from evening and day. but the SAH folks really run it. i stopped helping ebcause they were rude and like the PP wanted me to reach out to my business contacts but were never willing to stop complaning about the difficulty of the night meetings (which are always better attended).

So, like the PP i stopped buying the over priced candy and wrapping paper.

I usually make a donation to the school at the beginning of the year and buy items as needed for the teachers.

lara

 

[Rora]

I am not a mother yet but I assume that I will be a working mom when I do have children. This type of situation seems so disappointing. I don't understand why they can't hold both? It sounds like some SAHMs are a little scary..


I don't blame you for venting!

 

[diznygirl]

Practice this for next time, "So? The dads can watch the kids at night while us moms get together."

I swear - those dads get off scott free and their wives let them!!

 

[powellrj]

Practice this for next time, "So? The dads can watch the kids at night while us moms get together."

I swear - those dads get off scott free and their wives let them!!

I always LOVED the "evenings are family time so we only have meeting during the daytime" excuse. Gee, my family has needs too, but sometimes you need to give a little family time up for the good of the group. Other people didn't see it this way and thought I was wrong to not take off work.

I have noticed that most High School and Middle school things do take place in the evenings.

 

[dispor]

Maybe I'm not reading the original post correctly... Are you upset because a meeting that you wouldn't be attending anyway (it's about the Halloween party, not the Christmas party) is being held during the day because that is the most convenient time for the moms who ARE attending?

I think that the person(s) who are doing the majority of the work for any particular event should be able to decide when to have their meetings.

What about moms who work evenings? What about single moms who don't have a husband to watch the kids in the evening while they attend a meeting?

There is no one time that is going to work for everyone.

 

[NotUrsula]

It's 2008. for Pete's sake -- they can conference in those who are not able to attend in person.

I've conferenced people in on my cell phone in a pinch -- even that has a speaker.

 

[Gina]

Single moms (like me) can always bring the kid(s) with them in the evening, if nothing else. But we can't exactly take off work for such a silly reason. Crap like this is why the PTA will never get one thin dime from me... it makes me insane that everything is scheduled around people with nothing but time on their hands anyway while the rest of us are out working all day.

 

[JoiseyMom]

Single moms (like me) can always bring the kid(s) with them in the evening, if nothing else. But we can't exactly take off work for such a silly reason. Crap like this is why the PTA will never get one thin dime from me... it makes me insane that everything is scheduled around people with nothing but time on their hands anyway while the rest of us are out working all day.

Hmmm...not for nothing..but I have worked full time and as a SAHM. The SAHM job is 10 times harder and busier then a full time office job. Just my .02.

 

[mjkacmom]

Single moms (like me) can always bring the kid(s) with them in the evening, if nothing else. But we can't exactly take off work for such a silly reason. Crap like this is why the PTA will never get one thin dime from me... it makes me insane that everything is scheduled around people with nothing but time on their hands anyway while the rest of us are out working all day.

Gee, I bet you are real popular with us SAHM's - nice that you will not support your school financially - now, back to eating my bon-bons and soaps!

 

[suzanna1066@comcast.]

This makes me so mad. I don't want to throw all SAHMs under the bus but I get that attitude more often than not. They seem to think it is my fault for having a job so their is no need to accommodate. All parent/school organizations should schedule at least half the meetings at alternate times that working parents can attend.

 

[POOHDRMR]

I see both sides of it and I think that you can only do what you can do.I am a SAHM and just yesterday we had our meeting to plan the parties for the year and it was right after school-I have noone that can watch my DD after school and my husband works far away so he can't just come home for alittle while.I voluntered to do the school parties because they are during school hours and I am available.While at the meeting that I took my DD to,another mother asked me why I am not in the PTA-she runs it.I told her that I can't make the night meetings-she said it's only one night a month can't my husband stay with my DD.No because he works an hour and a half away and he can't leave early enough to get home in time.My husband leaves for work at 7:00am and gets home at 8pm so that I am home with my DD,that was our choice.So I do what I can do during the hour I am available and I don't feel bad that I can't do everything.I think that there should be day and nighttime activities so that moms can find a time that fits our schedule.

 

[JVL1018]

Single moms (like me) can always bring the kid(s) with them in the evening, if nothing else. But we can't exactly take off work for such a silly reason. Crap like this is why the PTA will never get one thin dime from me... it makes me insane that everything is scheduled around people with nothing but time on their hands anyway while the rest of us are out working all day.

Those of us who are "stay at home moms", don't actually just stay at home all day, you know..

That said, at my kids' school, we alternate evening and morning meetings every month which I think is best, because no matter what your schedule is, you should be able to get to a few of them at least.

I don't think it's right at all to schedule things all the time so working parents have a hard time getting there, especially in an area like mine where the majority of households have both parents working.

 

[bunny]

Hmmm...not for nothing..but I have worked full time and as a SAHM. The SAHM job is 10 times harder and busier then a full time office job. Just my .02.

Have you been a working mom? Working moms do the office job during the day and then do alot of the stuff the SAHM did during the day at night while doing everything the SAHM is doing at night too. Try getting home from work, making dinner at 6 PM with everybody starving, cleaning it up, doing the laundry, doing homework, giving baths, cleaning the house a little, and then dropping in bed exhausted.

 

[suzanna1066@comcast.]

Hmmm...not for nothing..but I have worked full time and as a SAHM. The SAHM job is 10 times harder and busier then a full time office job. Just my .02.

I know being a SAHM is hard work and I commend you for it. But just because I have a career does not mean that my parental responsibilities go away. I have still have a child to raise and a house to clean. I sympathize with the poster for not giving to the PTA. Why should she if she is treated like a second class parent?

 

[bunny]

Gee, I bet you are real popular with us SAHM's - nice that you will not support your school financially - now, back to eating my bon-bons and soaps!

This is not about being popular (although I will say at our school the SAHM mom's have a clique). It is about letting all the parents who want to participate.

 

[C.Ann]

Yes it was rude - but it's also one of those unfortunate things that working mom's and dad's have to deal with.. When DD was working full-time (due to the nature of her job) she had to miss so many of the things that involved my DGD..

Try not to let it get to you too much because you're going to be involved with the Christmas party, right? When it's your turn I'm sure you will do a better job of accomodating everyone..

 

[DVCLiz]

Hmmm...not for nothing..but I have worked full time and as a SAHM. The SAHM job is 10 times harder and busier then a full time office job. Just my .02.

I have been both as well and I always felt being a SAHM was far easier than working outside the home.

Hey, add us together and we still aren't worth a nickel...