Work Problem, What Would You Do?

[mommanne]

I don't think she did it to cause me harm, I don't think she gives a crap though. We have a cordial relationship at best, but we aren't best friends.

She hates her job and she's trying to get a transfer/promotion but she's not able to transfer/promote out due to poor job performance. She's been told that she can't be transferred or promoted, so I know that she's looking for a job outside the company. She hates our office.

I could make these changes and she could quit any day.

 

[sweet angel]

Sounds like a great opportunity to shake up the vacation a little bit and maybe do something completely different. I don't mean to be obnoxious, but you don't "own" that time. It is just a routine you have fallen into and perhaps you could give a little. I am sure she would appreciate it.

I fully agree with this. We're talking about a WEDDING here, versus a vacation that you take every year.

Would you want to switch your WEDDING date for someone's vacation, or would you be a little upset?

 

[okeydokey]

If I were your coworker and was told to change my wedding date, I'd probably quit my job. Could she find a comparable job elsewhere?

 

[jrmasm]

I know you're disappointed and I understand that. But the way I see it, you've had those weeks for the last 2 years. It's her turn.


Think of it as the time period between Xmas and New Years. It would be totally unfair of the same person to monopolize this time every year.


Hopefully you can change your reservation.

 

[maddhatir]

I fully agree with this. We're talking about a WEDDING here, versus a vacation that you take every year.

Would you want to switch your WEDDING date for someone's vacation, or would you be a little upset?

ITA- I can't believe I am even reading this!

Wedding vs vacation?......mmmmm I say a wedding has priority!

I am actuallly in SHOCK that someone would be mad b/c a wedding falls on the same dates as their vacation

 

[kbkids]

Okay - I had to change my wedding plans because a co-worker with seniority over me decided they wanted vacation the week of the wedding - AFTER I made the plans, AFTER I had been given approval for the vacation time. We were on two different vacation rosters. She was the supervisor on the second roster. My supervisor had to cover her spot, which would mean both of us would have been off the floor in one week. It was still 10 months away, so I was able to make the changes, but it did tick me off, as I had already had it approved and set the date and started making plans. Twelve years later - does it matter now - no - but it obviously still ticks me off!!

I do sympathize with your situation, and yes, she should have checked to make sure that week was okay before making plans. My point is - are you friends enough that you don't want it to still be a sore spot with her 12 years later??

 

[autumnbaby9]

I don't think she did it to cause me harm, I don't think she gives a crap though. We have a cordial relationship at best, but we aren't best friends.

She hates her job and she's trying to get a transfer/promotion but she's not able to transfer/promote out due to poor job performance. She's been told that she can't be transferred or promoted, so I know that she's looking for a job outside the company. She hates our office.

I could make these changes and she could quit any day.

Well telling her she can't have her wedding day off would be a great way to increase her hatred.

 

[mommanne]

Well, I asked for opinions and I got them, thanks everyone!

I'll have to wait for the cottage owner to get back to me about July availability. If I do forfeit those weeks I'll just have to hope she doesn't jump ship (which she's been trying desperately to do for months) and make it all for nothing.

As far as getting a comparable job, she could probably get one outside the company, but she's not eligible for promotion or transfer due to poor performance. That's would be a whole 'nother thread.

 

[thotfulspot]

I don't think she did it to cause me harm, I don't think she gives a crap though. We have a cordial relationship at best, but we aren't best friends.

She hates her job and she's trying to get a transfer/promotion but she's not able to transfer/promote out due to poor job performance. She's been told that she can't be transferred or promoted, so I know that she's looking for a job outside the company. She hates our office.

I could make these changes and she could quit any day.

Well, there you go. This is a prime example of how people end up feeling stressed and overwhelmed in their lives: by feeling responsible for other people and trying to make things go smoothly for everybody. Your co-worker is an adult and responsible for her own life and work schedule. If she started making wedding plans without checking with work that she could absolutely get that time off, then she is responsible for finding a solution or coping with the change herself.

You could go to all lengths to be accommodating and still get burned if she quits her job before the summer. This is a co-worker, not a friend.

Another thing: I could absolutely believe that she could have fuzzed up when you take your vacation normally if she doesn't have kids herself. Parents are acutely aware of school vacation schedules; the childless, not so much. This is, however, no excuse for her not verifying with her workplace that the dates for her wedding would be available as vacation.

A wedding is an important and once-in-a-lifetime occasion (hopefully!), but that doesn't entitle anyone to expect automatic concessions from everyone in their lives to give it the same high priority that they do themselves.

 

[WonderfulDreamer2]

Sounds like a great opportunity to shake up the vacation a little bit and maybe do something completely different. I don't mean to be obnoxious, but you don't "own" that time. It is just a routine you have fallen into and perhaps you could give a little. I am sure she would appreciate it.

Exactly. This her wedding. And no offense, but if you have to change vacation plans this one year, will it really hurt? This is a very special occasion and as much as you may wish to think your plans were given thought in the process, I'm sure it wasn't. She is only thinking of her right now....as she should.

 

[mommanne]

Oh, she has children, they're in their 20s now. I have no doubt that she knew it was my vacation time. Telling the truth isn't one of her strong suits, which is one of the performance issues. This is why she went to her supervisor with her vacation request, rather than me directly.

Again, I don't think she planned her wedding date to "get me". I just don't think she cares. I think she planned it thinking she'd have left the job by now, and it didn't work out. I'm pretty sure she'll be gone by summer, one way or the other.

 

[Mickeyluver37]

I wish we could, that would be great! We tried that last time she wanted to be out at the same time as me and my boss said absolutely not. She was hired to back me up and if I'm not there, she's to be there. It's not negotiable. Ridiculous, I know.

That's pretty unreasonable. I do think it sucks for both of you, but I don't think saying no will help you either, because if that were me and my wedding, I'd just quit- so then you'll end up working if you're the only employee that can cover your position.

 

[Beth76]

I understand that it's a wedding, but I really think she should have cleared the vacation time first.

Wouldn't you make sure with your employer that you could actually take those days off though? If her only responsibility in scheduling days off is to check the dates with her coworker, then she should have done it. I feel bad for her, but it's her fault. Hopefully the cabin will be available in July.

I agree. Now, OP, do you actually have these weeks already cleared with your superviser? Or is it just "assummed" at this point? If you do have it scheduled, then I'm sorry but she's up a creek. Wedding or not. It's her responsibility to make sure she has the time off if she wants it. A wedding is not a free vacation pass.

 

[mommanne]

I agree. Now, OP, do you actually have these weeks already cleared with your superviser? Or is it just "assummed" at this point? If you do have it scheduled, then I'm sorry but she's up a creek. Wedding or not. It's her responsibility to make sure she has the time off if she wants it. A wedding is not a free vacation pass.

I have it cleared by my supervisor, who is president of the division. We don't do it in writing, as we're a very small department in a very big company.

 

[WonderfulDreamer2]

I have it cleared by my supervisor, who is president of the division. We don't do it in writing, as we're a very small department in a very big company.

Seriously though....you would pitch that big of fit over someone's wedding? I guess I just don't get it. If the shoe were on the other foot????

 

[mommanne]

I'm not pitching a fit. I don't pitch fits.

I planned my wedding 25 years ago and before I planned anything I made sure I and my fiance could get the time off from work. That was number one.

I am willing to move my vacation if possible. However, I'm pretty sure that if I cancel it, the whole thing will be moot because she'll be gone anyway. I appreciate that it's a wedding, but I don't think it's entirely fair that I be put into this position at all.

 

[christiane]

I'd like to be accomodating. By the same token, she shouldn't have planned a wedding without making sure she could get the time off.

Momanne, I am with you on this one. The gist of your argument is in the quote above. By your description, the supervisor didn't even know your colleague was taking her vacation during that time.

I would think the majority of people in the workplace do not just rely on one other person to job-share. Most people would have a 3rd alternative if 2 jobs-sharers are both off work. Or the position can be left uncovered for 1-2 weeks without a big problem

You are in a unique situation where only 2 people in your entire office can do the job and it sounds like it must be covered at all times. Therefore there is an obligation on both of your parts to discuss any time off.

Yes, brides are allowed to be self-centred and most can book their time off without a care, but in momanne's situation this is not the case...

Therefore, it is especially true for this particular bride to discuss her required time off in advance. What if momanne had planned the biggest trip of her life and paid huge deposits?? or what if there was an important wedding in her own family? Would she have to cancel those??

 

[fan_of_small_world]

This is why she went to her supervisor with her vacation request, rather than me directly.

Well, of course she went to her supervisor with a vacation request. Why would she go to a co-worker to get that approved? Only a supervisor can do that I would think.

Also, with all this talk of "she should have gotten the vacation approval first," I'm wondering if you already had your approval in place when you booked your vacation, or did you just assume that you would get the weeks off as you always have before?

 

[pepperw23]

but I don't think it's entirely fair that I be put into this position at all.

I totally agree, but probably for a different reason. I totally blame the management at this point. It is really not fair for either of you.

For the record; if I were your supervisor it would be a non issue like I mentioned earlier.

Her performance issues would also be a non-problem (for the record)

I wish you all the best and here is some pixi dust that it all works out in the end:

 

[LurkerLisa]

Oh, she has children, they're in their 20s now.

Waiiiit a minute - she has kids in their 20's?? So this isn't a "blushing bride" situation now is it? I think that if you can't change your plans she is outta luck.
Just my .02

Lisa