women only, please

[DisneyGirl4188]

I point out other girls (attractive and not-so-attractive) to DH.

I don't think that it's disrespectful for him to notice someone else at all. What is the difference in him looking at a woman in "real life" as opposed to a movie or TV? He's still looking right?

He doesn't stare at all, nor does he compare them to me at all. There are beautiful people out there; why should he have to cover his eyes just because he's in a relationship?

I know he loves me and that's all that matters.

 

[DisneyGirl4188]

I don't know who I am more scared about, you or you DH. I'm sorry but this is quite unnatural. I don't see how looking at someone or thinking they are "hot" is objectifying.

I agree.

I can't believe he would leave somewhere just because a woman comes out. Does he cover his eyes during movies?

I really hope you are joking.

 

[simpilotswife]

Jealousy does not show someone how much you love them, it shows how insecure you are.

 

[tpayne]

When a man lets you know that you are his one and only, looking usually doesn't become a problem. If a woman is secure with her husband, it usually doesn't bother her. It's when the DH makes it obvious that he would like to trade in his slightly used model for a newer model, that it can become dangerous for him

 

[cakesnkids]

That is true, but just b/c I don't want my DH looking at (and I'm not talking about like a glance at them, I'm talking about these men who look women up and down in front of their wives and g/f) does NOT mean I am jealous. I am the least jealous person you could meet, but I hold high standards for my marriage. If my husband were the sort to do that it would honestly hurt my feelings more than anything else.

 

[graygables]

I agree.

I can't believe he would leave somewhere just because a woman comes out. Does he cover his eyes during movies?

I really hope you are joking.

He leaves because a *scantily clad* woman comes out to dance and he does not want to be mistaken for one of the other leering men. Incidentally, belly dancing was originally NOT intended for the entertainment of men, but as an amusement/exercise for the women of the harem.

It's a matter of honor for him and no, I wasn't joking. We don't watch movies with sex in them, or we skip that scene. We believe that one should be very careful about what one hears, says, sees. We call it "discernment" and "wisdom" and "common sense". The term "hot" is offensive to us and we've made it clear that, in our family, we don't refer to people that way. They can be beautiful, handsome, good-looking, gorgeous...there is a nearly endless number of appropriate adjectives to describe someone. We make it clear to boyfriends up front how we feel about respect for women and how women should be treated. If they don't like it, we'll be happy to show them the door.

Incidentally, my ex was a "looker" which turned to "leerer" which turned to soft porn, then hard porn, then he molested our then-2yo-DD. He has sunk further and further and is suspected of molesting at least one other daughter he had. It all began with the oh-so-"normal" looking, so no, it isn't always harmless and it is, at the very least, grossly disrespectful to the woman the man is with.

 

[pearlieq]

Do I know that he is human & finds other women attractive? Of course I do. Do I want to know about it? Of course not!

That's exactly how it works in our house too. I assume it happens, but I don't want to know about it and so far I've never caught him looking. I afford him the same respect--I don't ogle guys and I don't drool over Colin Firth in his presence.

 

[Bob Slydell]

He leaves because a *scantily clad* woman comes out to dance and he does not want to be mistaken for one of the other leering men. Incidentally, belly dancing was originally NOT intended for the entertainment of men, but as an amusement/exercise for the women of the harem.

As far as I know, the purpose of the belly dancers in the restaurant in Morocco is not for the entertainment of the men either, but rather, to celebrate the traditions of their country. The last time I was there, everyone (men, women, kids) enjoyed the show and not because the woman was scantily clad.

Incidentally, my ex was a "looker" which turned to "leerer" which turned to soft porn, then hard porn, then he molested our then-2yo-DD. He has sunk further and further and is suspected of molesting at least one other daughter he had. It all began with the oh-so-"normal" looking, so no, it isn't always harmless and it is, at the very least, grossly disrespectful to the woman the man is with.

Your ex was obviously a sick, sick man. I highly doubt that sickness "developed" over time due to "looking".

 

[DisneyGirl4188]

As far as I know, the purpose of the belly dancers in the restaurant in Morocco is not for the entertainment of the men either, but rather, to celebrate the traditions of their country. The last time I was there, everyone (men, women, kids) enjoyed the show and not because the woman was scantily clad.



Your ex was obviously a sick, sick man. I highly doubt that sickness "developed" over time due to "looking".

I agree. It's unfair to make the jump from "looking" to molestation. My DH would NEVER do that, because he isn't unbalanced.


My DH also has great respect for me, but that does not mean that he can't look at someone that is attractive. Again, he doesn't leer, but he notices and looks away.

Those of you that don't want your siginficant others to look, I wish you the best in your relationships. Do what works for you. I will continue to do what works for me.

 

[Hercules10]

Incidentally, my ex was a "looker" which turned to "leerer" which turned to soft porn, then hard porn, then he molested our then-2yo-DD. He has sunk further and further and is suspected of molesting at least one other daughter he had. It all began with the oh-so-"normal" looking, so no, it isn't always harmless and it is, at the very least, grossly disrespectful to the woman the man is with.

This is like saying a murderer is a murderer because they started out by swatting at flies. Your Ex-husband was already sick to begin with. Not because he looked at other women or even watched porn. According to your theory and guessing by the revenue generated by the porn industry, millions upon millions of people would be pedophiles and they're not.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

This reminds me of a story I was told. There was a guy out with his wife and some friends. A stacked female walks by and he of course turns around and looks as she walks by. His wife gives the old evil eye and sighs. He responds with, "Just because I'm on a diet doesn't mean I can't look at the menu." to which she responds, "Well if you'd eat at home more often, you wouldn't need to look at any menus now would you?" ZINNNNNG!!!!