Woman asking man for hand in marriage

[turtle51]

Ok you can call me crazy or whatever you want. I really feel like why should i have to wait for him to ask me to marry him? Its the 21st century and i feel that we are equals. Im not some girly gurl who has to have everything paid for her and other things like that.

Am I just crazy or do people really do this? Any coments or advice welcome

 

[happylalagirl]

I completely agree with you... however, my fiance is a pretty contemporary guy but when it came to who gave who the ring, he was very clear that he would not be happy if I asked him... he said it's his "job" and that he would be upset with me if I took that away from him... What does a girl do??? We were dating for 11 years and I was tired of waiting... but he promised me that by my birthday I would have a ring... and true to his word (although he did throw me off by making me believe he wouldn't be home in time to do it) we are engaged... Woooooohooooooo!!!! I think it just depends on the guy... you might want to test the waters first... do a what if scenario or play the third party role... my friends and I were talking about this and so and so said they'd do it... blah, blah blah.... It's up to you in the end... Good luck!!

 

[Tinkerbelle14]

My cousin's fiance proposed to him and he had no problem with it. On the other hand, I know my fiance wouldn't have liked it at all and that his friends would have never let him hear the end of it. I know that it is the 21st century and I am fairly modern in my beliefs, but for us, I don't think it would have been right for me to propose to him, I just wouldn't want to take that away from him.

 

[turtle51]

thank you for the advice and further advice would be apprieciated. I think ill try the what if scenario. Hey, It cant hurt right

 

[robinb]

Personally, I wouldn't want to be married to someone who would have a problem with my asking him to get married. If a man has strict gender roles on who can and cannot bring up a lifetime partnership, that man has too many strict gender roles for my lifetime with him.

 

[Tinkerbelle14]

Robin, I can understand your opinion on the subject. My fiance and I have been dating since we were 17 & 16 years old respectively, (we are now 22 & 21) and I think I mentioned marriage about 6 months in. I think it is just one of those things that most men would prefer to do. I don't look at that as gender roles or the guys view on what a woman should or should not do in life, I look at it as the little bit of chivalry that is still out there, but that is just my opinion.

 

[turtle51]

I was just thinking because we have been dating since high school for 6 years and we both talk about it. Ok but lets say i do how do you ask? Do you give a guy a ring or just ask? Does that mean as the women you do not get an engagement ring?

 

[DOINGDISNEY05]

I was just thinking because we have been dating since high school for 6 years and we both talk about it. Ok but lets say i do how do you ask? Do you give a guy a ring or just ask? Does that mean as the women you do not get an engagement ring?

Honestly, your both still very young. You might be ready for marriage and he may not be ready for it. It takes men longer and most are afraid of such a permanent commitment.You have been dating for 6 years and have talked about it and yet he still hasn't taken charge and bought you a ring and asked. Is this the reason you want to do the asking? You may be pushing him to make a decision he is not ready for. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for woman taking charge of situations but this is just something men have to be ready for.

 

[iggbees]

i agree... i feel like it's important for him to be able to say... this is definitely the woman i want to spend the rest of my life with. i know that i'm waiting for my boyfriend to say that to me. we talk about it a lot, but i don't want him to feel like i'm pushing him into something he doesn't want to do, which is why i want him to pop the question when he's ready. i just graduated from college and know at least 6 people who are engaged and one that was just married from my class. i feel like that's nice and all, but you also need some time to figure out your own life before you have to take on someone elses, because isn't that what marriage is supposedly all about, sharing the responsibilities and burdens?

 

[robinb]

i agree... i feel like it's important for him to be able to say... this is definitely the woman i want to spend the rest of my life with. i know that i'm waiting for my boyfriend to say that to me. we talk about it a lot, but i don't want him to feel like i'm pushing him into something he doesn't want to do, which is why i want him to pop the question when he's ready. i just graduated from college and know at least 6 people who are engaged and one that was just married from my class. i feel like that's nice and all, but you also need some time to figure out your own life before you have to take on someone elses, because isn't that what marriage is supposedly all about, sharing the responsibilities and burdens?

ITA with all parties waiting until they are mature enough to be married and not just jump into it because it seems like the thing to do. However, I do not see any correlation between a person's readiness for marriage and if they do the asking. For instance, you feel ready to be married and you do not want to do the asking. In addition, almost half the marriages fail in the US. Since it is customary for the man to ask my guess is that in the vast majority of those failed marriages the man asked the woman to marry him.

Requiring the man to utter the words "Honey, will you marry me?" will not guarantee a commitment in his heart.

 

[iggbees]

ITA with all parties waiting until they are mature enough to be married and not just jump into it because it seems like the thing to do. However, I do not see any correlation between a person's readiness for marriage and if they do the asking. For instance, you feel ready to be married and you do not want to do the asking. In addition, almost half the marriages fail in the US. Since it is customary for the man to ask my guess is that in the vast majority of those failed marriages the man asked the woman to marry him.

Requiring the man to utter the words "Honey, will you marry me?" will not guarantee a commitment in his heart.

i totally agree with you, i guess i didn't explain my situation well, my boyfriend is a grad student and i'd much rather him get his phd than ask me to marry him right away, which is why i want him to know that he's ready, both financially and mentally, before someone proposes.

 

[Codie]

I completely agree with you... however, my fiance is a pretty contemporary guy but when it came to who gave who the ring, he was very clear that he would not be happy if I asked him... he said it's his "job" and that he would be upset with me if I took that away from him... What does a girl do??? We were dating for 11 years and I was tired of waiting... but he promised me that by my birthday I would have a ring... and true to his word (although he did throw me off by making me believe he wouldn't be home in time to do it) we are engaged... Woooooohooooooo!!!! I think it just depends on the guy... you might want to test the waters first... do a what if scenario or play the third party role... my friends and I were talking about this and so and so said they'd do it... blah, blah blah.... It's up to you in the end... Good luck!!

My guy and I weren't dating quite that long--but he said the same thing when I broached the idea!

 

[Cass]

As long as he says yes!! I don't see a problem with it.

A girl has to do what a girl has to do!

 

[robinb]

As long as he says yes!! I don't see a problem with it.

A girl has to do what a girl has to do!

And if he says "no" you're out of a dead-end relationship sooner!

 

[WonderWomanDC]

IMHO even in these "modern times" males and females continue to be different and unique in terms of what defines them as men and women. I felt more comfortable being asked by my now-husband. I would never have asked him, because I feel that men are more comfortable pursuing than being pursued. Men are from Mars et.al. talks a lot about this, as do other books.
However everyone is different, and you should do what is best for you.