With all these threads about wedding receptions...

[Tuffcookie]

Why is it that so many people go into hock with all these elaborate wedding receptions? Wouldn't it be nice to go back to the days when you had the wedding at the church and had a simple cake and punch reception? Then you could have everyone you wanted attend both,you wouldn't be worried if you were going to recoup the costs, etc. It seems the receptions today have really gotten out of hand. If the couple, starting out, is footing the bill, they could certainly use that monley for a house. And if the parents are footing the bill, and they've got other children, it could end up costing quite alot by the time they're through paying for the other weddings. I know it's a time to celebrate but how has it gotten to this point?

TC

 

[Beth76]

I'm very anti-wedding. Especially since I had wanted to get married on a beach and I wasn't "allowed". I think people who have big fancy elaborate weddings are just trying to show off. I absolutely hated every bit of my wedding and would take it all back if I could. The stupid wedding album cost us $1000 that we didn't have, we hardly ever look at it. Plus my parents paid a lot too. But that was their choice. And we only had 65 people at my wedding. Couldn't imagine footing the bill for hundreds.

 

[Kimberle]

Personally, I don't know anybody who has gone into "hock" over a nice wedding reception. Also, most couples that I know today are paying for most, if not all of their reception/wedding cost. Also, most couples are getting married later, after college graduations and working for a bit.

Most of the people I know have friends and family an airplane ride away. To ask them to come to a wedding and not even feed them a simple dinner, well, seems rather "cheap". (My brother was going to just have punch & cake. My parents were horrified as ALL of our family was driving at least 6 hours and spending the money for an hotel room. He ended up getting cold cuts, salads, etc from a local supermarket.)

Personally, I think people should be free to be able to choose the kind of reception the want to have. As long as people stop "judging" each other, everyone will be a lot happier.

 

[Beth76]

double post

 

[ncgolfer]

Alot of people feel the need to entertain their guests when they come. If I have to entertain you for you to come to my wedding, then don't come. We did the church wedding with simple reception and it was wonderful. Didn't have to worry about all this how much per head, who sits where, what song, blah, blah, blah!

 

[Disney Ella]

We got married at city hall, so we didn't have a reception, but I had always imagined a beach wedding too! Something casual, with some fun things to do, done at minimal expense. My parents, or his, could have never afforded to pay for a wedding and we certainly couldn't afford anything. Plus, if I had that much extra money, I would have preferred using it for a down payment on a house.

If I wanted to spend a lot of money celebrating my marriage, I think I'd rather wait until a few years until I knew it was going to last.

Obviously, I'm in the minority when it comes to weddings, but a casual reception would have been more fun for me.

 

[AllyandJack]

I had my reception in the Napa Room at the California Grill. It was fantastic. DH and I saved for over 2 years to pay for our wedding and buy our home at the same time. So, if I wanted to spend $20,000 on it (I didn't), it's my right.

My guests still talk about my wedding....they say it ruined them for all other weddings.

But, I wouldn't go into debt for a wedding....I wouldn't go into debt for anything that wasn't an emergency. I'm speaking of credit card debt, of course....home loans and car loans, are obviously necessities.

My wedding was paid for with a cashier's check - in fact, they owed me money at the end of it!

 

[tiggersmom2]

I don't understand big expensive receptions either. I had a very small church wedding with family. It ended up costing 750.00 for everything (cake and pictures included) and I took the money my parent's would have spent on the wedding and used it as a down payment for my house.

 

[gina2000]

Huh? Why would you care?

If nothing else, a large wedding (or any large expenditure) puts money into the economy. It's certainly not a reason to have one, but if large weddings offend you because of the elaborateness and costliness, then that's one way to look at it which may not offend you.

Personally, I prefer knowing that people are out there spending money. It means the economy is in ok shape. Spending money provides people with jobs. It's not a bad thing.

As to judging why people have large weddings, how they pay for them and what they should be doing with the money, well, that's not my job. I figure they're all adults and can make their own decisions.

 

[WDWFAN9]

Well, I just have to chime in since my oldest, DS 28, just got married Sat night. He and his new wife had a lovely church ceremony in the afternoon, officiated by a friend who registered online to be a minister. I was a little concerned about that, but he did a wonderful job, and the ceremony certainly was personalized and suited them to a T. They had a 5 hr reception for 190 people in the evening with a buffet dinner,an open bar, and plenty of dancing. It was a marvelous time for all of us, friends and family celebrating with them as they enter a new stage in their lives. Yes, it was a little pricey, and the bride's family couldn't contribute much financially, but it was worth every penny to see how happy DS and my new DDIL were. Could it have been done more cheaply? YES. Could it have been done more expensively? YES. Different strokes for different folks I guess. A lot of people don't understand my desire to vacation at WDW every year, but it makes me happy - so be it. The same way with weddings. The only thing I would say is that is very sad if family pressures you into celebration you do not want.

Now we are counting down to my DD, 26, wedding in October. It will be a little different than the one we just had, but I am sure it will be equally memorable and enjoyable for us all.

 

[poohandwendy]

Everyone is entitled to have whatever wedding they choose, but I will say that I cringe when I go to one where you KNOW they are going way above and beyond their means.

Yes, everyone wants to be a 'princess' for the day, but should you take that to the literal extreme? Probably not, in most cases. And I think it often sets up the marriage for struggles.

it is one day. It should IMHO, reflect your real life not a overblown fantasy.

We have already decided we will contribute a set amount, that is within our means,and our kids can use that towards whatever they want, but anything above and beyond will be up to them.

 

[Crankyshank]

I have never known anyone to go into hock to pay for a wedding. Everyone I know has worked off of a budget and has saved up for their wedding. Larger weddings do take longer to plan so it's not like you have a month to plunk down $10,000 or else the wedding is cancelled.

 

[Saphire]

A simple "cake and punch" reception may sound idyllic, but I don't think it is very appropriate anymore. When close neighbors and families attended such receptions, they probably all lived close by. As Kimberle mentioned above, many people must travel distances to atttend weddings today and to not even provide a meal (which doesn't have to be elaborate) sounds much too thrifty to me.

 

[scrump]

We had an immediate-family-only ceremony and private dinner afterwards, so I wasn't one to go for the big wedding, either. We wanted to keep it small and meaningful for us. That being said, I have no problem with big weddings because it's not my money. I've been to some elaborate weddings, and it's actually kind of funny because I know they've put a lot of energy into coordinating colors, themes, favors, music, etc, and I will forget everything within the next morning. I've never kept any favors, can't recall things that I've eaten, nor have I taken time out of my day years later to remember back to so-and-so's wedding. At the end of the day, it's about the bride and the groom, and that's what's important.

 

[ballroombelle]

I think a simple wedding would be just lovely.

But people like big weddings, too-or at least, I do! They're NICE. It's a little stessful being in a wedding party I must admit but I look back on all those events fondly.

I also don't know of anyone going into debt for their wedding! That's silly. Really, all these UNBELIEVABLE wedding story travails I've only ever read online (here, etiquettehell-which is a riot!, the knot etc)

 

[kelleigh1]

We got married barefoot on the beach in Jamaica!! (C'mon, envy me. )

I loved my wedding. We did it our way with the exception of the in-laws being there. I would have been perfectly happy with just us but his mother wanted to see her only son get married, so I allowed them to join us.

His parents then hosted a reception for us after the fact and it became so ridiculous that we almost didn't show up. They kept insisting that it was "for us", yet everytime we told them what we would like, we were told that our "guests would be expecting" something else. I said that the guests needed to lower their expectations. They didn't appreciate that comment.

 

[diznygirl]

If I have to entertain you for you to come to my wedding, then don't come.

Someone needs to remind the bride and groom, however, that we are considered "invited guests" not "nosy freeloaders."

I attended a wedding once after a very long drive out in the middle of nowhere. Wedding was on a budget - there was a 2 meatball limit! No cake - just chocolate bars. So what did a bunch of us do? Drove 2 hours and stopped for a BIG dinner! We had a good time at our friend's reception, happy for them and all that - but boy were we hungry!

 

[Chicago526]

Well, the OP has a point. If you've got a big family and little money, just having a simple reception DOES make more sense, and couples in that situations should look long and hard at all of their options vs. how much money they have.

But other couples can have nicer receptions and not go into debt for it. My brother and SIL had a sit down, fancy dinner reception for 200 people and bought a house at the same time, and didn't put a cent on their credit cards.

My fiance and I are having having a fancy, sit down reception for 100 and won't put a dime on our credit cards (well, we will to earn the miles but it will be paid off when the statement comes in, but you get the idea!). I already own my condo, and by the time we get back from our honey moon and get settled in to the married life, we'll have enough money to start house hunting next summer. If we didn't have the big wedding, we could look this year, but we aren't in a hurry to buy since my condo fits our lifestyle just fine at the moment.

Just because a couple is "just starting out" doesn't mean they dont' have any money! So many couples are waiting until after college is over and their careers are established before getting married, that they have more money than in the past.

 

[scrump]

A simple "cake and punch" reception may sound idyllic, but I don't think it is very appropriate anymore. When close neighbors and families attended such receptions, they probably all lived close by. As Kimberle mentioned above, many people must travel distances to atttend weddings today and to not even provide a meal (which doesn't have to be elaborate) sounds much too thrifty to me.

I have mixed feelings about this. I agree that people may be traveling long distances, and I can see how one would feel obliged to provide a meal, but the bride and groom are asking friends and family to celebrate their day with them. How they choose to celebrate it is their decision and completely appropriate, as long as it doesn't put people in a position of feeling awkward or spending money they don't have.

Besides, cake and punch is usually a pretty casual daytime thing. I can't see organizing a whole reception several hours long with no meal, but for an afternoon tea sort of gathering, I think this is very appropriate. Plus, people don't have to stay long, and if they don't feel like traveling for just cake, then perhaps they weren't so close to begin with? The point of the day is to congratulate the newlyweds.

 

[caitycaity]

i don't know anyone who went into debt for their wedding.

It seems the receptions today have really gotten out of hand. If the couple, starting out, is footing the bill, they could certainly use that monley for a house. And if the parents are footing the bill, and they've got other children, it could end up costing quite alot by the time they're through paying for the other weddings.

people should be able to spend their own money how they want imho.

as for those who have commented that people with big weddings are just showing off... that may be true in some cases, but i think it is sort of rude to paint everyone with that brush.

furthermore, as many people have mentioned, there are many of us who have no family anywhere near us. my family lives on the west coast, midwest, and new england. my dh's family lives in california. many of our friends live in the midwest, new england, or west coast. we had people from 15 states and 2 countries come to our wedding. when you are talking about a guest list spread out all over the place like that, i think it would be rude to invite people to spend money on airfare and a hotel and then not feed them dinner. jmho.

my parents had a cake and punch (and champagne) reception in my dad's parents' back yard. there is nothing wrong with that. but every single person on their guest list was from the same state and that was what they wanted to do.