With all these threads about wedding receptions...

[ead79]

I think everyone should have the type of reception that they want to and that is within their means to afford.

I had an “elaborate” (by some standards) reception at WDW, and it was a blast! My husband and I had a wonderful time and wouldn’t do a thing differently if we had it to do all over again. We saved to pay for part of our wedding/reception (my parents also gave us money toward it), so we didn’t have a bunch of debt from the event. However, personal finances are a couple’s own business so if they want to go into debt to pay for a big wedding, that’s their right. I wouldn’t feel comfortable with a huge amount of debt from my wedding, but that’s just my personal preference.

My best friend had a church wedding followed by a reception in the fellowship hall where they served cake, punch, and heavy hors devours. It was truly a beautiful wedding, and all the guests (including me and my family) had a fantastic time.

Any type of wedding can be a wonderful, meaningful event regardless of the money spent. I personally wouldn’t want a lot of debt from the wedding, but some couples are willing to do so.

I guess I won’t go into my opinion on the “you could buy a house with the money” issue. Sure, I could’ve put some money down on a house instead of saving for my wedding, but I didn’t. Some might say the same thing about our Disney vacations. I could use the money for other things, but I choose not to. That’s the great thing about being in control of our own finances—we each get to choose what we spend the money on. Some would rather own a home sooner, some would rather have larger wedding, some would rather take more vacations, etc. To each his/her own.

 

[va32h]

In all honesty, I can think of lots of things that people spend money on, that I think is a waste, and wouldn't dream of spending money on.

I might "tsk tsk" under my breath, but as long as they are not asking to borrow any money from me, it really isn't any of my business.

My peeve with weddings is when the couple (or their parents) insist that everything be done just so or the wedding will be "ruined". When I was a bridesmaid for my sil, I "ruined" the wedding party by getting my hair cut a week before the ceremony. Since my hair was too short to put up in a bun, I didn't match the other bridesmaids, and that spoiled all the pictures!

IMO, if the bride and groom are married at the end of the day, the wedding was a success!

 

[Chicago526]

IMO, if the bride and groom are married at the end of the day, the wedding was a success!

That's exactly how I feel about my upcomming wedding! I've been such a laid back bride about everything! I keep telling my maids that I'll go with whatever they want for dresses as long as they are the color I want, and they keep saying "it's YOUR wedding, we do what you want!". So I was forced to pick!

I am trying to "match" and go with a "theme" but if the shade of the roses are of a shade from the color of the BM dresses, I won't have a Bridzilla fit over it.

 

[katerkat]

If the couple, starting out, is footing the bill, they could certainly use that monley for a house. And if the parents are footing the bill, and they've got other children, it could end up costing quite alot by the time they're through paying for the other weddings.

My parents will have shelled out about $100K by the time all three daughters are married. I don't think my dad minds because my marriage led to his grandson and he adores the little man. Seriously, though, my parents had a "cheap" wedding and Mom wants to live out what she didn't have through us. Since it was their money, I didn't think I could ask them for a house down payment instead - I feel that's our responsibility.

And also, we could not go on a vacation this summer and save $2K for a house. We could have not bought the TV and saved $5K for a house. We could not buy couches this Christmas and save $1500 for a house. We could get rid of the cats and save $500 a year for a house. We could have not had a baby (yes, we're evil people who had a baby without oning a house first!) and saved thousands for a house. But, well, these are choices we make. And they are our choices, not anyone else's. And I wouldn't trade my boy for a house.

Personally, I don't know anyone who went into debt for more than a couple months for their wedding, and I belonged to a wedding website when planning mine. Sure, some people go overboard, but those people will often go overboard on everything in their life. Debt from a wedding is no big deal compared to the rest of their debt.

 

[MScott1851]

Well, since I live in the South, I got my entire wedding/reception SO CHEAP. My parents paid $6000 and if we had done it in Connecticut, it would have probably been a $30000 wedding. They had been saving for years, so there was no debt involved. My MIL paid for the rehearsal dinner, my parents paid an extra $2500 for the photographer, and my FIL financed the honeymoon and then gave us cash equal to that same amount. IMO, paying a wedding planner to do my dirty work was the best decision I ever made. If I had had to plan my own wedding, we would have eloped due to my nervous breakdown!

I don't regret it at all. It was HUGE party for us and all of our friends...We fed 240 people, provided free alcohol, had a DJ, and we had a BLAST! People came to my wedding at 5 and stayed at my reception until 10:30, then we moved it to a friends' house when they kicked us out. We definitely had the most fun wedding out of all our friends, and people still talk about it.

I went to a small, 2pm church wedding with cake, nuts, and mints last Saturday with my mom. While the ceremony was absolutely beautiful and the reception perfectly lovely as well, the bride and I were sitting there eating and she said, "Oh, why are people leaving?!? Why aren't they staying? They stayed at yours!!!" And I felt bad because she was so disappointed.

 

[Kirby]

I keep telling my kids "small wedding, big honeymoon".

 

[tevagirl]

To each their own.

 

[Shugardrawers]

A simple "cake and punch" reception may sound idyllic, but I don't think it is very appropriate anymore. When close neighbors and families attended such receptions, they probably all lived close by. As Kimberle mentioned above, many people must travel distances to atttend weddings today and to not even provide a meal (which doesn't have to be elaborate) sounds much too thrifty to me.

WHAT?????? Cake and punch is exactly what I had and there was nothing inappropriate about my wedding! I know the comment wasn't directed to me personally but for the first time ever I'm actually offended by something I saw on this board. We didn't have the money for anything more than what we had. That's not being cheap or "too thrifty" it's being realistic. That just reminds me of the person who said we shouldn't get married until we could afford a sit down dinner and open bar for 200.

 

[olena]

Actually, that's just what I did. We married in Vegas and had a cake reception at the hotel. Each of our families put on two huge cookouts in our home states so everyone could come celebrate and chow down. It was much easier that way ....not to mention cheaper.

 

[Hillbeans]

After my semi large family wedding (120 guests), our family then decided to do more parties as a family - so I feel happy that because of getting the long lost cousins and aunts/uncles together, I was able to bring our family closer.

In fact, at my wedding was one of the last times that my Aunt, Uncle and Mother saw each other...they all died within one year of each other and I cherish those memories.

Perhaps it's a regional thing, however I wanted a party to go along with my wedding. Personally, i'd have been uncomfortable not providing out of town guests a meal with food and drink, but that's just me. Different strokes for different folks.

Just like another poster said, in the end, they are as much married as anyone else.

 

[binny]

our first wedding was a Church Wedding and it was lovely.

We had a small reception downstairs in the church with cake and punch and a few snacky type foods ( this is why people get married at 2 pm )

Only dhs family travelled to the wedding and they were happy enough with what we did.


Our "second wedding" ( vow renewal) was a beach wedding just the two of us and the minsiter and photographer and it was absolutely WONDERFUL.


I see the good sides to both I guess. The frugal side of me would rather apply the money to a house or even the honeymoon but thats just me

 

[Beth76]

.

I went to a small, 2pm church wedding with cake, nuts, and mints last Saturday with my mom. While the ceremony was absolutely beautiful and the reception perfectly lovely as well, the bride and I were sitting there eating and she said, "Oh, why are people leaving?!? Why aren't they staying? They stayed at yours!!!" And I felt bad because she was so disappointed.

I hate to laugh, but that's kind of funny. We were just invited to a wedding where after the ceremony we're invited for "bbq, dancing and fellowship". Yeah, sounds like my idea of fun. If we were going to that wedding, you can be darn sure we'd be leaving early too. I'm actually surprised that there's dancing. That seems like the type of reception that wouldn't have dancing. Although, I guess it may not be my type of dancing.

For the record, even though I hated my wedding, it was a fun party and everyone had a great time!

 

[LoraJ]

I'm undecided about what type of wedding I would like to have. Either something simple on a beach somewhere, elope in Vegas, or I have my whole Wish Book already planned out at disneyweddings.com for 50 people. It will just depend on how we feel and how much $$$ we have saved when the time comes.

 

[janette]

Our family weddings are rarely more than cake / punch and finger foods. It also helps that I have sisters that make cakes, do flowers & finger foods. They've always been wonderful weddings. One advantage the bride always likes is picking almost any cake. Often we'll have enough cake for a long time because the bride picks is much larger than needed for the wedding. Now that the grandkids are getting married they stay pretty busy.

 

[mrsheppo]

I gave each of our DD's a $5,000.00 wedding budget. They were allowed to do whatever kind of wedding they wanted. DD#1 opted for a family only intimate wedding at one of the Disneyland hotels with dinner following at the PCH Grill at Paradise Pier Hotel. This paid for her wedding, the dress, dinner, and vacation for everyone and they ended up with a one week honeymoon included in the package price. DD#2 had a church wedding in Newport, OR for approx. 50 people in which the budget paid for the church, minister, food, beverage, favors, cake, dress and flowers. DD#3 had a large wedding and reception (150 people) but because her husband's family is Hispanic, many members of his family sponsored parts of the wedding. We paid for her dress, the chapel, invitations, wedding photos, flowers, bridesmaids dresses, buffet dinner, open bar, favors, limo and hotel for the bride and groom. Because they had the reception at the hotel where I work, we were given use of the reception area free (they normally charge $250.00 for this private room) plus a discount on the food.

We actually paid for 2 of those weddings within 4 months of each other. You don't have to spend a fortune to have a nice wedding. Just try to stay within a reasonable budget for your income.

Only 1 DD left to marry off.

 

[Aimeedyan]

I always giggle at these threads since things are so different here. Almost every wedding I've attended has been cake and punch, and it's been great! I had a dessert reception, short and sweet, with punch and coffee, we catered it ourself, and it was grand and perfect for us. Didn't break the bank, either. No one expected anything differently, and we were surrounded by our friends and family. What more could I have wanted?

I've said it before and I'll say it again - DH and I would have eloped had we lived in the NE because there's no way we could afford a wedding reception that's expected there. DH and I will never attend a wedding in the NE, either, because we can't afford the gift that is expected there! It's all regional...

I've yet to attend a wedding with a sit down meal, band, or open bar. Just not done, and there's nothing wrong with that

As far as how other people spend their money, I could care less. I would hope people would be smart enough to not take out a loan for a $75,000 wedding but I'm sure some people do in order to keep up with the Joneses. They are the ones having to pay it off, not me, so I don't care. Their choice!

 

[Saphire]

WHAT?????? Cake and punch is exactly what I had and there was nothing inappropriate about my wedding! I know the comment wasn't directed to me personally but for the first time ever I'm actually offended by something I saw on this board. We didn't have the money for anything more than what we had. That's not being cheap or "too thrifty" it's being realistic. That just reminds me of the person who said we shouldn't get married until we could afford a sit down dinner and open bar for 200.

Sorry, Shugardrawers, never meant to offend you personally. I do think a cake and punch receptionn is fine when it is short and sweet, and in the mid-afternoon as others have posted. Apparently this is how many weddings are done in the South. Otherwise I stand by my thoughts that it is a matter of etiquette that you provide food to guests who have traveled a distance to a wedding, and when reading through all of the replies, it seems that many others agree on that. Again, I am sorry that you were offended