Widowers/Widows and Disney

[Stitch1231]

Hi, I see all these singe /solo / dating threads for Disney but nothing for the Widow/Widower Disney Traveler.
So, I thought at 4am on a Sunday morning why not Start one for Widowers and Widows. So they can vent/ Share / or what ever we want to about our Disney experiences being Solo or even with our Children at Disney after being Widowed....

I have been widowed sin 9/4/10 and been to Disney 5 times as a widower. I must say that its not that easy going to Disney without my partner in crime but it is getting easier to go.
Also, there are thing there that well evoke certain fond memories and some that well just make you sad that you are not able to share them with your lost Spouse.
Then there are the things that well just make you well just want to scream because of how some people think of how or what you do.

So post away with your thought reaction etc..............

 

[Cheshire Figment]

Judy and I first went to WDW in 1987 (the year before we got married) and went regularly (see signature) until we moved to Orlando in 2003 (when we retired). Unfortunately about a year later she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and did not survive another year. At the times she was very well know on DisBoards and I posted this.

 

[ToddyLu]

We lost my FIL in 2005. Our last trip to Disney was in October 2004. We knew he was sick and he was well enough to go. It was our first time renting a scooter and even as proud as he was he loved it and it gave him such independence. We are a family of Disney Lovers and had a Grand Gathering that year. He almost took out the table of Royal Doulton one day in his scooter and bought souvenirs without a care. It was terrific.

Fast forward to today. My MILs first trip back was in the fall of 2006 and her other son joined us. Wishes and Illuminations were the most difficult but we did well and since then she has been every or every other year with us. Our last trip was this past Oct Nov. It was her third DVC trip with us in her own studio and her first Jambo trip. She has begun to venture off on her own a bit around the parks and feels that Disney gives her a safety net to do that.

She remembers Disneyland opening in California and taking her family there with one of her first jobs in the early days before she married my FIL. She remembers wearing a dress and white gloves to the park. She used to have a book of E tickets but lost them in Katrina.

Walt's dreams have now spanned three generations in DH's family and have given each of us a mountain of treasured memories. We have discovered new things on each trip to delight in and she accepts them with a grin and we talk about what FIL would have liked. So that is my perspective on traveling with a widow I dearly love remembering a man who loved his family and Disney.

This is a great thread!!!

*I hope it was OK that I posted. I love her.

 

[Coach K]

Next week will be 4 years since my wife passed away due to cancer. I went down to WDW 2 years later and the first few days were tough. Fortunately, we had a friend who joined me for the rest of the trip which helped ease the transition. The tough times were watching Illuminations and Wishes the first without her-she always cried at the end of the shows. I am tentively planning a fall trip and am looking forward to visiting the places that we always went and bring back the great memories from the times that we had.

 

[SenecaWolf]

My husband of 9 years passed away unexpectedly 6 years ago this past December, 2 days before Christmas and 3 days before our first ever trip to Disney. Our kids were 8 and 10 at the time. Losing him was completely devastating to us, he was an amazing man, ex-Navy, volunteer firefighter, Cubmaster of my son's Cub Scout pack and the dad who never missed a soccer or baseball game, all this while working 50+ hours a week.

This past April we were finally able to take our first trip to celebrate my daughter's sweet 16.

Although I had dreamed of going to Disney all my life it definitely was a bittersweet trip. So many things I had wished to experience as a complete family but yet happy to be enjoying with just my kiddos. It was great for all of us as we thought of him and how he would have reacted to certain rides or attractions. I thought this was going to be our once in a lifetime trip but boy was I wrong! In August I did a surprise mother/son trip and while I was there I booked the bounce back for this August . We are officially addicted to Disney and even though my kids are now 15 and 17 we all look forward to the next trip.

Sent from my Galaxy SIII using DISBoards

 

[LLWDW]

Thank you for this thread. Each of us who suffers such a loss proceeds in our own way. 4 months after my husband passed away I went solo to WDW for 4 days and was sick the entire time. I am going in May and expecting a more relaxing trip.

 

[annmorr]

What a great thread for us all to remember our spouses and our visits to Disneyworld with them..
Each visit there brings a memory, a smile, a little joy to my heart as I think back to all of the times I shared with my husband in the magical world of Disney. I am finally planning my first solo trip and I know it will evoke the best of memories for me.

 

[Simba's Mom]

I'm going to be following this thread closely. Dad passed away in December. Mom had always wanted to go to WDW, but Dad refused. Finally, in 2010, he got sick of her bugging him and went, just to shut her up, I think. Well, he loved it!



They started a tradition of going every year, but it didn't last nearly long enough. Mom would love to go again.

 

[Stitch1231]

just a bump lets keep it going

 

[winterman]

I'm so glad to have found this thread. My DH of 39 years died Jan. 24, 2012, 13 weeks after being diagnosed with lung cancer. We had 9 WDW trips by ourselves (and 1 with our adult kids) between 1997 and 2011. He would say it was because I love Disney so much but he did as well. We especially liked going to various TS restaurants.

He always found the cheap flights, or more often booked our flights with miles. He also researched to find the good deals for off site hotels. That is until I told him that I only wanted to stay in a Disney resort. Then I took over the resort planning. We never stayed Deluxe, he would never have spent that kind of money. We stayed at value and moderates, probably half and half. We loved Free Dining, even when on our last trip it was only QSDP that came with a POP stay. When we knew that he would be taking no more trips, he had 79,000 miles with United. He had read that when the airlines find out you are dead, they take the miles. He didn't want them to be lost so I had my son book me a flight to Orlando for the following Dec. I had never done this myself. A friend used most of the other miles. 2 days after the trip was booked DH took his last breath on a hospital bed in our living room, with me holding his hand. He required a lot of care during his last 2 months which I am grateful I was able to provide. He faded very quickly at the end.

I then had to follow through with plans that we had made together prior to his illness. I sold our house, moved into our daughter's basement and had a new house built on the lot that he and I had bought the summer before. My new house is 150 miles from the town where we lived for 26 years and raised our kids. I know that 'they' say you shouldn't make big changes in the first year and 'they' are right. But DD was pregnant with our first grandchild and I had volunteered my babysitting services so I didn't really have a choice.

I now live in a lovely new home 3 miles from DD. She is a teacher and every morning that she works, she brings DGS to me at 6:30 am. I have had to do a lot of things that I never had to do before (taxes) and make some big decisions but I am getting through it. I did take the trip to WDW in Dec. One day an old friend and her daughter came to MK with me. Other than that I was on my own. I can't say that I had a good time but I did ok and I'm glad I went. Now I have another trip planned for July. DD and her family will be there at the same time. We won't be together the whole time and are staying in different resorts. My trips will never be the same as they were with him but I am getting excited about this one. Which was not the case in Dec.

Thank you anyone who stuck with this post. It is somehow cathartic, writing it. I had a very difficult time posting anything on the Disboards for several months after he died but I seem to have turned a corner.

 

[loveshoes]

Hi

My ex-husband and I divorced but our children( 16 and 15 yrs boys) were always our first priority, I moved to another state but we spoke on the phone every day, he called the boys every day. We went to Disney when dating(1990) and every year there after. Last year because of my health issues we did not go and we had to postpone the trip ( was to be our first trip together post divorce)

this past September as usual gave my ex a call in the morning, he sounded happy , it was a Monday -8:00 am , we were making plans for his trip to OKC ( he was in NY) we spoke for a while , he told me he was going to call me from home (he was at work) the next call I get is that he was dead , he had a heart attack at the age of 51 , he died while working out, this took us by surprise , we were not expecting this, I was not expecting it...

My boys are taking it really hard, they miss their dad, I had this trip to Disney already planned and paid for I am not sure if I could cancel the trip one more time ( I do have the travel insurance) without loosing money, the trip is for July.

I don't know what our reaction will be once we get to Disney . While we were divorced we were still a family , now , I do not know if this will be too painful for the boys , every memories they have are of their dad at Disney with them ( since I have health issues it was always him that took them to the park, went to the rides ) they know we have this trip but none will say anything to me, I have the deluxe dining package but have not made any restaurant reservations. Part of my wants to go but part of me is scared that I'll be constantly crying making my boys feel even worse...

My question is ....what would you do ? will you go on the trip? I want for my boys to have new memories but at the same time I feel so guilty, feels wrong that he is not there with his boys , every day we get closer to our date I get more depressed .

 

[LLWDW]

To loveshoes
My sympathies to you. I know this is a hard decision for you. Last year my brother-in- law passed away suddenly. In 7/8 months his wife and sons were ready for a trip but chose a place he was never interested in going (and really enjoyed themselves) I think you should talk to your boys and see if they really want to do this trip. If they do, you will manage. If they are not ready, postpone the trip.

 

[karen l]

My DH passed away from cancer 10yrs ago this month. Our 3 children were
16,15 & 8 - we were all devastated. We waited until the following April to take a trip to WDW. I really believe that trip was our turning point. This was the first time since DH passed that we all truly had fun. We've been on several trips since then and find each one helps us stay close, relax & enjoy the magic. This year's trip will be just me & my youngest DS who is 18 & graduating from hs. My DH gave me the strength to continue on after he passed & I'm sure he'd be proud of our children. My DD is saving money & hopes we can all plan a trip together in a few years. I'm now contemplating the idea of a solo trip - it'll be intimidating but WDW is such a wonderful experience for me. Thanks Stitch1231 for starting this thread.

 

[Straughn]

DH passed away from melanoma in August of 2007. We went to Disney an average of 2 times a year- once for a conference that he attended in the DTD area and again in the winter. He thought WDW was a golf resort and always brought his clubs. We had a trip scheduled over New Year's that year. Not wanting to be at Disney by myself over that holiday, I rescheduled it for a couple of weeks later. It was my first solo trip anywhere after he died. I now go 2-3 times a year as I have DVC points. I can get a lot of mileage out of them by going in the slower months and staying in a studio. Mostly I go solo, but occasionally a friend will join me for F & W, which I have done for the last five years. I have gotten so "set in my Disney ways", that while it is nice to have a friend along, by going solo I can do what I want, when I want as many times as I want.

 

[DisneyNurse19]

My husband past away suddenly 16 years ago, 3 months after we took our children (11 and 9) to WDW for a Christmas present, this was their very first time and a very big surprise for them. I then decided to take them back 2 years after and didnt realise how difficult it would be with only myself doing the planning and driving . I even went on Space Mountain with my daughter as i didn't want her to go on her own (my husband was into all those rides, i held the bags ) and i havn't been on it since
We have been back so many times now and even though they are now grown up they still want to come with Mum which is good for me as i don't think i would go on my own.
After that first visit 16 years ago my daughter always said she wanted to work for Disney and now she is working on the Disney Cruise Line
All i can say is that you will always have good memories of WDW and it is a good place to remember those who are not with us anymore, i am pleased we went back

 

[Kirk]

Great thread! Strikes a chord reading your stories. In fact, I have that lump in my throat right now! You all know what I'm talking about! Reading your stories I know it's fresh for some and I remember those overwhelming feelings. There's nothing I can say or anyone else to dull that but I stand with you! Been 17 years for me and I still get that heart wrenching pain from time to time. But I've actually grown to appreciate it because it's no longer overwhelming and with it comes the memories and the love. And I don't want to give that up! Amazing how after all these years someone who's not even physically present can touch me to my soul! Still getting that last word. Love you Paula!

She left me to raise an 8 year old daughter on my own half a continent away from any family. And a few weeks after we were obligated to go to Orlando for a sporting event so we couldn't miss WDW! Watching the joy on my DD's face was exactly what I needed and her for that matter. We were hooked! WDW was one of 2 new traditions - the second was snow skiing over Christmas. I bought into DVC and we've going just about every year since. My daughter has grown, married and has blessed me with 3 grandkids. This year I have a 2 bedroom villa at the Wilderness Lodge for 4th of July. Even taking the son-in-law. If any of you are there then let me know. I'm sure I could use an escape.

My heart goes out to you all!

 

[bopper]

Hi



My question is ....what would you do ? will you go on the trip? I want for my boys to have new memories but at the same time I feel so guilty, feels wrong that he is not there with his boys , every day we get closer to our date I get more depressed .

You could use this trip to have the boys show you the things that they and Dad used to do. Honor his memory there. Cry together there.

Otherwise if you don't go they will have lost not just there Dad but something they enjoyed doing with him. Not going won't bring Dad back.

Also, maybe think about what Dad would want? Would be sitting up in heaven saying "Don't take the boys there again" "Don't have fun ever again" or "Of course I want them to go! Send a balloon up to me."

 

[Yorkshirelass]

This thread has certainly come at the right time. My husband passed away 4/29/11 after a 10 month battle he lost with lung cancer. We last came to WDW in 2008 and enjoyed many holidays with and without out children previously.
My daughter and her fiance asked me to be their tour guide this July and although I am really looking forward to it there are so many memories that I hope I dont find it too painful. We are having 7 days in WDW and then a 4 night cruise on the Dream which is a first so a chance to make some new memories.
It was always our happy place so I hope hat it can be once again.

 

[karen l]

This thread has certainly come at the right time. My husband passed away 4/29/11 after a 10 month battle he lost with lung cancer. We last came to WDW in 2008 and enjoyed many holidays with and without out children previously.
My daughter and her fiance asked me to be their tour guide this July and although I am really looking forward to it there are so many memories that I hope I dont find it too painful. We are having 7 days in WDW and then a 4 night cruise on the Dream which is a first so a chance to make some new memories.
It was always our happy place so I hope hat it can be once again.

I hope you have a wonderful time on your trip. I've been in your shoes - I lost my DH to lung cancer too. I know how difficult your journey has been & wish you happiness & peace.

 

[Yorkshirelass]

I hope you have a wonderful time on your trip. I've been in your shoes - I lost my DH to lung cancer too. I know how difficult your journey has been & wish you happiness & peace.

Thank you Karen,
I hope you enjoy your trip. We deserve some 'happy' moments and where better to find those than at Disney?