Why would they do this--sports team related?

[Ceila]

"There are only two options regarding commitment. You're either IN or youre OUT. There is no such thing as life in-between."

-Five time championship NBA coach Pat Riley

I believe you can apply that statement to one's commitment to family as well, as beautifully demonstrated by the story of the boy who will be attending his sister's award ceremony.

 

[Carly_Roach]

In 10 years no one is going to care. If, 10 years from now, the OP or her daughter is still going on about this one girl who had her graduation party on the day of a golf tournament, then I'm going to suggest counselling.

IMO, tempest in a teapot.

 

[mumom95]

My DD is a swimmer. As a swimmer she competes individually, scores points for her team's overall standing and on a relay team of 4 girls all in the same meet. That kind of individual/team dynamic is different from the pure team dynamic in a sport like volleyball. Having blind faith in your team is easier to do when you practice and compete substituting in players. It's not so easy in an individual sport like swimming and golf with a team component.

In addition, think about your best 6 girls on your team. The way they could read each other and know where to be to get the pass and set up perfectly for the spike. Replace one girl with another and everything is little off ... just enough so the team struggles. Even with an individual sport like swimming the girls who swim together on the "A" team get to know each other's quirks. They know that one girl speeds up at the wall while another might take an extra stroke. They KNOW how the girl who swims before they do finishes and it's familiar when it comes for the relay race. They can anticipate the rate of the finish and get the fastest start possible. Put a different girl in the breaststroke for the championships (like happened to my DD's team this season *sigh*) and everything gets messed up.

The girls on the OP's DD's golf team know each other and have a rhythm. They know what to expect from every girl on the team ... how each girl hits the ball on each stroke. The new girl will mess up the team more by her being different and her play being unexpected than her being 7th instead of 6th.

Frankly, I cannot begin to think of a single good reason for the family to arrange a graduation party on the day of the sectional tournament other than golf simply does not have the same importance with the soccer scholarship already in the girl's pocket. She already has a free ride so why bust her butt or inconvenience Uncle Jack? What makes her abandonment of her team even worse is there are two other seniors on her team that may miss out on getting a golf scholarship because Miss #6 let the team down. If the team does not go onto to the championship tournament those girls may not get the same notice from the college recruiters.

Golfgal, I would try to put Miss #6's party behind you and start to talk up the JV player to the other girls. Maybe she'll rise to the occasion and put in a good day . Maybe the top 5 girls will do well enough that they won't need Miss I-Already-Got-Mine-#6 or even her replacement. In any case, it will be a good experience for the JV girl to participate in the tournament and it will make her a stronger player for next year. Good luck .

I was a competitive swimmer for 10 years, so I'm well aware of the way it works. If anything, the argument in a sport like golf or swimming is that the JV player who hasn't been playing varsity should be more prepared than a JV volleyball player. A JV volleyball player has not had a chance all year to have the harder serves and digs and various other play thrown at her to get used to it and learn how to deal with it. The JV swimmer or golf player really isn't affected that much by the other swimmers performance. Sure, I may push myself harder when I see I am losing a race. But if the JV player had given it her all the entire season, like she should, it really shouldn't have mattered if she had been playing against JV or Varsity level people. She would end up being being the same golfer regardless (now, I know nothing about golf, so this could be different, but this would be the case in swimming). I don't see how the rythm of one players play in golf has any effect at all on the other players play. And I would say that if it does just mess them up because it's something new, then this team isn't a state qualifying team. If a team is going to blame something as simple as that on why they didn't win, then they are just trying to get out of admitting they just weren't good enough or as good as the other teams.

A championship team or individual athlete takes changes in stride and finds away to win.

And as for not being able to think about a single reason the party couldn't be moved. What about the situation I gave earlier: entire extended family is in town that weekend for a wedding. The girls family decides to have her party that weekend so everyone can come, because family being able to celebrate with her is important. And she can't move it two hours later because it would interfere with the rehearsal dinner. Weddings are usually planned a good year in advance, so there is a good chance the wedding was scheduled long before the tournament was scheduled.

 

[Ceila]

And as for not being able to think about a single reason the party couldn't be moved. What about the situation I gave earlier: entire extended family is in town that weekend for a wedding.

I can come up with several scenarios as well. As for the OP's insistence that the party could be moved later, there could be valid reasons for the earlier time, as well. Perhaps there are young children attending who wouldn't be able to come if it started much later. Perhaps there are older family members for whom an earlier time is better. That happened to us when we got married - we wanted an evening wedding but my husband's grandmother, who was not in good health - couldn't have made it then. Obviously is was far more important to us to have her with us, so we had a late-morning ceremony and an afternoon reception.

At the end of the day, nobody here - OP included - knows what this family's reasons are for holding the party that day and time. Perhaps the reasons are valid, perhaps they are selfish. But I'm certainly not willing to condemn this poor girl based on a (potentially quite biased) report by one team member's parent.

 

[Toad_Passenger]

And as for not being able to think about a single reason the party couldn't be moved. What about the situation I gave earlier: entire extended family is in town that weekend for a wedding. The girls family decides to have her party that weekend so everyone can come, because family being able to celebrate with her is important. And she can't move it two hours later because it would interfere with the rehearsal dinner. Weddings are usually planned a good year in advance, so there is a good chance the wedding was scheduled long before the tournament was scheduled.

I thought your example was spot on, as was mine earlier in the thread. My grandfather was ill and could only make certain trips. He was the #1 reason for me getting through High School. Getting out of the house for him to see me graduate, and celebrate at a party for me HAD to be done on the same weekend, and around his doctors' schedules.

I was in the High School Tennis Championship tournament (the TEAM & individual parts of it), and, luckily the weekends didn't interfere. I would love for anyone on these boards to tell me to my face that I was in the wrong if I would have given up my spot as #2 on the team in order to celebrate my graduation with the man who I dedicated all my work to.

And, yes, I am very serious about sports. 3-season Varsity player, and played Tennis & Golf in College, as well as still playing Soccer in adult leagues today. So I'm not an anti-sports person.

There are a million reasons why this party had to be held on this day. We don't even know 1 of those reasons.

 

[mjkacmom]

Family is more important. If there is a death in the family.... If there is a car accident...... if someone falls and breaks something.....

But for a family to schedule an "event" at the same time the guest of honor has a commitment to the team is a major let down in the family dynamics of respect for each other, working together, and avoiding conflicts.

Sports are not everything, but family should not dominate and take away from other areas of life. JMO.

BINGO - WE HAVE A WINNER!!!!! Of course, family comes first, but you don't schedule a family event (and one a trivial as a graduation party), when the guest of honor has another important commitment. I'm guessing those who don't get this don't participate in sports. Growing up, I didn't play sports, but now that some of my kids do, I get it.

 

[luvmy3]

BINGO - WE HAVE A WINNER!!!!! Of course, family comes first, but you don't schedule a family event (and one a trivial as a graduation party), when the guest of honor has another important commitment. I'm guessing those who don't get this don't participate in sports. Growing up, I didn't play sports, but now that some of my kids do, I get it.

What you believe it trivial may not be to others and like many posters have said there ARE reasons why the family may have scheduled this party for that day. And you would be wrong about sports, I participated in sports since I was 5, my kids are all now participating in sports (and other extra curriculars), we understand commitment to the team however sometimes there are family matters that do come first, and always will.

 

[Nancyg56]

There are a million reasons why this party had to be held on this day. We don't even know 1 of those reasons.

These kids cannot win. My niece was varsity softball in HS and played on her college team as their catcher. She was committed to her team, her school and had been ever since she made All Stars in grade school little league. Her dad attended her games, commended her decisions to pass up vacations, etc for her sport. Comes time for a tournament game in her junior year in college she is standing up for her cousin, her dad's niece. The coach works with the other team to push the time back several hours in order that she attend the wedding and most of the reception. She had recieved a partial scholarship for her junior year and was going to be recieving more for her senior year so that was weighing on her mind as well. His entire family vilified her for attending the wedding but leaving just before the reception ended in order to fulfill her commitment to the team. The sad thing was that if she lost the scholarship it was of no importance to him or them as my sister paid her education. It was not important to her father but the cost of he education would go up substancially.

It is sad that none of us know the young woman's circumstances or any reason why she chose to have her party on this particular day yet have strong opinions about her charater, her commitment and her priorities. My heart broke for my lovely niece. She never broke a commitment to family or team, was generally the first one to arrive when anyone neededher and balanced her commitments in an amazing manner. SHe was able to weather the nasty behavior but was several years older than the young lady mentions here but I will say that if she was not able to attend both wedding and game she would have had no choice but to pass the game, give up her chance of scholarship and her opportunity to play in a sport that she had been shining in since she was 10 years old.

I really do understand how the OP, her DD and that team may be disappointed that this girl has chosen not to play in a tournament game but I will never understand how she or anyone else has determined that the girl could have made the changes they have decided were appropriate. The girl was singled out a pretty impertant achievement award that encompassed more than one game. That speaks very highly to her dedication to he academics, her athletics and her sportsmanship over the past 4 years. It would take more than one game to make me believe that she suddenly put own wants over the needs of a team she has been a part of for so long. Unless any of us has a birdseye view of her life and decision making process here there should not be a leap to judgement in regards to her character. All the OP has been able to share is her own thoughts on the matter but no facts that the girl was able to provide. The OP is entitled to be upset but she is not entitled to decide what it teh most appropriate choice for the girl and her family on a graduation party.

 

[mjkacmom]

I believe you can apply that statement to one's commitment to family as well, as beautifully demonstrated by the story of the boy who will be attending his sister's award ceremony.

And I think it's a shame that an awards ceremony trumps a boy's baseball game. My ds12 would rather lose his left testical than have to watch his sister stand on stage for a 2 second photo-opt, instead of being with his team, trying to win the championship (and I don't blame him). I refuse to prioritize my childrens' activities - I actually missed ds12's last little league game (which they won - they came in first), because DH was there, and I was at dd7's softball game, which is as exciting as watching paint dry. Sure, ds's game was more "important," but dd7 doesn't know that. We are a family, and I will make sure that, in spite of there being so many of us, every child will be supported and cheered on, and not have to sacrifice. When my kids are on a team, they are commited.

 

[Toad_Passenger]

And I think it's a shame that an awards ceremony trumps a boy's baseball game. My ds12 would rather lose his left testical than have to watch his sister stand on stage for a 2 second photo-opt, instead of being with his team, trying to win the championship (and I don't blame him). I refuse to prioritize my childrens' activities - I actually missed ds12's last little league game (which they won - they came in first), because DH was there, and I was at dd7's softball game, which is as exciting as watching paint dry. Sure, ds's game was more "important," but dd7 doesn't know that. We are a family, and I will make sure that, in spite of there being so many of us, every child will be supported and cheered on, and not have to sacrifice. When my kids are on a team, they are commited.

You missed the post, though, where this poster said that the son did not HAVE to be there, but seemed to want to be there to celebrate his sister's achievement. It may not be what your son wants, but it seems this young man wants to be there.

Where's bicker when you need him to come in with one of his perfect posts about what you want is different from what someone else may want but it doesn't make your position or their position matter any less.

 

[luvmy3]

And I think it's a shame that an awards ceremony trumps a boy's baseball game. My ds12 would rather lose his left testical than have to watch his sister stand on stage for a 2 second photo-opt, instead of being with his team, trying to win the championship (and I don't blame him). I refuse to prioritize my childrens' activities - I actually missed ds12's last little league game (which they won - they came in first), because DH was there, and I was at dd7's softball game, which is as exciting as watching paint dry. Sure, ds's game was more "important," but dd7 doesn't know that. We are a family, and I will make sure that, in spite of there being so many of us, every child will be supported and cheered on, and not have to sacrifice. When my kids are on a team, they are commited.

Just because your ds wouldn't want to be there to support his sister doesn't mean every kid would feel the same, why is that so hard to get?

 

[golfgal]

Just because your ds wouldn't want to be there to support his sister doesn't mean every kid would feel the same, why is that so hard to get?

Is your DD required to go to all of DS's baseball games?

 

[luvmy3]

Is your DD required to go to all of DS's baseball games?

She isn't required but she is definitely welcome to come if she wanted to.
My ds has missed games so that we could watch dd perform in the school play.
As of yet my dd has not missed a game because of either of her brother's functions but thats because she is old enough to be dropped off and be there without dh and I. If she chose to come with us to one of those functions, I'd have no problem with her missing her game. We also have a coach who understands that things come up and games will be missed, so its not really a huge issue.

ETA I just remembered that dd did miss one of her games to go to ds's concert.

 

[Nancyg56]

Where's bicker when you need him to come in with one of his perfect posts about what you want is different from what someone else may want but it doesn't make your position or their position matter any less.

 

[mjkacmom]

Just because your ds wouldn't want to be there to support his sister doesn't mean every kid would feel the same, why is that so hard to get?

Because I know a lot of 12 year old boys, and I can absolutely guarantee that not one of them would welcome missing a game for a sibling's awards ceremony. Most kids enjoy awards ceremonies as much as grandma's sponge bath. Ds enjoys going to dd13's concerts and plays (which can cost as much as $25 a ticket), but they are actually entertaining. Yet, not enough to miss a baseball game.

 

[golfgal]

She isn't required but she is definitely welcome to come if she wanted to.
My ds has missed games so that we could watch dd perform in the school play.
As of yet my dd has not missed a game because of either of her brother's functions but thats because she is old enough to be dropped off and be there without dh and I. If she chose to come with us to one of those functions, I'd have no problem with her missing her game. We also have a coach who understands that things come up and games will be missed, so its not really a huge issue.

ETA I just remembered that dd did miss one of her games to go to her ds's concert.

In elementary and middle school, I would agree with you, games are not that big of an issue but once they get to varsity sports, that changes and you make a commitment to the team, you stick with that commitment. You don't schedule a party over a tournament game. I seriously doubt that there is a family wedding or a sick grandparent because if that was, they would have given that as a reason. Even those excuses I would have understood but just to schedule it . No, I am NOT entitled to any explanations but that information would have been passed on. The other thing, this girl is a good enough golfer to golf at the college she is attending and is probably passing up an add on to her soccer scholarship as well. There are a lot of college scouts that go to the state and sectional tournaments and especially for the seniors who have really peaked this year, it would have been a chance for them to get some recognition. The 3 younger kids are already on the radar for most colleges because they have been on the varsity longer then the seniors (this is their first year playing varsity).

 

[luvmy3]

Because I know a lot of 12 year old boys, and I can absolutely guarantee that not one of them would welcome missing a game for a sibling's awards ceremony. Most kids enjoy awards ceremonies as much as grandma's sponge bath. Ds enjoys going to dd13's concerts and plays (which can cost as much as $25 a ticket), but they are actually entertaining. Yet, not enough to miss a baseball game.

Still that doesn't mean every 12 year old is like that, a point you seem to be ignoring or just not getting

 

[luvmy3]

In elementary and middle school, I would agree with you, games are not that big of an issue but once they get to varsity sports, that changes and you make a commitment to the team, you stick with that commitment. You don't schedule a party over a tournament game. I seriously doubt that there is a family wedding or a sick grandparent because if that was, they would have given that as a reason. Even those excuses I would have understood but just to schedule it . No, I am NOT entitled to any explanations but that information would have been passed on. The other thing, this girl is a good enough golfer to golf at the college she is attending and is probably passing up an add on to her soccer scholarship as well. There are a lot of college scouts that go to the state and sectional tournaments and especially for the seniors who have really peaked this year, it would have been a chance for them to get some recognition. The 3 younger kids are already on the radar for most colleges because they have been on the varsity longer then the seniors (this is their first year playing varsity).

If all you say about that girl is true then why is it so hard to accept that there in fact may be a very good reason why that party is scheduled for tournament time? It would seem that an athlete like that wouldn't just blow off a tournament, or a chance to add onto her sports scholarship, right? Just because you haven't been made aware of the reason, doesn't mean there isn't one.

 

[robinb]

I have read people's theories why the family may have chosen the time and date but I still don't think there is a valid reason why this girl's family could not have worked around the tournament. Even if they needed to have the party on that Friday they would have sent the girl to the tournament with the team and welcomed her to the party when she returned at 7:00 pm. They could have easily adjusted the time of the party from 5-8 to 6-9 so the girl was only missing from the first hour. It is perfectly acceptable to say "We're really excited that Suzie's golf team made Sectionals and she will be here at 7:00." She would be welcomed back like a hero!

The girl still upholds her commitment to the team, she still fulfills her family obligation and she still has fun at her party.

 

[luvmy3]

I have read people's theories why the family may have chosen the time and date but I still don't think there is a valid reason why this girl's family could not have worked around the tournament. Even if they needed to have the party on that Friday they would have sent the girl to the tournament with the team and welcomed her to the party when she returned at 7:00 pm. They could have easily adjusted the time of the party from 5-8 to 6-9 so the girl was only missing from the first hour. It is perfectly acceptable to say "We're really excited that Suzie's golf team made Sectionals and she will be here at 7:00." She would be welcomed back like a hero!

The girl still upholds her commitment to the team, she still fulfills her family obligation and she still has fun at her party.

Well thats the thing with all these theories, they are just that. So of course you could never know if it was possible to easily move the party around based on them. The fact is this family has their reasons, some of us can understand and accept that, others can't.