Why would they do this--sports team related?

[ICF]

You don't schedule a party over a tournament game.

Just because YOU wouldnt do it, doesnt mean that others shouldn't, couldn't or wouldn't have one then for whatever reason.

I seriously doubt that there is a family wedding or a sick grandparent because if that was, they would have given that as a reason. Even those excuses I would have understood but just to schedule it .

Yet you DO NOT KNOW the reason it was scheduled when it was and really it's not your concern. I hope your daughter and her teammates arent as worked up about this as you are. Otherwise, with or without the #6 golfer, they aren't advancing.

I really dont understand why as a PARENT of a player you are this worked up about it. I could see the players getting upset but I dont know that a parent should be this worked up about it.

 

[golfgal]

Still that doesn't mean every 12 year old is like that, a point you seem to be ignoring or just not getting

I would say that your son is by far the exception rather than the rule.

If all you say about that girl is true then why is it so hard to accept that there in fact may be a very good reason why that party is scheduled for tournament time? It would seem that an athlete like that wouldn't just blow off a tournament, or a chance to add onto her sports scholarship, right? Just because you haven't been made aware of the reason, doesn't mean there isn't one.

This is the exact reason for this whole tread--is is just very, very strange. We have known this family for a long time--heck, their middle DD gives private saxophone lessons to our twins. The mom is one of the first people we met when we moved here. This is just so out of character for this family and if it was something pressing like an ailing family member they would have said something and the kids would have fully understood, which again is why they are so disappointed. This same girl missed their very first tournament of the year because she had to go sign up for classes for college and NO ONE had an issue with that, AT ALL. She had no control over that conflict. I think they probably just brain farted but they could still have the party with the girl arriving later if need be--it doesn't take much to email or post on facebook the conflict (which is where her invite is anyway). I am SURE people would understand.

 

[mjkacmom]

Still that doesn't mean every 12 year old is like that, a point you seem to be ignoring or just not getting

I will say that I think it is VERY unusual for a typical-functioning 12 year old boy to choose to miss an important baseball game to attend his sister's awards ceremony. I'm basing this on my ds, plus a dozen or so of his friends.

 

[robinb]

Well thats the thing with all these theories, they are just that. So of course you could never know if it was possible to easily move the party around based on them. The fact is this family has their reasons, some of us can understand and accept that, others can't.

Well, that's the truth. I think in many of these hypothetical situations some of us think the best of people and some of us think the worst of people. I am usually on the "best" side of things but not today. We can come up with all kinds of theories why the girl's family scheduled a graduation party during the Sectional Tournament but I think this is a case of Occam's Razor where the simplest answer is probably correct. I think the girl has her soccer scholarship and the family doesn't give a rat's butt about the golf team. I also recall the OP talking about how this particular family had a huge snit over her DD taking a varsity spot on the team before she entered high school. I can't find the thread ... maybe it was "poofed"? I admit that is coloring my opinion of them too.

 

[Toad_Passenger]

This is the exact reason for this whole tread--is is just very, very strange. We have known this family for a long time--heck, their middle DD gives private saxophone lessons to our twins. The mom is one of the first people we met when we moved here. This is just so out of character for this family and if it was something pressing like an ailing family member they would have said something and the kids would have fully understood, which again is why they are so disappointed. This same girl missed their very first tournament of the year because she had to go sign up for classes for college and NO ONE had an issue with that, AT ALL. She had no control over that conflict. I think they probably just brain farted but they could still have the party with the girl arriving later if need be--it doesn't take much to email or post on facebook the conflict (which is where her invite is anyway). I am SURE people would understand.

Bolded by me.

Just because you think it is "out of character" doesn't mean you are automatically privy to their reason. They may seem like the type to share everything with their friends, or give their private information as a "reason" but that doesn't mean they have to. There may be a private reason for the party being at such a time, or for why they cannot do the party & the tournament on the same day, but it would be just that...a PRIVATE reason. They are under no obligation to give out that reasoning.

If the other teammates want to label her a quitter or say some other nefarious things behind her back, than that, to me, says more about their character, than the fact that this family may have a very good, yet very private reasoning for holding this party at such a time.

 

[Nancyg56]

This is the exact reason for this whole tread--is is just very, very strange. We have known this family for a long time--heck, their middle DD gives private saxophone lessons to our twins. The mom is one of the first people we met when we moved here. This is just so out of character for this family and if it was something pressing like an ailing family member they would have said something and the kids would have fully understood, which again is why they are so disappointed. QUOTE]


Honestly, this is exactly the point I have been trying to make. If this is so out of character for this girl and her family I cannot understand why she and they have not been given the benefit of the doubt. Just because they have not shared their reason does not mean that one does not exist. They are not obligated to share the reason, especially since the girl has such a responsible track record.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

mjackmom and robinb IMO you are spot on.

mjackmom, sounds like your son and mine would make great teammates, where do you live?

 

[jrmasm]

Well, that's the truth. I think in many of these hypothetical situations some of us think the best of people and some of us think the worst of people. I am usually on the "best" side of things but not today. We can come up with all kinds of theories why the girl's family scheduled a graduation party during the Sectional Tournament but I think this is a case of Occam's Razor where the simplest answer is probably correct. I think the girl has her soccer scholarship and the family doesn't give a rat's butt about the golf team. I also recall the OP talking about how this particular family had a huge snit over her DD taking a varsity spot on the team before she entered high school. I can't find the thread ... maybe it was "poofed"? I admit that is coloring my opinion of them too.

The problem with that is that is that you've only heard one side of the story. Wonder what that family would say about the situation if they were given a chance? That's version #2. Version #3 would be the truth.


Considering the sheer number of threads about this team over the last 2-3 years, I think it's clear that the OP will VERY emotionally involved in the situation and not likely all that objective.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

And I think it's a shame that an awards ceremony trumps a boy's baseball game. My ds12 would rather lose his left testical than have to watch his sister stand on stage for a 2 second photo-opt, instead of being with his team, trying to win the championship (and I don't blame him). I refuse to prioritize my childrens' activities - I actually missed ds12's last little league game (which they won - they came in first), because DH was there, and I was at dd7's softball game, which is as exciting as watching paint dry. Sure, ds's game was more "important," but dd7 doesn't know that. We are a family, and I will make sure that, in spite of there being so many of us, every child will be supported and cheered on, and not have to sacrifice. When my kids are on a team, they are commited.

My DS14 missed his soccer game last night to go to his sister's award ceremony. He is very close to his sister and would give his life for her. We never even had to ask which he was doing, his soccer game or the award ceremony. It wouldn't even cross his mind to miss his sister's accomplishments. I know this next comment will most likely come back to bite me, but I feel sorry for your kids, if they can't count on their siblings to be there for life achievements, they are going to be very lonely people.

You missed the post, though, where this poster said that the son did not HAVE to be there, but seemed to want to be there to celebrate his sister's achievement. It may not be what your son wants, but it seems this young man wants to be there.

Where's bicker when you need him to come in with one of his perfect posts about what you want is different from what someone else may want but it doesn't make your position or their position matter any less.

Not sure if there was another poster who was also in my situation, but thank you for your comment. I guess it is a two way street though, I can't fathom a family that would detest being with their family to celebrate a great accomomplishment.

And for those who may have been wondering: DD's awards consisted of: being honored as Salutatorian for her senior class, The United States Air Force Math and Science Award, The President's Award for Educational Excellence - Gold Status, Service Award, and last but not least The Friendship Award. My daughter worked her butt off through High School and played sports both in school and Town Sports. But you know what got her into college, her Education. Plain and simple.

Just because your ds wouldn't want to be there to support his sister doesn't mean every kid would feel the same, why is that so hard to get?

Thank you.

Because I know a lot of 12 year old boys, and I can absolutely guarantee that not one of them would welcome missing a game for a sibling's awards ceremony. Most kids enjoy awards ceremonies as much as grandma's sponge bath. Ds enjoys going to dd13's concerts and plays (which can cost as much as $25 a ticket), but they are actually entertaining. Yet, not enough to miss a baseball game.

I'd like to introduce you to a group of young boys that were at our awards ceremonies for their sisters. And for the record, even though I didn't ask, I do believe they all still had all their private parts, and still in working order!. Trust me, with around 200 teenage girls in all their buxom glory I don't think there was one thought of grandma's bath last night!

I would say that your son is by far the exception rather than the rule.

I find this post sad.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I find it kind of funny here that people are using the "commitment to family" argument as if it is mutually exclusive from having a commitment to a sports team. As if those of us that take the team commitments seriously somehow aren't committed to our own families.

PSA: there can be BOTH!

Not knowing the circumstances around scheduling the party goes BOTH WAYS. Maybe Grandpa couldn't make it at ANY TIME other than during the tournament, but then again, maybe he could. You're right: WE DON'T KNOW. Maybe, just maybe Grandpa's ethic might be one of being supportive of an obilgation to a team during *tournament play* that will potentially affect the futures of other teammates. Hmm, maybe he gets it. I know my family does, thankfully. (If Grandpa's a Veteran, I suspect he might understand better than most are giving him credit for. )

I also find it amusing that a high school graduation party on a Friday night is being equated to a "commitment to family". Too bad there wasn't a webcam so we could see how many family members will be there vs how many friends there are. At the graduation parties I've been to, family clears out fairly early while friends take over to party the rest of the night away.

That's ok, this team will be celebrating their success (win or lose) without her, and I'm sure at that point, she won't be missed by the players anyway. They can be proud that they honored their commitments to eachother and gave it their best shot, and they'll be winners regardless of the outcome. Golfgal, please wish your daughter good luck for me, and tell her she can hold her head high.

 

[brerrabbit]

I can't really comment on the girl the original poster talked about but she may have her reasons, and my point was not to pit family vs teams but rather to point out that where we live the "commitment" is explained, understood and accepted before tryouts are ever held. At that point if you cannot agree to them then you should take yourself out of consideration right then and there. I don't know what the coach of this girl asked of the team from the start so I cannot really comment.

As to the poster who said that the Pearland Girls missing graduation was sad, well they don't think so. Most of these girls have played competative softball together since they were 5 years old. They have worked to this goal for 11 to 13 years and would not dream of being anywhere else. Over 50% of the girls on the team are going to get a paid college education based on their playing skills. We have a long tradition of softball and baseball at our HS and the playoff dates are known well in advance. From the first day of practice back in January they knew if they won and made it this far they would not be able to attend graduation. They accepted that and have played great all season. Now they are on the verge of something they have worked for, for a long time. Just try and drag on of them back from Austin to go to graduation and you would have a riot on your hands.

They heard the rules, they understood the rules, they accepted the rules, they commited to their teamates to be there. I admire them and their commitment, and can assure you there is not one sad thing about the situation. Matter of fact there is a big bar-b-que/ send off party for them Thursday afternoon at the high school which will be attended by most of the school to show their support and I can assure you it will be a happy occasion, just like last year when we got to do it for both the softball and baseball teams.

 

[mjkacmom]

My DS14 missed his soccer game last night to go to his sister's award ceremony. He is very close to his sister and would give his life for her. We never even had to ask which he was doing, his soccer game or the award ceremony. It wouldn't even cross his mind to miss his sister's accomplishments. I know this next comment will most likely come back to bite me, but I feel sorry for your kids, if they can't count on their siblings to be there for life achievements, they are going to be very lonely people.
.

Oh, give me a break! Just because my kids aren't sitting around in one big love fest, congratulating each other all day, won't make them lonely adults! I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that most boys would not want to miss a game to go to an awards ceremony (BTW, hope his team had enough subs). My kids spend HOURS a week at each others games and performances, because there are so many of them. Those who don't have activities will be there for dd13's ceremony (they don't tell us what they're getting, but she is a straight A+ student in all honors classes, plus in the top concert choir - she doesn't play sports).

Ds12 tolerates his older sister, and she tolerates him. Dd7 and dd9 are best friends, and hate to be apart from each other. There are all kinds of dynamics among siblings - I loathed my little sister, and now she's my best friend.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

Oh, give me a break! Just because my kids aren't sitting around in one big love fest, congratulating each other all day, won't make them lonely adults! I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that most boys would not want to miss a game to go to an awards ceremony (BTW, hope his team had enough subs). My kids spend HOURS a week at each others games and performances, because there are so many of them. Those who don't have activities will be there for dd13's ceremony (they don't tell us what they're getting, but she is a straight A+ student in all honors classes, plus in the top concert choir - she doesn't play sports).

Ds12 tolerates his older sister, and she tolerates him. Dd7 and dd9 are best friends, and hate to be apart from each other. There are all kinds of dynamics among siblings - I loathed my little sister, and now she's my best friend.

Sorry no break from me. No love fest going on here either. Just a plain response to something you stated about my post. That's all. I guess I am just lucky, my kids don't tolerate each other, they like each other. They are actually friends. And yes, there were enough subs, the team is set up that way, and they lost, 4-1. Not because my son wasn't there, because the other team played better.

 

[luvsJack]

Ya know, every person has different priorities.

Obviously golf is not a priority to her. And that is regardless of whether she could have played in college (maybe she didn't WANT to play past high school ). She has a right to have a different set of priorities than the OP and the OP's child.

I am the parent of 3 athletes and all 3 have been very different in their commitments and to which sport they are commited to. Maybe this girl's commitment was to soccer (which she got a scholarship for) and not to golf.


This does not make her a bad person or mean that she is going to grow up and not be able to follow through with commitments. It means she missed a high school golf tournament plain and simple.

We should remember too, that for many people in this world sports are an "extra" and for fun, their kid's real commitments are to their education and the rest of what goes on in their lives. (and yes this is even true of high school sports)


As for this debate about siblings being there for their siblings--some really are that close and I think it is great. DS had a friend that he grew up playing ball with who had a sister that played softball. Her team got into the division tournament at the same time his team was playing for the state title. She CHOSE (she was not asked) to give up her spot on her team to be there for her brother.

 

[mjkacmom]

Sorry no break from me. No love fest going on here either. Just a plain response to something you stated about my post. That's all. I guess I am just lucky, my kids don't tolerate each other, they like each other. They are actually friends. And yes, there were enough subs, the team is set up that way, and they lost, 4-1. Not because my son wasn't there, because the other team played better.

You can be as condescending as you wish, but most siblings aren't bff's, like your 2 children (guessing there are just 2), or my dds'. You were rude to imply that those who aren't (which are most at this age), are "sad," and you feel sorry for them. Feel sorry for the children who are physically and mentally abused, feel sorry for the children who don't get enough to eat, feel sorry for those who have no parents who love them. But don't feel sad for the kids who would rather go to their games with their teams than go to an awards ceremony, because they are the norm. Heck, most parents I know would be thrilled to have teens that don't hate each other.

 

[mumom95]

You can be as condescending as you wish, but most siblings aren't bff's, like your 2 children (guessing there are just 2), or my dds'. You were rude to imply that those who aren't (which are most at this age), are "sad," and you feel sorry for them. Feel sorry for the children who are physically and mentally abused, feel sorry for the children who don't get enough to eat, feel sorry for those who have no parents who love them. But don't feel sad for the kids who would rather go to their games with their teams than go to an awards ceremony, because they are the norm. Heck, most parents I know would be thrilled to have teens that don't hate each other.

I have a question, and I promise I'm not being snarky or mean or anything. I'm not going to judge your answer, I'm just honestly curious.

If you had a daughter whose granduation ceremony (which is basically just an awards ceremony, but what most people would say an important awards ceremony)_was on Friday night and she was validictorian and was going to give a speech. And your son had a regular season baseball game that night and said he didn't want to go to the graduation but wanted to go to the game, would you let him?

I realize your son may not play baseball and your kids may never be in this situation. I'm just curious if you feel there are certain things that trump other things (besides something like a death in the family), or if you feel that one sibling doesn't ever have a responsibility to another sibling in a situation like this (not saying you believe that siblings don't have responsibilities to each other).

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

You can be as condescending as you wish, but most siblings aren't bff's, like your 2 children (guessing there are just 2), or my dds'. You were rude to imply that those who aren't (which are most at this age), are "sad," and you feel sorry for them. Feel sorry for the children who are physically and mentally abused, feel sorry for the children who don't get enough to eat, feel sorry for those who have no parents who love them. But don't feel sad for the kids who would rather go to their games with their teams than go to an awards ceremony, because they are the norm. Heck, most parents I know would be thrilled to have teens that don't hate each other.

First, it was never my intention to sound condenscending. I went back to read my response and I do owe you an apology. I personalized my response with the phrase "your". I really meant to make it a blanket statement, and I do stand by that statement. So hopefully you will accept my apology for saying that directly to you. It was wrong.

But, I do feel sorry for kids that don't have that bond. Sorry is word that shows emotion. I am not going to regret having that emotion or even saying so.

And for the record, I never said I felt sad for the children, I said this...

I would say that your son is by far the exception rather than the rule.

I find this post sad.

 

[Toad_Passenger]

You can be as condescending as you wish, but most siblings aren't bff's, like your 2 children (guessing there are just 2), or my dds'. You were rude to imply that those who aren't (which are most at this age), are "sad," and you feel sorry for them. Feel sorry for the children who are physically and mentally abused, feel sorry for the children who don't get enough to eat, feel sorry for those who have no parents who love them. But don't feel sad for the kids who would rather go to their games with their teams than go to an awards ceremony, because they are the norm. Heck, most parents I know would be thrilled to have teens that don't hate each other.

I hate to say this, but I'm not so sure they are the norm. Obviously there are no polls taken to prove this either way, but in my experiences most of the siblings I grew up with, and, now that I have kids, all of our friends' siblings, would drop everything and anything to be supportive of each other.

One of my friends growing up had a sister who actually painted up signs and got her cheerleader friends to hold them up during an Honors Society reception for her brother. That girl could have been anywhere that night, since she was a Senior, but she wanted to help make it special for her brother. It was awesome!

 

[golfgal]

I find it kind of funny here that people are using the "commitment to family" argument as if it is mutually exclusive from having a commitment to a sports team. As if those of us that take the team commitments seriously somehow aren't committed to our own families.

PSA: there can be BOTH!

Not knowing the circumstances around scheduling the party goes BOTH WAYS. Maybe Grandpa couldn't make it at ANY TIME other than during the tournament, but then again, maybe he could. You're right: WE DON'T KNOW. Maybe, just maybe Grandpa's ethic might be one of being supportive of an obilgation to a team during *tournament play* that will potentially affect the futures of other teammates. Hmm, maybe he gets it. I know my family does, thankfully. (If Grandpa's a Veteran, I suspect he might understand better than most are giving him credit for. )

I also find it amusing that a high school graduation party on a Friday night is being equated to a "commitment to family". Too bad there wasn't a webcam so we could see how many family members will be there vs how many friends there are. At the graduation parties I've been to, family clears out fairly early while friends take over to party the rest of the night away.

That's ok, this team will be celebrating their success (win or lose) without her, and I'm sure at that point, she won't be missed by the players anyway. They can be proud that they honored their commitments to eachother and gave it their best shot, and they'll be winners regardless of the outcome. Golfgal, please wish your daughter good luck for me, and tell her she can hold her head high.

Thank you, I will and I agree, these parties tend to be more for friends then family.

I can't really comment on the girl the original poster talked about but she may have her reasons, and my point was not to pit family vs teams but rather to point out that where we live the "commitment" is explained, understood and accepted before tryouts are ever held. At that point if you cannot agree to them then you should take yourself out of consideration right then and there. I don't know what the coach of this girl asked of the team from the start so I cannot really comment.

As to the poster who said that the Pearland Girls missing graduation was sad, well they don't think so. Most of these girls have played competative softball together since they were 5 years old. They have worked to this goal for 11 to 13 years and would not dream of being anywhere else. Over 50% of the girls on the team are going to get a paid college education based on their playing skills. We have a long tradition of softball and baseball at our HS and the playoff dates are known well in advance. From the first day of practice back in January they knew if they won and made it this far they would not be able to attend graduation. They accepted that and have played great all season. Now they are on the verge of something they have worked for, for a long time. Just try and drag on of them back from Austin to go to graduation and you would have a riot on your hands.

They heard the rules, they understood the rules, they accepted the rules, they commited to their teamates to be there. I admire them and their commitment, and can assure you there is not one sad thing about the situation. Matter of fact there is a big bar-b-que/ send off party for them Thursday afternoon at the high school which will be attended by most of the school to show their support and I can assure you it will be a happy occasion, just like last year when we got to do it for both the softball and baseball teams.

The girls are expected to be available to play ALL tournaments. There are a couple through the season the coach made optional but all conference, sections and state were mandatory. If this girl knew she was not going to be able to play at sections (and SHE had to have know before this past Friday), she should have stepped off varsity and given this JV girl some more varsity playing experience so she isn't thrown to the wolves, so to speak. That would have been the responsible thing to do, quite frankly. If she wasn't committed to golf, she should have stepped down and let this JV girl (who lives for golf) play.

Ya know, every person has different priorities.

Obviously golf is not a priority to her. And that is regardless of whether she could have played in college (maybe she didn't WANT to play past high school ). She has a right to have a different set of priorities than the OP and the OP's child.

I am the parent of 3 athletes and all 3 have been very different in their commitments and to which sport they are commited to. Maybe this girl's commitment was to soccer (which she got a scholarship for) and not to golf.


This does not make her a bad person or mean that she is going to grow up and not be able to follow through with commitments. It means she missed a high school golf tournament plain and simple.

We should remember too, that for many people in this world sports are an "extra" and for fun, their kid's real commitments are to their education and the rest of what goes on in their lives. (and yes this is even true of high school sports)


As for this debate about siblings being there for their siblings--some really are that close and I think it is great. DS had a friend that he grew up playing ball with who had a sister that played softball. Her team got into the division tournament at the same time his team was playing for the state title. She CHOSE (she was not asked) to give up her spot on her team to be there for her brother.

 

[mjkacmom]

I have a question, and I promise I'm not being snarky or mean or anything. I'm not going to judge your answer, I'm just honestly curious.

If you had a daughter whose granduation ceremony (which is basically just an awards ceremony, but what most people would say an important awards ceremony)_was on Friday night and she was validictorian and was going to give a speech. And your son had a regular season baseball game that night and said he didn't want to go to the graduation but wanted to go to the game, would you let him?

I realize your son may not play baseball and your kids may never be in this situation. I'm just curious if you feel there are certain things that trump other things (besides something like a death in the family), or if you feel that one sibling doesn't ever have a responsibility to another sibling in a situation like this (not saying you believe that siblings don't have responsibilities to each other).

It really depends. In the case of my dd giving a speech, he would be there. Now, if it was a big game, and his team needed him (ie - he is goalie on his soccer team, and there is only one backup goalie), and my dd was just receiving a diploma, I'd probably let him go to the game if he wanted. And yes, certain things trump others. With the exception of my oldest, my kids WANT to go see their siblings play and perform. But sometimes they have their own activities at the same time, and would rather go to them.