Why would someone say this?

[Ananamouse]

My DS is 6 -

Well here is other info. I just found out - it was on his computer desktop. He book plane and hotel reservations for them to go away at the end of March!

I almost want to -

a. Cancel the reservations
b. Change her name to mine
c. Hide his passport

Or should I just leave it alone because he is just a piece of garbage - but he sits here and tells me he still loves me and that he knows I'm better than her. She knows he is married because I have even talked to her. He tells me he is playing her, well how do I know your not playing me.

If your better than her why is he not taking you then ?? Wow you need to kick him to the curb

 

[casey49781]

kick him to the curb,,,cancel resv,,,but dont let him know,,,you are better than that,,,and by all means you dont deserve that,,,stand up for yourself and to heck with him,,,your job is to protect your child and if he messes up thats his fault,,,i just dealt with this a couple years ago ,,,and mine still blames it on me but atleast i have my sanity back,,,you have no relationship anymore he messed up and you will never trust again with him,.,so basically there is nothing left,,,as for your child please protect and see a att. asap,,kick his hinny to the curb you and your child deserve better,,,,,goodluck

 

[The Mystery Machine]

This situation is between DH & myself - things just have not been good, especially when there is a 3rd. party - not on my part.

He tells me he wants his independence, but he won't leave unless I tell him - I really feel like I am being tricked somehow - so he can tell everyone I threw him out and DS will thing I told Daddy to leave?

Got it. Go to a GREAT lawyer ASAP....get yourself some good advice. Start with proceedings.

If this were my husband he would be served with seperation papers as his goodbye, get out. Prior to that I would be preparing. He can sit there and wonder.

I am so sorry. I am going to bestow to you the strength of spirit to clear your head and move forward clearly. Remember he wants all the attention. Well it is not about him. It is about your son.

 

[ReneeA]

I just sent you a pm.

 

[froglady]

I have no long tern advice, but I would cancel the reservations, and would not lie as to his whereabouts when DS asks. I wouldn't tell the WHOLE truth, but just say that "Daddy is out with a friend." If DS asks "Who?" I would say "I'm not sure, you'll have to ask Daddy." It's not really a lie, because unless you're with him, you aren't SURE. For all you know, he might have another woman on the line. You know the old saying, "if he cheats on me, he'll cheat on you."

 

[Martha7]

I agree with everyone else who said that he wants you to be responsible for saying "it's over." That's fine, because if anyone asks, you can add the fact that as Lady Diana said, "There were three of us in this marriage, and it got a bit crowded." The point is that he has walked out on you and your Ds already. I agree that you need to see a lawyer immediately, and cancel the reservations! I seem to recall that on Desperate Housewives, Daniella actually burned her husband's passport in the fireplace! I love the idea of your DH showing up to the airport with his trampy girlfriend, all excited about thier big trip, only to find that they have no reservation!

 

[Stitchfans]

Maybe this isn't nice but I find this kind of funny. If you don't want anyone around just say go away. That is what I do. No sense playing games and not letting someone know exactly what you want or what you are thinking.

 

[Tiffann4k]

Stitchfan, its not as easy as that. Maybe you should read the other posts by the OP

To the OP I agree with what everyone else says.

I think it would be funny to change or cancel his reservations and not tell him

 

[kristen821]

I am agreeing with everyone on getting an attorney fast! He is spending your money on her and you are going to need that money for your ds. You don't need him so why keep him around. I would tell him to leave today and also wouldn't lie to your son. Tell him as another poster said that he is out with friends and he has to ask daddy if he wants more answers then that. You are a better person then his mistress so tell him to be with her and get out because you are to good for him too! (she doesn't sound like a great person to me if she knows you are married) He is playing mind games with you and you need to realize none of this is your fault.

 

[dmslush]

My DS is 6 -

Well here is other info. I just found out - it was on his computer desktop. He book plane and hotel reservations for them to go away at the end of March!

I almost want to -

a. Cancel the reservations
b. Change her name to mine
c. Hide his passport

Or should I just leave it alone because he is just a piece of garbage - but he sits here and tells me he still loves me and that he knows I'm better than her. She knows he is married because I have even talked to her. He tells me he is playing her, well how do I know your not playing me.

Why are you going to allow him to take money out of YOUR household in order to wine and dine his hoochie? Think about this logically, not emotionally for a moment:

He is taking money (i.e., food, school expenses, household expenses, etc..) from your child in order to have sex with a woman that is NOT you.

He is potentially exposing you to numerous STDs. Depending on the STD, it can kill you, it can make you infertile, it can stay with you forever, it can increase your risk of cervical cancer.

He says that he is playing her? No, he is playing you. What does he have to gain by playing her? besides getting an STD, he has NOTHING to gain from playing her. But, on the other hand, what does he have to gain by playing you? Well let's see, the house, the car, the kid, the money.. all of which she may get in the future if you don't protect your interests now.

Cancel the reservation, hide the passport, take a boatload of money and go first thing Monday morning to the highest priced attorney in your town. File for divorce on the grounds of adultry before he can file on ANY grounds.

 

[Stitchfans]

Stitchfan, its not as easy as that. Maybe you should read the other posts by the OP

To the OP I agree with what everyone else says.

I think it would be funny to change or cancel his reservations and not tell him

you are so right. I am sorry. I did not read on. my mistake. better be more careful.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You guys have NO IMAGINATION!!!

You see...if I were in this situation I would let mr. cheater go be with his hoochie. And while he is gone he would be coming back to papers and his stuff in storage.

This is like a perfect opportunity in my book!!!! Once I knew things were set I would probably send the two flowers & champagne with a note and keys to his stuff in storage.

 

[GJM]

I like that idea Mystery Machine - I can't wait to hear the story of where is is suppose to be for that long weekend.

I actually have been taking money out and stashing it - also waiting for a property that we are selling for the closing and we are suppose to pay down our house that we are in.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I like that idea Mystery Machine - I can't wait to hear the story of where is is suppose to be for that long weekend.

I actually have been taking money out and stashing it - also waiting for a property that we are selling for the closing and we are suppose to pay down our house that we are in.

Just make sure you get yourself to a lawyer tomorrow...promise? You have to let him go and start looking out for you and your son.
I am sorry. I cannot even imagine the shock and pain you are in.

Oh and to answer your question of why he wants you to say "Leave"??? He just wants to justify it in his mind. That is all. The "trickery" is in his own head.
Of course please consult an attorney before kicking him out. I would get seperation papers to make it legal. Please play it smart from your head now.

 

[mylilnikita]

Hi
To the OP, I am very sorry you have to go through this. I went through a similar situation a few years ago. Where I live, if someone leaves it is abandonment, so why not make his life not pleasant? Also, since he is stupid enough to leave the reservation info on his desktop,and he has about a month before going on the trip, why not install E-blaster on the computer if he is also emailing this girl, you will have a record of all of it, emails, and talking online-which weren't around that I knew about years ago, but the girl was stupid enough to email me and he was stupid enough to IM me on a few times afterwards and tell me all about how much fun he was having with her, too bad the judge didn't think it was funny You must have all these different emotions going on, it is like a terrible roller coaster ride. Use everything you can to your advantage. Let him go on this little trip, but if there was a way to change the reservations on his return way back, that would be funny.But keep a copy of the reservation of him and lil miss going out of the country together for your own records.To be far from home and not be able to come home in time, heaven forbid if he had to pay for another flight just to find out the credit card he has doesn't work,tsk tsk. Also, like another poster said get a lawyer immediatly. Just think, turn around is fair play because if he stays with her, the money he could be spending on her, will go to you for alimony and son's child support. Take care of yourself, be strong, you have it in you. Do Not tell him what you are doing, even if you want to explode in anger, let it be a surprise. You should also go to a dr. and get checked out and don;'t be messing with him again.

 

[mylilnikita]

Mystery Machine-I Like the way you think

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Mystery Machine-I Like the way you think

Thanks...

However, the more I think about it the more he would be served with papers at the hotel along with some flowers???? Course I don't know if you can do that?

Then he can't come home. (Or can he? I am not sure how this stuff works.)
So get an attorney first thing!!!!

 

[kristen821]

Thanks...

However, the more I think about it the more he would be served with papers at the hotel along with some flowers???? Course I don't know if you can do that?

Then he can't come home. (Or can he? I am not sure how this stuff works.)
So get an attorney first thing!!!!

Papers at the hotel would be funny. I don't think that is possible if he is going out of state though.

 

[Shugardrawers]

My ex did that to me. He drank heavily, screwed around constantly with countless women and threatened me with his guns. I finally told him I wanted out and I left (since the house had been his before we got married). He then cried to everyone about how I was the one who wanted out, I did him wrong, I left..wah wah wah.

In my very strong but very humble opinion, he doesn't want to be a man about it. He's giving you every reason and goading you to kick him out so he doesn't have to take responsibility. I'll bet when things go wrong at work it's never his fault either is it?

I'm not going to tell you what to do in your marriage. After I left my ex I didn't hesitate to tell everyone what a jerk he'd been. I beat him at his own game.

 

[GJM]

The funny thing is everyone thinks he is a jerk now - they keep telling him "what are you doing".

I guess that is it, that he doesn't want to take the responsibilty for his screw up and then it falls on me. Or it makes it easy for him, if I tell him to leave.

I have copies of EVERYTHING - it is all kept at my sisters house. I even saw pictures of him and the other person on his computer and emailed it all to my sister.

He knows too much about computers for me to install something on it.

The credit card is a card that he uses and is sent to his work address, I have the number and even the security number on the back. I'm thinking I may use that for when me & DS go to FL and book our tickets on it.

Thanks everyone, at least I know I'm not the only one that has gone thru something like this.