Why would a mother in law invite her sons ex to her party?

[SamRoc]

My friend is going to her mother in laws 80th birthday today. My friend has been married to her ds for 30 years, have 2 wonderful sons and they are very happily married. My friend found out from her sister in law that her husbands ex girlfriend has been invited to the party. She dated my friends dh over 30 years ago for about a year and now lives in florida (the party is in ny). The mother in law never sees her, so thats why we think its odd.
The mother in law also invited one of her other sons ex wives from 20 years ago as she said "she will always be my daughter".
Both daughter in laws are still going to the party with their husbands, but are really upset with the mother in law. They say she is being mean spirited and hurtful after all the years that they have been with her sons.
Anyone have a mother in law like this?

 

[Stella3]

I think the MIL sounds like a bitter, old troublemaker.

 

[RitaZ.]

The woman is turning 80, she isn't going to change. Maybe she is not "all there", if you know what I mean. Maybe she is just mean. Maybe she is inviting everyone that has played an important part in her life. Who knows what her motivation really is?

Personally, I wouldn't put too much energy into it. Let the woman have her party. The DILs are married to her sons. The ex-girlfriends and ex-wives are not. They may not even show up and if they do, well, they will be just guests.

 

[mpls_mm]

I am the ex-wife, so this is a different point of view. I get invited to everything and I always have. We have been divorced for almost 5 years and have a DS4 and DD8 together. When we were first married, I remember that some of his exes were invited by my MIL. They were neighbors and had a long history or just got a long really well. I wasn't bothered. We combine parties for the kids, it's better than having two seperate ones. For fathers day I took ex-mil and my ex-dh out for dinner with the kids. Now we have a 10 year history and I feel like a member of his family and I always will. I feel very fortunate. It's MIL choice if she wants to have a barbecue and invite everyone her sons have slept with, I have always been above all of that. I just go and enjoy the party, most times I like everyone and have a good time. Thats probably why I am still invited. Now my ex has dated women that demand I not be invited to something and I always comply, those women have not lasted, they end up being too demanding or bossy or alienate the kids, we have both decided that if we date people who start demanding this and that and can't handle an ex around, it won't work long term. We will always have kids together, his mom is always grandma and things work better when we all get along.

 

[Magic Mom]

Its her birthday, can't she invite who she wants? Its not as if she has been trying all these years to reunite the exes. Who cares if a gf from 30 years ago attends. Maybe the mother realizes this may be her last big party and wants to reconnect with people she cares about from the past.

 

[JR6ooo4]

It could just be that she wants more presents, hehehehehee

Mikeeee

 

[shortbun]

I think that her party should be just that-her party. She considers these women friends and the relationships were a LONG time ago. The wives of these men should feel comfortable and go to the party. Do they think their husbands will dump them and leave with their exes? See, I think this is making a mountain of a molehill. Personally, I'd be curious to meet an ex of my husband's and they might find they like these women. After all, they have the same taste in men.

 

[Allison]

Honestly, I can't see why someone who has been married for 30 years would be upset about an girlfriend from several decades ago being invited or present at the party.

 

[veraletta]

Maybe she likes her ex-daughter in-law.
I don’t see any thing odd or wrong with it.

 

[barkley]

hey-i'm 'the ex girlfriend' who got invited a few years ago to his parent's 50th wedding anniversary party. i dated their son 30 years ago and developed a bond that despite it not working out with their son i (and apparantly they) still cherish. we have seen each other maybe 3 times in the last 30 years and only communicate through christmas cards, but i have actual family that i've seen less in that time frame. dh and i had a great time catching up with my ex's family, and if my ex's wife felt threatened by my presence-that's her insecurities about their relationship, and if she's feeling that way after 30 years i suspect that there is much more contributing to it than my being at a social event they are attending.

 

[Michelle67]

I'm another ex that always gets invited. And almost always comes, too. My husband even goes over to my ex-MILs house with me. We spend every Christmas Eve there, among other things. They get along great. My ex-MIL and I always really liked one another, and there is no reason in the world that we should not continue to have a friendship just because her son and I have not been together in 16 years. I don't see someone as bitter and mean just because they like someone their child is no longer married to.

 

[Cheshire Figment]

My sister was divorced over 30 years ago and her ex and his current wife are invited to all the large family functions. (He did not meet his current wife until about eight years after the divorce, so she had no part in the breakup.) No-one in the family has a problem with that and there was no problems with the kids either.

 

[Luv'sTink]

Honestly, I can't see why someone who has been married for 30 years would be upset about an girlfriend from several decades ago being invited or present at the party.

I agree. 30 years is a long time.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I think it's a little strange, but if it floats her boat have at it.

 

[cigarboo]

Old people often remember years from the past better than recent times. Sort of like remembering and telling the same old stories from their childhood and not remembering what they ate last night. MIL has probably lost track of time and probably still thinks of husbands ex as a good friend even though 30 yrs have gone by. If they really have not communicated in 30 years, I doubt the ex is going to want to come to NY from FL to attend an 80yo's B-day party. If they had been communicating all this time, then the ex is considered a dear friend of MIL, who also happens to have dated your friend's husband years ago. She then would have just as much right to be at the party and your friend better make the most of it or she'll look like the insecure wife. C'mon, 30 yrs of marriage and still insecure about the ex???

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Perhaps it is her passive aggresive way of saying she likes them better?

 

[OceanAnnie]

Perhaps it is her passive aggresive way of saying she likes them better?

I was thinking the same thing.

 

[Disney Doll]

I'm the camp who can't believe current wife of 30 years is even worried about this.

 

[crz4mm2]

Honestly, I can't see why someone who has been married for 30 years would be upset about an girlfriend from several decades ago being invited or present at the party.

Amen.

 

[Snoozan]

The way I look at these situations is - it's the son who divorced his ex - not his parents. It's painful to lose a SIL or DIL to divorce for alot of people - especially those that were part of the family for years. I know, as I've "lost" a couple of wonderful BIL's this way. My DH and I have stayed friendly with these BIL's - one with the blessing of one sister, not so for the other. I just returned from a staying with one of my ex-BIL's for a weekend with my DH AND my sister/her DH - my sister is the ex!!! We all get along quite well and it makes it soooo much easier on the kids.

So, don't make the mother feel like she's doing something wrong by inviting an ex - she probably felt a strong bond to her ex-DIL and wants to have her share in her special day.