Why don't people RSVP?

[emma'smom]

So, we're have a holiday party next week for a group of girls/moms.

We invited about 20 families.....and about 10 have RSVP'd. So, now I'm left wondering about the rest of them. The party involves crafts (and the fact that we would be doing crafts was included in the invite)...and I need to know how many kids to buy materials for. It's one thing if a someone gets sick or suddenly has a change of plans at the last minute, but 10?

I don't understand why it is so hard to pick up the phone or e-mail someone and say "Sorry, we have something else that day" or "We'll be there!".

The thing is, most of the "non-rsvper's" will probably come as they have come to parties in the past. I'm just left guessing how many!!

 

[Beth E. (NJ)]

I have to say that I have been guilty of not rsvping on time myself. It's a bad habit and I'm trying to get out of it. It's not that I don't call, but I'll call late.

Of course it happens to me too. We just had my daughters belated 9th birthday party. We invited 15 kids all together including my daughter. There were like 4 folks I had to call to see if they were coming. Three out of the 4 were coming. There was 1 other I didn't get in touch with. We didn't have a phone number for her because she was new to the school, but she had told my daughter she would be there. She was a no show.

The only reason I cared about numbers was because we were transporting the kids from Build a Bear to a second location for dinner. I had to make sure we had enough cars and I wanted to figure out what kids were in what car so I would know I had everyone. I put the information about the 2 places right on the invite because the parents had to drop them off at one place and pick them up at another.

good luck making your phone calls. I hope people get back to you.

 

[sheilarose2]

I am giving my dd5 a Princess Tea Birthday party next weekend and I invited 15 girls to attend, 10 are from her school and only 1 has told me they are coming!!!!! 3 others are friends outside of her school they will be coming. I put on the invites to PLEASE RSVP by 12-05 at my phone # or email addy. It is very important that I know if they are coming or not because I am transforming my dining room with a castle setting, china place settings, name cards, ect the whole fancy, shmacy thing!!!! I would hate to have a little princess show up and I have NO place setting for them because Mom or Dad could not get a message to me whether it be by phone, email, through my daughter, or a note put in my daughters cubby at school!!!! I also understand that it is getting closer to Christmas and everyone can have other plans but it is not that hard to be courteous and make one simple phone call. It makes it hard to plan for food, party favors, activities, and I plan on having a couple of teenage girls(princess assistants) here to help with painting fingernails and other activities. I can already tell that i have bought way to much stuff just cause I am worried that some will show up and I want to make sure that I have enough. Oh well, we shall see what happens.
Christmas Cheers to all,
sheilarose

 

[ajk912]

Ok, I may be the biggest idiot in the world..but I only RSVP if we are going. Now, if the invite says "PLMK either way.." that's fine. But I only RSVP if we go. What's the proper etiquette? Most invites we have, I don't know the person..so I hate to call them up and say, hey, we can't come, sorry. I might be more inclined to say we aren't coming if I had an email address, maybe. But I always figured, no phone call, the person isn't coming!

 

[JacobsMommy11002]

RSVP really means you should respond either way. If you can't go, call and say you can't go, its no big deal. If you don't want to talk to the people, call when you are pretty sure they won't be home and leave a message....I do that sometimes to. But if you don't call and say one way or the other, there is always the chance you might come, and it makes for a planning nightmare for the family.

 

[ADisneyQueen]

I have had many parties for my dd's and I always had people who did not RSVP. It usually means they aren't coming. Many people wait until the cut off date or the next day to call.

 

[SGMCO]

I've invited 2 different sets of friends over to our house for Dinner and they say we will be there and then they just don't come and whenever you ask them where they were they say Oh, we forgot (nothing came up) I went thru all that work to make something special for dinner and they don't show up.

Also, Our family has been invited to others house to eat or hang out and
we say we want to come and when the weekend comes around they decide to go out of town (on pleasure not emergancy) and not let us know. That's a Low blow. I'm being to wonder what I've done wrong.

People don't have any consideration for other anymore,
like they did in years past.

 

[rt2dz]

There are three reasons people don't RSVP:
1) They don't get the invite. It's handed to the child and the child doesn't hand it to the parent. While this does happen, it does NOT account for the majority of non-RSVPers.
2) They are simply inconsiderate. They're busy and they don't take the time to consider that you are too AND you now have the double problem of figuring out what their intentions are. Perhaps they think you are psychic?
3) They simply aren't educated. I have found, mainly from message boards, that some people think RSVP means call only if you are coming. Some people think RSVP means contact only if you are not coming. They simply do not know that RSVP means call either way.

Now, for the future here are some tips to get more RSVPs:
1) Give multiple phone numbers. I give home, voice mail (so they KNOW they will not have to talk to me), and sometimes cell.
2) Give an email address. It will fit into people's busy lives more.
3) Instead of writing "RSVP", write "RSVP, regrets only" or "Please let us know if you plan on attending or not by..." or "resond" Even give a reason why you need to know. My DS is having a pool party and I'm going to put on there that we need to know to have the proper amount of lifeguards.
4) Always give a date.

Since some people still won't RSVP:
1) Always have your RSVPs due 2-3 days early. Contact those that don't respond. Give them the benefit of the doubt--"I just wanted to make sure you received the invitation since I didn't hear from you. I know little Suzy gave me an invitation once after the party..."
2) Start contacting people the day after they are due. This gives you time to call/email and for them to still get back to you in case you don't hit them when they aren't home. Stress on your message that you need the exact number for planning purposes/activities/host facility is requiring it.
3) Build in some extras. Always be prepared for more kids when possible--extra crafts, goody bags, etc...
4) Kid them about it when you see them. Next time they'll RSVP to you.

This is my biggest pet peeve. I always have to know for food, facilites, goody bags, etc. It drives me batty when people are rude. The only time I did not RSVP by the date is when my son gave the invitation he got a week prior the day before. I called immediately and apologized. And I've had some call me after the party to apologize for the same reason, except they didn't get the invite until after. And I swear, 50% of the non-RSVPers do show up. And, I am really good at calling people I don't know on my cell phone just as the kiddos are getting out of school so I can simply leave a message.

 

[superdiz]

The most ignorant non-RSVP is the wedding invitation. There is an envelope that is self adressed and stamped and a little card that says check yes or no. All you have to do is put it in the mail. You would think it was rocket science.

 

[Mkrop]

This is my biggest pet peeve and I think it is darn rude. I just call people now if I havent heard from then by my date, I dont care. I need numbers for caterers (communion party), goody bags, head counts for party places etc. I am not about to pay extra for others inconsideration. I have found putting email address on the invite does seem to help (a little) as people can get back to you when the time is convient say at 11pm. Also I know I hate to have a lengthy phone conversation with someone if I dont have the time, so I would love to send a qucik email, thanks yes we can come, no sorry but thank you anyway.

 

[mindyd]

I have this problem all the time first there are the people who don't RSVP and say oh well you know I wouldn't miss it I hate that they assume. Then the other people call the day of the party and say I have been so busy. In my area you only RSVP if you are going unless the invitations say regrets only.

 

[seashoreCM]

As the host, call them close to the implied deadline to find out whether they plan to come.

As the host, it is reasonable not to take unexpected guests.

As the host, stop inviting people who don't RSVP as requested.

As a guest and you "forgot" until the last moment, call the host and say so and add that you are prepared not to be accommodated. But if you are able to go also add the question if it is too late.

 

[BellePrincessBelle]

Guilty mom here . My Ds(5) just gave me an invite to a party that was yesterday. It was given to him at school & he put it in his dresser instead of to me. So please don't expect a kindergartener to remember to give it to mom.

 

[autumnbaby9]

I hate RSVPing if the only method is a phone number. I have a weird fear of talking on the phone, even with people that I am really good friends with. I love the people who include an email address that I can use.

However if I know it is something that needs an exact head count (wedding, craft party, etc) I will push myself to get on the phone and hope like crazy no one is home and the answering machine picks up.

 

[cissy]

This is one of my top pet peeves as well. Who raised these people...wolves!! And this issue is addressed all the time in magazines, news shows and on discussion boards. I hear it at the playgrounds, ballet practice and wherever Mommies meet. So I do not believe the "ignorance" excuse.

I bet those who don't RSVP are often the same people who are late! It is a complete lack of consideration for others. The belief that your life is somehow more important than anyone else's. A real tendency toward Narcissism. But so much of our culture leans that way that it is no surprise it has spilled over into basic manners, too.

RSVP etiquette is a basic tenant of good manners. Get over yourselves and make your momma's proud!! Even if you are not sure whether you can attend, call the hostess and let her know that you are unsure but will get back to her as soon as you know.

As for all you hostesses, let's face it, you are going to have to call some of these people. I agree with the previous poster who said you should make your RSVP date at lease 3 days before the party so you have time to call. That just seems to be the way things are going.

Another good option is to send email evites. Maybe even do both. Just make sure to let your guests know they will be getting both types of invites. I get a much better response with Evites. I don;t care for them, personally, but they do work more often than not.

Well, my soap box is getting worn thin so I will go.....

 

[MiniGirl]

I was going through my Kindergartener's backpack Fri evening, and found an invite to a party for Sat afternoon. Yep. The next day. My other dd had been ill earlier in the week, so I didn't really do a thorough job of cleaning out my youngest's backpack. Anyway, I immediately called and explained what had happened and said my dd would still love to come. However, I completely understood if that was not possible, so I guess I am guilty of the last minute RSVP as well.

I was taught that an RSVP means to respond regardless of whether or not you will be there -- unless the host(ess) adds "Regrets only" or something similiar.

 

[EthansMom]

For DS's last birthday party, I had put my RSVP date about 3 days before the date I actually needed to know by. I think I had 2 parents RSVP by that date. I had to call the other 8 or so. Most of them had forgotten about the invitation entirely.

It was amazing how much work I had to do just to get 9 other kids to show up to DS's party (at a party place with a 10 kid minimum).

 

[jenrose66]

I agree, that's rude, it doesn't take long to RSVP. I know in the past, I haven't RSVP'd to some things with my in laws because I don't like to talk to them so I tell DH to do it and he doesn't always do it....but for friends and acquaintances I always RSVP.

 

[Mkrop]

Mistakes do happen like not getting the invite untilt he last minute like the other 2 posters. I think that is more the exception. Most people get them (I usually mail anyway) and just choose to not get around to doingthe RSVPing part. Then when I call "oh yeah I was busy" well yeah so I am I trying to plan a party that I have no clue how many are attending.

 

[mindyd]

It is true though that some of the kids never bring the invites home I know this has happened with my kids parties and my daughter has forgot to bring them home and leaves them stashed in her desk. I always plan on 2-3 extra for the parties just in case.