Why does MIL make me feel like this? WHY??

[Ranatra]

First of all, she actually says to me that I'm her favorite DIL, I mean, we really do get along good, but she does something that just drives me insane and she just did it again.

We're sitting around the Dining room table having dinner, someone commented on her nice chandilier (which DH and I had gotten her for Christmas) and she says with a big smile on her face, "Billy bought me that for Christmas" HELLO!!!! I do all the Christmas shopping, I think up all the gifts, I do all the wrapping !!!!! My husband does speak up and says "That's from Sandi and I." Does she acknowlege what he has just said? NO. The conversation is over and she'll do it again next time.

MIL just had a new kitchen put in, DH and I lent her a little bit of money. On the phone she says to me " I owe Billy $*******"
x amount of dollars, like I had no part in any of this. It's not our money, it's DH's money.
It's DH's money, it's DH's Christmas and birthday gifts, it's like I'm non existant. I don't count. That's how she's making me feel.

Here's my theory: She's partial to males. She doesn't do this to her SIL's, just her DIL's. She gushes over her SILs and her sons.

Next time she does this over a gift DH and I bought her, I'm going to say "Do you really think that Billy went shopping? Get Real!
Everyone that knows my husband knows that he doesn't step foot in the mall."

 

[Serena]

My advice, let it go. She isn't going to change, and you will only hurt yourself taking the time and energy to think about her motives.
There are some people like that, my mil is the opposite. She has two daughters and two sons. The daughters were treated special when they grew up and now. The sons, no, not at all.

I'd just accept it as a mil thing you have to ignore.

 

[amid chaos]

I understand..totally. I do all the in law shopping but I think they know it.

Last year I spent a long time finding just the right thing...expensive too and barely got a thank you.
Told DH that this christmas...his family is his problem. We'll see if he really gets it.

 

[Lynn CC]

I understand totally, but if that's all you have to complain about with her then I would just let-it-go! Bite-your-tounge etc LOL

They do have a way of irritating you, don't they? I'm NEVER going to be like that when I'm a MIL ........... LOL

You should meet mine, she's a great lady and as sweet as pie, but she does have her ways with me, let me tell you. Actually I won't because I'm just ignoring the whole matter!

We should form some kind of DIL's {HUGS} club or something.
I'm sure there's some SIL's that feel the same way too.

 

[gina2000]

Sandi, it's so hard to foster a MIL/DIL relationship. I know I've worked my butt off and still sometimes we have major hurts between us.

I know I can't change her. She knows she can't change me. I think we've settle upon the fact that we both like each other enough to overlook the things we do wrong to each other.

It's not a friendship - merely a form of. I wish it could be, though. Then all of this would never happen. I'd accept her for what she was, and she'd do the same.

So I say, chin up! It's a little thing in the scheme of things. And be thankful you're not at each other's throats.

 

[Kteacher]

I know exactly how you feel. I've been with her son for 23 years now, and my MIL still pulls stuff like that. I've just learned to ignore it. LOL at the idea of a MIL vent club.

 

[Lars624]

Occasionally my MIL does things that annoy me but as a rule I'm a pretty lucky DIL. She knows that my DH doesn't shop and my DH makes no secret of it either. We were at a party unwrapping Christmas gifts and my grown nephew said "Hey Uncle Matt, thanks for the gift" & my DH answers "Your welcome Bryan...what did I get you?"
My MIL actually annoys her DS at the holidays...he says that since we got married she's been giving us joint gifts & that by calling them joint gifts she's just spending more on me & putting his name on it. I don't think she realized this one but DH & my birthdays are 1 month apart & she got us each movie theatre gift certificates but she got me twice as many as she got her son I am a lucky DIL!!

 

[Buckalew]

Sandi,
I have watched my grandmother do the very same thing to my mother all my life. Even if we are in the car and she & I are in the back seat, she will talk directly to my dad and not to my mom. Little did she know that she wouldn't have even been invited if my mom hadn't asked her to go! Of course, I antagonize her and let her know the facts nowadays!

My MIL loves me and I know she does but there is still something weird there... & if she has to write us a check for something, she always writes it to Keith and not me. I'm the one who does all the banking and she knows it! My mom always writes both of our names on a check (I think because she knows the feeling of being left out.)

It is just your MIL's way and she probably won't change. That is no excuse but it is a fact.
We'll have to remember these things as we become MILs & FILs.

 

[Blondie]

Your MIL and my MIL could be sisters!

I know exactly what you are going through!

 

[abaldacci]

I love my MIL, and we get along great. I don't do things her way but she except it becasue I think she feels I am good for her (baby) son. If she did that to me I would let DH buy gifts for them and with no help from me and see how she likes them. I would be upset too. Goodluck. I don't do birthday card for his family I think that is his job.