Why Do Some People Find Daycare a Negative?

[PatsMom]

Putting her in day care was the best thing I ever did for my daughter! I was actually a SAHM for 11 months after she was born because of a temporary re-location. I could not wait to return home and go back to work. I love my daughter to death and wouldn't trade her for anything in the world but the daily grind of diapers, feeding, napping, shopping, housework, laundry, etc just got mind numbing. I felt like I had about an hour a day of "me" time and that was after she went to bed at night. Other than that, it was all about her which is probably the right way for it to be with an infant. But she was never around other children because we did not know anyone in Atlanta.

When I got a good job offer in New Hampshire, I contacted my DH and told him I was going home two months ahead of him. He was quite surprised that I was really going through with the threat to return to work. But it was a six month contract job covering for a maternity leave at my old employer so I promised him that if any of us was miserable I would quit at the end of the three months and stay home.

She absolutely thrived at day care. She learned social skills, she had lots of creative things to do. Every day there was a listing of "her day" in her notebook - good and bad. We worked together with the daycare on some socialization issues - she had a tendency to be aggressive to the other kids around the age of 2. She went to kindergarten at the same day care center and didn't have to change until first grade. They had two awesome outside playgrounds and the kids were expected to play outside. The daycare was expensive but very well worth it. I shopped around quite a few looking for NAEYC certification among other things.

She's 19 now and still talks very fondly about her daycare. She remembers her teachers and some of the kids even. If I had kept her home with me, she would have turned out quite different I think. She is very outgoing and social and I credit the day care with that.

To help make up for the loss of time with her, I chose daycare that was near where i worked, not where we lived. So we had commuting time together. When she was really little it was mosly singing and books on tape. But as she got older she and I had some great car conversations. We put her in private school and she commuted with me until the end of sixth grade. We did homework in the car but also had extensive conversations on other things like smoking, drugs, content of books she was reading, etc.

 

[GJM]

Thank you for all the responses.

I think everyone should do what is best for them. And there are positives with daycare, and parents that send their children to daycare love them and care about them very much.

 

[EclecticWAHM]

Sorry this is so long - but it gets me upset when some people assume that parents that put their kids in daycare are letting someone else raise them.

It's just one of those things that you can't let get under your skin. Really, who CARES what those people think or say? Your child, your choice. We all do what we think is best for our families and no one else can say what's right for YOU and your family. There will always be rabid SAHM's who think there's no other way and who will cut down other people's choices. There will always be working women who think less of SAHMs. It's sad, but true. No use getting upset over it - that's wasted time and emotion.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I don't really find it a negative because some people have to utilize daycare and I am sure there are wonderful ones out there. For me, I wanted to be the one who fed them, changed them, rocked them, played with them etc. I wanted to make lunch and sit with them. I wanted to take them places. I wanted to simply enjoy every second I could and can with them. I know I am very lucky to be able to stay home although there are some who would never want to be home and that is okay too. Not every dynamic works for every family. The biggest negative thing I do think about daycare is when kids get dropped off at the before school program at 6am (3 hours before school starts) and don't get picked up until 6 at night. I just think that is way too long of a day for a child. I know some parents have no choice but there are also some who drop their kid off that early so they can sit and eat breakfast alone. (Yes- I have heard a parent say things like that) Of course at the end of the day it is their choice and not mine so live and let live I guess. It's none of my business.

 

[PatsGirl]

If a young child is in daycare from 7:30-5:30 five days each week year round and goes to bed at 7:30 at night (for example), he is with his parents approximately 36 waking hours each week and in the care of others 50 waking hours (less naps) each week.

I think each family has to do what they feel is best but you'd be hard pressed to convince me that full time daycare for babies and toddlers is better for them than being taken care of at home by their parents or other family members. And yes, both my kids were in daycare or had babysitters for short periods of time while they were younger. I made choices that allowed me to be with them as much as possible while still maintaining a roof over our heads and food on the table, albeit not much more than that some years

Once they become pre-school age, I can see the advantages of social interaction and other skills, and my children, being 8 years apart, were like only children without play buddies in the neighborhood and so really enjoyed being with other kids their own age. I did do play groups with other local parents when they were toddlers as well for socializing, for both the kids and myself

 

[Acklander]

If a young child is in daycare from 7:30-5:30 five days each week year round and goes to bed at 7:30 at night (for example), he is with his parents approximately 36 waking hours each week and in the care of others 50 waking hours (less naps) each week.

When my babies were little they went to bed between 10 & 10:30 at night. Don't know if that was their natural clock, or it just worked out that way because we were working parents. If it was just DH working and I was a stay at home mom, I probably would have tried for the same awake hours otherwise DH wouldn't have much time with the kids.

 

[gm]

I personally feel that when a child is newborn to 2, that I should raise him myself not the daycare because, he/she will not get the nurturing with 15 other newborns in the same room.

I was a sahm and I enrolled my children to montessori daycare half day program so they can learn and interact with other children. I put them when they were 3. The montessori program helped a lot in helping them be advanced learners in kindergarten.

I just cannot see putting my newborn baby all day in a daycare whether I could afford to or not. But that is just my opinion.

 

[GJM]

I don't think my DS ever went to bed at 7:30! Also at his daycare they never had 15 babies in one room -

 

[PrincessBelle09]

I don't have children yet and am not planning on trying for several more years, but when I do, I doubt that I will be a SAHM. I am still in school at the moment, but working on pursuing acting and directing professionally and I am currently the head of a nonprofit theatre company. The direction that I am going will require that I have some sort of outside assistance in child care and that will most likely be a nanny because a decent amount of my work will done at hours when daycare is not available. My husband is going into finance for now, but he plans to start an international aid NGO. Our goals career-wise will prevent either of us from being a stay-at-home parent and I'm okay with that. I will do absolutely everything in my power to keep my child happy, safe, and comfortable and part of that may be showing them through my actions the impact that they can have on society or in their industry as well as at home.

My mom was a SAHM and I admit that I have always felt a great deal of guilt because I knew that my career goals were going to conflict with me being able to the same. But as I have matured, I have realized that being a SAHM or SAHD works for a lot of people and doesn't work for a lot of others. Its not fair to judge anyone for their personal choices, especially when it's impossible to know all of the details. The feminist movement was supposedly about giving women choices, but it seems to have only limited them in the opposite direction.

 

[kpm76]

I don't know the answer, but I responded on the thread you are referring to and I think, based on conversations and interactions with moms, that it stems from insecurities on the part of both WOHM and SAHM who are not entirely comfortable with their decisions/situations. Think about it, if you were 100% happy with the decision you made and felt fulfilled in whatever role you play, there would be no need to tear someone else down to make yourself feel better.

We have a unique situation because I do contract work from home but can work odd hours (nights and weekends) so I consider myself a SAHM. I returned to the workplace when DD was 8 months old and she went to the daycare in my building 3 days a week. Honestly, we didn't look anywhere else because I was nursing and the convenience of having her with me so I could nurse a few times a day was worth it. I had a good friend who sent her children there and loved it. It was located in a state office building and the kids' parents were judges, lawyers, elected officials etc so I *thought* it was a good place. And you know what, it might have been for some people but it was not a good fit for us. DD was in the infant room and I went down to nurse 2-3 times a day and they, including the nurse on staff, gave me a heck of a time for it. It disrupted their "routine." One day I went down to nurse DD and discovered she had been sleeping since the last time I went to nurse (3.5 hrs earlier) and had not been fed lunch!!! I flipped my lid. Logically it made sense. Why wake a sleeping baby, especially when you have several others to care for and may have greater needs but it was totally unacceptable. Another time they gave her oatmeal that was not meant for her and she got sick. It lasted 5 weeks before I quit my job.

Granted, this was MY experience and I know there are daycare providers out there that do not fit this description......bottom line, everyone has to make a choice based on what is best for them and their family. The most important thing is that we all love our children and do what is in their best interest...

 

[Chelley00]

You are going to find very quickly that no matter what decision you make for your child, 100 people are going to have to tell you what a bad choice it was.

Not everyone can stay home with their baby, not everyone can go to work and leave their baby in daycare. It has to come down to each individual person making the best decision for THEIR child.

 

[Christine]

You are going to find very quickly that no matter what decision you make for your child, 100 people are going to have to tell you what a bad choice it was.

Not everyone can stay home with their baby, not everyone can go to work and leave their baby in daycare. It has to come down to each individual person making the best decision for THEIR child.

Very true.

And while some daycare situations are not optimal, there are some excellent, loving places that do exist where children have great experiences. And just as there are good and "bad" daycares, I think there are situations where staying at home with a parent who can't handle that kind of thing isn't great either. I've seen a few of those.

 

[MooGooGai]

You cannot give each child the attention they deserve. You simply can't.

Plus the workers are paid very low wages to be in charge of the well being of your baby. It is sad that our country pays daycare workers so very little.

I worked in a daycare (infant room) when I was in college and it is what prompted me to never put my child into one. Bright, cheery place. Great reviews. But once the doors closed, the babies were just a small paycheck to some of the workers. Their nerves were bad and they were often grumpy when parents were away.

We need daycare reform. Especially for infant rooms. Some of these babies are just 8 weeks old. They need highly paid people that are happy with their jobs.

 

[MooGooGai]

but DS was so bored by 20 months

Why? Can a 20 month really get bored?

 

[Christine]

Plus the workers are paid very low wages to be in charge of the well being of your baby. It is sad that our country pays daycare workers so very little.

I worked in a daycare (infant room) when I was in college and it is what prompted me to never put my child into one. Bright, cheery place. Great reviews. But once the doors closed, the babies were just a small paycheck to some of the workers. Their nerves were bad and they were often grumpy when parents were away.

We need daycare reform. Especially for infant rooms. Some of these babies are just 8 weeks old. They need highly paid people that are happy with their jobs.

Going back to another thread--anything to do with children is low paid. Day care centers can only make so much "profit" before they get to the point that nobody can afford them. In order to make daycare workers high paid, the rate would have to be so high or we would have to have taxes kick in to supplement their salaries. I don't see that happening. It is a shame really but it's the nature of this country.

 

[MooGooGai]

For me personally- I chose to stay @ home; I just didn't feel my child would be nutured by anyone better than me.

Nobody can nurture a baby like a mother. We can pretend that the daycare workers can, but they can't and they don't.

Sadly, not everyone can afford to stay home. That is why we need a daycare overhaul in this country.

 

[Mrs. Charming]

I married late and had my children later in life. My teaching job was burning me out due to a terrible administrator. My daycare provider had a nervous breakdown and quit. My husband got a job that paid more and enabled me to choose to stay home with my chidren.

It was the best choice for me. At no time have I expected it to be the best choice for everyone else.

I don't understand why, in 2010, women are still debating this topic and judging each other for the choices they have made. And make no mistake, those judgements come from women on both sides of the issue.

Why do so many women seem to be incapable of supporting other women's choices?

ITA. I don't judge anyone else for it, it didn't work for me as a kid, and I like staying home with DD. It works for me, not for everyone else. Some people prefer Pepsi over Coke.

This seems to be a common problem with women, esp of childbearing age-- they/we can't support other moms' choices.

 

[ReneeA]

I wanted to stay home with my kids. I liked the kids on a similar schedule when they were little (up early, nap at the same time, bedtime at 7:30). I couldn't see getting home from work at 6pm, and then shuttle them off to bed by 7:30.

It also made financial sense for us - our kids are only 18 months apart and daycare at the time cost between $400 and 600 dollars a week for 2 infants/toddlers. I only made $35,000 a year at the time - barely enough to pay for daycare; much less gas to and from work, work clothes, lunches, etc.

I don't care what others do, in fact there were many days that I wished I had more of a social outlet since I don't have family near us. There were times I felt really isolated while home, and I never felt that way while working. Pros and cons to both for sure.

 

[december]

I do think those variables play a big part in how we see things. I send my Katie to the most expensive daycare in my county, and it costs $100 a week! Very different than some of your areas. This year, with my masters and 14 yrs experience as a teacher, I am making $42,000 a year. So daycare does not eat up my whole check. I get up with her and nurse her around 5:30 am, leave the house around 7 (the daycare is less than 5 min from the house) and pick her up around 4. She usually doesn't go to bed until 9 or later. We are working on that!

It was much harder to make the decision to leave the older 2. This time, there was no question that I would work. I know it did not negatively affect them, and it won't hurt Katie either.

If we were well off, or dh make a ton more money than me, or we lived in a better school district (where we live is dictated by dh's job), I might make a different decision. But for now, we have made the right decision for our family.

 

[MushyMushy]

We don't have daycare centers that take care of infants where I live. If you want infant care, it has to be an in-home daycare and they are only permitted to have so many infants... something like 1 under the age of 6 months and 1 between the ages of 6 months and not sure what, 18 months maybe? And then they can have so many kids toddler to pre-school.

My oldest went to an in-home daycare from the time he was 6 weeks old. I had no choice in the matter as a single mom, and I didn't feel the least bit bad about it either. I know he was well cared for and I KNOW I was the one raising him. We were fortunate to be able to stay with the same woman until he went to kindergarten.

That said, my sister and I went to in-home daycares as children and some of our experiences were horrible. One sitter was abusive, some were neglectful. My mother kept switching us around constantly because everyone doing these homes were just awful. There simply wasn't the same oversight back then as there is today.