Why do people insist on...

[Swimnoid]

I'm still trying to think of what someone would be serving that scalloped potatoes wouldn't go with? Potatoes go with everything!

Me too! If someone brought me scalloped potatoes I'd be trying to figure out how I could hide them just for me!

 

[MariettaC]

human nature. I was raised not to show up emptied handed.

don't look a gift horse in the mouth...smile, nod, and serve the potatoes.

I couldn't have said it better.

 

[lillygator]

I guess it's just that she is family - so when she asks and I say nothing and she keeps insisting that she "do" something so I say we need a cheesecake and then disregards that and brings pecan pie....which only she ate a slice of and now is sitting in the fridge needing a home...it just doesn't seem she is trying to "help".

If I truly thought she was trying to help, it would be one thing...but it seemed to be a little more than that.

 

[BuckNaked]

The number one rule of successful entertaining is to make your guests feel welcome and comfortable, not make them feel bad for bringing unauthorized food.

Best post on the thread!!!

I do have a question though for the self-described Martha Stewarts on this thread...one poster said that she takes lots of time setting up her serving dishes in coordination with her table decorations so that it looks just right. How long does it stay that way, once people start actually passing the dishes and eating the meal? Is the meal ruined once the picture perfect table is rearranged?

It kind of reminds me of that line from "Wall Street", when Charlie Sheen and Darryl Hannah have made the fancy meal and are sitting at the table overlooking the park..."Let's not eat it - let's just look at it".

 

[#1hockeymom]

human nature. I was raised not to show up emptied handed.

don't look a gift horse in the mouth...smile, nod, and serve the potatoes.

I honestly don't know how this turned into so many pages. Stinkerbelle said it all in one of the first posts!

Happy New Year!
Debbie

 

[IMGONNABE40!]

I must be bored...I just read this entire thread! Anyway...perhaps with MIL getting older she feels that she is not able to do as much as she used to do. But she would like to supply some of the old "family favorites" So what? A great gift to her would be to be gracious and just accept it--then set it out on the table with all of your other dishes.

I just read another post by a woman who is burying her MIL this morning. I think she'd give anything to have MIL bring a pan of potatoes--and gladly serve them with her menu. Think about it, if this is your last holiday season with your MIL (and I certainly hope it isn't), do you want this to be the defining issue of Christmas 2005?

 

[lillygator]

In the grand scheme of things I realize life may be short, seize the day etc...I was just venting that MIL can't just accept the fact not to bring a "dish" when she has repeatedly called and asked about it.


And of course I was coming here to vent so that in "real life" I would be gracious and serve it instead of throwing it against the wall! It's funny how people just assume that I am ungracious, impolite, etc simply because I "vented" about people insisting on doing something that their host graciosuly asks them not to do....

It's just frustrating...but then most things with my Outlawz are.....just like the guests who insist on arriving 2 hours earlier than the party time....for example we said noon or anytime after as we wanted to have our own family morning with just the four of us.....but we had some people arrive at 10...luckily I had more on than just my robe and at least my face was done!

 

[C.Ann]

It's the polite and proper thing to do.. What's the big deal?

Personally, if my DIL forced my son to call and make such a stink about it, I probably wouldn't bother coming at all.. Doesn't sound to me like it's the MIL with the control issues.. How silly and sad to ruin the holidays and get all stressed out over someone who is only trying to do something nice..

 

[CookieGVB]

Now you'll know for next year to just say, "Thank you for asking. Why don't you make ____." (insert food that goes with whatever you're serving) Just think of all the phone conversations you wouldn't have had about this if you had done that this year.

I've long given up on saying no when family asks if they can bring something - it saves a lot of headaches.

 

[lillygator]

Like I said - I came here to vent...it didn't ruin the holidays (and she ISN'T trying to be NICE)....but how many times can you tell someone NOT to do something and they go against your wishes?

 

[lillygator]

well I did tell her to bring X and she brought Y instead!!

 

[Chattyaholic]

I was raised that it's bad manners to give back an empty plate. I hope you baked two pies in those pie plates when you gave them back to her.



I'm still trying to think of what someone would be serving that scalloped potatoes wouldn't go with? Potatoes go with everything!

No, I didn't bake pies to return the pie plates to her. I'm not a pie baker, and since the pies were unsolicited I didn't feel the need to send the plates back full.

And someone else wondered why I didn't just put the leftover pie on my own plates and give hers back before they left...they had their coats on and were half way out the door before I realized she didn't take them. If she would have waited a few minutes I could have done that, and washed the plates, but she didn't, just said to "keep them until we see you again", which I knew would be a year later!!!

 

[Chattyaholic]

Now you'll know for next year to just say, "Thank you for asking. Why don't you make ____." (insert food that goes with whatever you're serving) Just think of all the phone conversations you wouldn't have had about this if you had done that this year.

I've long given up on saying no when family asks if they can bring something - it saves a lot of headaches.

The OP did finally tell her to bring cheesecake if she felt she HAD to bring something even though she kept telling her no, then she shows up with a pecan pie and brownies!!

 

[Zurealsoon]

I'm still trying to think of what someone would be serving that scalloped potatoes wouldn't go with? Potatoes go with everything!

Me too

My MIL makes the world's best Candied Yams. My kids consider it dessert. Even if it went with nothing I was serving, I know everyone will be fighting over those yams!

 

[Zurealsoon]

And no, much as I like scalloped potatoes they don't go with everything... and not the game hens, wild rice stuffing w/ sausage and mushrooms, cauliflower cheddar gratin with horseradish crumbs, green salad, rolls, and cranberry orange relish I served last night.

To me, scalloped potatoes would be a nice addition to that meal.

 

[Michelina]

Because it's good manners to bring a gift for the hostess. Yes even if they insist to not bring anything. I always offer to bring something and if I'm told to not bring anything, I will bring wine for the hostess or flowers.

Ditto! If someone brought something to my house, anything, even if it were some bizarre jello salad or something I would just smile, thank them, put it out and then throw it away after they left if no one liked it.

 

[BuckNaked]

Nope sorry, not a good match, unless you called them pommes de terre crantées. (per Babel Fish )

 

[Chicago526]

My family must be weird. When invited to a party or dinner, we always ask "Can we bring something?". If the answer is "no", which sometimes it is, we honor that wish and bring nothing (although usually we'll bring a hostess gift). If the answer is yes, and no foods are assigned, we ask "What do you need/what would you like?" If then given a suggestion, we bring that. If not given a suggestion, then and only then do we wing it and bring what we want.

We don't get uptight or upset about it. But then we are pretty laid back about most things in life, anyway.

 

[BuckNaked]

My family must be weird. When invited to a party or dinner, we always ask "Can we bring something?". If the answer is "no", which sometimes it is, we honor that wish and bring nothing (although usually we'll bring a hostess gift). If the answer is yes, and no foods are assigned, we ask "What do you need/what would you like?" If then given a suggestion, we bring that. If not given a suggestion, then and only then do we wing it and bring what we want.

We don't get uptight or upset about it. But then we are pretty laid back about most things in life, anyway.

We're the same way - if no food is needed, we'll bring a bottle of wine or something like that. But as a hostess, I can't imagine ever getting wound up about people bringing something I hadn't planned for, or worrying about whether it "went" with what I had planned or whether or not it would look nice on the table.

 

[yeartolate]

Wow.

She brought something you didn't want.


I don't understand the drama. I really don't. Take the tubers with a smile. In the scheme of things why does it really matter?