Why do parents insist on bringing gifts when the invite says "No Gifts!"

[Spoonful of Sugar]

Hi, first of all I didn't read all the posts (although it looks like it got interesting, so maybe I'll go back and read more) so this may have already been suggested: Some of the moms I know have twoonie parties -- I live in Canada, so this is our two-dollar coin, but you could do it with two-dollar bills as well. Everyone brings two dollars instead of a gift, then the birthday child can use the money to buy one present for herself. This eliminates the usual abundance of gifts, and I've never seen someone insist on bringing a present to this type of party.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Does anyone else find it odd that the OP started this thread to vent about how rude parents are to allow their children to bring a gift to a no gift birthday party BEFORE the party has even taken place??? For all OP knows everyone may show up for their limo ride and chocolate fondue giftless as per request.
If I am going to complain about people's actions I usually at least complain about what they really did not and not what I anticipate they might possibly do

 

[Andy B]

Can I go back to the lease a cow, the OP states that she 'gives through heifer.org so I assumed the cow lease was through them but she also said they were going to Switzerland to visit it, I wonder how many starving poor there are in Switzerland?

PS. I always thought the OP was female and her OP.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Can I go back to the lease a cow, the OP states that she 'gives through heifer.org so I assumed the cow lease was through them but she also said they were going to Switzerland to visit it, I wonder how many starving poor there are in Switzerland?

PS. I always thought the OP was female and her OP.

Nope--OP posted a link to the website through which the cow is leased. It is not a charity. It is a family dairy farm in Switzerland. They used to lease cows to restruarant owners to provide fresh cheese to the restruarnt. It appeasrs it is set up to be for more local people who want to visit their cow on the farm through the year and then you get a bunch of cheese as well. I cannot imagine that they are actually keeping the milk seperate and producing cheese from individual cows--surely it is more that you get cheese from the farm and your cow contributed (unlike the sheep in new Hampshire where you could get your own fleece). It seems that most people lease the cows for a month and there are differnt packages. All of them include a certificate and a photo of your cow along with some cheese. Some packages include hats, shirts, etc. My German is still iffy so I may be wrong on some of the deatils.
So, it helps out a farm family in Switzerland, but is not really a charity at all.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Still clikcing around on that website. Op, I am guessing there was a similar special to what is now available from June-September but for this time of year (unless you are talking about a birthday party 6 months away).

For the non German readers it appears that for the rough equivalants of $370 you can lease the cow for the aforementioned 4 months. You will get a framed photo of your cow (you can choose it from the wesbite) and will get personally taken to find it on your farm the first visit you make. You also get to watch how the farm works and wil be instructed in what farm work you must do. Your family is required to work for four hours on the farm (on top of the money you have spent to lease this cow). You also must agree to buy a minimum of 30 kilos of cheese at 17 swiss francs (about $16--the exchange rate is close to even at the moment).
This is the special and does not include any hats or shirts or whatnot. I find it very intersting but it seems like an awful lot of mony for cheese and a day on a farm to me.

 

[testifyoncruises]

DP--men use it all the time as well.

Learn something new every day. None of the men I know use it. I already said it must be a regional thing. All of the men in my community refer the other man in their life as SO.

Can you please clarify why going on a vacation (from which you will be retruning) means she cannot have gifts? I asked before but you ignored me. The gifts would still be there when she got back and she could play with them then. I truly so not see how these things relate.

It is because her PARTY is the gift. You were NOT ignored, it was answered upthread.

The first posted started because we HAVE received invites to NO GIFT parties and as per requested we did not bring a gift. Others parents or their children brought a gift in utter defiance of what was requested. We didn't feel a bit guilty because we did as requested.

I should not that we could see the visible consternation on the face of the host or hostess when people ignored their request.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Learn something new every day. None of the men I know use it. I already said it must be a regional thing. All of the men in my community refer the other man in their life as SO.

Oh, I have never heard DP, or DH or any other abreviation of the sort in reality. But the initials DP, etc seem to be widely used on the internet (which is not so regional you know). It is not like I go around calling my husband DH or saying it out as Darling Husband either.
So you are saying you are a woman then? I jsut want to be clear so please just this once give a straight answer, okay?

It is because her PARTY is the gift. You were NOT ignored, it was answered upthread.

The party is her gift from YOU. Also that still has nothing to do with the vacation. WHy does your family going on vacation two weeks after the party mean her friends cannot give her gifts? That is the confusing issue--how those two things are linked.

The first posted started because we HAVE received invites to NO GIFT parties and as per requested we did not bring a gift. Others parents or their children brought a gift in utter defiance of what was requested. We didn't feel a bit guilty because we did as requested.

I should not that we could see the visible consternation on the face of the host or hostess when people ignored their request.

I get not wanting your kids to have so many material things. Why on earth you just don't stop buying them and let them all come in from other sources who want to give to her is a bit more confusing Let them get the credit and be the good guys in a little gril's eyes and you contribte the money you would have spent on gifts to her savings or donate it to charity instead of selling what others give you for that purpose (savings apparently not charity).

I would understand posting a vent about your own family having given too much at, uh, Festivus. I could understand having just gotten back from a party and posting about feeling badly for the parents when some ignored the request (request right, or is it a demand?) for no gifts. I can understand asking people what they would do as guests so you can be prepared. I do not understand posting now that you are already upset because you think this might happen.

 

[Andy B]

The first posted started because we HAVE received invites to NO GIFT parties and as per requested we did not bring a gift. Others parents or their children brought a gift in utter defiance of what was requested. We didn't feel a bit guilty because we did as requested.

Why did you use the phrase 'utter' defiance? Do you really think the main intention was the defiance not just that they want to give a gift.

I think it is this type of rhetoric which may wind people up.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Nope never did.

The we is ALL of us in this family. DD wants gifts but understands to have this party SHE WANTS MORE, she will have a NO GIFT party. Someone way upthread asked why, I explained we are leaving two weeks after the party and matter of factly said what we were doing. Facts, not bragging.

The only people being rude are the insults flung by the coocoo yukus, the ones bringing up things from other threads, the condescending tone from people I just ignore.

There have been truly disgusting references from sick minds making a party with a bunch of girlies dipping into warm melted chocolate and having their first sleepover into something very *****ney like.

You know what is so funny? Upthread you went on and on about how your super special snowflake doesn't want STUFF. She wants experiences etc. Now you are saying that your DD didn't want a no gift party but YOU did. That is mean and cruel. So clearly gifts at her birthday party are part of her childhood reality but you refuse to allowe her any. Real nice.

Oh, I have never heard DP, or DH or any other abreviation of the sort in reality. But the initials DP, etc seem to be widely used on the internet (which is not so regional you know). It is not like I go around calling my husband DH or saying it out as Darling Husband either.
So you are saying you are a woman then? I jsut want to be clear so please just this once give a straight answer, okay?



The party is her gift from YOU. Also that still has nothing to do with the vacation. WHy does your family going on vacation two weeks after the party mean her friends cannot give her gifts? That is the confusing issue--how those two things are linked.






I get not wanting your kids to have so many material things. Why on earth you just don't stop buying them and let them all come in from other sources who want to give to her is a bit more confusing Let them get the credit and be the good guys in a little gril's eyes and you contribte the money you would have spent on gifts to her savings or donate it to charity instead of selling what others give you for that purpose (savings apparently not charity).

I would understand posting a vent about your own family having given too much at, uh, Festivus. I could understand having just gotten back from a party and posting about feeling badly for the parents when some ignored the request (request right, or is it a demand?) for no gifts. I can understand asking people what they would do as guests so you can be prepared. I do not understand posting now that you are already upset because you think this might happen.

Well if the OP lets other people give her child gifts then she/he/DP can't look like Super Parent. It is all about getting credit. All this nonsense is about the OP and nothing to do with the child. Maybe next birthday the child can build a statue in honor of her parents.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Well if the OP lets other people give her child gifts then she/he/DP can't look like Super Parent. It is all about getting credit. All this nonsense is about the OP and nothing to do with the child. Maybe next birthday the child can build a statue in honor of her parents.

I agree that it seems to boil down to the OP wanting all the glory and not being willing to share.
I am the opposite. I am thrilled that my children have so many caring and loving people in their lives and I want those people to get to share in the experiences of knowing that what they bought or made or said is what brought a twinkle of joy into the kids' eyes (IF the people want to get a gift only).
I guess I see being a good parent as guiding my children into adult hood and not controllong their childhoods. Different perspectives and all that.

But none of this explains what the heck the cow in switzerland has to do with WHY the friends are not allowed to give gifts. The OP said they were related and I would simply like to know how she feels that they are (maybe there is a conenction I am missing. Maybe OPs daughter will have a massive tantrum if she has to leave her new toys behind to travel after two weeks and OP knows this from prior experience or something. Just looking for clarification is all, but I sincerely doubt I will ever get it).

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I agree that it seems to boil down to the OP wanting all the glory and not being willing to share.
I am the opposite. I am thrilled that my children have so many caring and loving people in their lives and I want those people to get to share in the experiences of knowing that what they bought or made or said is what brought a twinkle of joy into the kids' eyes (IF the people want to get a gift only).
I guess I see being a good parent as guiding my children into adult hood and not controllong their childhoods. Different perspectives and all that.

But none of this explains what the heck the cow in switzerland has to do with WHY the friends are not allowed to give gifts. The OP said they were related and I would simply like to know how she feels that they are (maybe there is a conenction I am missing. Maybe OPs daughter will have a massive tantrum if she has to leave her new toys behind to travel after two weeks and OP knows this from prior experience or something. Just looking for clarification is all, but I sincerely doubt I will ever get it).

That would only happen if she was one of the "girlies."

 

[lillygator]

am I the only one who thinks kids don't necessarily needs gifts on bday's? It seems so many posters have a problem with that. We've given our girls trips and parties as their gifts before and the OP's child probably gets gifts year round as well. I know mine do. People are acting like it is cruel and unusual punishment! I mean there are certian religions that don't believe in gifts/celebrations even....oh my!

 

[NHdisneylover]

That would only happen if she was one of the "girlies."

I think she is a girlie and she loves girlie baths, right? Honestly the whole attitude with the girlie stuff is part of what made me start to question wether OP was male or female. I had assumed female but the attitude alsmot seems contempous of girls and certainly ultra stereotypical. Again, maybe it is just tone not coming through correctly in print. I TRY to give the benefit of the doubt.

 

[NHdisneylover]

am I the only one who thinks kids don't necessarily needs gifts on bday's? It seems so many posters have a problem with that. We've given our girls trips and parties as their gifts before and the OP's child probably gets gifts year round as well. I know mine do. People are acting like it is cruel and unusual punishment! I mean there are certian religions that don't believe in gifts/celebrations even....oh my!

I don't think there is anything wrong with not necessarily having gifts on birthdays. I do think it is wrong to say that you can give the child gifts but no one else can and that if another child does so they are rude. Honestly most years we have spent very little on gifts for the kids for holidays. Some years we ahve spent a lot though if there was soemthing really nice they wanted. Sometimes a gift has been a trip or theatre tickets. I have no issue with any of that. I don't even care if the OP wants to say no gifts at her daughter's party (but I admit it is odd and a bit presumptious) but I think getting very worked up about it if someone else does bring a gift is ridiculous.

 

[Andy B]

I guess I see being a good parent as guiding my children into adult hood and not controllong their childhoods. Different perspectives and all that.

No that's wrong, that's what I said but you are supposed to subjugate them to your will at all times

 

[Andy B]

I think she is a girlie and she loves girlie baths, right? Honestly the whole attitude with the girlie stuff is part of what made me start to question wether OP was male or female. I had assumed female but the attitude alsmot seems contempous of girls and certainly ultra stereotypical. Again, maybe it is just tone not coming through correctly in print. I TRY to give the benefit of the doubt.

Perhaps the OP is not a 'girlie' type woman.

 

[lillygator]

I don't think there is anything wrong with not necessarily having gifts on birthdays. I do think it is wrong to say that you can give the child gifts but no one else can and that if another child does so they are rude. Honestly most years we have spent very little on gifts for the kids for holidays. Some years we ahve spent a lot though if there was soemthing really nice they wanted. Sometimes a gift has been a trip or theatre tickets. I have no issue with any of that. I don't even care if the OP wants to say no gifts at her daughter's party (but I admit it is odd and a bit presumptious) but I think getting very worked up about it if someone else does bring a gift is ridiculous.

I agree, if they bring a gift, oh well, put it to the side and deal with it later.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I agree, if they bring a gift, oh well, put it to the side and deal with it later.

Exactly OP, on the other hand, is so worked up at the thought that this could possibly happen at the upcomming party that she is already venting about it and how rude it will be.

 

[itchin2go]

But none of this explains what the heck the cow in switzerland has to do with WHY the friends are not allowed to give gifts. The OP said they were related and I would simply like to know how she feels that they are (maybe there is a conenction I am missing. Maybe OPs daughter will have a massive tantrum if she has to leave her new toys behind to travel after two weeks and OP knows this from prior experience or something. Just looking for clarification is all, but I sincerely doubt I will ever get it).

I think she/he threw out the cow statement to show how fortunate her/his daughter is, just to illustrate how much she doesn't need presents.

I mean, hello? They're going to Switzerland to milk their leased cow right after the birthday party. Of course she doesn't need presents. Duh.



P.S. I still think OP had to be laughing hysterically while typing that cow stuff.

 

[wdwfan16]

If the wrapped gift is not ticking let her have it.