Why do I want a baby NOW?

[chell]

For some strange reason my biological clock is ticking extremely loud and clear. When I say loud I mean L-O-U-D!!! I want a baby so bad I can't stand it.

In my early 20's I tried the whole fertility route with no success at all, never even ovulated. I had pretty much tried to convince myself that I didn't even want kids of my own and that I would just adopt some day. Well now I finally realize that I've been telling myself a lie. Was it a way to stop the pain of knowing I could never have one of my own?

A few weeks ago I saw a new OB/GYN and she seems to think I may have a small sliver of a chance now of having a child of my own. Last week she had to do some blood work and in that she ran some extra tests to see where I might be in the whole eggs or lack of eggs process.

In two weeks I go back for the results and if she says I have a chance I really do want to move forward with this since my opportunity isn't going to last much longer at all.

This is where we run into yet another problem. Some of you may remember that I no longer have a man in my life. And well, as much as I have loved Junior and still love him I am glad that we never had kids together because of the medical conditions on his side of the family. I would hate to bring a child into the world knowing they would most likely suffer with something specific.

Anyway, if I choose a sperm donor how would I handle that when people ask about the father? I am NOT at all ready to rush into a relationship with someone just to find a daddy for my baby (if one can be made that is).

Deep down my heart is aching for a baby of my own. I can't lie to myself any longer. I have to mother people and nurture them, it is a part of me. But I don't think I could be a good mother for some reason. But I know my heart wants to be. I want that special person to be there the rest of my life that I can love and who will love me, even if I screw them up a bit.

I don't know why I'm posting here. Maybe someone here has been where I am and might have some words to encourage me. I don't know.

I keep thinking of the line from Steel Magnolias where Shelby says "I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special."

 

[minnieandmickeymouse]

I don't have any advice, just wanted to give you a

 

[chell]

I don't have any advice, just wanted to give you a

Thank you.

 

[Sherri]

As far as a sperm donor, it seems more and more popular these days. I saw something on that topic on good morning america or 20/20. Actually now that I think about it it was at night so it must have been 20/20.
Don't worry about what people ask about the father. Those who know you well will know. Those who don't will probably not ask.
You have to do whats right for you at the right time in your life.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[chell]

Thanks Sherri!

 

[ElizK]

I cannot honestly encourage having a baby without a daddy purposefully. Both parents give so much to a child. Not having one or the other leaves a gaping hole.

I realize this isn't what you want to hear, and I realize my view will be unpopular. I'm not flaming you at all.

 

[chell]

I cannot honestly encourage having a baby without a daddy purposefully. Both parents give so much to a child. Not having one or the other leaves a gaping hole.

I realize this isn't what you want to hear, and I realize my view will be unpopular. I'm not flaming you at all.

Thank you for saying it nicely. I know I will get a lot of that here where I live. And it is something I have thought about but that still doesn't stop me from wanting to try.

 

[BrerLizzie]

I cannot honestly encourage having a baby without a daddy purposefully. Both parents give so much to a child. Not having one or the other leaves a gaping hole.

I realize this isn't what you want to hear, and I realize my view will be unpopular. I'm not flaming you at all.

I don't want to start a debate, but I grew up with only my mom. It's never bothered me.

Other than that, I just have a

 

[chell]

I don't want to start a debate, but I grew up with only my mom. It's never bothered me.

Other than that, I just have a

Thanks! I was mostly raised by my sister and my grandmother so I don't really know what a "normal" family is like anyway. For the most part I think I turned out pretty good. I just know I have a whole lot of love to give.

 

[icebrat001]

I cannot honestly encourage having a baby without a daddy purposefully. Both parents give so much to a child. Not having one or the other leaves a gaping hole.

I realize this isn't what you want to hear, and I realize my view will be unpopular. I'm not flaming you at all.

nevermind...

 

[Sherri]

I must disagree with the poster that said a dad is important. Love is important no matter who it is provided by. My kids have both their Mom and Dad in their lives, but if God forbid something should happand to one of us tomorrow, they would go on. They would turn out just as fine as if they had two parents. Look at all the widows out there raising wonderful children.
I am not in any means downplaying the role my dh has in my childrens lives, but I am saying my kids are love by so many people that if for some reason they didn't have a dad one day they would still have love.
I think Michelle, that you must follow your heart on this one. If you can provide for a child at this point in your life, I don't see the need for you to feel under the gun to find Mr.right in order to have a child.

 

[poohandwendy]

First of all, {{{HUGS}}}.

I have not been in your shoes. The only thing I would gently suggest is some grief counselling, and this idea being discussed thoroughly, beforehand. Mainly because you have been through so much very recently, I think you owe it to yourself and any potential child to make sure that this decision is made with a clear head and not as a reaction to your recent losses. (and this may not be a reaction, I would just want to make sure youare in the right mental place first)

I am not, in any way, trying to steer you away from this idea...I just know that it is always recommended to wait a year to make big decisions after you have suffered a personal loss, like a spouse. That is why I suggest some grief counselling first.

I hope you are not offended by my suggestion, I sincerely wish you well in all that you do! Good luck making your decision!

 

[texasthree]

I would say go for it. If it doesnt happen atleast you wont feel regret. If you can provide a safe, loving enviroment for a child, go for it. There are plenty of people out there who dont plan or want a baby and have one. If you are really ready to give everything to a baby then do everything you can to make it happen. GOOD LUCK!

If you cant have a baby of your own, can you go back to the adopting a baby plan?

 

[chell]

First of all, {{{HUGS}}}.

I have not been in your shoes. The only thing I would gently suggest is some grief counselling, and this idea being discussed thoroughly, beforehand. Mainly because you have been through so much very recently, I think you owe it to yourself and any potential child to make sure that this decision is made with a clear head and not as a reaction to your recent losses. (and this may not be a reaction, I would just want to make sure youare in the right mental place first)

I am not, in any way, trying to steer you away from this idea...I just know that it is always recommended to wait a year to make big decisions after you have suffered a personal loss, like a spouse. That is why I suggest some grief counselling first.

I hope you are not offended by my suggestion, I sincerely wish you well in all that you do! Good luck making your decision!

Not offended at all. Actually I have been in grief counseling since December. This is something I have wanted for a long time but I knew the timing wasn't right for us as a couple. Now the urge seems to be stronger. Thank you for being concerned and for taking the time to post this.

 

[chell]

I would say go for it. If it doesnt happen atleast you wont feel regret. If you can provide a safe, loving enviroment for a child, go for it. There are plenty of people out there who dont plan or want a baby and have one. If you are really ready to give everything to a baby then do everything you can to make it happen. GOOD LUCK!

If you cant have a baby of your own, can you go back to the adopting a baby plan?

Thanks! Yes, if this doesn't work then once I get my house built I will try the adoption route.

 

[poohandwendy]

Not offended at all. Actually I have been in grief counseling since December. This is something I have wanted for a long time but I knew the timing wasn't right for us as a couple. Now the urge seems to be stronger. Thank you for being concerned and for taking the time to post this.

That is great to hear! I suggested it because you said "Why do I want a baby so badly NOW?". Well, the answer may lie in the fact that you have suffered so greatly recently, I dunno. What does you grief counsellor think of the idea?

 

[chell]

That is great to hear! I suggested it because you said "Why do I want a baby so badly NOW?". Well, the answer may lie in the fact that you have suffered so greatly recently, I dunno. What does you grief counsellor think of the idea?

She is fine with it because she knows that it is something I've wanted for a VERY long time and that I've just been kidding myself for years saying that I didn't.

NOW as being after I have lost Junior and don't have any sperm readily available, when I've hit menopause - yes, I'm starting early, possibly starting a new career, etc.

 

[crazyforgoofy]

We only regret the things we didn't do. If having a child whether biological or adopted is what's in your heart then make it happen. Follow your heart.
In the years to come you will only be sorry if you don't.

A child needs adult male and female relationships but I disagree completely that a child needs a mother and a father to be well and whole. I think that's nonsense, actually.

 

[kaabost]

Michelle, I'm so sorry for your loss! You have very apparently always been such a strong person and I'm sure that this experience will make you even stronger in the long run. I'm sure that you will be a great mother. Don't doubt yourself. A woman like you with such a strong desire to love and care for a child.............it's a no brainer to me....any child (your biological child or an adopted child) would be blessed to enter this world with your love and guidance!

 

[poohandwendy]

She is fine with it because she knows that it is something I've wanted for a VERY long time and that I've just been kidding myself for years saying that I didn't.

NOW as being after I have lost Junior and don't have any sperm readily available, when I've hit menopause - yes, I'm starting early, possibly starting a new career, etc.

I think you have thought about it pretty thoroughly! (I think it is a very natural reaction for people to deny wanting it when they are told they can't) Good luck to you!