Why do girls love losers?

[Quiksilvr]

Interesting posts. I agree that it seems like a co-dependency issue between people who don't respect themselves enough to pull themselves out of whatever rut they happen to be in. I saw this often enough when I was a kid; I was the kind of guy that girls who liked bad boys would plant squarely in the friend zone. It made things hard sometimes but looking back I realize I was much better off without those liasons. I shudder sometimes when I realize where those people ended up in life and I think "there but for the grace of God..."

 

[tink_n_pooh]

I don't know But my best friend and SIL need to figure out that loser are losers and this isn't junior high anymore...

 

[The Mystery Machine]

So, the harder question: how do these "loser lovers" learn to love themselves enough to give up the "projects" and find an equality-based relationship?

They have to get healthy (physical/metal), which is alot of work. Let's face it, most of have something to "fix". It might be simple, complex, or impossible (or seem impossible).

Mine is diet, for example. I know what to do but I don't do it. I don't want to give up my coffee and soda. But I have to do it at some point.
I have to give up other foods and eat differently.

Point is getting "healthy" is work. Have to do "the work". The work may be scary, time consuming, forcing you to go where you don't want, etc....

You get the picture.

 

[eh24fan]

Seriously. Why are girls attracted to guys that have tons of emotional baggage and no plan for a better future? Guys that are perpetually down on their luck. Guys who can't keep a job. Guys who have nothing other than a bunch of excuses and hard luck stories. I do not get it, what's the attraction?
My daughter has just dumped (thank God!) another loser. This one lasted only a few months rather than a few years like the last one so maybe she's learning. I can only hope.

But I know her story is not unique - we see it here all the time! What is it about losers that make them so irrisistable to women?!?

I married him...and my friends and family never got why I was with him. At the time, I thought I was happy and he was wonderful and all that crap. Even though I KNEW better...make sense? In the end, I think it had a lot to do with his kids initially. I fell head over heels in love with those little girls and loved them like they were mine. We had a son together and got married 3 months later. So I stayed with him a total of 5 years before I decided it just wasn't worth it...it took him cheating on me and my finding out about it.

I just explain it away as I was 21 when we met, so I was drunk...a lot.

 

[XTinabell]

Is it possible that the "winners" are just not out there in great masses? Out of 15 guys maybe 1 will be a winner.

 

[HunnyPots]

Is it possible that the "winners" are just not out there in great masses? Out of 15 guys maybe 1 will be a winner.

Very true, but how do you convince someone that a "winner" is worth waiting for?

 

[Laugh O. Grams]

IMO, girls who love losers are just trying to figure out who they are. Women who love losers are...losers....

 

[princesspiglet]

Because they love a project and want to be needed. Eventually, though, most women figure out that with men there is no such thing as a fixer upper.

I have to respectfully disagree with this statement. My DH was definetly a loser when I met him- which he will readily admit to!

He was a 25 yr old college dropout, smoking pot and delivering fruit for a living. I found him irresistable though and eventually got him back into college, got him to get a decent job, and 14 years later-the rest is history!

He is now a Capt in the US Army and makes great money. He is steady, solid and responsible. All it took was the love of a good woman!

 

[cteddiesgirl]

Seriously. Why are girls attracted to guys that have tons of emotional baggage and no plan for a better future? Guys that are perpetually down on their luck. Guys who can't keep a job. Guys who have nothing other than a bunch of excuses and hard luck stories. I do not get it, what's the attraction?
My daughter has just dumped (thank God!) another loser. This one lasted only a few months rather than a few years like the last one so maybe she's learning. I can only hope.

But I know her story is not unique - we see it here all the time! What is it about losers that make them so irrisistable to women?!?

Who knows? I'm certainly not one of them. Unfortunately, so many of the good guys get taken early on and all that's left are the losers.

Unfortunately for me, I seem to attract only all the losers. Luckily, I'm not attracted to any of them. Just wish some of the winners would be attracted to me.

There's also a shortage of just men. And a severe shortage of good men. Women far outnumber men in general, let alone the good men.

 

[Barbossa]

I heard showing her potential dates your gun collection works well, too.

My Glock 21 is cleaned and oiled!

One of my ex-GF's dad grew up in Switzerland and was in the Swiss Army. He invited me to his bedroom where he must have had 30 pistols and rifles laid out on his bed for a proud show 'n tell. I wonder if he was trying to tell me something?

 

[ozarkmom]

My daughter has been with a loser for nearly 2 yrs. She does leave him and has dated some great guys but always goes back. Alot of girls are attracted to her loser. It's not just my dd. This guy is 24 no job car is broke down, he's kicked out of school, drinks too much, flirts all the time etc. She no longer speaks to one of her best friends because when dd breaks up with him this girl picks him up and takes him wherever he wants to go Mcdonalds, movies, liquor store just wherever he wants. She knows other girls that openly flirt with him . Some of us old broads just don't get it we see a bum. They see a really hot guy.

 

[Barbossa]

Awesome. My pastor once did an entire sermon about this!

My old therapist once told me that I was looking for someone who loved me like my Dad loved my Mom. It was next to impossible because in my eyes, my Dad was second only to God. He was the perfect man, loved unconditionally, protected and cherished his wife and his family. I spent so much of my life trying to find him and was constantly disappointed.

I would never accept less than that from a man and believe me, those were BIG shoes to fill. A loser had no part in my life.

Wow, sounds like your Dad is a great man.

 

[Hercules10]

Women far outnumber men in general

I knew there was a conspiracy.

 

[HunnyPots]

I have to respectfully disagree with this statement. My DH was definetly a loser when I met him- which he will readily admit to!

He was a 25 yr old college dropout, smoking pot and delivering fruit for a living. I found him irresistable though and eventually got him back into college, got him to get a decent job, and 14 years later-the rest is history!

He is now a Capt in the US Army and makes great money. He is steady, solid and responsible. All it took was the love of a good woman!

While I am truly glad your story has a happy ending, please understand when I say I hope my daughter never reads it. The last thing I want for her is to be with another guy where she has to "get him" to go to school or get a job. She already has a problem with believing all the bums she goes out with are just princes in disguise and, sadly, they never are. They're just bums inside and out.

If it worked for you, consider yourself VERY lucky...

 

[RitaZ.]

People attract that which is at their own level.

I absolutely agree!

The first "relationship" a young girl has is with her dad. That relationship sets the tone for future relationships with men.

 

[Disney Doll]

I took a "Dad's Class" a few years back. The instructor gave us these words of wisdom: A girl's father "sets the bar" for her expectations from boys/men. Raise her with plenty of love and respect, and she'll expect the same from her suitors. Needless to say, this is my mantra for my DD. In fact, I'm trying to set the bar so high that she won't start dating until she's 30!

You know, that's very true. My father is a wonderful man...hard-working, hinest, respectful and much more....and one of the reasons I found DH attractive is because he is so much like my dad.

OP, I could also ask "Why do men seem to only want skanky women?". I was not a skank in my younger days...I was what everyone would consider a "nice girl". Smart, polite, no drugs, level-headed, reasonably attractive...not drop dead gorgeous but I wasn't Quasimodo either. I could clean up pretty well. Yet every guy seemed to always be attarcted to the stereotypical bimbo who''d be sleeping with you and 10 other guys too.

 

[MickeySP]

Having just extricated myself from a loser.

Some of them hide it very very well. Mine was a teacher of 17 years, owned his own home and was finacially secure. We traveled and had wonderful times. He was great in the romance & affection dept - well until he had me hooked.

Then he turned it off. He became emotionally unavailable. I soon learned he was highly dysfunctional and I don't believe he will ever be able to committ to anyone. Past behavior is a great predictor of future behavior.

I also learned all of his "relationships" are LDR. So from MA to MN became our norm.

Glad to see I am done, moving on. Anyone know a non-dysfunctional good guy in his 40's in MA. LOL

 

[cteddiesgirl]

I knew there was a conspiracy.

Only because men don't give us enough boys. We end up having girls far too often.

They just want their harems of women.

You know, that's very true. My father is a wonderful man...hard-working, hinest, respectful and much more....and one of the reasons I found DH attractive is because he is so much like my dad.

OP, I could also ask "Why do men seem to only want skanky women?". I was not a skank in my younger days...I was what everyone would consider a "nice girl". Smart, polite, no drugs, level-headed, reasonably attractive...not drop dead gorgeous but I wasn't Quasimodo either. I could clean up pretty well. Yet every guy seemed to always be attarcted to the stereotypical bimbo who''d be sleeping with you and 10 other guys too.

Precisely my problem.

 

[ozarkmom]

I think every girl/woman's reasons are different. My dd has a great dad. He works hard and has been there for her. When he was 24 he was already buying his first home. I can't begin to comprehend why she would be attracted to a guy that will not work and is a chronic liar among other things. I even heard a cop tell her that this guy will be in prison one day and if she stays with him she could go or worse she could end up injured or dead. I don't believe he'll end up in prison though because I'm beginning to believe the people who think that he is a narc.

 

[Biscuitsmom31]

My cousin is a smart, gorgeous young woman with a masters degree. She married a total loser who blew all of her savings and ruined her credit by getting cards in her name and using the money for drugs.

When we asked her what she saw in him her answer was,

"He's fun. I'm boring."

They're divorced now. Thank goodness.