Why can't things go smooth? In-law vent

[JoiseyMom]

MIL called me this morning...she is so upset, and I don't blame her. She has had a bad relationship with her mil for her entire marriage. Her mil has treated her like poop.

Now this women, my DH's GM is 98 years old. She has been accusing my MIL of stealing from her or taking something and replacing it with something else . Yes it is sad, it is old age, dementia, whatever you want to call it. But it is upsetting and demoralizing for my mil, and upsetting to fil!

So, it seems that GMIL is insisting that her other son, who lives in Fl, is driving up and will be here this week, come to my DS wedding this weekend! Now, DH hates this man, I have met him 2 or 3x in the past 16 years. My kids, all 4 of them have no idea who he is at all.

Now if GMIL doesn't come, this is going to be a major family game changer. Why oh why can't things go easy!!

As a side note, DS who is getting married is GMIL favorite of our kids...she just adores him. Now, she didn't when we first got married..but she does now. This bites...

Oh well...thanks for letting me vent. This isn't and advice thread..just a place to vent!!

 

[usnuzuloose]

First off a big Well if it were me I would let GMIL know this is my sons wedding and he and his fiance are the ones who has a say who is invited or not. If he is not invited I would let her know he is not to come, and will not be allowed in. State it is not personal, but thats the way it is. Continue to love her any way. Put a smile on your face and go get ready for a great wedding. Congrats to the couple!

 

[Nancyg56]

SOrry that you are having this kind of drama. I think i would leave this up to your DH to handle. If he does nto want his uncle to come tot he wedding he needs to tell GM. I know that it is difficult to have additional stress during a wedding and hinestly, the less that you adn your DMIL have to do with this the better.

 

[abdmom]

My DGM used to accuse her caregivers of stealing her things and putting other people's things in her closet too. Your MIL is not alone.

I'd tell DGM that the caterers said that they couldn't accomodate any more people. Yep, I'm a chicken that way.

 

[Mimi1965]

So, it seems that GMIL is insisting that her other son, who lives in Fl, is driving up and will be here this week, come to my DS wedding this weekend! Now, DH hates this man, :

Why does your DH hate his uncle?

As far as the old lady-anyone that old (98) will say things that are upsetting/confusing. its dimentia and should be taken with a grain of salt

 

[Disney Doll]

The rantinghs of a demented elderly person should be taken with a grain of salt. They don't know what they are saying. I mena no disrespect, but those are the facts. I wouldn't let her statements upset me.

As far as the not-invited uncle coming...just say no. He wasn't invited, he doesn't come. Anyone else who doesn't like it can stay home too. That might solve the whole fam ily dilemma because then no one would have to deal with these people anymore.

 

[JoiseyMom]

First off a big Well if it were me I would let GMIL know this is my sons wedding and he and his fiance are the ones who has a say who is invited or not. If he is not invited I would let her know he is not to come, and will not be allowed in. State it is not personal, but thats the way it is. Continue to love her any way. Put a smile on your face and go get ready for a great wedding. Congrats to the couple!

DH and I have decided not even to mention it to DS. If GMIL doesn't want to come, I will let him know as soon as I can. DS had to order special food for her.

 

[JoiseyMom]

My DGM used to accuse her caregivers of stealing her things and putting other people's things in her closet too. Your MIL is not alone.

I'd tell DGM that the caterers said that they couldn't accomodate any more people. Yep, I'm a chicken that way.

LOL, this is what I told MIL to tell GMIL!!! Just tell her that the numbers are in and tables are set and things are done!

 

[JoiseyMom]

Why does your DH hate his uncle?

What does this matter?? There is no uncle/nephew relationship and never has been, with either nephew.

As far as the old lady-anyone that old (98) will say things that are upsetting/confusing. its dimentia and should be taken with a grain of salt

The rantinghs of a demented elderly person should be taken with a grain of salt. They don't know what they are saying. I mena no disrespect, but those are the facts. I wouldn't let her statements upset me.

As far as the not-invited uncle coming...just say no. He wasn't invited, he doesn't come. Anyone else who doesn't like it can stay home too. That might solve the whole fam ily dilemma because then no one would have to deal with these people anymore.

It is hard to take something with a grain of salt when said person keeps on dumping on you for over 50 years? GMIL, once put her empty wallet in MIL purse when MIL was a teen and engaged to FIL and accused her of stealing it from her. We are dealing with a very old, mean, nasty, controlling, not nice person.

The only people she has accused of stealing are people she doesn't like or trust. Aids who have been hired in the past to help her out, and MIL. Now MIL is never in her Bklyn apt but she says that she must drive there when she is gone .

There is really no other dementia or issues with this women, which is why FIL hasn't done anything. I have mentioned several times for the possibility of her being declared not all there. But other then this, she seems to have all her faculties.

She refuses to go into assisted living, or hire help. She wants FIL, a 69 year old man to drive her back and forth from Brooklyn to NJ, when she wants. To take her shopping for groceries every 2 days (she refuses to buy more then 2 days of prepared food). She refuses to freeze anything. When she doesnt get what she wants she calls her DN in CA to complaing that her DS didn't get her meds. Then she will call me to complain. But she won't ask me out right to take her to the store. She is the most passive-aggressive, manipulating person I have ever met!! And she is still going strong at 98!! She can well afford to hire someone to take her places and for help. She keeps on asking people to bribe an eye doctor for her, so she can get her DL back! SHe was driving for awhile without it, and when FIL found out, he took away her car.

All I want is for my DS and DIL day to be perfect, without this garbage from dh's family, my family and DIL family... OY!!

 

[JoiseyMom]

The rantinghs of a demented elderly person should be taken with a grain of salt. They don't know what they are saying. I mena no disrespect, but those are the facts. I wouldn't let her statements upset me.

As far as the not-invited uncle coming...just say no. He wasn't invited, he doesn't come. Anyone else who doesn't like it can stay home too. That might solve the whole fam ily dilemma because then no one would have to deal with these people anymore.

Well she has already said she won't come if he isn't invited. It is going to be her loss, especially since she adores my DS so much, or so she claims. She is the only one who wants him there. I am sure he isn't going to want to go, and I am sure he didn't pack appropriate clothing for a wedding either. I am waiting for the phone call from her this week.

 

[cm8]

MIL called me this morning...she is so upset, and I don't blame her. She has had a bad relationship with her mil for her entire marriage. Her mil has treated her like poop.

Now this women, my DH's GM is 98 years old. She has been accusing my MIL of stealing from her or taking something and replacing it with something else . Yes it is sad, it is old age, dementia, whatever you want to call it. But it is upsetting and demoralizing for my mil, and upsetting to fil!

So, it seems that GMIL is insisting that her other son, who lives in Fl, is driving up and will be here this week, come to my DS wedding this weekend! Now, DH hates this man, I have met him 2 or 3x in the past 16 years. My kids, all 4 of them have no idea who he is at all.

Now if GMIL doesn't come, this is going to be a major family game changer. Why oh why can't things go easy!!

As a side note, DS who is getting married is GMIL favorite of our kids...she just adores him. Now, she didn't when we first got married..but she does now. This bites...

Oh well...thanks for letting me vent. This isn't and advice thread..just a place to vent!!

Whooooooooooooosaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!

 

[Mama Mouse]

Why does your DH hate his uncle?

As far as the old lady-anyone that old (98) will say things that are upsetting/confusing. its dimentia and should be taken with a grain of salt

I can't see that it matters why he hates his Uncle. Unfortunately, just because someone is family does not make them a good person or even a person you have to withstand being around.

OP-so sorry for all the drama. I'd be keen to avoid that too. And the Uncle should NOT be at the wedding.

 

[Heidict]

Sorry you are going through this Joiseymom. She sounds like a bitter old woman.

Hope you are all able to have a perfect and wonderful day, despite the immaturity of the GMIL.