Why are you a single parent?

Discussion in 'Disney for Single Parents' started by ophelia2002, Jul 7, 2015.

  1. firepuppy

    firepuppy Mouseketeer

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    Mommaof3 we all need our happy place. I will tell you mine is on a cruise. Over the weekend I was feeling down for some reason and I painted my finger nails the color of the ocean. I was happy after see them. No matter what you have your kids and us. I know we will never know every thing and that is ok. But some times reading a post will help.

    Good luck. Praying for you
     
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  2. KirbyLouWho

    KirbyLouWho Have courage, and be kind.

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    my ex and I were only together a year. To the day. On our anniversary he broke up with me but was pretty adamant about "still being friends." I was unbelievably hurt. No, we hadn't been together that long, but we had been starting to discuss what a future together might hold. So I told him I couldn't do it. Couldn't be his friend. About three months later I thought maybe I could try to be his friend. Well one thing lead to another and next thing I knew I was pregnant. I was already 26 with a graduate degree and a good job, so it wasn't the major derailment it could have been. But it was still a shock. He asked me what I wanted to do. I knew I wanted to keep the baby, and I asked if he would consider getting back together. His response? "Let me ask the girl I'm seeing right now what she thinks." Before the shock of that statement had even worn off he's contacted this girl and gotten a response, "she's says she'll wait as long as I need her to, so okay." Nope. No way. Nevermind. I'll just do this myself. He only spoke to me twice while I was pregnant. I let him know when I went to the hospital to have my daughter, but he said he wouldn't come as he was afraid my family "might kill him" (to be fair, we're REALLY southern....someone might have tried lol). He visited us a grand total of three times the first month of my daughter's life. During which time I learned that he never told his family I was pregnant, only that I had had his baby AFTER the fact. That he had quit two jobs without finding a new one first so he was unemployed, and had been evicted from his apartment, so was living in his parents' attic. We're talking full on man-child behavior here. I told him maybe he should work on himself for a while, and contact me again when he had grown up a bit and gotten things sorted out. That was December of 2011 & we haven't heard a peep from him (or any member of his family) since. But we do okay. Most of my family is in the same city as me and they not only help me out with her when I need it, but they support all my decisions fully. Not going to lie. I LIKE not having to co-parent, or take anyone else's opinions into account. We're good & I wouldn't have our lives any other way.
     
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  4. MommyMeNDisney

    MommyMeNDisney DIS Veteran

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    Thank you for sharing your story as well.
     
  5. MommyMeNDisney

    MommyMeNDisney DIS Veteran

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    That's awful! I'm glad you and DD were able to move on from that.
     
  6. cafox1985

    cafox1985 Earning My Ears

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    My daughter's father and I met and dated while he lived in the area for business. When it came time for him to move back to California, we decided to end things. After he had moved back to California is when I found out I was pregnant with my little princess. By that point he was seeing someone new but he did keep in close contact and come out to visit us when my daughter was 8 months. He even flew us out to meet his dad's side of his family for his great-grandmother's big birthday celebration when my daughter was 18 months. After this trip, his girlfriend got pregnant and he just stopped keeping in contact with us and didn't make any effort to see my daughter at all. I have to admit though, I'm glad it is just me and her. She truly is my mini-me and we've become the best of friends and support each other. It can definitely be hard at times, especially since I had her when I was 23 and still in school, but luckily I have an amazing family who adores her just as much as I do and help in any way that they can. Because of them I was able to not only finish my undergrad degree but also go on to graduate school and get my master's. I also credit having my daughter and being a single mom as where all my drive comes from because I want her to have a great role model and to know that you can do anything as long as you put your mind to it.
     
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  7. Mandyjg20

    Mandyjg20 Mouseketeer

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    My daughter's father and I were together for a year. I was 19 year old. I got pregnant, he wanted an abortion. He was only 21 years old but was an alcoholic who hit bottom numerous times and never realized it was time to stop. When I was three months pregnant, he landed in jail, and wanted to " work things out". I left the county jail crying more than I cried when I was with him. I told him that if he wanted to be apart of our life, he needed to try and fix his. I left and never heard from him. When my daughter was two he took his life, he never even attempted to see her. :sad2: I tried dating after, I was even engaged. My ex fiance at first was great with my daughter, but when we all moved in together he changed to both of us. We were no longer important, and he started to try and be Mr. Dictator to both of us. Its one thing to co parent, its another to try and dominate. I am no one's maid, and butler. He was constantly going head to head with my daughter and I..My daughter is gifted with adhd, so she states all her opinions, is extremely intelligent but has horrible breakdowns. Anyway after moving in, he was out within 3 months. My daughter and I are very lucky as my parents (both mom and dad) act as my husband lol. I tell them all the time they together are my husband. :earseek: I am single because I choose to be. I am not rushing into anything ever. My daughter and I are a team, has been since she has been born, and she is 10 now. She keeps me grounded as I am more of the adventurer, and I open her mind to experiences in life. If it was up to her we'd be at home all the time, I do not think so, there is life to live and we are going to live it. Being a single parent is hard but it gets easier every day. I hope everyone here has some sort of a support system, and remember that they are not alone.:wave:
     
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  8. Blue dear.

    Blue dear. I haven't been this confused since Algebra II.

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    I know this is an old thread but I think it's awesome that everyone is sharing their stories.

    I've been divorced for almost four years now. I left my son's dad after the 3rd time I'd discovered he'd cheated on me (Christmas Day, 2011). Cried myself to sleep that night with my 12 yr old son next to me, in a small guest bed at my mom's. My son has severe cognitive delays and didn't understand what was happening, thankfully.

    It's taken me four years but I feel a lot better about things now. I have a small house, a job that I love, and I have my son 2/3 of the time when he's not with his Dad. While his dad was an awful husband, he's a great father and plays an active role in ds' life.

    I'll take ds to WDW for the first time over spring break. Very nervous about it but you know what? We're going to be okay.
     
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  9. jennasmommyinMS

    jennasmommyinMS Mouseketeer

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    You will be fine at WDW on your own with your son, and y'all will have an amazing time
     
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  10. twinz

    twinz I agree with getting my WDW fix

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    I am a single mom because I chose to have her on my own, via donor sperm. Best decision I EVER made. I am 41 (was 40 when I had her) and I wasn't meeting "the one" and wanted to have a child, so I did it on my own and I love it. No ex's to deal with over here lol
     
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2016
  11. cosmicmommy

    cosmicmommy Out of This World Mom

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    I am a single mom due to divorce. My exH decided he was tired of playing house after our third son was born. He walked out and left me with a 4 year old, 2.5 year old and 9 month old. 3 years later, we are happier than ever. My boys are my world. Their father speaks to them once a week for about 5 minutes and sees them maybe twice a year. He mails them birthday presents a week late. Other than that, he's largely absent. Which is fine for me - he is a Narcissist and doesn't do anything that doesn't benefit him.
     
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  12. MsMamaBear

    MsMamaBear Mouseketeer

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    Welcome!My ex is one as well...ugh!
     
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  13. aljay

    aljay Live Well*Laugh Often*Love Much

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    I'm fairly new to being a single mom, and still having a rough go with everything. My DH of 19 years decided "he was no longer happy", and wanted out. Not long after I found out he'd had 6 week affair with a co-worker.
    For me, the hardest part is only seeing my kids 50% of the time. We have shared custody, and it honestly kills me to not be with my girls. They are 8 and 12. I'm just lost without them. We switch every 3-4 days, but it's still so hard.
    It's only been 6 months, so I know it'll take time, but right now I feel like he's destroyed my whole life. We had to sell our house, and I'm now living in an apartment. I've lost so much.
    Hoping to someday return to DW with my kids, and just do a girls trip!
     
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  14. Goldilocks07

    Goldilocks07 A rockin' mom and her sweet princess

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    Every.
    Place.
    I.
    Go.

    And then I think of the movie Lilo and Stitch. Ohana.:grouphug:
     
  15. cosmicmommy

    cosmicmommy Out of This World Mom

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    Me too. It breaks my heart to know my babies will never have what I had growing up - but then, I have to acknowledge that they never would have anyway. My situation is different - their father chose to leave. I love the Lilo & Stitch quote - it really is a healing statement.
     
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  16. wench

    wench DIS Veteran

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    I been avoiding sharing my story on here, but tonight it finally seems like a good time.

    When my ex & I got together, we were one of those couples that just fell into everything way too fast. Within a month we were saying I love you & moving in together shortly thereafter. He never really proposed, we just knew we were going to get married & that happened after we'd been together a little more than a year. We were that couple that just nauseated everyone around them because we were so in love.

    I had made it very clear from day one that the one thing I couldn't put up with in a relationship was cheating. I'd had an ex-boyfriend that cheated a lot & played a lot of mind games, lying to me about it, making it all my fault....etc. Anyway, cheating wasn't really something I was going to have to worry about with my husband because everyone that knew him would have told you he's not that guy.

    Fast forward to somewhere in our 3rd year together & he told me he was ready to have a child. We got pregnant pretty quickly & he was great at first when my son was born. For the next couple of years he was a great dad when he was there. As time went by he found more & more excuses to be a way from home. He was in the military, so he had a pretty demanding schedule already. But, he picked up a 2nd part time job as a tattoo artist & several hobbies with his buddies. It was all I could do to get him to spend time at home with us. Even though this bothered me, I tried to be supportive of his right to his own time & hobbies, especially because he did want to tattoo full time after he left the military. But when I would try to bring up that maybe he was unhappy & that was why he wasn't at home, he would assure me that he was in love as ever. That our son & I were his world & he would die without us. So, although we had issues like any couple, I had no idea of the real scope because he wouldn't be honest with me.

    When our son was 2 1/2 & we were in the process of moving cross country because of the military (thankfully back to the state that I considered home), I found out he was cheating. I was the one who paid all the bills & just happened to notice the cell phone bill was 3 pages long that month, which was unusual for us. When I looked at the call history there were tons & tons of calls to the same number. I confronted him & I swear to god, he became a different person almost instantly. Or at least he stopped pretending to be the person that I thought he was & that I had been in love with. He became mean & hurtful, trying to deflect all the blame to me. Thinking back, I believe my "favorite" statement that he made was that it was my fault that he had to lie to me because I wasn't ok with him cheating. As if it was a perfectly acceptable practice to everyone else in our society & I was abnormal for having an issue with it. It was almost better that he changed that drastically though. Although it was extremely painful at the time, it made it so much easier to get over him that much faster. I eventually found out that there'd been lots of cheating, starting when we'd been married only 6 months. But, none of those girls stuck. It wasn't until he met an 18 year old (10 years younger than him) at the tattoo shop that he had an relationship with someone. They'd been together about a month when I caught him.

    Now, almost 10 years later, we live on opposite coasts. He always pays his child support on time, but he's never here to help. He talks to my son on the phone pretty regularly & they get to spend a couple weeks together each year. If he was here he would have shared custody. The standard 1 evening a week & every other weekend, but I don't think he'll ever move close. He ended up marrying the 18 year old. She left at one point, I think for cheating, but they eventually got back together. And he always chooses her in the end. She wants to live near her family in NY, so that's where he lives. Never mind, that he son is growing up in Washington & he's missing most of it. I would still say he's a good dad, but I also still feel the need to add the caveat, when he's there.

    Not to make a joke of all my past pain, but I feel like I should end the story this way. I should have known he wasn't the right one....he hated most things Disney.
     
  17. firepuppy

    firepuppy Mouseketeer

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    Thank you for sharing your pain and then how strong you have become. As we all know some people will never change.
     
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  18. jmbarnes101

    jmbarnes101 Earning My Ears

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    I'm single and divorced. I have 50/50 custody of my kids but I see them everyday. My ex-wife decided she didn't love me anymore and wanted out. It was hard at first but with 6 years hindsight now I can see it wasn't a good relationship for me. Things are more amicable now and we mostly get along. I've also grown up and matured quite a bit.

    Most importantly, the Kids are happy and doing well and they see both parents everyday, we live in the same apt building. It's odd but it works. Anyway I read some stories here and wanted to share mine.
     
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  19. Shanti

    Shanti Momketeer

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    I'm so sorry. Those exes of ours...:crazy2: I have a story, too, but just don't want to delve and share all the sad details now. But I share custody & know it can be wrenching. There are good things, too, though. You can do things for yourself now a bit more, and if you get involved with another man (don't rush, but eventually it might happen), you'll have some real 1:1 time with him.
     
  20. Shanti

    Shanti Momketeer

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    I didn't use a donor (just a jerk...lol), but agree that it's better to be a single parent than to wait too long for Mr. Right and end up being infertile. Way better. When I see the happy families, married couples & wedding photos, I can at least comfort myself with the knowledge that I have had the awesome privilege of conceiving, carrying, birthing and mothering a wonderful son. He is God's greatest gift.
     
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2016
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  21. MsMamaBear

    MsMamaBear Mouseketeer

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    That sounds awesome! I'd love a co-parenting situation like that.
     

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