Why are people so "afraid" of being "judged?"

[Maleficent13]

Hmmm...I think some of it here, on the DIS is this: we are a community. We have our friends on here, we are accepted, we want to be a part of this place. If we are judged as "wrong", we lose our spot. Thus the reason alot of people use aliases to post about particularly troubling problems. We don't want to be ostracized. It's a mass desire for acceptance.

And really, I don't care who you are, all of us have *some* desire for acceptance...even those who say they don't. If you didn't, you wouldn't be human.

 

[Aidensmom]

I think there is a difference between judging behaviors and judging people.

We all judge behaviors, we all have things we think are right or think are wrong, and everywhere in between. I don't see anything at all wrong with that. I think it crosses the line though when you judge a person because of that behavior. If your child hits another child, you teach him that the behavior is wrong, not that he is a bad kid. Sometimes it seems like we have trouble using that same concept with adults. For example, we don't agree with a particular method of discipline a parent uses, and then we assume that makes them a bad parent.

 

[Disney Doll]

In general, people pull the "don't judge me" thing or the "I knew this would turn ugly" thing when someone has criticized one of their choices.

I maintain that if you post something on an Internet BB, be prepared to hear from people who will support your position and people who will oppose to your decision. You will be judged...some judgements will be in your favor and some will not.

As my mother always says "If you don't want to hear the answer, don't ask the question".

 

[OceanAnnie]

I think there is a difference between judging behaviors and judging people.

We all judge behaviors, we all have things we think are right or think are wrong, and everywhere in between. I don't see anything at all wrong with that. I think it crosses the line though when you judge a person because of that behavior. If your child hits another child, you teach him that the behavior is wrong, not that he is a bad kid. Sometimes it seems like we have trouble using that same concept with adults. For example, we don't agree with a particular method of discipline a parent uses, and then we assume that makes them a bad parent.

I don't know. Judging is not all bad. As a child, when I did something my mother told me not to do, I could judge from her reaction I shouldn't do it again.

I think it's semantics mostly. When "bad" behaviors become a pattern that's a problem. I don't have any qualms judging people. I rely on judging and perception to keep my family safe.

Judgments happen all throughout your life. There are records on how you conduct yourself at school, work and you are continuted to be judged anyplace you go. Observation/judging is how you learn to maneuver through life.

Just my .02.

 

[ericamanda01]

I always thought that people who were most afraid of being judged were the same people that judged other the most. Let's be honest no one wants to be thought of as less than or bad, and to be judged in a way that could put us in a catagory like that would make anyone uncomfortable. Perhaps thats where the fear of being judged comes from. In an ideal world I would say I don't care what anyone thinks of me, but if that were true, I wouldn't shower, wear clean clothes, clean my house, brush my teeth, ect. But I do care, so I do all those things and more everyday.

 

[RitaZ.]

Lots of great responses here.

Freyja~I don´t think I have ever ben afraid of being judged. Maybe because I grew up being judged everywhere I went. I have lived in various different countries and always been "judged": As a foreigner, the new kid, etc.

I can totally relate to this statement. I was born in a communist country, so I learned about being judged from an early age, it was something I expected. I think that's really the reason why I don't understand when people get all upset and demand not be judged.

 

[Maleficent13]

I had another thought but can't seem to articulate it well. Let's just use the refillable mugs example.

You choose to buy a refillable mug each time you visit a resort.
I choose to use the same mug on multiple trips.

Is my using the same mug affecting you personally? No...and yet, some of the ugliest judging I have ever seen has been about this very topic. I do not wish to hear how I am doomed to the 9th circle of hell for bringing back my mug (DVCM good until 2042 ) repeatedly. To me, this falls under: MYOB.

Same thing about other things. The Duggars, for example. Would I choose to live the way they do? No. Is it any of my business that they do choose to live that way? No. JMHO, YMMV.

 

[RitaZ.]

I do agree with the posters that say that we care how others perceive us. We want to be validated and accepted in society, nothing wrong with that.
I think most people fall somewhere in between the extremes, "I don't care at all" to "What will everyone think?"

I'm really referring to people that judge others, but the first thing they say, when others' opinions and comments hit too close to home, is "don't judge me".