Whoa VENT

[diznygirl]

I would NEVER expect my guests to help me clean!

And if I have to run home to pay the babysitter, I'm not going to worry about staying to clean your house.

 

[Mom2Nick]

I don't think guests should be expected to clean - but guests should show common courtesy and have respect for their host's home. That means cleaning up after yourself if you have made a mess - ie splatter on the wall, dropped butt on the floor and peeling a label off of a bottle and making a mess with it.

It's not like guests have to vacuum, wash and put away the dishes or mop the floors after a party but basic common courtesy when you are a guest in someone's home is the least people can do.

OP I would have been upset as well. This is beyond a normal mess one should expect at a party.

 

[Mickeyluver37]

Only like one or two really close friends usually stay behind to help clean up, and even that is greatly appreciated and never expected. Most of the mess you mentioned is somewhat expected, although, I'd be pretty mad about the cigarette butt smushed in the carpet.

Getting a sitter is a HUGE deal for us right now, to the point where we don't even go out nearly half as much as we used to before #3 came along. If I got a sitter only to get there and see a kid party to the side, complete with babysitter and entertainment, I'd be a little irritated. This would give me the impression that you invited those kids, and just not mine.

 

[PrincessKitty1]

I actually don't like to have guests help me clean up. And, I think it's unrealistic to expect guests to help you clean up after a party.

I would never, ever let anybody smoke in my house--most people don't smoke these days anyway, so letting somebody smoke is subjecting the 80% of people who DON'T smoke to cigarette smoke.

I do understand your disappointment when you feel like people trashed your house--I would flip out over a cigarette butt in my carpet!

 

[LanaJayne]

I would be extremely upset to find a cigarette butt in my carpet. We are very against smoking and I can't imagine if it was still hot and caused a fire later in the night. We haven't been in a home where smokers smoke inside for longer than I can remember. (20 plus years!!)

I'm the opposite with accepting help cleaning. If anyone offers, I turn them down and tell them thank you for offering. I hope that they know they are over to enjoy themselves, I don't want them to clean. Usually friends will bring dishes to the sink/recycle bottles, etc. but i usually try to take it from them if I see that. I don't pay attention to who offered and who didn't.

I can understand that you would have liked someone to offer, but with no offer, I would just hope that everyone was enjoying themselves.

Clean up is easy once everyone has gone home or the next day if it really is too late to tackle that evening. It is part of the whole pre-post party event.

 

[alexandria674]

Only like one or two really close friends usually stay behind to help clean up, and even that is greatly appreciated and never expected. Most of the mess you mentioned is somewhat expected, although, I'd be pretty mad about the cigarette butt smushed in the carpet.

Getting a sitter is a HUGE deal for us right now, to the point where we don't even go out nearly half as much as we used to before #3 came along. If I got a sitter only to get there and see a kid party to the side, complete with babysitter and entertainment, I'd be a little irritated. This would give me the impression that you invited those kids, and just not mine.

Yeah, with the whole babysitting thing, that is what my fiance said. But, the reason why we had a stand by (she lives across the street, my friends know her so I would call and she would come over at no charge to the parents) is because even though kids were not expected to come, I do have some friends who still bring their kids. I didn't want the kids to feel awkward as I had when I was younger and my mom dragged me to every shindig. But, I am thinking about it, I forgot to ask, but is this a good idea?

 

[Liberty Belle]

Yeah, with the whole babysitting thing, that is what my fiance said. But, the reason why we had a stand by (she lives across the street, my friends know her so I would call and she would come over at no charge to the parents) is because even though kids were not expected to come, I do have some friends who still bring their kids. I didn't want the kids to feel awkward as I had when I was younger and my mom dragged me to every shindig. But, I am thinking about it, I forgot to ask, but is this a good idea?

Is what a good idea? Having a sitter on stand by? I think a better idea would be to tell parents that you know a good sitter who lives right across the street from you who will watch their kids. It's up to you if you want to pay the sitter or have your guests pay the sitter. I will not let strangers watch my kids, but if it were a friend of a friend and they were right there where I could check on them, I'd appreciate it and probably take you up on it.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I guess it's all in what you are used to.

I can't think of a time where my friends and family haven't just pitched in and helped after a party. I don't ask, they don't ask, they just do it. And I do the same at their functions. Lots of laughs, and girl talk in the kitchen.

 

[alexandria674]

I can't believe that people still smoke inside people's homes!
(Or are you, the hosts, smokers?)

We don't smoke but his "best friend" is a total smoker so we kept a ash tray near him.


P.S. For other people, the "guests" weren't neighbors or business partners but the most intimate of friends. To make it very clear, I didn't expect them to clean everything to look as it did when they arrived, I knew it was going to be really messy the next day, but you got to understand, it seemed like the whole time I had to wipe up wine, move the plates and sweep up glass, I wasn't freaking out about the labels, coasters or anything like that. These were GUESTS but isn't it impolite to come to someone else's house and not at least clean up after yourself? I mean, if there is some of your wine on the table and you have been to my house long enough to know where I keep my towels, wipe it up.If these people were acquaintances, business partners or neighbors, I would understand but if they are close friends, guests or not, at least clean up after yourself.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You waited to late to clean.

What you do is hold off on dessert until the food dishes are cleaned up.

If you want help you clean up during the party. Usually the last ones there are not the "cleaners".

 

[Liberty Belle]

We don't smoke but his "best friend" is a total smoker so we kept a ash tray near him.


P.S. For other people, the "guests" weren't neighbors or business partners but the most intimate of friends. To make it very clear, I didn't expect them to clean everything to look as it did when they arrived, I knew it was going to be really messy the next day, but you got to understand, it seemed like the whole time I had to wipe up wine, move the plates and sweep up glass, I wasn't freaking out about the labels, coasters or anything like that. These were GUESTS but then again, these people have been at my house long enough to know where there is a towel when they spill wine instead of calling for me like I am some kind of waitress.

That does seem very immature - sounds like a party I would have gone to in Freshman or Sophomore year of college. How old were most of your guests?

 

[Disney Doll]

Truthully, I think your friends sound like they are pretty self-centered and immature.

Bringing their kids "anyway" when kids were not invited.
Grinding a cigarette butt into the carpet.
Making some weird stain on the wall and not telling you about it/trying to remove it.
Sticking a maragrita label to a tabletop.

How old are these people and are they always this gross???

As far as cleaning up, it's nice of people to offer to help, but I don't expect it when I have a party. I do expect them not to do things to trash my house, and if they do do something beyond the normal party mess (like grinding cigarettes into the carpet, making weird stains on the wall or sticking a margarita label to my table) I expect them to tell me when it happens so I can take care of it then. If I accidentally drop something, make a weird stain, do smoething that may mar furniture, I tell the homeowner immediately and offer to pay if it needs to be cleaned/repaired/replaced.

I'd find some more mature friends if I were you.

 

[Allison]

We don't smoke but his "best friend" is a total smoker so we kept a ash tray near him.


P.S. For other people, the "guests" weren't neighbors or business partners but the most intimate of friends. To make it very clear, I didn't expect them to clean everything to look as it did when they arrived, I knew it was going to be really messy the next day, but you got to understand, it seemed like the whole time I had to wipe up wine, move the plates and sweep up glass, I wasn't freaking out about the labels, coasters or anything like that. These were GUESTS but isn't it impolite to come to someone else's house and not at least clean up after yourself? I mean, if there is some of your wine on the table and you have been to my house long enough to know where I keep my towels, wipe it up.If these people were acquaintances, business partners or neighbors, I would understand but if they are close friends, guests or not, at least clean up after yourself.

If you had to spend the whole night wiping up wine and sweeping up glass it sounds like there is a problem with maturity.

 

[alexandria674]

21-30 yrs. old. I understand that the stain on the wall and the spilled wine were accidents (some had a bit too much to drink) but there is no way that cig butt was on accident or ripping labels It wasn't a rip-roaring, Animal House party, it was a regular type of thing, but I am going to think twice about inviting these friends. I think the next party I ever do, things are going to be different. Some advice here is helpful and at least I know who NOT to invite.

 

[kirbsam]

the more you try to explain the longer and more useless this thread is going to get. you will learn when you post vents, you will get way more than you bargained for in responses. best not to keep trying to clarify things and let these threads go to the second page, where they will be swept away, like a cigarette butt on a carpet.

 

[clh2]

My DD#1 had a playdate this past week and when I went downstairs it was like a tornado had gone through the room. There were juice pouches everywhere and the bowl of chips they were eating from was upside down with half the chips on the floor. This child is a sweet little girl but is known as the tornado in our house now. My DD knows that she is to help clean up after any playdate and she helped me clean up the room. She is to help even when at another child's house. I'm looking forward to the warmer weather so the playdates can be outside.

If I were you, I would take a different stance on this particular playdate - or even all of them. My particular stance on this would be somewhat dependant on your DD's age. First of all - no snacks or juice anywhere in the house, except the kitchen. Next - the kids need to allow enough time at the end of the playdate to clean-up. There is no reason why the playdate can't help a little. I.e. if the parent is picking them up at 4, at 3:30 - they need to pick up the mess. Eventually, this playdate will get the "clean as you go" hint.

 

[pandora174]

the more you try to explain the longer and more useless this thread is going to get. you will learn when you post vents, you will get way more than you bargained for in responses. best not to keep trying to clarify things and let these threads go to the second page, where they will be swept away, like a cigarette butt on a carpet.

 

[perla75]

Besides, cig in the rug ticked me off.

That would tick me off too & I AM a smoker!! I don't smoke inside my house & would never think to light a cigarette in someone else's house unless the party host/owner of the house was smoking or gave permission.

Word of advice for your next Hang up a polite sign with an arrow toward your patio door (or back door) to send smokers out there. It actually works very well.

 

[Tink888]

The cig on the floor and the stain would have irritated me too. BUT, if you (general you) has a party and serves alcohol and allows smoking, invariably a few things like that are to be expected.

I agree with you that when a person attends a party, it is good manners and polite to offer to help clean up but it's most definately not mandatory and a host should NEVER expect the offer and be resentful if it doesn't come. When a person hosts a party - entertains people, your guests are the guests and the clean up afterward is just part of the deal for the host.

Thinking "aw man, now I have to clean all is up" is totally cool. Resenting your guests because they didn't help - not so cool.

 

[smidgy]

And I also can't imagine anyone smoking indoors! It's probably been 20 years or so since I saw someone light up indoors, including smokers.

we and most of our friends still smoke... indoors. and none of us have used the carpet for an ashtray.

Truthully, I think your friends sound like they are pretty self-centered and immature.

Bringing their kids "anyway" when kids were not invited.
Grinding a cigarette butt into the carpet.
Making some weird stain on the wall and not telling you about it/trying to remove it.
Sticking a maragrita label to a tabletop.

How old are these people and are they always this gross???

As far as cleaning up, it's nice of people to offer to help, but I don't expect it when I have a party. I do expect them not to do things to trash my house, and if they do do something beyond the normal party mess (like grinding cigarettes into the carpet, making weird stains on the wall or sticking a margarita label to my table) I expect them to tell me when it happens so I can take care of it then. If I accidentally drop something, make a weird stain, do smoething that may mar furniture, I tell the homeowner immediately and offer to pay if it needs to be cleaned/repaired/replaced.

I'd find some more mature friends if I were you.[/QUOT

GREAT post!!

The cig on the floor and the stain would have irritated me too. BUT, if you (general you) has a party and serves alcohol and allows smoking, invariably a few things like that are to be expected.

.

we always serve alcohol at our parties, and most of our friends are smokers, and that type of behavior is NEVER exhibited! I, too would be upset about cig. butts on the floor. It is not people who enjoy a drink or a cigarette. It is, as a previous poster suggested, the maturity of the guests. spilled drinks with no apologies or mad rush to clean up the accident? NOT the behavior of MY friends!

normally, I would never get out a broom, vaccuum, etc. while the guests are still there. It makes them feel unwanted, guilty, and unwelcome. helping with the dishes is dif. everyone in our group always helps with that after dinner.(nasty drinkers and smokers that we are) but the heavy duty cleaning only makes the guests feel like they were a "bother".
It sounds like these guests were totally inconsiderate of someone's home, like someone said, a frat party. the OP probably was getting progressively nervous as the night went on, seeing her home destroyed; felt she had to do something to clean up the disaster.
I prefer to let my guestss feel like guests, and clean the next day, but my group of friends would never make that kind of mess in the first place.