Whoa VENT

[alexandria674]

So, I had a party a couple of days ago for my engagement. This is my first party at our new apartment. A lot of people did not know I was engaged so I meant for it to be a surprise. Well, my fiance and I cleaned the house top to bottom, made a grand dinner and the party was a success! Everyone was happy about our announcement, the food ( oh that capricious creme brulee that I had to practice three times to make good!) and even though I requested no children at the party ( I know some parent's will exclaim " Oh how COULD she???") I wanted an adult conversation without the usual call for mommy, I did have some cartoons and snacks on the side and got a babysitter on standby just in case someone did bring their kid. ( This is from seeing my mother drag us to a party that was expected for adults and knowing it was awkward.). There were some kids, but since the babysitter was very creative and helpful, there was no tears and the kids did some creative projects. So all in all, with the experience of Disney planning I threw an awesome party.

So, the party was winding down, I had the dishes stacked but the house was a mess. I looked at the mess and felt a flash of resentment towards my guest. I know I invited these people to come to my house for entertainment but seeing a cigeratte butt on my carpet, a weird stain on my wall and a revolting bottle of white wine mixed with margarita mix with the sticky parts of the wine label all over the table...made me a bit mad. Is this normal? I did expect some help to clean (not ALL of the mess) afterwards, but as soon as I took out the broom to clear up under the table after the party was over, I heard the onslaught of running out the door.


I know my fiance and I will be the one to clean the house after this mess, but is it crazy to expect SOME help to at least pick up some stuff? Is it too crazy to expect some manners? Am I a bad host? Sorry, so long but..I have been thinking of this. This was my first and is it normal to be kind of resentful towards the guests? Its like I love the people I was with at the party, whenever I am at their house I do help out with the cleaning. I can manage the cleaning (which usually takes a good amount of time the next day) but it's not really the problem that they don't help, it's that there was not even an offer.

 

[maslex]

So, I had a party a couple of days ago for my engagement. This is my first party at our new apartment. A lot of people did not know I was engaged so I meant for it to be a surprise. Well, my fiance and I cleaned the house top to bottom, made a grand dinner and the party was a success! Everyone was happy about our announcement, the food ( oh that capricious creme brulee that I had to practice three times to make good!) and even though I requested no children at the party ( I know some parent's will exclaim " Oh how COULD she???") I wanted an adult conversation without the usual call for mommy, I did have some cartoons and snacks on the side and got a babysitter on standby just in case someone did bring their kid. ( This is from seeing my mother drag us to a party that was expected for adults and knowing it was awkward.). There were some kids, but since the babysitter was very creative and helpful, there was no tears and the kids did some creative projects. So all in all, with the experience of Disney planning I threw an awesome party.

So, the party was winding down, I had the dishes stacked but the house was a mess. I looked at the mess and felt a flash of resentment towards my guest. I know I invited these people to come to my house for entertainment but seeing a cigeratte butt on my carpet, a weird stain on my wall and a revolting bottle of white wine mixed with margarita mix with the sticky parts of the wine label all over the table...made me a bit mad. Is this normal? I did expect some help to clean (not ALL of the mess) afterwards, but as soon as I took out the broom to clear up under the table after the party was over, I heard the onslaught of running out the door.


I know my fiance and I will be the one to clean the house after this mess, but is it crazy to expect SOME help to at least pick up some stuff? Is it too crazy to expect some manners? Am I a bad host? Sorry, so long but..I have been thinking of this. This was my first and is it normal to be kind of resentful towards the guests?

Not sure if this is the normal way to feel towards your friends/family or not. Everyone sees things differently. I know when I throw a party (whether it be my child's birthday party, a summer picnic, an adult party or just having people over for pizza) I would have NEVER expected any of my guests to clean. Would I expect them to act their age and act a bit human and clear their own dishes or whatnot, sure. Does it always happen? NO!!! But do I usually have someone to alteast maybe help bring everything back inside (our parties are usually held outside) yeah, sometimes, but if not.....it's my party and my responsibility to clean up afterwards (others might disagree and that's fine) but my guests come over to my house as a guest and to have a good time. I didn't invite them so they could clean up afterwards.

And I know you mentioned something about taking a broom out while your guests were still there, right? Maybe the reason you heard the onslaught of everyone running to the door was maybe they thought you wanted them to leave? Sometimes people will respond that way. Cleaning up after a party usually starts once everyone has already left, not while they're still there. Maybe they saw you take out the broom and thought to themselves, "Oh she probably wants to get things done and go to bed, so maybe we should leave now". Whether the actually thought this or not, I'm not sure. But that's how I personally would have taken it.

And another thing that you might look at a bit differently. You mentioned something about wine mixed with margarita mix? I'm assuming once alcohol is involved, you never know what's going to happen. I mean weird things do happen when people drink. That should be expected.

Do I think you're a bad host? NO, absolutely not!!! I think since this was your first party that you have ever held, maybe you expected too much from everyone. Maybe you didn't, I don't know. Is it completely normal to feel overwhelmed with the mess after or even during a party, absolutely. But I would have never expected for the guests to stay afterwards just to help out. If they did, BONUS!!! But next time you throw a party, invite your guests, relax and enjoy their company while they are there. And don't worry about what your house looks like. Just enjoy the company.

PS--I hope this didn't come off as sounding harsh, because that is NOT the way I intended it to sound. This is just my opinion and how I see things. But others might disagree with me and that's fine.

Have a great day.

 

[2BigKIdz]

I agree with the previous poster. I don't blame you for being angry over the cigarette butt on the carpet, it is unacceptable to leave that on the floor. Although it would have been nice for someone to volunteer to help you clean it should not be expected of your guests.

I know it is frustrating to work so hard to have your house spotless and it is completely wrecked in such a short time.

Congratulations on your engagement!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

We throw a lot of parties. I never ever expect anyone to help me clean up. I threw the party. I am the host. They are guests. Do they sometimes help me clean? Sure. Do I ask them or expect them to? No way. In fact, I will tell them not to clean up because I invited them to my home for a party and not to clean.
The cigarette butt could have been picked up, but it could have fallen and nobody noticed. Cleaning up is part of the process for having a party. I am sorry you feel so angry about it but it is your job. Not the guests.

 

[Magic Mom]

I did expect some help to clean (not ALL of the mess) afterwards, but as soon as I took out the broom to clear up under the table after the party was over, I heard the onslaught of running out the door.


I know my fiance and I will be the one to clean the house after this mess, but is it crazy to expect SOME help to at least pick up some stuff? Is it too crazy to expect some manners?

They were your guests. Don't think of it as you did them a favor by inviting them so they should help clean, think of it as they did YOU a favor by coming to your party. Guests at a party shouldn't feel as if they have to help clean up. Its nice if it happens, but it isn't expected. So IMO yes, you were wrong to feel resentful. But that's OK, its not like you said anything nasty about it, and you threw a wonderful fun party that all the people special to you attended. It was a success.
Also, the reason you heard feet running for the door when you pulled out a broom, was because they took that as your way of saying...."Hey, party's over, I'm cleaning already, time to go home!"
Congratulations on the great party.

 

[alexandria674]

Ok, let me rephrase myself.
When I mean "expect" it wasn't like I was thinking "Well, they can clean their own dish." Thinking back on it. I was resentful about the whole mess thing, who wouldn't? But what got me was that there was no offer. I mean, I have been to these people's parties and have always offered to pick up the dishes or throw something away after the party.I was more hurt at the fact that there wasn't an offer. (Besides, writing an angry post in haste is never a good idea)

Oh, the broom thing. At this point it was really late and only five people were left, they were mostly watching tv. I understand if they took it as a "leave" thing though.

 

[kirbsam]

you were wrong, get over it, its done. clean up after your own parties and dont expect people to help. easy.

 

[tigger813]

I have a good friend who every single time she comes to a party helps to clean up. That's just the way she is and she enjoys helping out. She even helped watch the kids at my husband's 40th last summer. She is just a super neat freak who is always there to help out. She helps us paint our kitchen and rearrange the dishes several years ago too. Most of my friends do something to help out. And they almost always bring their dirty glasses into the kitchen when finished. I just think that is common courtesy. I would not have brought out the broom while they were still there but would've started with the dishes while company was still there. The idea of a cigarette on the floor would anger me mainly because I don't allow smoking in my house. My SIL smokes and always takes it outside.

My DD#1 had a playdate this past week and when I went downstairs it was like a tornado had gone through the room. There were juice pouches everywhere and the bowl of chips they were eating from was upside down with half the chips on the floor. This child is a sweet little girl but is known as the tornado in our house now. My DD knows that she is to help clean up after any playdate and she helped me clean up the room. She is to help even when at another child's house. I'm looking forward to the warmer weather so the playdates can be outside.

 

[Allison]

You should not expect guests to clean at your party, you should not expect them to offer to clean and you shouldn't be upset when they don't.

I woud be appreciative if someone wanted to help but don't bother being upset when they don't.

 

[waltsgirl]

Ok, let me rephrase myself.
When I mean "expect" it wasn't like I was thinking "Well, they can clean their own dish." Thinking back on it. I was resentful about the whole mess thing, who wouldn't? But what got me was that there was no offer. I mean, I have been to these people's parties and have always offered to pick up the dishes or throw something away after the party.I was more hurt at the fact that there wasn't an offer. (Besides, writing an angry post in haste is never a good idea)

Oh, the broom thing. At this point it was really late and only five people were left, they were mostly watching tv. I understand if they took it as a "leave" thing though.

Not everyone is like you and you can not expect them to me. You will be in for a world of disappointment if you expect people to behave exactly the same way you do---- they WON"T!

 

[alexandria674]

Its just that after of helping them out and hearing them complain about others cleaning their messes at a party, you would think they would help out themselves. I didn't expect them to clean the whole thing, but just a "Let me get that for you" with a dish, would of been nice. I am not totally disapointed in the party. It's just I helped them out, heard them complain about others but then again they are doing the same thing they complain about. That and isn't it good manners to offer, that is what I was taught.
Besides, cig in the rug ticked me off.

 

[coolbeans]

I agree that it's good manners to offer to help clean up but sometimes when someone offers they get stuck cleaning the whole place..so not a lot of folks will offer... we've learned that. We do a huge 4th of July cookout every year and always take off the following Monday to finish tidying up the place. I never expect anyone to help clean up, and even if they offer sometimes I still decline.
The broom was a "get outta my house" sign, or at least at my home it would be taken as that... If there is a mess it's a sign of a good time.. just clean up the next day and talk with your fiancee about the party and remember the guests as you clean.

 

[ajk912]

I don't think anyone should be expected to vacuum, sweep, or wipe off counters, but I ABSOLUTELY think it's common courtesy to throw out your beer bottles after you drink them, you drink the last of the wine bottle you toss it, you finish your plate you either toss it (paper) or put it in the sink if it's washable.

Sorry for the huge run on sentence there.

 

[HighClass]

I can't believe that people still smoke inside people's homes!
(Or are you, the hosts, smokers?)

 

[donald&daisy]

I was just raised to offer to help clean up. It is done that way at family events (we would never leave the host house without making sure the kitchen is clean) and it is the same with close friends. However, if it were a new aquaintance or someone I wasn't that close to, I would clean up after myself, but I probably wouldn't offer to do the dishes. It also depends on the size of the party. I'm sorry they trashed your house, I guess it is a "live and learn" thing. I would be p.o.'ed about the cigarette, but I would never let anyone smoke in my house. As for the sticky mess, maybe use a plastic tablecloth next time.

 

[mjkacmom]

I don't think anyone should be expected to vacuum, sweep, or wipe off counters, but I ABSOLUTELY think it's common courtesy to throw out your beer bottles after you drink them, you drink the last of the wine bottle you toss it, you finish your plate you either toss it (paper) or put it in the sink if it's washable.

Sorry for the huge run on sentence there.

We put out a box for recycling at parties - can't imagine throwing out bottles! And I also can't imagine anyone smoking indoors! It's probably been 20 years or so since I saw someone light up indoors, including smokers.

 

[Liberty Belle]

If it was a small, intimate party I'd think most of the guests would offer to help put food away, or something of that nature. I've never offered (or been offered) to vaccum, sweep, dust, take out garbage, etc.

At larger parties, people usually treat it more like a club atmosphere and only best friends usually offer to help clean up. Again, it's more of taking dishes to the kitchen and helping put food away, if that.

The cigarrette thing would annoy me, but then I wouldn't let anyone smoke in my house.

 

[chisnpeke]

The cigarette butt would have pissed me off but I would have never allowed smoking in my home anyway.

 

[Pakey]

The only thing I expect of my guests, besides to enjoy themselves, is to not intentionally trash my home or my belongings. If I wanted help afterwards with cleaning, I would make arrangements for this and would never expect it from my guests.

If you don't want to clean, I would suggest not entertaining.

 

[islandmum]

I never EXPECT people to give me help cleaning up if I throw a party, its nice when it happens but I don't get pissy about it if people don't. I definately don't go to parties and always help clearing things, sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.

I think when you get more mature and more experienced in doing parties and dinners you will understand it more. Your guests are YOUR GUESTS, you don't expect help from them, so don't get a knot on if they don't offer.

However the ciggie butt on the carpet, I would have been annoyed with, but then all my guests know you don't smoke in others houses, especially if there are kids there.

There's been many a night after parties we've thrown where its taken HOURS to tidy up with just me and the DH - thats how it goes and our friends had a great time, which is what its all about.