Who has a "friend" like this? Warning..vent ahead**Update post 27**

[frannn]

She moved to FL last year, just bought a house. We do WDW annually, and will be going in Sept. She has already reviewed our itinerary (I keep a spreadsheet with our ADRs, etc), to find out when we can get together, and has given me a mouthful. Why do I need so many ADRs (we are on free dining), why do I need an itinerary, haven't I already seen Spectro, why do I need to see it again, if the food at CM is not great, why do I go there, it can't possibly just be for the characters, why do I need to spend 10 days in the park, how can I just do WDW, and deny my children Sea World, yada yada yada.
At home, I get a lecture about how my house should be cleaner & neater (I work FT, have 2 teenagers and a toddler (all with issues), and a DH who is a cop and spends his free time as a volunteer firefighter...need I say more), DH should not be spending so much time at firehouse, everyone should help more, my kids are doing this wrong, and that wrong, I am raising children wrong, yada yada yada.
Needless to say, my oldest is 17, her only child is 4. She does not work, and just bought a newly constructed house. She orders her DH around like a migrant worker, and he works 6 days a week to allow her to stay home with DD. Yet, she thinks she is more knowledgeable then me about all aspects of life. I realize I am far from perfect, and seek advice from those I believe are qualified to give it when necessary. I wish I had the time/energy to join something to make new friends, but I don't at this point, plus I work from home, so I don't get the opportunity to meet new people often. I know part of my tolerance of this "friend" is due to the fact that my dad and ex were very controlling and berating as well. I am now wondering whether no friend at all is better than a bad friend.

 

[Laurajean1014]

No one should lecture someone else. It seems you need to talk to her to advise her of her strengths and tell her your weaknesses and the fact that the two of you are total different and separate people, yet have a friendship that you admire and respect.

It's a soft way to tell her to back off.

 

[scraptoons]

You will be ok without a friend for a while. In fact, you might find it liberating when you spend less time with this person. Make yourself less available more often, then the friend will finally leave you alone.

There can be something wonderful about spending some time alone, to recollect who you are as opposed to who you allow others to say you should be.

Before you know it, new friends will be around the corner.

"friends" like these drag you down more than lift you up.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

She doesn't sound like much of a friend to me. I would give her little information about your trip. Decide if you want to get together with her and if you do, maybe ask her what she is most interested in doing. Would it maybe be a meal out of the park, an evening at Epcot, etc. Then meet her for a few hours and let that be the extent of it unless you want to see her for longer. You need to be in control because it sounds like she's the type to try and totally take charge.

How dare her tell you that you should be keeping your house cleaner, etc. I once had a friend tell me that the reason my house was cluttered was because we lived in a little house and we had a fairly large family. I asked her what her excuse was. It was funny because she was twice as cluttered as me and I couldn't believe that she was commenting on that. Oh, and I live in a much bigger house than I used to and I still have clutter, so she was wrong.

Decide what you want to do and when you want to see her and stand your ground! Good luck!

 

[mtblujeans]

....She orders her DH around like a migrant worker,....

Well, that description gives me new goals to hope for!! I want to order my DH around like a migrant worker!!!

 

[mrsltg]

One of the most powerful moments in my life was when I realized I could control who I let in and who I shut out. This person is not venomous to you. No, you don't need her. It sounds like your life is full. Three kids and a husband along with a full time job? You're my hero (coming from another cop's wife)! You don't need someone to rip you apart. Enjoy your vacation (I use a spreadsheet too, so sue me!!!) and enjoy your family!!!

 

[CajunDixie]

Does she ever say anything positive toward you? If not then find your backbone (not being nasty just a saying I use when I need to find my own backbone and learn to say "No" more often) and tell her if she insists on being so negative you don't have time to see her this trip. Why ruin your family vacation by spending time with the Grinch? Maybe she doesn't realize how much she complains when she talks to you because she feels so comfortable with you.

Vacations should be fun and relaxing......not stressful!

 

[wheeler1]

One of the most powerful moments in my life was when I realized I could control who I let in and who I shut out.

I can relate and agree whole heartedly.

 

[happybratpack]

You will be ok without a friend for a while. In fact, you might find it liberating when you spend less time with this person. Make yourself less available more often, then the friend will finally leave you alone.

There can be something wonderful about spending some time alone, to recollect who you are as opposed to who you allow others to say you should be.

Before you know it, new friends will be around the corner.

"friends" like these drag you down more than lift you up.

ITA. It's funny how toxic friendships can affect our lives. I've had several friends like this, some I don't have anymore and honestly there are probably a couple I need to remove myself from. It's hard, but if she can't be a positive in your life it might not be worth it.

 

[RickinNYC]

In answer to your question, "who has a friend like this?", I don't. Friends don't do that. If they did, then they aren't friends by any stretch, hence I wouldn't care what they think whatsoever. Sounds to me like you need to take your vacation and enjoy the time away from her.

 

[eclectics]

She's criticizing everything you do because you have basically given her the power to do so. A lot of "power trip" people sometimes don't even know they are being the way they are. Sit down and have a heart to heart with her (in person if possible) and tell her how you feel. She'll either consider your feelings or she'll dismiss your feelings. I'll never tell someone to dump a friend, but in my experience, a toxic friend, no matter what the history or how long they go back, is never a good thing.

 

[lindakmonty]

I would have to tell her..I didn't ask you to critique our itinerary, just simply to see when we can get together

people like that drive me crazy! They have no idea what they're talking about but think they know it all!

we'll be your friend

 

[bbangel]

People who critique other people's lives are really just showing how unhappy they are with their own lives. They tear you down so they can feel better. I once had a friend who was always trying to "improve" me. When I finally admitted to myself that I always felt bad after spending time with her, it was much easier to let the friendship go. I did make new friends. Friends who are supportive and understanding and give advice without picking away at my self worth. You just have to realize you are a wonderful person and you deserve friends who think you are wonderful too (warts and all).

 

[paigevz]

There was a woman, who had two boys the same ages as mine. We went over there a few times, and I was beginning to feel quite as if we were friends. Then she began telling me about the "devil worshipping" my kids were doing (Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh cards, certain edited versions of rap songs I let my older son have, and a video game about a fantasy world.....you know the kind where you buy stuff and talk to folks and figure out clues and puzzles---even though her kid brought a video game to my house called "cop killer"----I sent him straight back home with it!). I explained to her my religion and what we believe, and that in my home these were seen as harmless diversions. Regardless of whether or not that's what she believed, I felt she should respect what I believe. I told her that her son had already asked my children not to play with the cards around him and we had respected his wishes and I had the kids put them away when he came over. I also told her that my son wouldn't play the music or the game her child wasn't supposed to when he was over.

But that wasn't enough for her. She wanted to convince me of the "danger to your children's mortal souls" (her words). After the 3rd time of me listening politely to her and restating my beliefs, I just didn't go over there anymore. I always found something else to do when she wanted to go somewhere. Our children still enjoy each other, but they don't play together as often as they did.

I think that's what you should do with your friend. Maybe have one dinner with her, and let the rest go.............

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

looks like this friendship has gone bad, why don't you talk to her about your feelings and if she cooses to dismiss you, it's time ot find a new friend.

 

[ericamanda01]

I hate to say it, but she doesn't sound like much of a friend at all. She is the defination of a toxic friend. She sounds like someone who is very unhappy in her life and wants everyone around her to be equally unhappy.

 

[chyam]

You will be ok without a friend for a while. In fact, you might find it liberating when you spend less time with this person. Make yourself less available more often, then the friend will finally leave you alone.

There can be something wonderful about spending some time alone, to recollect who you are as opposed to who you allow others to say you should be.

Before you know it, new friends will be around the corner.

"friends" like these drag you down more than lift you up.

Great advice........Dr. Phil says (and believe I really cannot stand this guy, but this is one tip he gave that I totally agree with) You do not need to be in "toxic relationships" be it friendships or love relationships! You want to be around people who support you and give you advice if you seek it out. You do not need to be belittled and controlled by another person. Perhaps you have out grown this friendship and it is best to start "weaning" yourself from this person. I have come to realize in the past 2 years that although I still have friends from 35 years ago there is little we have in common anymore and they really do little or nothing for me, it's just a past that we shared and lots of good memories. They will still be friends I just do not depend on them.
Move on instead of dwelling on how miserable she makes you feel.

 

[lowie]

ugh, you have a friend, i have a sister like that!! makes me crazy!

 

[Disney Doll]

She is no friend. It is a toxic relationship. I'd divest myself from it.

 

[powellrj]

It sounds like the old saying, With friends like that, who needs enemies???? I would try to distance myself from her as much as I could. Lets face it, with 3 kids, a ft job and a dh in your life, its hard to maintain a good friendship, let alone a bad one.