Who has a "friend" like this? Warning..vent ahead**Update post 27**

[mickeyfan2]

Anybody want a friend who is a bit messy, verrrrrry busy all the time, sometimes can be a little eccentric, but has a really big, loving heart? I'm available!

Sure. Stop by my house anytime.

 

[scraptoons]

Whoa! You sent her an email?

Confrontation invites negative defensive responses. The fact that she said they laughed at your email was probably a bluff on her part. Being the type of person she is, one can only expect that type of response.

Instead of sending a letter and letting it get ugly, I would have just lost touch with her, blaming the distance and being so busy.

In the process of loosing touch, you are too busy for planning a meeting with her when you come to Florida.

Meanwhile, we dis'ers would love to chat with ya!!

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

Anybody want a friend who is a bit messy, verrrrrry busy all the time, sometimes can be a little eccentric, but has a really big, loving heart? I'm available!

Absolutely! We would probably get along very well!

I agree with the above posters too. I would not meet with her, because I think that she is probably envious of you, she senses that you are ready to move on and that is going to frighten her. She won't want to believe it is her and will come out after you with both barrels blazing. I hate to say it, but I think she will try and ruin your vacation during your get together. She will find a way to belittle it so she can feel better. Especially if she feels you are distancing yourself. She will need to leave feeling like top dog. I wouldn't do it. Save yourself the frustration and have a fantastic vacation!

 

[slk537]

Hi Frannn...

I think emailing her and talking to her on the phone was great - when you're in that kind of a relationship, it's hard to do that. I very passive aggressively ended a friendship once and I admire someone who can be upfront.

I think she needs you more than you need her. My advice would be to email her again and say something along the lines of "I've been thinking a lot about our conversation and I have concluded that I don't understand your thought processes any more than you understand mine. I believe in honesty, but I also believe in tact. You have indicated anything other than speaking your mind is sugar coating. My family and I look forward to a wonderful family vacation in Florida and based on our differences, I am going to plan to just spend that time with my family. I'm sorry we don't see eye to eye on how to show our support in a friendship, and I truly wish you and your husband much luck in the future."

(Then I'd probably attach a joke and add a comment like "Here's something else that you and your DH can laugh together about once you finish cackling about my email content," but then I can be snarky that way....)

I'm a busy, messy mom too...please sign me up to your list of new friends

 

[Disney Doll]

Sounds like you would be doing yourself a favor by not keeping in touch with this "friend." Personally, I wouldn't even bother to meet up with her in Florida.

I would agree with this. Get rid of the toxic people in your life. You'll be amazed at how much more pleasant things are.

As far as going to see her on vacation...I go on vacation to get away from aggravation and aggravating people, not to go visit them.

If it's "just the way she is" then let her be "the way she is" towards someone else.

 

[paigevz]

she took it very badly. She just didn't get it. I responded to her email- here is the gist of it:
"...The problem is, I am really getting very upset by your put downs to XXX and myself. Regardless of what everyone is telling you, everyone here is asking me why I have a friend who constantly berates my family and myself. The answer is, I know you well enough to know you are really just trying to help. Sometimes the way you say things just is mean, although I know you are trying to be a good friend in your own way...." and "... A friendship is supposed to be two people supporting each other no matter what, not constantly judging and finding fault. This really doesn't need to be a chore. Can't we just find the time to get together and both bend a little bit so we can enjoy the short opportunity we have to get together? Let's both be mature and considerate to one another."
She called me and gave me a lecture about how she refuses to sugar coat things, and that being a real friend means telling the truth, yada yada, without letting me get one word in or taking a breath. I tried to explain that if that's the way she feels, no problem, just think before she speaks and find a gentler way to voice her opinions. I even gave her examples, like instead of her saying that my she can't understand what my 3 year is saying, all she does is babble, and her 3 year old calls my DD a "baby" because she is so behind, she could maybe say that a friend of her's has a child in a program that might benefit my daughter, or something a little less scathing. Calling my house a pigsty (which it's not, just cluttered and 3 kids doing their best to dirty it) is just not necessary in any language. She honestly didn't get it, and said that she and her DH actually sat & laughed reading something in my email. Huh? Her voice was quivering & she said a few nice things, but when I wanted to speak, told me she had to go, no time for this....
So, I guess I'll see her the one time in FL, but I won't persue the relationship.
Anybody want a friend who is a bit messy, verrrrrry busy all the time, sometimes can be a little eccentric, but has a really big, loving heart? I'm available!

Yeah, I'll take you on! I'm also a bit messy, very busy, a bit eccentric, and a loving heart. I also like to keep the peace and love to talk about my kids in positive ways. I also like to go to Disney World!

You don't need her.

 

[ChristmasElf]

Speaking as someone that lives in Orlando, I find that most people that live here take living near the theme parks for granted. The parks are always going to be there, that kind of thing. These same people also will try to condemn their friends and relatives if heaven forbid their friends want to spend every waking moment on their vacation at WDW and not at an offsite place with them.

So they then decide in an effort to make themselves feel better, tear you down.
I would also suggest moving on as she and you have obvious different life styles, parenting styles, etc. To me she sounds almost like she is jealous of you. Maybe she is jealous of your life. If she stays home with her child day after day, she maybe bored and envious that you get out of the house. Who knows?

I've lived here forever and a day and spend what seems like the majority of my life over at WDW, yet still drop everything at 10 pm and step outside to see the fireworks.

 

[kmebee]

Personally, I agree with the others. I wouldn't see her during my vacation and chance ruining the trip. Who needs all that negativity? Not when I'm at the Happiest Place on Earth especially.

And as for needing more friends, count me in, sounds like we have the same "problems".

 

[ead79]

I think what concerns me more than her hateful comments is her response to your feelings about those comments. Sure, friends should be honest, but there is no need to be hurtful. A friend of mine had the most hideous bridesmaids dresses, but I never told her I hated them even though it was the truth. It wouldn't have done anything except hurt her feelings, and a true friend doesn't want to hurt their friend's feelings. I think you'll be better off without her. No one wants to be constantly judged. Don't take her comments to heart--if you and your family love each other that's all that matters. Who cares if some toys are strewn about?

 

[Poohnatic]

Anybody want a friend who is a bit messy, verrrrrry busy all the time, sometimes can be a little eccentric, but has a really big, loving heart? I'm available!

Frann,

I'll take you! However, I'm in Florida, too. You can come visit my slightly messy house because we're too busy working and then spending time with the kids. And I'll help you out with those ADRs, lol!

No, you don't need friends like that. Friends don't dismiss how the other one feels-and that's exactly what she did in response to your email.

You're smart to just see them briefly. Spend as much time as you can enjoying WDW!

Suzanne

 

[babytrees]

Anybody want a friend who is a bit messy, verrrrrry busy all the time, sometimes can be a little eccentric, but has a really big, loving heart? I'm available!

I am so glad you aired out your feelings!!

That so describes me!! You've got friends here on the DIS that don't care what your house looks like...cuz we can't see it.

 

[chyam]

Hi Frannn...

I think emailing her and talking to her on the phone was great - when you're in that kind of a relationship, it's hard to do that. I very passive aggressively ended a friendship once and I admire someone who can be upfront.

I think she needs you more than you need her. My advice would be to email her again and say something along the lines of "I've been thinking a lot about our conversation and I have concluded that I don't understand your thought processes any more than you understand mine. I believe in honesty, but I also believe in tact. You have indicated anything other than speaking your mind is sugar coating. My family and I look forward to a wonderful family vacation in Florida and based on our differences, I am going to plan to just spend that time with my family. I'm sorry we don't see eye to eye on how to show our support in a friendship, and I truly wish you and your husband much luck in the future."

(Then I'd probably attach a joke and add a comment like "Here's something else that you and your DH can laugh together about once you finish cackling about my email content," but then I can be snarky that way....)

I'm a busy, messy mom too...please sign me up to your list of new friends

Great advice I would send her this too!

 

[Cindy's Mom]

wrong thread

 

[Cindy's Mom]

"I've been thinking a lot about our conversation and I have concluded that I don't understand your thought processes any more than you understand mine. I believe in honesty, but I also believe in tact. You have indicated anything other than speaking your mind is sugar coating. My family and I look forward to a wonderful family vacation in Florida and based on our differences, I am going to plan to just spend that time with my family. I'm sorry we don't see eye to eye on how to show our support in a friendship, and I truly wish you and your husband much luck in the future."

(Then I'd probably attach a joke and add a comment like "Here's something else that you and your DH can laugh together about once you finish cackling about my email content," but then I can be snarky that way....)

I'm a busy, messy mom too...please sign me up to your list of new friends

Frann, if it OK with SLK537, I'd just cut and paste this message. It is absolutely PERFECT!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Anybody want a friend who is a bit messy, verrrrrry busy all the time, sometimes can be a little eccentric, but has a really big, loving heart? I'm available!

I would take a friend like you in a heartbeat rather than someone like her who feels the need to rudely "tell it like it is". She seems like a tactless "witch", to put it nicely. I'm sorry that she responded this way. Maybe she'll think about it and come around, but I doubt it.

I know that my tactless friend told me on numerous occasions that she liked me telling her when she'd gone too far because she didn't see it in herself and everyone else just dropped her as a friend and I was the only person who stood up to her respectfully. Therefore, we were able to maintain a friendship.

I am very sorry that she reacted this way!

 

[bumcat]

Is it written in stone that you have to see her on vacation? I wouldn't waste one more minute on this person. She has a right to her opinion of you and she has given it to you plenty but the fact that she and her husband went over your email and laughed about it, well that would be the last straw for me. To me that is no different than the two of them laughing in your face. She doesn't care how you feel or if she hurts your feelings. Now if you continue this relationship then you need to examine yourself and figure out why you are drawn to her.
I have an eccentric friend and her house is one big mess (like in uh not clean) but she is the most lovable and happy person, would give you the shirt off her back. I could care less how she keeps her house as long as I"m not eating or sleeping there.

 

[Minnie]

Anybody want a friend who is a bit messy, verrrrrry busy all the time, sometimes can be a little eccentric, but has a really big, loving heart? I'm available!

I'm a little late getting here as well that's kind of normal for me but I would just like to chime in with everyone else. You DO NOT need this type of friend. Laughing at your email???? I'd love to for you!

I would love to be your friend. I'm all the same things you are! I only have one DS (12) but I work full-time and I'm getting my masters so life is more than hectic. A little messy you betcha and too bad for those that can't handle it. Living life is sooo much more important than this.

Truthfully I would reconsider the meeting the "friend" in September. You don't need this and since she has moved it is the perfect time to let go. We'll all be here, please give it some thought. Enjoy your special family time and let go of this and her

 

[laura001]

she took it very badly. She just didn't get it. I responded to her email- here is the gist of it:
"...The problem is, I am really getting very upset by your put downs to XXX and myself. Regardless of what everyone is telling you, everyone here is asking me why I have a friend who constantly berates my family and myself. The answer is, I know you well enough to know you are really just trying to help. Sometimes the way you say things just is mean, although I know you are trying to be a good friend in your own way...." and "... A friendship is supposed to be two people supporting each other no matter what, not constantly judging and finding fault. This really doesn't need to be a chore. Can't we just find the time to get together and both bend a little bit so we can enjoy the short opportunity we have to get together? Let's both be mature and considerate to one another."
She called me and gave me a lecture about how she refuses to sugar coat things, and that being a real friend means telling the truth, yada yada, without letting me get one word in or taking a breath. I tried to explain that if that's the way she feels, no problem, just think before she speaks and find a gentler way to voice her opinions. I even gave her examples, like instead of her saying that my she can't understand what my 3 year is saying, all she does is babble, and her 3 year old calls my DD a "baby" because she is so behind, she could maybe say that a friend of her's has a child in a program that might benefit my daughter, or something a little less scathing. Calling my house a pigsty (which it's not, just cluttered and 3 kids doing their best to dirty it) is just not necessary in any language. She honestly didn't get it, and said that she and her DH actually sat & laughed reading something in my email. Huh? Her voice was quivering & she said a few nice things, but when I wanted to speak, told me she had to go, no time for this....
So, I guess I'll see her the one time in FL, but I won't persue the relationship.
Anybody want a friend who is a bit messy, verrrrrry busy all the time, sometimes can be a little eccentric, but has a really big, loving heart? I'm available!

I am not sure why you would even want to see her on your vacation, why give her the chance to ruin even one minute of it............I vote for you to go and stay away, just don't call her to firm up any plans, see what happens.

 

[BeNJeNWaFFLe]

Anybody want a friend who is a bit messy, verrrrrry busy all the time, sometimes can be a little eccentric, but has a really big, loving heart? I'm available!

As long as you don't mind someone who is slightly scatterbrained, a little messy, and is a slight bit snarky.

I wouldn't even waste my time in Florida with someone who treated me like that. Laughed at your email??! What in heck made her think that was a worthwhile think to say to a friend? Friends aren't supposed to care if your house is in pristine condition or a bit messy. Friends don't go around saying nasty things about your children while putting theirs on a pedestal. If she can't see that she is being downright rude, especially after you confronted her, then she is not worth your time. If she was truly a friend she would bend over backwards to try and keep you as a friend once she learned that you were unhappy. And just because you "sugar coat" things doesn't mean you don't speak your mind. Most people have tact and know when it's ok to be harsh and when it isn't.

 

[Nancyg56]

Wow! I am simply appalled that someone would feel free to continue to hurt you when you explained how her comments were affecting you. I also cannot understand why she would tell you that she found your feelings laughable. I'm sorry that she treated you this way. I would simply not move forward with plans to spend my vacation woth someone whose idea of friendship is to belittle me. I know that there are some who thry to make others feel small so that they can appear big, but I avoid those people like they are the plague.