Who has a "friend" like this? Warning..vent ahead**Update post 27**

[ohiominnie]

Wikipedia says this about friendship (bold added by me)

Friendship is a term used to denote co-operative and supportive behaviour between two or more social entities. This article focuses on the notion specific to interpersonal relationships. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and affection. Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyaltytowards each other, often to the point of altruism. Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors. Yet for many, friendship is nothing more than thetrust that someone or something will not harm them.


She is definitely NOT a friend. I'm also voting to not spend a minute with her while you're in FL. Why subject yourself to her and her hateful comments. Besides, once you leave her after your visit, do you think that she or her dh will have anything NICE to say about you.

They are definitely unhappy people. Unhappy people do not like to be around happy ppl so they try to make others unhappy too.

Move on. You've got us here. Where are you located? Maybe a DISer actually lives in your town and you can get together with someone much nicer!

 

[mtblujeans]

....Anybody want a friend who is a bit messy, verrrrrry busy all the time, sometimes can be a little eccentric, but has a really big, loving heart? I'm available!

Aw, that's a shame! I can see someone seeming mean-spirited in a letter or an email because sometimes things don't come across right in print. But, for her to call you up and be so mean under the guise of HER feelings being hurt, that's just a shame! I am sorry you have to leave this friendship behind.....but, you really do!

Just keep in mind....when one door closes....you know the rest!

 

[frannn]

My eyes are tearing up as I read all your responses.... I always thought it was me (abusive relationships have run through my life), but all of your responses had me smiling wide when I jumped out of bed this morning (ok, over the pile of laundry that needs doing). My friend called a little while ago to see if she could stop by today (they took a trip to NY). I told her I wasn't up to it today, because I had just run to the dentist for an emergency appt(which is true). She may stop by tommorrow, but DH has taken the day off to support me if she does come (he rocks!) and says anything hurtful. I already consider you guys my friends, now I don't feel so bad. Next time she knocks Disney World, I'll just introduce her to my 387,000 (or however many we are now) DIS friends! BTW, we are going to WDW 9/8-9/18 & staying at AS Movies-hope to see some of you there for the dining frenzy!

 

[mtblujeans]

 

[Tiggernut_jadie]

This person is not a friend - she's a witch (well a word that rhymes with it anyway!). You do NOT need her or her vile ways - no-one would encourage their 3 year old to 'abuse' another child. she's got serious problems and I can guarantee she'll find it more difficult to find another friend than you will!

If she tuns up on your dorrstep tell her you're too busy to see her as you have to go and visit some friends (even if it means driving round the block for an hour!) - that way you're showing her that you don't need her and can cope perfectly well without a 'witch' like her!

P.S. - If you want a 'foreign' friend, you and I seem to have plenty in common!

 

[disneymom3]

Oh please dump this woman!!! You do NOT need her in your life. She is not a friend at all so it's not like you would be losing a friend. You would be gaining freedom.

I am a little confused. You said she moved to FL but then that she may stop by. So, do you live in FL? But if so, why would you need to work her into your WDW plans. I'm confused.

But not confused about this woman being a pain the behind!

 

[ohiominnie]

Oh please dump this woman!!! You do NOT need her in your life. She is not a friend at all so it's not like you would be losing a friend. You would be gaining freedom.

I am a little confused. You said she moved to FL but then that she may stop by. So, do you live in FL? But if so, why would you need to work her into your WDW plans. I'm confused.

But not confused about this woman being a pain the behind!

The friend lives in FL, but is visiting in NY this week.

HTH

 

[Jeanny]

My eyes are tearing up as I read all your responses.... I always thought it was me (abusive relationships have run through my life), but all of your responses had me smiling wide when I jumped out of bed this morning (ok, over the pile of laundry that needs doing). My friend called a little while ago to see if she could stop by today (they took a trip to NY). I told her I wasn't up to it today, because I had just run to the dentist for an emergency appt(which is true). She may stop by tommorrow, but DH has taken the day off to support me if she does come (he rocks!) and says anything hurtful. I already consider you guys my friends, now I don't feel so bad. Next time she knocks Disney World, I'll just introduce her to my 387,000 (or however many we are now) DIS friends! BTW, we are going to WDW 9/8-9/18 & staying at AS Movies-hope to see some of you there for the dining frenzy!

Did she stop by?? I hope she finally realized what kind of a "friend" she really is!! but if yet, she will wake up one day and realize what type of person she is!

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

I have run into the same thing with a particular friend that lives in Florida. We are going down in August. She told me that July would be better for her, August is such a bad time, they have so much going on. Let me remind you that we aren't staying with her or anything like that, nor are we going to Florida because of her, I may visit , if I can, but I told her that July didn't work for us, and August does.

I never seem to go to Florida at the "right" time. We go when we want to go.

I run into things like this often, I am trying to change how I let people treat me.

 

[frannn]

I would like to know why it was ok for her to pay a quick visit of an hour (more than enough time for me!) at our house, yet when we come to FL, she expects us to come to see her house, swim, maybe go out for a meal, and possibly have them come to WDW for the free FW movie. I would be thrilled if we could just pop in to their house for an hour, say we have other committments, and leave. I think we will try this.... The visit was definetly a bit uncomfortable for all of us. We all tried to be nice, except for a few choice comments she made, like "are you guys moving? What's with all the boxes?". I had boxes around to send some work stuff back to my company in FL, plus stuff I had just gotten from DS.com and office supplies. It was a sarcastic remark meant to express, "why do you have all this junk around?". She also make a few choice comments to my DD17 about why she doesn't she have a job over the summer, other kids she knows are working, etc. I think she really tried to hold back; she's usually much more abrasive. From now on, I will not persue the friendship. I will take her calls, see her once a year, and let it fizzle out natrually (sp). DD3 starts preschool for delayed learners in Sept. I will try to be more outgoing and social with the other moms, or maybe find a group. I'm thrilled to have you all to "talk" to, since you share my obsession of WDW! My other interests involve reading, movies and shopping. I'm sure I can find another person who likes this stuff also!

 

[frannn]

I have run into the same thing with a particular friend that lives in Florida. We are going down in August. She told me that July would be better for her, August is such a bad time, they have so much going on. Let me remind you that we aren't staying with her or anything like that, nor are we going to Florida because of her, I may visit , if I can, but I told her that July didn't work for us, and August does.

I never seem to go to Florida at the "right" time. We go when we want to go.

I run into things like this often, I am trying to change how I let people treat me.

Wow, sounds like you have it worse than I do. Maybe we should introduce our "friends" to one another and let them ruin each others lives. Mine lives in Clermont. She is in need of a new friend. Want her number?

 

[ohiominnie]

The visit was definetly a bit uncomfortable for all of us. We all tried to be nice, except for a few choice comments she made,

Well, glad it's over and no one killed each other.

I may have been tempted to stand up and say something to the effect of "oh my, would you look at the time....it was nice of you to stop by.....thanks for coming.....bye bye....drive safely" (all the time moving towards the front door)

and then when the door closed behind her I'd probably mutter "and don't let the door hit ya in the butt on your way out."

 

[CanadianPaco]

Been there and done that. I find it's challenging to cut ties delicately but it can be done. It has to be done. Stp calling. Stop responding to calls. Curtness. Or when it comes right down to it, the truth.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

Mine lives in Clermont. She is in need of a new friend. Want her number?

I just read this thread. So cool that your DH was staying home when she was there. Now that's supportive.
And I have in-laws that live in Clermont. I can hook her up with my SIL and they can be miserable people together. Hmmm, maybe they are the same person.

 

[Brianne]

She's the reason why Caller ID was invented. Don't put yourself through this anymore---cut her off completely. No more phone calls, email, etc. You have to believe in yourself enough to know that you deserve more than this! And believe me, you do.

 

[Nancyg56]

From now on, I will not persue the friendship. I will take her calls, see her once a year, and let it fizzle out natrually (sp). DD3 starts preschool for delayed learners in Sept. I will try to be more outgoing and social with the other moms, or maybe find a group. I'm thrilled to have you all to "talk" to, since you share my obsession of WDW! My other interests involve reading, movies and shopping. I'm sure I can find another person who likes this stuff also!

Good for you! I would invest in caller ID and not take her calls for a while. Also, good idea to widen your circle of friends. I found that after my last graduated from HS I had reduced my circle so much so that I was alone most of the time. That was a very lonely time for me. I started accepting invitations to join other women for lunch or coffee, the movies etc even though I thought that I did not want to go. I found that I enjoyed myself and had things in common that I never knew. For me, it was the best forward move I made. Have a great time exploring your mutual interests with other women. Their support will be invaluable.

 

[annegal]

I would like to know why it was ok for her to pay a quick visit of an hour (more than enough time for me!) at our house, yet when we come to FL, she expects us to come to see her house, swim, maybe go out for a meal, and possibly have them come to WDW for the free FW movie. I would be thrilled if we could just pop in to their house for an hour, say we have other committments, and leave.

As Ann landers always says, no one can force you to do something you don't want to.
She lives elsewhere, you have a busy vacation planned. I would not visit her at all , if it is causing you this much tension. WDW vacations shouldn't be ruined by someone like her.

 

[eeyore45]

As Ann landers always says, no one can force you to do something you don't want to.
She lives elsewhere, you have a busy vacation planned. I would not visit her at all , if it is causing you this much tension. WDW vacations shouldn't be ruined by someone like her.

ITA - in fact I copied her part of her post

... I will take her calls, see her once a year, ...

um why? I think its because you are too nice. You dont want to be thought of as the "bad guy" that promised to visit, but didnt. Write her an email (so you dont have to listen to her) and say, our plans changed, we wont be able to stop by... yada yada... dont explain, dont drag it on, just let it go...(keep in mind how she has disrespected you - she laughed at your email, she shared your email with her dh so they could laugh AT YOU!! Dont beat yourself up, let it go!! let HER go!!)

and like everyone else, caller ID, dont take her calls, it hurts you, because of who you are, and how deeply you feel, you are not a failure...

btw - I think the hardest part is having that age spread - because I know!! I have a 21 ds who is hard of hearing and had speech issues at 2 , it took us awhile to accept he was "speech delayed" turned out it was a hearing loss! Well one thing led to another, and we had a "surprise" angel, now 9, so we have 21, 18, and 9 - and I cant for the life of them get them to clean up!! Anyway, I often feel alone, or I dont belong. I dont belong to my dd parental groups - because I'm older, and I have experience in the teenage years... I was fine with their friends parents, until I had dd, then I was involved in playgroups, etc again. I know I feel lonely - but I'm closer to dh!! 25 years and counting!!

Yes, I feel your clutter. I have your clutter. Altho, I do not have your laundry issues - lol - I take the laundry to the laundramat, once a week, its all done, put into their individual rubbermaid tubs, and dropped off - its heaven to do laundry all at once in a 2 hour span, they have the big machines, and I may use 8 dryers, but its all done at once, folded and "put away" (as much as the tubs go!!)

Life is too short, clutter is always there - I do sweeps, I do have to clean with bleech to keep away real bad stuff, but clutter, other than getting us depressed... well, hey, I dont make my bed either!!! Isnt that what comforters are for? Toss in the air, and its done!!

 

[Beth E. (NJ)]

Glad you made it though the get together!

Think of it this way -- now you've seen her the 1 time this year and can skip the visit when you are in Florida!

 

[yeartolate]

Doesn't sound much like a friend.

Buh Bye.